Imprint
by Quil Explodes
Summary: Quil's imprinting with Claire. Basically just their lives, and the twists and turns along the way. Very fluffy, but you might still like it if you don't like fluff... please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**I know, I know it's not really what happens, but I don't know what does, and I just felt like writing this. So please, don't hate me for this, it's just a little thing...**

The moment I saw her, my world realigned. Anybody paying attention could see that. Sam was the only one who did. Maybe because it had happened to him. It was...indescribable. But the second my eyes met her, a little bundle in her mother's arms, I turned on my heel and ran out the door. I could feel Sam behind me, calling,

"Quil! Quil, come back! I know what it's like...Quil!"

But I didn't even acknowledge that I heard him. I phased, exploding more painfully than ever, my clothes shredding, ripping along with my bones, muscle. No one else was changed. It was bliss. Quiet, peaceful, perfect. My paws pounded the soft ground of the forest, my senses growing in alertness at every tree I passed. But, suddenly another mind entered my own personal haven. I didn't register who it was, but I couldn't change back. I curled up on the ground, whimpering. I lay there until Sam caught up to me. He sat down next to me and nudged my paw with his nose. He started thinking at me, but it was too painful, so he controlled the tirade of his mind, blocked it out of mine, and gave up trying to get me up.

"Please...please, Sam, please leave me..."

He knew what I meant. He got up, and thought, "I'm going to keep everyone else away. If you're not back by tonight, I'm coming to look for you." I responded with a muted "thanks," and Sam left me alone with my pain.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N. OK, people, here it is. I don't think this is very good, and I have no idea where I'm going with this, or more like where Quil is going, so any ideas would be appreciated GREATLY. This is kind weird to be asking people for ideas and I know I hate it when people do that so I am SO SO sorry and please forgive me!! _)

I ran, beating the life out of my paws, my heart. At first Sam tried to stop me, but I was going too fast, even for Sam, who's usually faster than me. Running away was killing me, it was ripping my heart out and sewing my chest back together without any painkillers. It was hell. But it was worth it. I would endure anything, because I knew it wasn't good for her to have me hanging around all the time. She's _two_, for god's sake. _Two._

How can Sam have thought he understood? What would everyone think? What would they say behind my back? "Oh, there goes Quil, the creep." and "What's he doing, hanging around Claire all the time? They're not related. He is so _creepy._"

Not that I care, I would withstand any rumors for her. But she would also be chased by the rumors, the questions. And what kind of life is that? She would wonder, too. And how could I stand that? She would think I was a creep. And I couldn't tell her. How old would I be, technically, when she's my age? Thirty? When would I ever be anything to her other than a stalker, something to wonder over at night, when she's trying to go to sleep? And when she realizes that I've been the same age in all the pictures she has of me?No. No, I wouldn't do that to her. I _couldn't._

I ran, away from her, away from the pack, away from my life. I would start a new life, or as much of one as I could make without her, where ever the hell I end up. But a life without her is not worth living, so I'm afraid it's not going to be a long one. Though, maybe I'll finally crack, and go back, after a few years. When she's old enough to understand. Maybe Emily will understand, she knows what I am, and she is Claire's aunt, after all. Maybe Sam will let me tell her parents. Otherwise they wouldn't let a strange "adult", as full-grown as I can be, hang around their daughter. Like that would stop me. I laugh, and it sounds like a cough, a strangled, muted, malignant, scary cough.

My optimism from before faded as suddenly as it had come, because how could I have thought, how could I have imagined, for one moment, that Claire would ever accept me as what I was? Oh, I knew she was accepting, and if I had some kind of problem, that's not supernatural, or whatever, she would accept me. She is that kind of person. But who is crazy enough to hang around with a bunch of werewolves? Well, Jacob's Bella is, but she really is insane. Hanging out with bloodsuckers and werewolves. And would I let her? Claire could get hurt, or killed--I cringed at the thought, my heart breaking again, tearing, imagining her dead--like Emily. She would know what happened to Emily, that it was no bear, once I tell her what we are. She would be scared, and she would shun me. And that would be more than I can bear. My mind, made up, at least for a while, decides that the best thing for Claire is for me to go. Go, and stay away. Stay away at least until she can decide for herself whether I am a monster, whether she will be around me, stand my presence, when she knows what I am.

I run for hours, days. I run until I can't run anymore. I don't want to change, but I am hungry, so I catch some rabbit and eat it raw. Every part of me aches, and despite my torment, I fall asleep, in some forest miles away from my home. From Claire.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Sorry this took so long to post...I wrote it like two times and something happened to ERASE it. I was so mad. Anyways, here it is. Oh, and someone reminded me that Quil found out about the vamp army at the graduation party with Embry and Jacob, and...yeah. I know. Sorry. But maybe Bella was so worried about Alice's vision that she thought it was Quil but it was really Jared or Sam or someone else? maybe? Please review!! _

I slept for days, then when my strength returned I ran. When I was hungry I caught some unlucky little animal, like the monster that I am. I went on like that for days, weeks. Running, Sleeping, eating. The days dragged, and all I could think about was Claire. _Maybe she needs me. She might be in danger, and I would be the best one to protect her. I could be like a brother to her, and if she hates me when she finds out what I am, I could leave. Maybe. _The thoughts ran through my head, but the optimism disappeared instantly when I ate. Killed. How could she love, or even tolerate, a monster like me?

I would have kept with this half-living for as long as I could stand it, but the pack interfered. I was running, pounding the longing to go back to Claire out of me, when I heard a muffled voice in my head. It sounded like Embry, and it was soon joined by Jacob. I heard something like, _"Quil...we need you...army...bloodsuckers...BELLA!...danger..."_ a jumble of mixed up thoughts coming from them both. I slowed, because, well, I did miss them, even though I could never go back.

_"Quil! Can't hear..."_ I ran fast, but stopped and spun around when I heard, _"No! Wrong way..."_ I wheeled round and sprinted in the opposite direction, then stopped again at another call from Jake and Embry. I turned half way, and that, finally, was the right direction. I was starting to get dizzy.

_"Where's your wolfy sense of direction?" _Jacob teased me. _"Jake, leave him alone! He's going through a tough time right now..."_ I heard Embry's whispered warning to Jacob, even though he tried to keep me from hearing. But I was closer now, and it was crystal clear. I slowed, but they entreated me to keep going. I could see Embry's and Jake's apologies in their thoughts, so I sped up. _"What was that about Bella...and danger? And an _army_ of bloodsuckers?"_ That was the pack's worst nightmare...almost. Jacob winced when I thought Bella's name, and that just increased my curiosity.

_"Keep going, we'll meet so we can talk in human form, and we'll explain." _I hoped they weren't just saying that so I would go meet them. I kept going, though, because after all, curiosity killed the wolf, right?

After a while, the trees thinned and I found myself at the edge of the forest by La Push. My friends appeared and thought at me to change. I did, unwillingly, because now I _needed_ to find out what all this was about. I phased into my human shape with difficulty, and I saw my friends' pity on their faces. I turned away. I didn't need that.

"Quil! Sorry...wait!" It must have been plain on my face, because they can't read my mind when we're humans. I turned to face them, and Embry threw me some sweat pants. I pulled them on, and I realized I was sore. And _starving._

"Come on, let's go to Sam's and Emily will make something for you to eat. And we'll explain." Jacob must have heard my stomach growling. As much as I wanted food, and to find out what was going on, I didn't think I could cope with seeing Claire again. My resolve would vanish the moment I set eyes on her perfection, if it didn't after seeing Emily's house.

"She's not there, Quil," Jacob said softly. "Come on, let's get over there. I'm starving."

I nodded slowly, and I think I was wishing subconsciously that I _would_ see her, and that my resolve _would_ vanish. After all, she is my other half.


	4. Chapter 4

"WHAT?!" I yelled. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!" A freaking vampire army--coming in a few days, no less--and "training" with the Cullens tonight.

"And not just a vampire army, Quil. A _newborn_ vampire army."

"And the difference is...what?" Jared asked my question for me.

"We don't exactly know yet, the Cullens will tell us tonight, but it's something their afraid of. Newborns are stronger, or something..." Sam trailed off and looked at Jacob with question in his eyes.

"Just because I love a girl who hangs out with those leeches doesn't mean I know anything about it!" Jake shouted, and Sam looked worried. Jake's not usually this touchy. I wonder what happened? I didn't see it in his mind when we ran...

Emily set down plates heaped with food: eggs; scrambled, fried, boiled; toast, shinning with melted butter; vegetables; ham...nothing had ever looked so good. The pack dug in, ravenous, but I hung back even though I was hugrier than any of them. "Go on, Quil. Eat." Emily urged me, and it's not like I could turn down her cooking. I piled my plate high with everything, and took seconds before anyone else had even started eating.

"Jeez, Quil, what have you been eating lately? That's a record," Seth laughed. I merely shrugged, my eyes on the plate of delicious food.

"Yeah, Quil..." Sam looked worried again. He's too protective. "Quil...what's going on with...her?" Everyone stopped eating and looked at me. I looked down. "Sam. I'll talk to you later. Can I just enjoy my food?" My pleading question brought even _more_ worry to his eyes. And something else.

"Yes. Yes, you'll have to. When you're done." Now I had to. I sighed. "Okay, okay. So," I said, turning to Jacob and Embry. "How did you find out about this bloodsucker army? And _why_ are they after Bella? That girl...she's just a magnet for phsyco vamps trying to kill her, isn't she?"

"Well, Bella invited me to her graduation party..."

* * *

When I had finished eating, and Jacob and Embry had told me all the gory details of the party, I had to go talk with Sam. Of course. We walked outside, and Sam said, "Let's go to the beach, huh?" 

"Whatever." I said. Like I cared. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, and it didn't matter where we were. We walked down to the beach and sat down on a knotted piece of driftwood, something I'd seen many times in Jacob's thoughts.

"Quil...this is hard for me too, okay? I'm really trying here. It's just...I never thought...and you, too, one of the newest, just getting used to it, and bam! It's not fair on you, okay? I'm trying to make this easier for you." Yeah, you're trying, you are. Too hard. "Sam, if you just let me deal with it...that would be easier. Trust me."

"Quil...I know what it's like. I know what you must be going through right now. Curse Jared and his luck. Why does he get it easy, right?" Sam chuckled darkly. "Yeah...whatever." I said. "Just get to the point."

"Have you decided wheather you're going back to her? I mean, that's a silly question, isn't it? You have to. It's impossible to resist. Even if I told you you couldn't, you would be able to break my alpha command. So that's silly. The question is more like--"

"Sam." I interrupted. "Relax. Of course I'm going back to her. I'll protect her...I can tell her parents, right? I mean, how else would they let some teenage boy hang around their two year old, right?" That was easier to make that decision than I'd thought it would be. I guess I knew all along I would always go back to her...

"I'll tell them. They_ are_ Emily's sister and her husband, so I suppose it's okay. Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I might go see her." I could feel my body being almost dragged towards her, as if she was my sun. Well, she is.

"I'll come with you and tell them."

"Thanks." Sometimes Sam was helpful, I thought as I walked away, or rather towards. Claire awaited me, even if she was only two.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hi peeps!! this took a while, and sorry if it's not that good. PLEASE review!! i need to know what you like and don't like! thanks._

* * *

We phased, and started running toward Emily's sister's house. Claire's house. I ran so fast...Sam thought, _Hey, Quil! Wait up!"_ I couldn't run fast enough. It felt too slow, as if I was running through peanut butter rather than the cool forest. 

When we got there, I knocked, and they let us in. Sam said, "He's here to see Claire," and Claire's mother, who had answered the door, looked at me warily. "Um." She said, obviously not wanting to offend, but, of course, not wanting some strange teenage boy who was, well, huge, around her baby. Sam looked from her to me. "Megan...I need to talk to you about something. Now. It has to do with Quil and Claire."

"Er...okay, I guess. What?" She seemed a bit out of sorts.

"Is Claire okay?" I asked, agitated. She seemed surprised that I was so worried. "Yes. Yes, she's great."

"Good." I smiled, relieved. Claire's mother, Megan, I suppose, from what Sam called her, looked at Sam questioningly. "Uh, Sam? What were you talking about? Wanting to talk to me?"

"Yeah. Let's go into the other room," Sam glanced at me. So did Megan. "No, that's okay, can we stay here?"

Sam looked at me. I nodded at him. Like I cared. Where was Claire? I wondered. Sam started talking, and I spaced out, knowing what he was saying, and anyways all I cared about was Claire. _Why_ couldn't I see her? She was everything. My sun, my reason for existing. Couldn't they see that? I was getting pretty desperate by the time Sam finished. Claire's mother sat there, straight-backed and with a glazed look in her eye. "Quil..._imprinted_ with Claire...like you imprinted with Emily? How..."

Sam answered, "The stories say that it's possible. We just never believed...well, the other ones are true, so why shouldn't this one?" He was rambling. "Sorry...I'm surprised still, too, and you can imagine how Quil must feel..."

"Well, actually, I don't think you can," I said to Megan. "All I feel right now is that I need to see her this instant or I am going to explode. Literally." Sam looked scandalized, Megan looked scared.

"Okay, then, I guess...wait! How do I know? How do I know you aren't just out for Claire...? _How?" _She said, her voice rising. She was unusually paranoid. Had something happened to Claire? She looked panicky, then afraid, then sorry. Could that be pity? No.

"Megan..." Sam began. I could trust him to convince her. "Megan, remember when I imprinted with Emily? You're her sister, she probably talked to you. About how I was...It probably got annoying, me always being around her, insisting...and cold-hearted--how could I just leave Leah? Well...I loved Leah, I really did. But when I saw Emily...I was made for her, Megan, and she was made for me. I couldn't leave her...I couldn't deny her anything. When I scarred her for life..." Sam trailed off. Painfully. He'll never forgive himself for that. "Megan, Quil will protect Claire. It's not possible for him to do anything, or let anyone, harm her. Physically impossible. He would die for her. He would suffer a million painful deaths for her, if she could be happy like that. But I don't think she could, Megan, because they are like to puzzle pieces, made to fit together. So what if Quil's sixteen now? We don't age." At that, she seemed pretty surprised. "He can be patient, for a few decades. Until she's ready. Of course she'll want him," Sam continued, answering an unspoken question in her eyes. "He was made for her. He will be like a father, then a brother, then a friend, then...well, whatever she wants, whatever she needs. But right now, he _needs_ to go see her. It's like gravity, Megan, can't you see?" Sam was smiling. "She's his sun, now. She's holding him here, not the sun."

Megan looked more convinced now. "Okay, Quil, you can see her. Okay. But I'm coming with you." She led the way, and I followed, beaming. Sam sat down on the sofa to wait me out. Why he didn't just leave was beyond me, but that really wasn't my biggest concern.

I followed Claire's mother into her room, and...Claire lay there, in the bed, sleeping, peacefully. I gasped quietly, and walked swiftly over to the bed. I saw Claire's mother watching me, maybe she did understand. She seemed to be taking it all reasonably well.

Claire was...perfect. I mean...she was just...I was speechless. Her coppery skin, glowing... her shot of black hair, longer than most two-year-olds...her eyes. Even thought they were closed, they were beautiful. Long thick black lashes framed them, brushed against her cheeks...I reached out my hand. Her mother let me, which surprised me. My hand touched her perfect arm...silky, soft, perfect. I sighed. I could stay like this forever.

I don't know how long I did, but I heard Sam yelling, not quietly, considering there was a baby sleeping right here, "Quil! Sorry to pull you away and all that but--"

"Sam! Don't yell. You're gonna wake her up..." But she already has. I looked back at her...Her eyes, big, and black as midnight, but soft, and not like a black hole. Beautiful. She just lay there, staring up at me. She didn't cry, or scream, or shout.

"Quil! Sorry and everything but the bloodsuckers are waiting for us!" What? What was he talking about?

"Huh?"

"Wake up! Remember? We're meeting the Cullens for a 'training' meeting at some clearing in the forest." When I still looked blank, he said, exasperated, "Hello! Newborn bloodsucker army!" Oh. Right. That.

"I'm just gonna stay here, okay?"

"No, not okay. You're coming too. We need everyone there." Sheesh. Give me a second with my soul mate, will you? I sighed, but didn't make any move to get up and leave with him, so Sam had to use some physical force. He is bigger than me, anyways, so he managed to yank me up and drag me to the door. He told Claire's mother we were leaving, and she took one look at me, still entranced, and didn't run and hurry back to her daughter's room like I expected her to. She was just full of surprises, wasn't she?

"Sorry, Megan, gotta go. Emergency with the pack," Sam explained. And then at her questioning glance at me, who was still struggling to get free of Sam's grip, he muttered, "He doesn't want to leave. Surprise, surprise." Claire's mother laughed, and Sam dragged me out the door.

"Change." he ordered once we were out of sight of the house. As much as I wanted to, needed to, go back to Claire, my body complied with what my mind didn't want to. It had to. I changed into a wolf, and ran, not so fast, after Sam, to the place where we were going to meet the others and go "learn" from the Cullens. Like they had anything to teach us.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: These are just going to be some one-shots for a while. I hope it isn't too boring!! PLEASE REVIEW!! please, please, please!_

* * *

The fight was raw in my mind. The vampires screams...breaking apart the air. Not that I felt sorry for them, but still. Jacob's agony, all of our agony, as he got squeezed by the newborn. But his pain then was nothing compared to his pain now. The few moments when me and Embry were wolves with him before Sam made us phase...to sum it up, I do _not_ envy him.

While Jake escaped, the rest of us were here, and Sam was worried. Worried was a weak way to put it. He was...tormented. Distraught. When were the bloodsuckers going to bite Bella? Even though I never loved her like Jacob, I still like her.She was fun, and she made Jake happy, so he was actually _fun_ to run with as wolves. I too hated that she was going to be turned into one of _them_.

So, I do what I always do when I don't know what else to do. Well, I also do it when I _do_ have other things to do, but still. I went to see Claire. Her mother let me in without a fight, she was used to me dropping by without warning all the time, and anyways, I think she was starting to like me. This time, Claire was awake. She was sitting in her bed, and when I came in the room she looked up at me and our eyes met. Her eyes were...amazing. Pitch black, yet they absorbed as much as they reflected. And they had some kind of understanding to them. I know that sounds predictable and boring, but it was true. She was perfect. Of course.

I walked over to her and picked her up. I sat on the edge of the chair by her bed and put her on my lap. she fit perfectly, leaning against my chest, her hands entwined with mine. Her tiny little hands. Soft, but strong, and she put my finger in her mouth and bit down.

"Ouch! Jeez, Claire, that hurt!" It did a little, but I didn't mind. She looked at me mischievously. The little brat. She took her little teeth out of my finger and my hand out of her mouth. She replaced it with hers. She bit down. What was wrong with her? She squealed, and I yanked her finger out of her mouth. She didn't seem harmed, and she put her tiny arms around my neck. Her face was buried in my chest. I could have stayed there forever. It was still new to me, how this little bundle of blankets and breath and fingers could rule my world. From one second to the next. Literally.

She pulled away and pulled me over to a pile of stuff in the corner. I followed her and crouched down when she sat. She looked in the pile for a second, then pulled out something sort of white. She put it into my hand and I looked down and saw a shell, white with brown and gray lines, sitting in my palm. I kissed her forehead and she walked back. I stayed, and she ran forward and rammed her head into my stomach. "oomph!" I exclaimed, surprised. She looked at y face and smiled that same mischievous smile she did after she bit my finger. She was one destructive little girl.


	7. Chapter 7

Claire was three, no, four. It was her birthday, and her brother, Matt, who was five, was poking her in the eye with a candle. She stared crying, and I brushed Matt away and picked up Claire. When I picked her up, her crying slowed, and she buried her head in my chest like I loved it and put her arms, or as far as she could reach, around my back. Her mother walked in and looked at me sternly, and I realized why that was because Matt was trailing along behind her, looking triumphant, not sheepish like he should.

"What did you do, Quil?" Her tone was disapproving. Claire unhooked her arms and told her mom, "Matt put the--candle--my eye..." in halting English. Her mom looked at Claire's red eye, at at Matt and said, "Is this true?"

"NO!" he shouted, and his mother smiled at me, so I knew I was forgiven for whatever I had done in whatever story Matt had cooked up.

I mean, it isn't like her _mom_ could keep me away from Claire, but it just made it easier, and Sam disapproved when I snuck in, even though it wasn't like he was the perfect boy with Emily. Claire loved it, though.

* * *

"Quil?" Claire asked me. 

"Huh?" I looked at her, sitting on the couch in her house. Her mother was out shopping, and I was watching her.

"Why are you so hot?" I burst out laughing. She was only four, for god's sake! If she was like this now, what's she going to be like when she's a teenager?

"Quil?"

"Claire..."

"Quil?"

"Claire..."

"QUIL!"

"What?"

"Why are you so hot?"

"Claire...I have a fast metabolism. You know what that is?" I hated lying to her, but it wasn't like I could tell her the truth.

"No. Is that why you're so hot?"

"Sorta, Claire...Metabolism is like...it's like, when you eat, it's sorta, what happens to the food. Like I digest the food fast. So that's also why I eat so much." How else can I explain it to a four-year-old?

"Do I have a fast metabolly?"

"I don't know. But you're not like me." She looked puzzled at that, and asked me, "Quil, why am I not like you?"

"I got it from my family, Claire. That's why you have that beautiful black hair, and those eyes, and your skin, and cheeks, and that vicious streak, and...everything about you." Why am I trying to explain genetics to her?

"Oh." She said quietly. She looked down and continued coloring. The "scribble-scrabble", as she called it, was...Claire. Messy, colorful, and beautiful. Her hair was short, she had cut it herself with her mother's sewing scissors a few days before, and I had done my best to straighten it out, but she kept moving, and after all, I'm a werewolf, not a...hair-cutter. I kill vampires, not hair. Short and crooked. She herself was short and tiny, but ever since her brother poked her in the eye with a candle, her birthday cake candle, no less, on her last birthday, she was vicious. Every day I see her, which is every day I live, I go home with a new bruise, or cut, or something, but it heals in about a second anyways so there's nothing to worry about.

"Quil?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you help me, Quil?" Why did she say my name so much? Not that I objected..."Yeah, sure. What--? But I stopped when Claire shoved a pair of scissors in my hand and my hand stared bleeding. Claire closed her eyes and I wiped off the blood quickly. All that was left was a little scab. I put my hand in my pocket and started cutting up some paper Claire had handed me.


	8. Chapter 8

"NO! No, I don't wanna go! I WON'T! Quil, please don't make me go!" She started crying, and I can never resist that. But she had to go. 

"Claire, it's _kindergarten._ You have to go. I'm really, really sorry." I hugged her tightly. "Claire, let's just go in and meet the teacher. I'll have to leave then, but if you need me, I'll come see you at recess. Okay?"

"Fine. But will you--?"

"Yes, Claire, I'll give you chocolate when it's over. It's only a half day anyways, so it'll be over before you know it. Please, Claire?" I interrupted her, knowing what she was saying. Ever since she tasted her first bite of dark chocolate, she has been unbearable, for anyone but me, bugging us all to get her chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. Bribing her to go to kindergarten...What would her parents think?

"Fine. Fine, fine, FINE!" She stomped into the classroom, and I followed after her. I was taking her to her first day of kindergarten because her parents were too busy. Usually they were so attentive to her needs, but today...Oh, well, I could do it as well as anyone. Better.

"Hello, you must be..." The teacher consulted her list. "Claire." She finished. She was Native American too, but...well, no one can compare next to Claire, with her shinning hair, and smooth skin, and her little petiteness. She was so tiny...I wasn't even going to try.

"Yep, she is." I said. Now how long is it going to take for her to ask me who_ I_ am?

"And you are..." She asked, looking at me, alertly. Of course.

"Quil. I'm Claire's...well, I'm as good as her brother. Complicated circumstances. Her parents couldn't make it." As she took that in, she looked at me suspiciously. I smirked at myself when I thought what she would do if she knew the _real_ truth of what I was. She turned to Claire, and asked, "Claire? Is--"

"Quil" I supplied her. "Quil. Is Quil your..."She trailed off. Claire ran up and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her, I mean, how could I _not_, she was right there, her little arms around me, wondering what she was doing. She hopped down and looked the teacher right in the eye. She said, "Quil is my best friend ever. He's been with me since I was a baby. Don't...don't pick on him." She said it aggressively, and the teacher finally looked convinced. Meanwhile, my heart was melting. I smiled at her. Good old Claire...

I picked her up and gave her a gigantic bear hug. And she could still breathe. Funny, anyone else would have suffocated. She hugged me back, wrapping her arms, her legs around me, pressing her body against mine, and I whispered in her ear, "Be good. I'll probably be coming to pick you up, and," Here I lowered my voice even more so the teacher wouldn't hear me. "And, if you need me at recess, I'll be there, okay Claire?"

"Yeah...bye, Quil." She looked so sad...I never wanted to see her leave. It was hurting me so much to just leave her for _kindergarten..._What would it feel like if she...I stopped the thought. That would be too much to bear. I marveled at myself; how could I ever have run away from her, at the beginning?

"Oh, and she's very vicious. She stabbed me with scissors many times. Watch out." I threw the words over my shoulder at the teacher, who was wrestling with Claire, as a goodbye.

* * *

Claire was sitting on the stairs, looking very sad. My heart ached, and I ran up to her. 

"Claire, what--" I broke off. Her face was wet with tears, her beautiful black eyes red and puffy with crying.

"Oh, Claire..." I picked her up and she buried her face in my chest. After a while, when her sobs finally stopped, I asked her, "Claire, what--what _happened?_" She just looked at me. "Claire, tell me. Did someone...did someone do something to you?" She looked up at me again, surprised probably by the anger in my voice. At least I hadn't reached the shaking point yet.

"I was just...I was just on the swing..."

"The swing? Did someone push you off?"

"No. Quil...I'm not a baby. This sounds like I'm a baby. I just.." She trailed off.

"No, Claire, of course you're not a baby. Now, what happened?"

"Jack...the boy...he said..he said that I...that you..." She burst into tears.

"Oh, Claire, it's okay. It's fine. What did Jack do?"I needed to end her crying. It was hurting me as much as it was hurting her.

"He said that you...that there was something wrong with you...that I..." Oh God. I knew this would happen. Oh, no. No. I didn't need to hear anymore. "It's okay, Claire, I understand. Don't listen to them. Think what you want to think, and if you think that I'm good enough for you, or not, then...it's your choice." Oh, and how that choice could rule my life. Let's get you home."

"No, I don't wanna go home! And anyways...you said you would give me--" I interrupted her with, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't forget these things, do you? Okay, let's stop at the store on the way home for some chocolate, kay?"

"Yep." She said, wiping away her tears. We stood up, and walked toward the little store a few blocks away.


	9. Chapter 9

Age Eight

* * *

"Claire, maybe you should stop eating so much--" 

Claire interrupted me with, "NO! I will eat as much as I WANT! Leave me alone!" I couldn't pretend that didn't hurt, because it did. I looked down. "Sorry, Claire, I just...you're going to be sick!"

She turned her eyes stubbornly back to the T.V. screen, watching _The Parent Trap_ for about the thousandth time. She stuffed another handful of popcorn into her mouth. I could see that she was full, _stuffed_, and yet she wouldn't stop eating! Argh, she was so damn _stubborn!_

I settled back on the couch, thinking that if Claire threw up or something, she would learn. Even though that would hurt me, too, to see her sick and miserable, but it was better than forcing her. And she was pretty strong. Not too strong for me, of course, she wasn't a werewolf, but strong enough that it made me feel bad when I forced her to do something. And I wanted her to be happy, I did. I needed her to be happy. As I was thinking that, Claire suddenly lurched to her feet. She mumbled "bathroom," and ran, with a hand over her mouth, to the bathroom.

I jumped up and followed her, but she closed the door in my face. Why was she acting like that to me? Usually she acted like...like she loved me. My chest ached. How could she affect me so much? Even after so much time, it still wondered me...I leaded against the wall opposite the bathroom, waiting for Claire to come out, or ask for me, and I heard the sounds of her throwing up. Oh, god, why wouldn't she let me help her? I could, I could--

A loud _bang_ came from the bathroom, along with a rattle of something falling. I burst in, not thinking, except that something had happened to Claire. But the door was locked, and I busted it off its hinges. When I got in, I saw Claire lying on the tile floor, her head against the bathtub, and the shampoo bottles on the floor. I ran to her and picked her up. She looked so pale...and _green._

"Claire." I shook her. "Claire." She opened her eyes. They were dull, and glazed with sickness. I didn't know she was that sick! "Oh, Claire...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

"S'not your fault...Quil..._I'm_ sorry..." She tried her best to smile at me, but closed her eyes closed. I looked at her, and she looked horrible. She was covered in vomit and sweat. And she looked sicker than just overeating could make her. Oh, Claire...I sighed.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" All she did was murmur in response. I sat her down on the floor, turned the water on in the shower, and pulled her sweatshirt off.

"No...Quil...I can do it, it's okay, you don't need to..." She mumbled. I looked at her, doubtful, but if that's what she wanted...

"Okay, but I'll be waiting outside the door in case something happens. Yell for me if you need anything, kay?"

"Yeah..." She started to stand up, and I left. I sat down against the wall opposite again and waited for her to come out.

In a little while, Claire came out of the bathroom in some sweat pants and a t-shirt. She still looked sick, but at least she was clean now...I stood up and hugged her. She swayed, and I released her and looked at her worriedly. She said, "I think...I think I'll go to bed..."

"Yeah, you should. You look so sick, Claire. Come one." I picked her up and brought her to her bed. I put her down on it and started to pry her hands off my arms, unwillingly, but she held on tight and mumbled something like, " No...Quil. Quil..." And she totally melted my heart, so I had to stay. I lay down next to her and put my arms around her little body. She snuggled in closer to me and buried her face in my chest. I had to stay, so I did. Her mother would understand...I drifted off to sleep with my mind wandering and Claire tight in my arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Claire--Age Ten

I walked slowly home from school, wondering why Quil hadn't come to pick me up like he usually did. But I guess I am ten, he probably thinks I'm too old for stuff like that. But...I miss him. I really do. No matter what Jack, that...whatever, says about him. _Creep. Freak. Something's off with that guy..._ I seethed. How dare he! He doesn't know the Quil I know, the Quil I love. Some things are a bit weird, but it's not like I care. I mean...I remember him being around for, like, ever, and he seems...young. I mean, not young young, but still. And do fast metabolisms really make you hot, burning, like Quil? As hot as I was when I was really sick? And I was throwing up, and there was no way I could even stand up, and Quil isn't sick ever. Actually, I can't remember him _ever_ being sick. Maybe that has to do with the fast metabolism again. Whatever. Jack can just go stick his head down a toilet and flush. Annie's with me on that, even if she _does_ like Jack. She likes Quil too. Everyone likes Quil. Except Jack and--

I stopped dead in my tracks. Around my feet rose two identical puffs of dust, from the ground, dirt. I looked up slowly, felt that something was wrong. Right in front of me stood a man. Black hair, and white skin. The difference of his hair and skin scared me, but not as much as--as his eyes. Red. Blood red. As cold as ice, as cold as the air around him, that turned when he came.I gasped, and tried to turn around but my legs wouldn't move. My head turned around on it's own, to meet the man's bloody eyes. I couldn't move, but I tried, and the man looked frustrated, and twitched, and my body fell still, only standing up because of some invisible force coming from his eyes. His red eyes.

"Oh my, don't you smell pretty, little girl? What's your name?" His voice did not match his face, his eyes. It was a beautiful voice, and I guess his face was beautiful too, but...sharp. And what did he mean, I _smelled_ pretty? No one can _smell_ how I smell, except Quil sometimes acts like he is. But this is different...Quil. Quil! I tried shouting his name, but my mouth wouldn't make the shapes. A gust of air flew out of my mouth and the man looked...hungry. I tried to run again, but I couldn't. My breathing was coming quicker now.

"Answer me!" The man snapped at me. And my mouth was just opening, and I couldn't control it..."C--Cl--Claire..." It was hard to get out.

"Claire...What a pretty name...almost as pretty as you smell..." He approached me. His walk was like water. Graceful, beautiful. No. He got closer, and opened his mouth. His teeth were too white, too sharp. No. He reached out for me...and a huge black blur crashed into him, and it sounded like bangs, loud. I screamed, and the black thing had knocked me over too, I was on the ground, and I saw Quil racing towards me. The man's spell was broken, I could, and did, cry, "Quil! Quil! Who...what--"

"Shh...it's okay, Claire, Sam's got it--" He shut his mouth like he had said too much. Flinched. Sam? My _uncle_ Sam? But...what?

"Are you okay? Claire? Claire!" He looked frantic.

"Yeah...I think--Yeah." I closed my eyes and buried my face in Quil's warm chest. How different he was from the cold man. Red eyes...I looked into Quil's black ones. They were soft, and full of worry. Despair. They flicked over the where the black thing and the man with red eyes had disappeared. Suddenly another huge blur, this time reddish, and it looked like a...wolf, except as big as a horse, bigger, appeared and I jumped. Quil looked at me worriedly. He looked over at where the red wolf vanished into the forest...

He stood up and carried me in his arms. I was too scared to protest and anyways, it felt nice, and I felt safe, next to Quil's warm body, in his arms. I tried to ask him again what had happened, but he didn't answer, just asked me if I was okay, and ran on, faster than I thought he could. Faster...faster...He started shaking and I asked, "Quil! What's going on?" And the shaking stopped, slowly. He looked so mad at himself...he mumbled, and I don't think I was meant to hear, "How could I? How could I leave her alone...Damn Sam! Sam and his patrols. She's more important...I almost lost her...I almost...lost...NO!" He sounded angry, and sad, and he gripped me tighter, so I could barely breathe. But I didn't say anything. I could tell something was wrong with Quil, and I didn't want to make him sadder or more angry than he already was. I wriggled closer to his warmth, which warmed me, all through my body.

* * *

"Damn bloo--" The voice broke off. "Must have had some power...Claire would have run away, wouldn't she have? Oh, god, Quil, I'm so sorry..." Uncle Sam's voice. I must have fallen asleep in Quil's arms, after that man...that man with red eyes...after him... I looked around. I was on the couch in Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily's house, and The voices were coming from the kitchen.

"No...no, it's my fault...I should've--"

"Nothing you could have done would have made it not happen. If you were walking home with her, what could you have done? Change? Let her see? No...no, Quil...Luckily I was patrolling there, then...Oh, god."

"_Luckily?_ I'd call it more than luck. I mean..." That was another voice, one that I wasn't sure about, but it could belong to Quil's friend Seth...

My stomach growled, I yawned, and Quil rushed in. "Claire? You okay?" He sounded so worried.

"Yeah...I'm hungry though...but it's no big deal..." But Quil was already gone. I heard a quick, "Quil, be careful--" and then Quil was back at my side. The whole thing took less than five seconds. I blinked. "Wha--?"

"It's okay, eat, Claire." He pushed a plate of pancakes, Aunt Emily's delicious pancakes, on my lap and they started to fall. I had not recovered from him going to the kitchen, getting a plate of pancakes, and back here in less than--Quil caught the pancakes. His hand shot out, and held onto them before I could breathe. What...what was going on?

"Quil?" I asked timidly.

"Just eat, Claire. I'll explain..." He looked pained. "As soon as I can. When you're old enough..." He drifted off, looking at me with agony in his eyes.

* * *

For the next few days, Quil literally stalked me. He came to school with me, and even sat in my classes, saying he was a collage student doing some report or something. I was glad, because that man...what if he showed up again? So at least I would be with Quil...He seemed the complete opposite of that cold, evil man...bloody eyes...white skin...I shuddered whenever I thought of him. What was he going to do to me if that black thing, wolf, I guess, didn't come? And Quil. I asked him that, if the man would show up again, and he said that I shouldn't worry about that, but he looked even more worried than ever.

At lunch, I sat with Quil and Annie on the bench outside. All my other friends...I don't know. Something to do with Quil, anyways. But I would rather be with him and Annie, who liked Quil, than them. Jack was hovering close to us and Quil kept glaring at him.

"So, Claire..." Annie started to say something, but drifted off. We were fine being quiet.

A while later Jack finally walked up to us. Quil tensed.

"Claire!" Jack greeted me. His black hair was short, almost a buzz cut, and rough. His face was...well, whatever. I guess he could be cute or something, but I didn't really notice anything. His eyes, though, were light brown. I had gotten over his nasty comments about Quil, I mean, he could think what he wanted, and I knew Quil, or I thought I did, so why would he bother me? Annie said he liked me, but...ew. Gross.

"Go away, Jack."

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your...friend?" How annoying. He knew that was Quil.

"No I'm not. Go away."

"Touchy, touchy." But when he saw Quil glare at him, he walked off. He looked over his shoulder at me, started to say something, and walked off.

"Claire...are you sure you don't want me to do anything about him?" Quil teased.

Me and Annie laughed, and the bell rang.

* * *

We were at Aunt Emily's and Uncle Sam's and all of Quil's big friends were squished around the table, and Uncle Sam was too. I kept trying to ask them what was going on, but they hushed me, ignored me, or just looked at me, some with pity in their eyes.

"We need to have double, triple, the patrols..." Uncle Sam was saying as though I was not there. I knew they all worked for some kind of security around La Push, but is this just a coincidence that they're making more "patrols", right when that man...I shuddered, and everyone looked at me, and Quil, who's lap I was sitting on (he insisted, and since there wasn't anywhere else to sit, and I never object to being close to him, I agreed) tightened his arms around me.

"What?" One of Quil's friends friends, Jacob, asked me. Paul, another one, continued for him, "Scared of the little bloo--"

"Paul!" Uncle Sam's voice rang around the kitchen, and the word seemed to be an order for Paul, because his mouth shut instantly. He looked a little sheepish when Quil glared at him and said, "I _would_ take you _right now_, but Claire more important to me than a bratty..." He trailed off, looking meaningfully at Paul. "Like you." He finished.

Now I was _really_ confused, and I opened my mouth to ask, _again_, what was going on, but Quil said my name warningly, and I shut it. But he _was_ going to tell me, and sooner rather than later. I was ten, and that was old enough...I thought. Apparently Quil thought so too. Whenever he refused to tell me, he looked so sad...like it was breaking his heart. Don't ask me why. No one will tell _me_.

Aunt Emily came in with more eggs and sausages, and after half of the people took some I reached out my hand to take some but Quil filled my plate quickly.

"Thanks," I whispered, and he just smiled at me.


	11. Chapter 11

Age Eleven

"Halloween...um...I guess I'm going with my friends..." I dropped my eyes. I hoped that she would hang out with me (and the pack)...she never really liked trick-or treating (or Halloween), so we usually just hung around the house, but this year...

"Fine. I'll go with you." I looked up at her, glad, and saw that she was smiling grudgingly at me. Ever since last year, and that filthy bloodsucker who tried to...tried to...I almost lost her...no, I wouldn't think about that now. She was here, bugging me every day to tell her what happened, what that was, but here with me nonetheless. How I was acting that day...I lost control. I forgot about keeping the secret, going as fast I could, walking, catching the plate that was falling off her lap...I remembered every second of that horrible day.

"Great. Thought about what you're going to be yet?"

"Well...not really." She looked sheepish.

"That's fine. We can go ask the pa--Embry and Jake and them for some ideas, okay?"

"Yeah, sure!" She brightened up.

When we got to Jake's house, Embry was there, and so were Seth and Leah. I guess they were talking about some pack business, because when they saw me and Claire approaching, they stopped. They still thought I should tell Claire...but I just couldn't. It wasn't her age. I mean...what if she hated me? I couldn't stand that. I'd rather die.

"Hey, Claire! Quil," Embry called. The pack said their hellos, and Leah kissed Claire on the cheek. They were close, those two. Leah...I guess she thought she could do some good by Claire. Especially now that she was growing up...

"What are you doing here, Quil?" Jake said. "We were just--" he cut himself off. "Yeah...hanging around," he finished lamely.

"Claire needed a Halloween costume, and we thought you guys would have some ideas," I explained.

"Ooh, I got one!" Seth said at once.

"What?" Claire asked excitedly.

"_Vampire_," he said in an ominous tone. Jeez, the immaturity.

"Yeah!" Claire liked that idea. So did the rest of them.

"That would be hilarious!"

"Oh, yeah! Great idea, Seth!" Embry winked at him exaggeratedly. Great way to take away Claire's suspicion, guys. I'm really trying here!

"So...what exactly does a vampire costume consist of?" Claire asked. "I mean...there's only a week..." She trailed off.

"All you need are some red, or gold, depending, contact lenses and pale skin! Oh, and you have to be beautiful, and stink. Luckily Halloween's at night, so we won't have to make your skin sparkle in case it's sunny." Jared walked in, apparently he had heard our conversation. I smacked him. "Jared! Be a little subtle, won't you?"

"Oh, and some bruise-like purple shadows under your eyes. We can to that with some makeup easily, right?" He just can't stop, can he? Is this all a big joke to him?

I looked over at Claire and saw the comprehension dawn on her face. "Quil." She looked at me. She was too smart! I glared at Jared, then at the rest of them for good measure. Jared looked a little ashamed, but he was glad. Glad that Claire would finally know...I walked over to Claire, grabbed her hand and dragged her away from the group. She looked...she didn't look as scared as she should. But she did look mad.

"A _vampire_, Quil? Was he...How does Jared know?"

I said, "No, Claire, not a vampire...vampires...are...legend..." I forced the last words out. It was hard, lying to Claire. But I didn't want the first thing for her to know about my little furry secret to be those filthy leeches.

"No, Claire. No, no, no." I started to shake, anger at Jared, and the rest of the pack, and myself collecting into something that I couldn't control. No way...I was shaking harder now, the hot flame going down my back, my arms, legs, all through my body, into my mouth. The taste that I usually...well, maybe not _enjoyed_, but it's wasn't bad, was now bitter, acid...I started running, still human, toward the forest...no matter how angry I was, I would not hurt Claire...I still had enough control left for that.

The second I got in the cover of the trees, where I knew Claire could not see me, I phased. My clothes exploded with me. It was painful, not like usually, and I howled when I thought of how close I had come to hurting Claire...like Sam hurt Emily...my pain was easier now that I was a wolf, and I ran. Away. But I wheeled around when I thought of Claire, standing there, with me just running away, disappeared...she probably saw my shape blurring. I ran back toward the house. Through the trees, I saw Leah, alerted by my howl, run toward Claire, breathe a sigh of relief when she saw her standing, not lying, and bloody. Embry and Jake ran toward the forest, but they didn't phase. I walked forward to meet them. I looked at them, but I dropped my eyes to the ground when they raised theirs.

"Quil, it's okay. We don't blame you..."

"So sorry, Quil. I's all our fault. We never should have..." Embry was more sympathetic. I just looked at them, unable to speak. Even if I could, what would I say?

"Come back. She needs you." Needs me. Needs me! A monster that was no better than that bloodsucker. A monster that could hurt her...a monster that even after thirteen years, could never really control himself, when it came to her. A monster that lied. Lied to her for his own sake...so he wouldn't have to feel the pain of her rejection. A monster that hurt her, even when he tried his hardest. Even when it cut him to his heart, when he saw pain on her face...in her eyes. The truth of what I was bashed me over the head, and forced me to the ground. I buried my nose in my talk, curled up into a ball, tightly. At least I was a wolf...the pain would have been too much as a human. The way I ruin her life...with mystery and danger. I broke, and Jake and Embry looked so frustrated at not being able to know what I was thinking. With a last glance toward the edge of the forest, Embry told Jake to go back, and phased. He flinched when he saw what I was thinking, when he felt my agony.

_"Quil...oh, Quil."_ Now he was in pain, because of me, because of my pain, because of my selfishness.

_"No, it's not like that...at least you ran away, before..." _Then what I could have done hit me in a wave. Again. I tried to control my emotions, if not for my sake, me who deserved it, than for Embry. He looked at me.

_"Go back to her. Leah can only do so much..."_ He was right. She needed me, monster or not. I took a deep breath, and changed back. Embry followed me. The pain was harder, more as a human, but I could deal with it. Embry pulled on his shorts and tossed me a pair, since mine were shredded to pieces when I changed. How could I have done that to Claire? Just run out on her...and when she was thinking about vampires being real too.

I hurried back to Claire and Leah, who was restraining her. She was trying to run into the forest where I disappeared...I walked faster. She saw me, and went suddenly limp in Leah's arms.

"Oh, Claire...I'm so sorry," I said when I reached her. Leah let go of her, and I caught her, and Leah walked away. Claire struggled to stand up on her own. " I let go of her as if her skin burned me. Well, it felt as if she had.

"Claire, I...I can't." Surely she could see the pain on my face, reflecting hers? Surely she can see why I can't tell her, why it is hurting me as much as it is hurting her?

"Why?" She demanded.

"I..."

"Don't give me that 'you're too young' crap. I'm old enough for anything you have to say. For whatever's going on."

"I know, Claire. I know. I just...Claire, please understand." I was pleading with her now. What else could I do? I couldn't tell her yet...I just couldn't. Oh, the pack is going to give me hell for this later. The stray thought crossed my mind. The perfect opportunity...and I throw it in the trash.

"Fine, then. If you can't trust me, then I guess...I guess I'll be going." I could see the pain on her face, as she said it. The accusation in her eyes penetrated my chest like a bullet. Worse.

She stalked off toward Leah, who was waiting a ways away.

I walked closer. I didn't want to hear this.

"You're part of it, too, aren't you?" Claire flung the words at Leah. "And them too"-- She glanced over at the pack--"they're in it, too, aren't they? You all are!"

"Claire, calm down, it's not my secret to tell. I would, I would, Claire, if I could. It's Quil's call. Don't blame him--" But Leah's trying-to-be-helpful words were cut off when Claire marched away.


	12. Chapter 12

I decided to forgive Quil.

I know I overreacted. A lot. But Quil...he...what could he want to keep from me, so desperately? I had thought we were...friends. At least. but if he didn't want to tell me...I could live with that, as long as it didn't change anything between us. I could wait for him to want to tell me, or I could never find out. I realized it didn't really matter that much. Whatever it was, what could it be? Big enough _to_ change something? I had a feeling Quil was just overreacting about this like he did about lots of things. It was just who he was, and that was okay.

I walked to his house, grabbing a bar of chocolate on my way out of the house. I was nervous, but it was something I had to do. Not to mention wanted to. Life without Quil was...not really life. I knew then that whatever happened as I grew up, whatever happened, he would stay in my life and I would stay in his.

I knocked on the door and heard a faint, "Claire?" It was Quil, I could tell that much, but he sounded horrible. The door opened, and he gave a small, tentative smile.

"I'm so sorry, Quil!" I blurted out. "I'm so, so sorry! I never meant to--I mean I shouldn't have--"

He hugged me tightly. "It's not your fault, Claire. You didn't do anything."

I shook my head against his chest but he wouldn't have any of it. He pulled away and smiled at me again. "Do you still want to make a costume or something? Or we could--" He broke off.

"Anything," I said.

"Claire."

"What?"

He shook his head. "We can call Jake and Embry...Jared seemed to have some good ideas too..." he made a face. I didn't know exactly what to say. Jared...I knew he was part of it too, how else would he have known about the man..._vampire_ that had attacked me--

But I wasn't going to think of that now, because I had promised myself to wait until Quil wanted to tell me whatever it was.

"You forgive me?" I asked him.

"Of course I forgive you," he said, chuckling and ruffling my hair. "How could I not?" He paused. "When you bring chocolate?"

I rolled my eyes and threw it at him, and of course he caught it easily, ripping off the wrapper and taking a huge piece before holding it out for me.

"So? You want to call Embry and Jake? We can go over there and make costumes." He asked with his mouth full.

I nodded. It sounded good.

* * *

_I know, it's pathetically short. But see, I'm going to be redoing some chapters (I was going through and changing Claire's friend's name, and accidently deleted this chapter, so I had to rewrite it and I didn't have much time) sorry if all that's confusing, but as soon as I have a chunk of time I'm going to make everything better, maybe make there be less chapters...so this is just temporary._


	13. Chapter 13

It was a few months after that disastrous Halloween. Well, Halloween itself wasn't disastrous, but before it was. Claire ignoring me for days. The pack's bugging me to tell her. But she's only eleven! But that's not the real problem.

"Tell her, Quil." Sam told me. It wasn't an order, though, and I was grateful he was leaving this up to me.

"She's only eleven."

"Tell her. She has to know."

"But..."

"Quil! Do you think it matters? She's mature enough, she'll understand," Sam wasn't giving up.

"What if she hates me?" Only one of the pack could see that that fear was what was stopping me telling her. It had nothing to do with her, she was perfect, it was my selfishness that prevented her knowing.

"Quil, you were _made_ for her. What part of 'soul mate' do you not understand? She _will_ accept you, like Emily accepted me, like Kim accepted Jared."

"How do you know?"

"Quil, I can't promise anything, but all I can say is this. What were whoever made us and made this imprinting thing thinking, if the person a werewolf imprinted on didn't love you, wolf or not, as much as you love her? How could they do that? And anyways, it would really degrade your vampire-killing abilities if Claire hated you. Now then, they wouldn't want that, would they?"

Sam's logic was so unlogical, I laughed despite myself.

"What's so funny? You think that this imprinting thing doesn't have any advantages? What would be the point, then?"

"Sam..." I laughed again. "This werewolf thing...it's magic. It's not science, it's not evolution, and it's not some god who made us up. Magic."

"Well, whatever." Sam let go of his argument easily. I guess he didn't want to get me angry. "But Emily and Kim, plus all the people our ancestors imprinted with a long time ago never hated us. They accepted us, and Claire will too. She loves you, Quil. Just tell her." I guess he had a point.

"Quil, I'll give you until she's thirteen. And that's giving you a _lot_ of time. Then, if you don't have any reason other than you being afraid, then I'll order you to tell her."

"Sam! That is so...you're taking advantage of being the alpha. But anyways, I can always ask Jake to undo it." I finished smugly. Jake was more my friend than Sam, anyways. He could do that, and he would.

Sam laughed. "Quil, you think any of us like listening to your thoughts?" That shut me up. He was probably right.

"Fine. Until she's thirteen."

--

"Quil!" Claire cried, and threw herself into my arms.

"Ow!" She had crashed into my stomach, and her head was hard.

She laughed.

"What's up?" I asked her. Not that I minded, but that was unusual for her.

She looked up at me, her eyes, wide and black, staring into mine, and her short black hair, wet and glistening from the rain outside, was sticking up around her face."Tell me? Please?" Oh, no. That was not fair. She _knew_ I couldn't resist it when she did that to me.

"Claire...don't do this to me." I begged her. She had no idea of the affect she had on me.

"Please?" Her eyes, if possible, got wider, and I had to look away.

"No."

She looked down, and I could tell I had upset her.

"Claire, I will, I promise. Just not yet."

"Why not? Is it because I'm too _young_?"

"No, it's not. I would tell you now. It's _me_, Claire. I..." How can I tell her? "It's my problem, not yours. It's my fault, not yours. It's me... I'm not...ready." There. What else could I say. It was the truth.

"Okay." I guess she understood that it was my problem, that it had nothing to do with her, that she was perfect, I was not. I was only human, after all. I laughed at myself. Human, indeed.


	14. Chapter 14

"Quil...have you told Claire yet?" Great. On top of the pack, and Claire herself, who was painful for me to say no to, her mother was bugging me to tell her. Luckily I would have to in a few hours.

It was Claire birthday. Well, not quite. She would turn thirteen in a few hours, and my head was already pounding.

"I will. I promise." Like I couldn't _not_ tell her. I rubbed my temples. I just wanted to curl up into a little ball--preferably as a wolf--and hide. Along with my head, something I didn't need at all, because I had decided to tell her anyways, my heart was pounding. Painfully. I was scared...so scared I wouldn't even admit it to myself, and the pack were the only ones who knew. But even they couldn't understand. What if she hates me? What if that...boy...Jack or whatever his name is, pulls her into his influence, and turns her against me? He already is. I can see it...she's always talking to him, and I just...I mean...I wouldn't object, except...he's bad for her. I just know he is. I'd decided to tell her because...well, I just don't think she should suffer for my selfishness. I _need_ her not to suffer. She can't. It hurts me more than it hurts her. I hate to be something that causes her pain.

"Good." Megan walked away. I sighed in relief. I needed to prepare myself before Claire got home.

So, I went running. Jared and Embry were out too, and I was instantly assailed by some horrible singing. It was Jared, and he was trying to hide something from me. Embry was hiding it too, but using much less painful tools to do so.

They added their "good luck's" and their sympathy to the huge pile already there from the others. But I could tell their relief was just as much as their understanding, just like everyone else. Had I really been that annoying?

"_Yeah, you have, Quil."_ I flinched. _"Sorry," _Embry added. _"It's okay, Quil. She won't hate you. She can't. Remember, soul mates, right?"_ Jared snorted, and I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to believe...

"_So, just a few hours now, huh?"_ Jared said through the blaring music, if you could call it that, in his brain.

"_Not much longer...though I don't know if after is going to be any better." _Embry.

"_You guys are supposed to be _supportive," I complained.

"_Oh, deal with it."_ Jared was suddenly impatient. He grumbled in his thoughts, and the song became choppy. He was loosing it. What was up with him?

"_Nothing is up with me, Quil. Nothing at all."_ He phased before I could respond. Now it was just Embry and me. And no singing. Phew.

"_What was up with him?"_ I asked Embry.

"_Nothing really. Just some problems with Kim..."_ I could tell that whatever it is it must be pretty bad.

"_He'll tell you if he wants to." _Embry. Always so helpful.

"_I'm serious. Hey, if he was hiding it from you it means he doesn't want you to know! Just leave it alone. He'll tell you when he wants to." _Yeah. That song he was singing in his head sure did the trick. It gave me a headache close to the one Sam's order is.

Embry did the wolf equivalent of shaking his head in his brain. _"Poor Quil... but thank god for Sam."_

"_You know what? I think I'm leaving."_ I growled at him. He didn't need to be so mean. Was it me, or were all my friends against me today? I phased, and the pounding in my head increased. Claire was home from school; I had no more excuses now. After getting dressed, I walked slowly to her house, despite the pain, which was morphing closer to agony with each step.

"Claire?" My voice was weak, wavering.

"Yeah?" She called from the kitchen. I walked in and sat at the table, the pain in my head making me dizzy._ I'm telling her, all right? I _am_, just stop that! _Nothing happened. I didn't think it would.

"Are you okay?" She asked me, concerned.

"Yea--No. No, I'm not. Happy birthday. I need to tell you something."

* * *

Claire's POV

He was going to tell me. Finally, after all this time, he was going to tell me! I couldn't believe it. "Really?" I asked eagerly.

"Yes." He sighed, and rubbed his forehead hard. He looked like he was in pain. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing...No, Claire. Sam made me tell you." He mumbled. Uncle Sam? Suddenly my mind flashed back to where the big black wolf crashing into the pale man...Quil, saying something about Sam, Sam's got it...

He was part of this too. He was part of this secret. Were they all? Leah, Sam, Quil. My friends and family. I wouldn't be surprised if Annie suddenly told me she was part of it too.

"Sam's part of it too, isn't he." I said to Quil. It wasn't really a question.

"Yes, but let me tell you, Claire, please." His tone was begging now, like he had to, like something would happen to him if he didn't. I nodded.

"Okay. Claire..." His voice was desperate. "Claire...the reason I haven't told you is me, not you. I would have told you that day when you were eleven, when you realized something was off with me." His dark brown, almost black, eyes moved up to my face and found mine. He held them there, and I stared back at him, entranced. "It's all me...If you hate me after this...I'll..." His voice trailed off. "Understand." He finished. His voice sounded full of pain, and he didn't look like he would understand at all.

"I won't hate you, Quil." What could ever make me hate him? But I thought back to what Jack was saying at school, and how guilty I felt when I had doubted Quil. He looked up at me now, his eyes full of hope, and something else. But he was pained, and I could see he was anxious to get his secret out.

"Claire..." he seemed to be struggling for words. "You remember when you were two, I was always here, with you, since you were two. Since the first time I saw you." Yes. I nodded. I don't remember it, but my mom told me.

"Claire...I look exactly the same as I did eleven years ago. I haven't aged a gray hair, or a wrinkle, or anything."

"So is that it? You don't age?" That was kinda freaky, but I was used to it. I knew that much, as much as I didn't believe it.

He laughed humorlessly. "Nope." His lips popped on the "p". "Claire...Me, and Leah, Sam, Jake, Embry, Jared, Seth...all of them. Most of my friends. We're all...werewolves." He cut off. I was frozen. "It's not the kind you read about, Claire. It has nothing to do with the full moon, and we don't eat people." He spoke in a rush, as if he wanted to get it out. As if he wanted to convince me that he was good, not bad. "We actually here to protect people. Against..." He paused, unsure if he should go on. I still hadn't said a word.

"The cold ones." Cold ones? I remembered the myths, of course, about the cold ones that the...werewolves made a treaty with. And the newly added story, about how, about ten years ago, eleven, about how the wolves fought WITH some of their enemies, against more cold ones. Vampires. Ten years ago. Eleven. That's when Quil said he saw me for the first time, as if that held some important thing I didn't understand. My brain was running in circles.

"You were...you were in that battle?"

"Yeah. That was one hell of a fight..." He trailed off, his eyes lost. But he snapped back into focus. He looked at me warily, assessing my reaction. But I still haven't decided what my reaction _was. _What was I supposed to think when the boy, man, teenager, whatever he was, who had been around since I was two, who I loved--did I?--and who had never did anything to hurt me told me he, his friends, and my uncle were all werewolves? And werewolves who protected people from vampires...like that man I saw? Was he a vampire? And were those wolves who saved me from him...who? Uncle Sam? Embry, Seth...Leah?

"That man..." I said to Quil, who instantly tensed and looked angry. "Was he...?"

"Yes." Quil's voice was soft, and he was looking at me with concern. I looked down and started picking at the table.

"And the...wolf?"

"Sam and...Sam was the big black one who crashed into the bloodsucker." My Uncle Sam. I shook my head. This was getting to be too much. But..."Uncle Sam and who? Who was the other one, the reddish one?"

Quil looked uncertain. "Jacob." He said. Jacob? He was one too? I laid my head against the table. It was cool, and soothed my throbbing head. I don't know why this didn't bother me, other than giving me a headache, but that was just from trying to imagine all of Quil's friends, MY friends, as giant wolves. I mean, it should bother me. Quil, a werewolf?

"What color are you?" I asked him. He seemed surprised that I wasn't more afraid, freaked out, running out of the room screaming.

"You aren't going to run away screaming? You're not afraid to touch me? A monster?" His voice was bitter at the end.

"You aren't a monster." I laughed, but Quil still looked tense. "So, what color are you?"

"Brown. Chocolate brown."

"I love chocolate." I said. Totally off topic, I know.

"I know." He laughed, suddenly lighter.

"So...who knows about this? Does everyone except me?"

"No...just the elders, the pack, and...your mother. Plus the pack's im--girlfriends and wifes. Like Emily to Sam." My mom. My own mom knew about this and was fine with it? I couldn't believe it.

"So I shouldn't tell anyone?"

"No. You can't."

"But...why do I get to know?"

* * *

Quil's POV

Why does she get to know. What a great question. Should I tell her? My head, still pounding even after I told Claire, answered it for me. Of course. Sam wouldn't let me get off with just part of it.

"Claire." I said softly. She was so beautiful sitting there, picking at the peeling table-top. Her hair, above her shoulders, glistened black like her eyes. I gazed at her, and she looked up at me. "What?" She asked, self-conscious. I shook my head. I couldn't...She had taken it so well, how could I ruin it with another piece of news even she probably wouldn't be able to handle? But Sam made that part of the command, too. I rubbed my temples again, but it didn't do anything to the pain, gradually growing.

"Quil...do you have a headache or something?" She was too perceptive...

"Yeah. Well, it's not a normal headache." She might as well know everything about the pack. "When Sam, the leader, the alpha, gives an order, when he means it as an order, we just _can't_ disobey. It makes my head hurt when I don't do what he said when I'm supposed to."

She looked at me, puzzled. "What's he making you do now?"

"You're quick." I smiled at her. "Um...I was supposed to tell you."

"Tell _me_! So you never wanted to in the first place? You're only doing it because Uncle Sam's ordering you to, for some reason, but you don't _want_ to?"

"Claire...no, at first, when he set the order, a while ago, I didn't. It didn't have to do with _you_, Claire, it was _me_. I was...scared. But before I told you...I wanted to. Sam's order was just on top of that. I knew I needed to tell you, and if you hated me...well, then you hated me, and there's nothing I can do about that. Claire, believe me. Please." If she had hated me when I told her... the thought was unbearable, and I guess my feelings showed on my face because it seemed like she believed me.

"Fine." She glowered at me for a few moments, then said, "So what else? You have to follow orders from Sam...what else? Do you change at the full moon?"

I laughed. "Myth. But you've heard the legends."

"Yeah, but I forgot them."

"Oh. Well, no, we change when we get angry. We can also change at will. But mostly when we get angry, when we can't control it."

Understanding dawned on her face. "So that day by the forest..." She gasped. "You turned into a _wolf_ when you ran off?"

"Yep."

"Wow. So what else?"

"What do you mean, what else?" The pain was getting too much, I distracted myself with listening to her voice.

"Like...you know." She shrugged.

"We don't get sick, because our temperatures are so high. One-oh-eight something..."

She put out a hand and touched me. My arm tingled where her fingers brushed my skin. "That's why you're so hot. So it doesn't have to do with a fast metabolism anyways." She laughed at me. "I can't believe I was that gullible."

She stood up. "So, why am I allowed to know this? Why have you been around since I was two? And how old are you, anyways?"

I answered the easy question first. "If you count how long I've been alive? Twenty-something. Really? Sixteen."

"Sixteen? Wow...but you still haven't answered the other question."

"It's called imprinting. It's what happened with Sam and Emily. Jared and Kim. It's like..."

"It happened...to...me?" She asked. Her voice was fainter than when I had told her about me being a werewolf.

"To me, when you were two."

"But Uncle Sam...and Aunt Emily? And Jared and Kim? They're...they're like..." She trailed off.

"I know. It happens with babies, but it's not like that. It's not romantic. Jacob described it as...gravity moves. You're...you're like the sun...to me." I felt my face getting hot as the blood rushed in.

She stared at me, speechless.

"Claire..." I was waiting for the running, the screaming, still. At least the pain in my head had stopped.

She recovered. "I'm not going to go running screaming out of the room, Quil. Relax. I'm just confused. If you don't...love me, like Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily, Jared and Kim...then, what?"

"Oh, Claire, I _do_ love you." More than you know."

"But..." She yanked on a strand of her hair and wrapped it around her finger. Once, unwrap. Twice, unwrap. It was hypnotizing. I reached out and grabbed her hand. She stopped, and I heard her heart start racing.

She still looked confused, but I would explain it to her better later. At least, now, she knew. And she didn't hate me. That's all that mattered.


	15. Chapter 15

Quil's POV

"Matt's getting a dog." Claire said to me suddenly one day. I laughed, and she followed. When I recovered, I asked, "What color?" and that just set off more rounds of laughter from both of us. I don't know why it affected us like this...but still. It was sort of ironic.

"Brown," Claire said, looking at me, grinning. I stared at her.

"You can't be serious."

"Yep," she said, laughing. "Oh, and you've been volunteered by my mom to walk him."

"Oh, no problem. I'll take him on patrol with me," I said sarcastically. "What's his name?"

"Matt hasn't picked one yet. It's probably going to be something stupid, knowing him." Claire rolled her black eyes.

* * *

"Zaney." Claire announced a day later. "Matt's got him...his name is Zaney. He's really cute, too." 

"I'm sure."

"No, really. Sort of like I imagine you. Speaking of that...will I ever be able to see you as a wolf?"

I knew by now that I shouldn't deny her that. I wasn't that scary of a monster, was I? "Well...soon."

"I won't be scared. Don't worry." She said like she read my mind.

* * *

It was a moonless night, good for running around as a wolf, as no one can see us. I walked to Claire's house slowly. I didn't know how she would react...but she wasn't freaked out when I told her, was she? I told myself she wouldn't care, that it wouldn't make a difference, but somewhere I thought this would be the end of her rope. 

When I rang the doorbell, Claire answered after a second. She looked eager, excited. She looked like she couldn't believe it.

"Get a jacket. It'll be cold," I told her. She grabbed one and slipped out of the house. Her mom knew she was with me...just not what we were going to do.

We walked to the edge of the forest, and I stopped when we got to the first tree. "I'll be right back," I said. I ran into the forest, pulling off my shirt as I went. No one else was out, I had told them to stay human, just this one night. Hopefully they'd keep their promises.

* * *

Claire's POV

I sat down, and leaned my back against the rough bark of a tree. Quil said he'd be back in a minute...I peered into the forest. How long does it take him to change? He hadn't told me any of the details...I looked up and saw a huge shadow, blocking out the dim outlines of the trees behind it. Him. He walked out, towards me. He was brown, chocolate brown, like he'd told me. He stopped a few feet away from me, looking wary. He thought I'd be scared. I mean, I would normally, except for the fact that this was Quil. I still haven't gotten used to the idea, though. I got to my feet, my eyes wide, and lurched over the space between us. When I got to him, I stretched out my hand, and it just barely reached to his head. He lowered his head, and I touched the fur on the side of his throat. It was rough, but soft, and I combed my fingers through the tangled mess. He lay down next to me and I leaned my head against his shoulder. But he was warm, warmer than he was when he was human, and I took off my jacket. He made a sort of humming sound in his throat, and suddenly licked my face. I laughed, and stood up. He followed, and sort of motioned with his head to his back, and looked at me questionally.

"You want me to...?"

He nodded. I stepped closer and he crouched down so I could climb onto his back. When I was on, he stood up and I grabbed two fistfulls of his fur to keep from falling off. He started running, faster and faster, faster than I'd thought anybody could run. The trees blurred, the wind whistled through my hair, flying out behind me. I kept my eyes open, and the wind hit them, drying them out, but I kept them wide. I would have been cold if not for Quil, impossibly warm.

He ran for hours, almost until sunrise, and stopped at the edge of the trees. I almost fell off, but he caught me somehow, and set me on the ground, right on the grass, on my front lawn. He disappeared, and I jumped up, looking for him, stumbling off into the mesh of green-black surrounding me. But he appeared suddenly, and I was surprised to find him in his human form, fully dressed. I swayed, and he caught me, and wrapped his arms around me firmly. I was tired, as much as I wanted to deny it, and I leaned against his warm chest while he walked towards the house. He let us in, kicked the door closed behind him, and carried me to my room where he dumped me on the bed. He leaned over me, kissed my forehead gently, and disappeared.


	16. Chapter 16

Claire's POV_  
_

_Ugh, _I groaned, and rolled over to look at the clock on the table by my bed. Almost noon. How long had I been out, with Quil? It had been amazing to be on his back while he ran, with his warm fur, and the trees whistling past, the wind in my hair...I felt like a part of him. That sounds weird, but I wonder if that's the whole point of this imprinting thing he was talking about. I'll have to ask him more about it...I don't really understand it.

I got up, only because I was starving, and walked slowly downstairs. Matt was in the kitchen filling one of those dog Kong things with peanut butter and kibble, and Zaney was sitting on the floor at his feet waiting. When I saw him...Zaney, not Matt, I stopped and stared at him.

"Claire? Are you...okay?" Matt eyed me like I was insane.

Zaney. Looked _exactly _like Quil. Wow. My dog looks like my friend. Maybe I was insane. But seriously, he was big, brown, and had long hair. I thought Quil was better-looking, though. As a wolf.

"Um, yeah, sure, whatever."

He shrugged. "Are you making pancakes?"

"Why don't you for once?" I asked him. He was always eating my pancakes, and he has never made a batch in his life.

"Yeah, right."

I sighed, walked to the cupboard for the flour and measured it out. Matt left, with the Kong and Zaney, saying, "Tell me when they're ready." Ungrateful jerk.

While I was sifting the flour and baking soda, Mom walked in and said hi. She had that look on her face that she wanted to talk about something but she wasn't sure of how I would react and how much it would embarrass us both.

"Claire..."

I looked over at her. "Huh?"

She looked uncertain, unusual for her. But then she said,"Okay, I'll get it over with. You were with Quil last night."

"Um...yeah."

"May I ask what you were doing?"

No, you can't. But I couldn't say that to her. I grimaced.

"Oh, come on, Claire. I already know about...that."

"Yeah, I know."

"So?"

"So...he took me on a little run."

She paled. "Run?" She repeated weakly.

"It was nothing!" I said, defending myself. "I just wanted to see what he looked like as a wolf, it wasn't like he was going to hurt me or something!"

"As a _wolf_?" Oops. "Claire..."

"Mom, just relax. What were you so worried about?" I said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh, right," she said, a little flustered. "Well, I'm sure you know all about Quil's little...attachment...to you..."

Attachment? Wow. "Yes, Mom."

"And the fact he doesn't age..." I nodded. "I just wanted to warn you not to...just to take it slow, okay?"

Jeez. "Take _what _slow, Mom?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I see the way he looks at you, Claire."

I closed my eyes. "Please tell me you didn't just say that."

"Claire!"

"_Please_, Mom! Can't I make my pancakes in peace?"

She sighed, gave up, walked out.

Quil...how did he _look _at me? What was she talking about? My heart started beating faster.

"Claire!" Quil said from the doorway.

"Oh, hi." I looked at him searchingly. He looked self-conscious.

He laughed.

"You didn't hear my mom, did you?" Oh, god, please.

"Yep, I did," he said. I must have looked shocked, so he said, "It's okay, Claire," and burst out laughing. Once I recovered, I laughed too.

I poured the liquids into the solids and mixed.

Quil said, "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing...what are you doing here?"

"Can you spare some pancakes?"

"Of course. Why?"

"Embry's being annoying and the rest of the pack are busy. So I came over to see if you have anything to eat. I'm _starving_."

"Yeah, sure." I said, and turned on the stove. Quil sort of lives with Embry. Well, they usually eat together at least, but I guess not today. Quil sat down at the table. "Smells good," he remarked.

I looked at him. "Quil, I haven't even put anything on the stove yet." What was he talking about?

"I can still smell it." He shrugged. "The batter," he added at my mystified expression. It didn't change. He pounded his chest with his fist and said, "Werewolf, remember?"

Oh, that. Right.

Well. I spooned the batter onto the pan and watched it bubble up and steam and brown...

"That smells even better," Quil said, and I threw my wooden spoon at him.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry if that was boring. Or too long or anything. I hope you liked it anyways! Please review! (I still can't believe so many people are reading, reviewing, and **liking** this. Wow. So thanks to everyone who reviewed!)_


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: OK, sorry if it's not very good, it deleted a bunch of it (again) and I had to rewrite it and I didn't really remember it well, so...sorry!!_

* * *

Age Fourteen

Quil's POV

I let myself into Claire's front door, it was unlocked. I'll have to tell her to do something about that...

I found her sitting at the kitchen table, looking very frustrated. Her pencil was clutched too tightly in her hand, the paper ripped around the edges, doodles embellishing the three holes. She dropped the pencil and ran a hand through her hair, her soft, silky, jet black hair.

I walked to the table and sat in the chair next to her. She looked up, startled, and smiled a real heart-melting smile at me. Now I know what those cheesy books are talking about when they say that.

"I need chocolate," she groaned. Luckily I had brought some, which I pulled out of my pocket and threw it towards her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Oh my god, thank you! How did you know, exactly what I needed! Anyways, what?...well, see, I'm supposed to write this essay thing...persuasive." She said, making a face at the end.

"Oh. Ew. What's it on?"

"I don't even know!" She wailed. At my baffled look, she added, "Forget it." She broke off a piece of chocolate, and when I took some and popped it in my mouth she teased me, "None for you...chocolate's bad for dogs." I laughed.

"Mom's bugging me about exercising," she said randomly. "She's always coming up with these new reasons and telling me I'll get cancer if I don't run a hundred miles a day."

"That's ridiculous."

"I know. But any ideas?"

"Running?" I said automatically.

"No way. I suck at running. Maybe I'll join the swim team..."

Swimming. If she liked swimming, then..."Cliff diving."

"_Cliff _diving?" She repeated incredulously.

"Yep. The pack do it all the time. It's fun. And since you like swimming..."I trailed off.

"Well a pack of _werewolves, _sure. They don't have to worry about drowning."

Silly Claire. "Well you don't, either." I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm a werewolf. I'll be there."

--

Her toes gripped the edge of the cliff, her hands clutched into balls at her sides. She took a deep breath, and her eyes traveled down the path she was about to have taken, down to the churning water below. I stepped closer; I didn't want her to fall, to fall, not jump, without the joy, the decision. Yes, that's the only reason. I wouldn't let anything happen to her if she did fall.

"You don't have to jump," I said, seeing the indecision in her eyes. "It's no big deal. It is fun, though."

"Yes." She grabbed my hand. I took a breath. "Jump with me, Quil. I don't want to drown." I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You're standing on the edge of a cliff ready to jump and saying, 'I don't want to drown.' That's just sort of funny."

"Quil. This is purely recreational." She told me sternly. "Okay. Oh, and don't tell my mom about this."

And the second the word were out of her mouth, she had jumped, taking me with her, into the swirling air.

We fell, and out of all my cliff-diving experiences this was the best by far. Well, that might have owed to the fact that I was gripping Claire's hand tightly, and that she accepted me for what I was and trusted me to not let her drown. I heard her scream, and I looked over and could see by her expression that it was not a scream of fright, scared by the air rushing past, but of exhilaration and freedom. Her eyes were closed, but she opened them and laughed, and I laughed with her. It was hard not to.

After a few seconds, which felt like minutes, we hit the water, and it hurt. It smacked through me, and I could only imagine what it felt like to Claire, if it felt like that to me, the werewolf. We plunged down like arrows, through the water. Claire hung onto my hand tightly. My eyes were closed but I opened them after a few seconds, and it was murky and rough. I tried to pull us both up, but it was hard. I could practically see her air running out and I kicked my legs harder, thoughts of the impossible running through my head, powering my limbs, but they were impossible, it couldn't happen, I wouldn't let it happen--

We broke through the surface and I rested for a second before pulling Claire, gasping for breath, towards the shore.

When we got there I dropped down on the sand, breathing hard. Claire was still spitting water out of her mouth. I hit her back and another torrent came pouring out. "I know you wouldn't let me drown." She smiled at me. My heart flipped over. How could she think I could let something like that happen to her? Though it had been hard to get up to the surface...I shuddered.

Claire moved closer to me, shivering.

"I should've brought a towel down here. It's up at the car. Should I go--"

"No. Wait. You're warm enough. And..."

"You don't want to jump again, do you?" I frowned at the clouds massing at the horizon, making the once-a-year-sunny sky a dangerous gray.

"No," She laughed. "But that had to be the funnest thing I've done in my entire life." I nodded slowly. "You didn't think so?" She asked.

"No! I mean yes, it was. Better than any other time..." I said. We sat in silence for a few minutes, until she shivered again. I stood up, saying, "We should go. You'll get sick or something."

"Yes, mom." She glowered. We walked up to the car. On the steep slope Claire stumbled, and I instinctively reached out to grab her hand to steady her. When we got to the car I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Claire's shoulders. She shivered into it. Stepped closer to me. "You're so _warm_..."

"It's a plus," I agreed. "Except in the summer." She half-laughed half-shivered into the towel.

"We should get you home. It's pretty cold." She nodded but didn't move. "I'm not cold, its okay."

"Okay." I said. We stood there in silence for a few minutes.

"Quil..." When she looked up at me, her eyes were full of an intensity I don't remember ever seeing before. She held my eyes...I couldn't look away. It was impossible.

"Yeah?" I managed.

"Um...never mind. Well..." She hesitated, uncertain, but never looking away. "Well, I was just wondering...about...you know. The imprinting thing you told me about, before?" Of course. I should have known she would ask me about that, and I wasn't dreading it or anything, only...what do I tell her? "What do you want to know?"

She looked helpless. "What? I don't know. What is it? What exactly does it mean? For you, for me, for..."

"Well...um...it's like...you know, Sam and Emily, Sam imprinted on Emily. And Jared and Kim. You've seen them." I couldn't form long sentences, my mind stuck on three words.

"But it's not the same." She said quietly.

"No." I agreed. She didn't say anything. As we stood there, with the wind beating the water below, the dust being ripped up by the stronger and stronger wind, I heard, on top of all that noise, Claire's breathing coming faster, and I couldn't say mine wasn't either. But she was only fourteen...and what was I going to say later? She's only sixteen, she's only seventeen, she's only eighteen, she's only...but she _is_ only fourteen.

And then she looked down, and that broke the spell her eyes held me in, and I could think clearly, and for the first time since I was sixteen I was cold. A freezing, bone-numbing cold was gripping my bones, and I suddenly wanted to phase, to be warm, a wolf, in the forest, running. I put Claire in the car and drove to her house quickly, walking her to the door and running off with a quick excuse. I felt horrible, the look on her face as I ran away stuttering the last feeble words wasn't something I was going to forget anytime soon. I phased and ran, but I was still shivering, never warm.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, this is sorta...embarrassing. I'm really not good at the romance/tension/whatever...so sorry if it's stiff, or, whatever it is. Again, please review, because I need to know how to make this better, etc. Thanks!_


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: I am SOOO sorry about how long this took. I was just so busy...and kinda stuck. So this is probably going to suck. Sorry!!_

--

Okay, yes, I was skipping. Sue me. I mean, I just couldn't go. Do I really need an excuse? I wasn't at home, I went out to get some chocolate--what else?--from the store, with Zaney, so no one would see me...speaking of Zaney, he'd reached a new level. Apparently barking and getting me kicked out of stores wasn't enough, he had to start tearing up bushes too. But I saw some guy petting him and he was calm, so I slowed down as I walked towards him. But..the guy turned a little, and he looked familiar...Quil. I was like two feet away. There was no way I could run.

"Skipping?" He grinned at me.

"Crap." I muttered. Crap. I didn't try to move. "Um...no, Quil, really, I really couldn't go...I just--I just couldn't..." I stopped rambling. What good was it going to do me?

"It's okay, Claire. It's no big deal."

"Really? Oh, Quil, please don't tell my mom, she'll kill me, please, I'll do anything..."

He sighed, and I fumbled with the leash tying Zaney to the tree.

"I don't want you dead, now," Quil said, patting my shoulder patronizingly. I glared at him, and he laughed. "Lighten up, Claire. I'm not going to tell your mom. But don't they call your house? Relax. What's wrong, anyways?" He added as I looked down. He was way too observant.

"Nothing." I said hurriedly. He didn't buy it. "It's not a big deal! Yeah, they do...but I intercept." I grinned at him. It faded, because the way he looked at me just made me keep talking. "I mean...I just...it's so _boring_, Quil, you don't understand! They just blab and blab...I was going crazy! I just couldn't stand it! It's not like I'm going to miss anything, anyways. Plus Jack was getting annoying." I said that last part quietly.

"Claire, I _do_ understand, because, if you recall, I was a _werewolf_ in school, and it just made it worse because I had to fight to keep my shape together every second too, on top of everyone being unbearably boring."

"Oh. Right. Sorry." Duh.

"It's okay. It's easy to forget." At that I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He didn't notice for a few seconds. "What?" I stared at him. "Oh, yes, so _easy_ to forget you explode into a giant wolf, oh yes, I forgot."

At least my sarcasm wasn't lost on him, and he laughed. I smacked his arm. "Jeez, Quil," I said and shook my head.

"What was that about Jack?"

"Nothing," I said quickly. The truth was that he was getting a little too...friendly. I mean...we were kinda friends. He was nice underneath all that garbage annoyance. But I'm suspecting...that he likes me as more than a friend. And that feeling is _not_ returned. He is definitely not boyfriend material. Ew.

But Annie doesn't seem to agree with me. She is totally jealous. Even though I really think he likes her...ah, well. Boys are just way too confusing. And there is no way in hell I'm asking Quil.

But he was looking at me questioningly. Oh, god.

"Claire?"

"What."

He looked hurt by my tone, but I really didn't want to talk to him about Jack. It's just...I don't even know. Anyone else...even my freaking mom. Well...maybe not. Cough.

"Claire...please?" He seemed so genuine and concerned, and I haven't even told him anything. So I had to soften my tone.

"What?"

"How is this Jack person annoying...?"

"He's a boy."

Quil gasped and looked offended. "What?!" He asked in a fake-offended tone.

I laughed. "God, Quil. He's _annoying._"

"How...wait...not...?" Quil looked horrified.

"YES."

"What did he do to you?" He hissed angrily. His hands were curled into fists.

"Quil! Relax!"

"Then what did he do?"

"Nothing...he's just annoying. He wants...Annie says..."

"Yeah?" Quil prompted, looking relieved.

"ARGH! Quil!" He looked a little scared, so I continued angrily. "ANNOYING, Quil. Annoying. Boys can be annoying, you know." He grimaced. "He wants...Annie says he likes me," I said in a rush.

"Oooooo." I was going to murder him. But I think he saw the murderess glint in my eyes, so he backed away with his hands raised in front of his chest. I almost laughed. A huge werewolf like him, in that position...

"Sorry, sorry! But, Claire...I am a boy, you know. Well, close enough. Anyways, I can help you..."

Fine. "Ok...um...does he?" I'm sure I resembled a tomato more than a human at that moment. Things like this are discussed with Annie. _Not_ Quil.

Quil looked at me scathingly. "I can't _tell,_ Claire. I've hardly ever _seen_ the guy."

"Oh, all right. Annie says he likes me. It _seems_ like that, only he never told me anything before. It's really annoying. I'm sure that if I liked him it wouldn't be, but...well I don't hate him...it's just...ew."

Quil stared at me.

"What?"

"Nothing...so...yeah, you know what? Tell him to bug off if he annoys you." Quil said, in a tone that ended the conversation. I was glad. How embarrassing was _that?_

After a few minutes of walking he asked me for some chocolate, and we ate it in silence. It tasted strange.

"Does this chocolate taste weird to you or something?" I asked Quil. He looked at me like a had just told him I was a werewolf, too.

"It's Hershey's, maybe that's why," I mused.

"What's wrong with Hershey's?" He asked me.

"Well...Annie told me they put the remains of the...er...pig in the chocolate from when they make the sausages."

He choked. "That is _really_ gross. Ew."

"I know."

"So," Quil said a few minutes later.

"What?"

"Nothing..." It was a little awkward. That's strange, It had never been awkward around Quil...he was the person I felt the most comfortable around.

He was silent for while. Then he threw a piece of chocolate at me.

"Hey! Don't waste chocolate!" I poked him in the ribs. "Just 'cause it's bad for you doesn't mean _I_ can't enjoy it."

"I thought you didn't like Hershey's? And that joke is so old."

"Like you," I teased.

"Nya nya nya nya nya. No."

"Yes."

"NO." He poked me.

"So you're not old?"

"No. I am sixteen years old. Just because I've been around for a little more than sixteen years doesn't make me _old._"


	19. Chapter 19

School. Ugh. Whoever invented it must have had some torturing-kids fetish. I don't want to meet them. If I did, I'd probably kill them. They deserve it.

I wish Quil could go to school. I mean, if everyone didn't know him already he could pretend to be sixteen or something. Help me through my unbearable boredom.

It's screwed up. Inall my classes, teachers hate me, then put me next to all the annoying people, and across the room from my friends. Even if it's random, I never sit next to any of my friends, let alone anyone nice. Okay...I sound like a spoiled brat. But...I just can't stand it.

Well...oh well. At least I can read during class. If I couldn't, I'd die. Seriously.

Math first. What kind of people would make math a first period class? No one's brain is working at eight whatever in the morning. Especially for math. And how many times have we done FOIL?

History. American History. Boring. Who cares about all those stupid wars they had, who cares about the U.S.'s foreign policy?

Science. Now here it gets interesting. I sit across from Annie and next to Jack. I don't think there's a more awkward seat anywhere. Well, they're my friends, I guess, but it's just...weird. Annie is so in love with Jack. I mean, I probably would be, if I didn't have...who? What am I thinking? And if he wasn't the most obnoxious person on the planet.

"Hey Claire, what's number seven?" Jack asked, his voice ringing through the silent room.

"Jeez, try to be a little louder, would you?"

"HEY CLAIRE! WHAT'S NUMBER SEVEN?" He practically screamed. I sighed and hid my face in my arms. Annie laughed. I rolled my eyes.

Then I looked over to his paper and saw number seven. Filled out.

"Aggh! Jack! Kill!" I smacked him. "What's your problem!"

Annie looked at me knowingly. Jack grinned. A stupid, annoying, hideous grin. Actually, I have to admit, he wasn't hideous. Maybe. I don't even know why I'm his friend.

Now Spanish. I don't even know why I'm here. It's not like I'm learning anything. More like...how to...read?

Because that's all I do, ever. Once I had finished my book during the unbelievably boringness of History and no one had a book I could borrow, and I fell asleep. Yes, that's right. I had a nice little nap, especially since Mr. G didn't _notice _I was asleep. God. No wonder we don't learn anything. Once I was so desperate I fell to reading my_history textbook._ I will never forget what Jefferson and Hamilton's opinions were. Another time, when I didn't have a book, I almost bowed down at the person who gave me a book's feet. Except it was Jack, and that would have been gross. So I didn't.

Call me desperate.

By the time the bell rang for lunch, and after I had eaten my bagel and cream cheese, I was so happy I followed Jack when he told me to. Not a good move. He led me to a little stand of trees (only in La Push would there be forests on school ground), which was completely isolated. I wondered where Annie was.

"Claire..."

Oh, god. What's he...

He moved closer. I moved back.

"Oh, come on Claire, I'm not a rapist or anything!"

"You aren't?" I asked sarcastically. He grimaced. Looked down. What's this, Jack, shameful?

He stepped closer. And I was backed against a tree. I opened my mouth. He leaned towards me. I turned my head away.

"Jack!"

"Claire." He put his hands on either side of me, on the tree. Leaned in, further.

I put my head down and crashed past him, ran to the school yard where Annie was. I didn't want to look back, but there he stood, staring at me. I glared and started running again, finally getting to where Annie was. I should have hit him like Quil taught me.

"What's wrong?" Annie asked me. I didn't want to answer, to take away her image of Jack as perfect, as hot, as sweet.

"Nothing," I said, but I don't think she believed me. I saw her glance back to where he was, in the trees.

"What'd he do?" She demanded.

"Nothing."

"Claire. Seriously."

"He...never mind. It doesn't matter."

She glared at me. "Fine. I'll get it out of you eventually."

"I know you will, Annie."

And we left it at that.

_Short, I know. But I'll get the next chapter out soon...hopefully today..._

_So please review? It's not that hard and it really DOES make me write faster and better. I hate to sound generic, but if I know people are actually WAITING for me to write something...well, I write it faster._

_So tell me how you liked it. I'll send you some virtual chocolate...xD_


	20. Chapter 20

I sat next to Annie and waited for her to finish her sandwich. I didn't have anything better to do, and I did not want to see Jack. Luckily he was keeping his distance. For now.

Annie sulked. Kind of. Her kind of sulking is to talk to me like she always does, and glare when the object, reason, of the sulking is mentioned. Jack, in this case, who is usually the talk of the town, but now is like in those books where the people wouldn't say the name of someone who died for five years after or something crazy like that.

"You know I'm going to get it out of you eventually."

"Of course you will, A."

"Don't call me 'A'. That is not my name."

"Then don't call me C."

"Um..._C_, you actually _like_ it when people call you that."

"Not really, actually," I lied. Well, I couldn't care less, they could call me Toad for all I care. I heard a quiet chuckle from behind us and turned to see a very...unusual boy. He had longish blue-black hair and eyes so dark they were either black or a dark navy blue. He was tall, a little taller than me, and he was grinning a wicked grin. I would have thought he was cute, but he was hooked up to his iPod and I despised him immediately. But when he saw me, he yanked the earphones out of his ears and stashed them away before smiling dazzlingly at me. I warmed up to him right away. I can't stand people who listen to their music while trying to talk to people, even if they can hear me, I just get this feeling that I have to yell and they still won't understand me. Or say 'what' every five seconds. Not that I don't listen to music, but the privacy of my own room will do quite nicely, thank you very much. Or in front of Matt, because aside from the fact that he's always hooked up to his music, he doesn't count as company.

"Toad, eh?"

"Shut up. Who are you?"

"Oh! Claire, this is...hang on. You never told me what your name was." Annie gazed at the guy, puzzled.

He sighed, his hair flopping over his eyes as he exhaled. "Come on. I said you could call me It or something. Anything will do."

"Fuckface?"

He laughed. "Sure."

"Come on. You're name can't be worse than _that._" I said.

"You can't say that, you don't know what it is."

"Nothing's worse than that. Except maybe...variations." He grinned at that. I liked him.

Annie sighed. "You know, we do have out next class with you. And there are attendance sheets."

"Oh, no! I was hoping to save myself to you guys at least."

"Call Me It. Fuckface. Banana. Come on. What's your freaking name?"

"Call me Izzy."

"Is it Isaac? Jeez! That's really not that bad. It might be a little common, but...wait, you're not a Nazi, are you?" I seriously doubted it, with his Korean cheekbones and Chinese eyes. Well...He could agree with them, with their principles, I guess.

"I doubt it, Claire. His name's not Isaac."

"Thank you!" He threw his hands up into the air.

"But then what is it?!" I was getting really frustrated now. I couldn't wait for the bell to ring--

Oh. Well that was easy. Do you think anything I wish for will come true right away?

We walked to Spanish class together, and I realized that I'd never noticed him before. I mean, that's the only class I have with him, and we have Spanish names so that's why I don't know his name. I think he was Pedro or Francisco. The choices were not much. I'm Lea. Leah laughed when I told her, after saying how stupid the names were.

Anyways...we walked in and I made my way to my usual seat, glancing after Call Me It as I went. But I couldn't find him. It was like he disappeared the moment we walked in. I squinted into the corners and saw him, and realized why I'd never noticed him before. He was in a corner, black on black shadows, his hair covering his eyes, making him anyone, girl or boy, Native or not. He looked over at me, from under that amazing blue-black hair, and grinned. I smiled back at him and rolled my eyes, jerking my head in the direction of Annie's waving arms near the teacher, waving at the attendance sheets in Mr. G's hands.

I got up and moved closer.

"No, Claudia." That was Annie's name. "You cannot take the attendance. You go every day and I have reason to believe that you take water breaks on the way, not to mention chatting and trips to the restroom." Annie glared and stomped back to her seat. On the way she stopped and whispered at me, "You go, Claire. Just look for an unfamiliar name on the list and--"

"See, this is what I mean, Claudia," Mr. G said in his annoying fake accent. "Chat breaks, and next you will be going to the water fountain."

"No I won't, Senor G. No I won't."

"I would hope not."

I asked and gained permission to take a trip to the attendance office, with the caution of "Don't get sidetracked now, Lea."

As soon as I got out of the door I scanned the list. I saw Annie, Jack (ew), Libby, Zeke, Cordelia, who I liked just because of her name, of Buffy fame, (hey that rhymes) and all the others. One caught my eye, Pierre, but that brought to mind a small boy with thick wire-rimmed glasses and short black hair. Not Call Me It.

Then I saw it, and I was sure of it. Ipswich. I can totally tell why he didn't want to tell us. Annie's going to flip. I hurried there and back, stopping at every water fountain on the way. When I arrived, I ran to my seat and stuffed my fist in my mouth to stop from cracking up in front of the whole class. It's not the name that was so funny, I'm not that insensitive, I just...all of his antics to make sure we didn't find out, all of the...everything. I felt eyes on me and turned. He was staring at me, glaring. I stopped laughing. Tried to tell him with my eyes it wasn't the name I was laughing at. He just turned away and glared at his desk.

I scribbled a note and fashioned it into a paper airplane, glanced at Mr. G to make sure he wasn't looking, and tossed it to...Ipswich. He grabbed it and I felt something colliding with my head a second later. Under my hastily written

**I wasn't laughing at your...name, I swear**

was written

_Llamame "It", por favor._

* * *

_A/N: Ok...so, yes I know, stupid fluffy nonsense. Maybe. And yes, Ipswich is a name, not only a place. Poor guy. So...I have some questions for you guys. first: whose POV do you like better, Claire or Quil? I've been doing mostly Claire lately, but do you like Quil's better? Also...yes, ok. Please review? I know you get tired of me asking and I get tired of me asking, so I'm not saying it as much but PLEASE. Thanks. So...hope you liked it and I will end the boring author's note now._


	21. Chapter 21

"Oh, yes, they don't sleep at _all,_ it's all just run around, run around, it's like they're..high...on chocolate all the time." The dreaded voice whispered the last words secretively. I sighed. This was so not my idea of fun. I thought by going to Emily and Sam's, who are pretty awesome, not to mention the fact that Quil and the rest of the pack are usually there, well, it was _fun. _But this? Dad's sister and her perfectly married husband and their two little blond-haired angels, as their doting grandmother calls them, are not family. At all. Anyone who...that girl...and their _names, _you'd think that John and Jane, husband and wife, would give their kids interesting original names like Quil's and Embry's. But no. It has to be James and Julia, or Jules. We always got them mixed up, Joan and Jales, Janes, et cetera.

As I was saying...anyone who wears a pink miniskirt (she's five) with little yellow hearts, and a hot pink Roxy t-shirt, and, wait for it, a pink and purple velour jacket, well, they're _not_ family.

And what were they doing at Sam and Emily's? You ask. As do I. I wonder. They're so _nice._ Sam and Emily, in the good way, as in really meaning it, and _them,_ in the horrible fake way, generic and blond, not to be hairist.

It's hard to find siblings less alike than my messy sincere dad and his older, strictly girl pink and blue boy sister.

Well...I tried to stand the inane conversation as best I could, but you'd think, living so close, they'd know that I, yes, I am in high school, and no, I'm not going to graduate next year. And I'm not looking at colleges quite yet, thank you very much. But apparently their suburb/development with identical houses was much different from our much loved, out-of-order, crumbling steps and peeling paint La Push, so as close as they are, it's like they're on Sirius. But no, I don't want to insult "Quil's" dog star. They're on their own little hot pink boiling hot sun.

"They get so hyper, I don't know whether they should have any chocolate cake, even if Claire did make it," Jane insulted my cake. And here, Julia was sitting on her mother's lap staring at it hungrily while James just sighed, sounding freakishly old for his little six-year-old body.

I did feel sorry for the kids, enough to sneak Julia some cake, but not enough to go off and play dolls with them. How I wished Quil was here. Or Jake or Embry or Leah or Seth or Annie or Izzy...or--well, you get the point. I'd even settle for Jack. But I'd have to take some karate lessons first, I think.

"We should totally see you more, Megan. You should come up to our place. Claire and Matt would love it there." Oh, I'm sure. Clear-cut forests and pastel houses. And pink tricycles and pink curtains and pink doll houses and pink sandboxes--well maybe just pink sandbox toys, but you get the point.

"Mom," I whispered urgently. "Mom, can we please go on a walk?" She didn't have quite the aversion I had to our dear relatives, but thought they were...weird all the same.

"Sure! Hey, Joan--I mean Jane, how would you like to go on a walk? It's beautiful out this time of year."

"Oh, yes, that would be marvelous. And since it's not raining the kids won't catch cold."

* * *

Quil's POV

I was bored to death. Vampires were in hiding, or in Seattle where the big prey was--"_Quil!" _was Sam's immediate reaction to that thought--and Claire was at some meeting with her "relatives"--she made big exclamations when she said that to me--that, when she told me about it, I wished I could whisk her away like in the movies and--well, away from her evil relations.

_"We're done here, Quil, I'm phasing. Want a ride?"_

_"No, I'm good. I think I'll run for a while..."_

_" 'Kay. See you."_

_"Bye--" _His thoughts cut out, and I was alone. I ran, and caught the smells of the forest intermingled with stale bloodsucker and some of the pack, animals like squirrels, rabbits, everything, birds...Claire.

Claire? It was fresh, so she was here now. Here? I immediately panicked. What if there was a bloodsucker we missed? Or just a plain old _bear?_

The logical, calm part of me said that there was no possible way for a leech to be near me right now without me smelling that acrid sweetness, and there weren't even bears around here, so close to the road.

The road. Duh. She was on the road.

I ran to the edge of the trees and peered out. I saw a fleeting figure turn the corner, recognizable. I ran to keep up and saw her mother, waving her arms randomly, doing stretches? a few yards ahead of Claire, and a group of mostly pink, with some brown splotches, who I figured must be the relatives, a ways behind. How could they be blond, with Claire's father being so...Native American, I wondered randomly.

Claire put her head in her hands and groaned, I could hear with my super-sensitive hearing. Glanced around, and I think she saw my head between the bushes, because she stood up straight and started running over to me.

"Quil?" She squinted in the gloom of the trees. "Sam?" I stepped closer and she gasped involuntarily, I stepped back cautiously.

"Quil." She sighed. "Thank freaking God."

I chuckled a wolfy chuckle. She grinned, and I saw how tense and unhappy she'd been a minute ago, looking into her eyes.

_They really get to you, don't they? _I wanted to ask her, but couldn't. I settled for nudging her with my nose, which would sound unbelievably weird if I was human. She stroked my nose, her light touch making me shiver.

"Yeah...they do." She said sadly, then jumped. "Huh?"

I frowned, my wolf eyebrows crinkling, I'm sure. I stepped back and met her eyes. They were wary.

_Can you understand me?_

"Yes--I--"

I smiled. This was so much easier.

"It is, but...how?" I said that...out loud?

_I don't know how. Maybe..._

"Maybe what?"

I squinted into her eyes. _I'll ask Sam if this happens with Emily._ I would have blushed if I could have. I felt my body heat up hotter than usual.

"Oh. Okay."

Change of subject..._Your mom was being embarrassing?_

She sighed. "As usual."

_Does everyone embarrass you?_ She didn't respond do that. I wondered if the moment miracle had ended. I nudged her arm.

She jumped. "Huh? Did you say something...?"

I made a point to stare into her eyes. _Yeah. I said, Does everyone embarrass you?_

"Oh! Yeah. Usually." She sighed.

_Even me? _I joked.

"Silly Quil. Of course not. You're the only one who doesn't."

I can't say I wasn't happy at that. _Awww..._

She laughed.

We started walking, but we couldn't talk because it was awkward for us, human or wolf, to keep eye contact and walk at the same time. I wondered why I was in my wolf form, why I didn't just change back before. It seemed Claire was more comfortable when I was a wolf, once she got used to it. Jacob had said (or I had heard) that the same thing had happened with Bella, but...I thought that was just, well, _Bella,_ and that Claire would be different. I don't know why.

I barked a short back and Claire looked into my eyes right away, predicting what I wanted, and I said--no, thought, that I'd be back in a second.

I ran a little away, phased, and pulled on a pair of cutoffs and jogged back to where Claire was waiting. When she saw me, she looked surprised.

"Yes, it was really me, and no, I was not a impostor."

"I didn't think you were, Quil." She didn't even laugh at my pathetic humor like she usually does.

"What's wrong, Claire?"

She ran to me and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her. She shmushed her face into my bare chest. I buried my face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her.

"I just...Oh, Quil--"

"It's not those 'relatives', is it?" I tensed, automatically fighting them in my mind.

"No--yes. Kind of. It just makes me realize...we're doomed, Quil. Doomed."

"Oh no. You sound like those people who go around screaming that."

"Thanks a ton. No, really. _That's_ the next generation?" She pulled away and I let go reluctantly, and I saw the disgust on her face.

"No, Claire. _You_ are the next generation."

She grinned. "Right. And that's much better."

"Come on Claire."

"Yeah, I guess. It's better to think of you, and the pack as 'the next generation', though."

"Me? We aren't even _this_ generation. No wait, we are. No, we're no generation."

"Thanks for bursting my bubble, Quil."

"No problem."

* * *

_A/N: I know, it's amazing, me updating so soon. Sorry I haven't in a while, before that last one. I did Quil's POV, because a lot of you guys said you liked his POV better, and I realized I like writing it better too, so that's good. Keep reviewing? Thanks._

_And also...I just wanted to thank all the wonderful people who HAVE been reviewing. They are awesome. And they are the reason I keep writing this story. OK. End corny part. But really. Thanks._


	22. Chapter 22

_I know it's been ridiculously long since I updated. I apologize a billion times._

_But I hope you realize that Quil and Claire stories are really pure fluff. Not really a plot or anything, other than her and their relationship growing. So if you despise fluff, don't read this chapter. Or any others, for that matter._

_No, I am not trying to stop you from reading. I want you to. Read and review, you know? But just don't review saying It's fluff, when can we get something else? because I'm sorry. Read Harry Potter to get plot. And Twilight. And real books._

_Okay. End rant. Enjoy the fluffiness...and please review?_

_(Oh, and if you have any ideas or something you want to happen in this story, tell me, okay?)_

* * *

I woke up to the dull beep of my alarm clock. Sat up quick and banged my head on the headboard of my bed, and felt the sharp pain gradually fade to a dull throb. I sat there for a second, just...sitting there. The room seemed blurry, more so than my usual near-sightedness. And the room was oddly bright. I realized it was sunny, and I was sweating.

I put on my contacts and the otherworldly blurriness didn't go away. I shook my head and went downstairs to a plateful of...pancakes? How was this possible? The only person who made pancakes in this house was me.

"Good morning, Claire." My mom's cheery voice sounded from the kitchen. I looked over, frowning.

"Mom? Is there something...wrong?"

"No, honey. Why would there be?"

"Just...never mind." I decided it was useless.

I ate my pancakes (and they were very good too) and walked to school. Annie walked with me, which was weird. She offered no explanation to her strange behavior.

In first hour I got my schedule for the day. That's when I knew it was a dream. This wasn't the first day of school; I'd been a freshman for months now.

Around the unfamiliar campus we walked. We walked past what looked like a library. There was a kid standing in front of it, tall and blond. I wanted to yell at him to help me, tell me where I was, where my classes were, I'm lost! He smiled; "Need help?" Were the words that came out of his perfectly red mouth.

"Yes!"

He grinned wider; the perfect lips dripped blood, the perfect eyes ran red, crimson. I heard a howl in the distance, painful, agonized, crazed.

It was creeping me out, this dream, but I couldn't get out of it. Couldn't wake up. I ran, faster and faster, away from the boy, and soon I was running in the air.

Flying.

My wings were...nonexistent, but I flew all the same. Faster and faster, the boy leered up at me from the ground, frustration clouding his perfect face, destroying the perfect grin. I flew higher, through the clouds. Came out on the water, through trees, saw wolves, dogs, butterflies. Wolves turned into butterflies, started flying with me, grew fangs, fur, grinned. I wanted to wake up in the comfort of my own bed, in the morning, to cloudy skies and a chance of rain, not this unnatural heat.

I did.

Sweating and thrashing I woke up, not to the dull beep of my alarm clock but the glowing red numbers said 6:59.

Then the alarm went off.

I tried to go through my normal daily routine, but it was hard. The dream felt real, as if it had been yesterday. Math and Spanish blurred together until I was in a haze of accented numbers and mispronounced equations. Historical symbols; multiply dates, minus the events, square root the words and you get pi...Izzy picked up on something, so did Annie. I shook them off, wanting to be done with the day.

I didn't know what it meant, if it meant anything at all. The crimson-eyed boy I could well enough translate into common English. Vampire. And the wolves...but wolves turning into butterflies was...not normal. I hoped Quil wouldn't turn into a butterfly. How weird would that be—

"Claire? Hello?"

"Hm?" I jolted out of my train of thought, and as disturbing as it was I wanted back to it. Immediately got mad at the person who dared jerk me out of it—Annie.

"You okay? Really, what's going on?"

"I'm fine." I didn't answer the other question.

"Claire—"

"Really. Fine." She sighed and gave up.

"Seriously, dude. What's up?" Izzy's voice cut through now.

"Nothing!"

"Jeez. The least you can do is tell us. I mean, hello?" He made me feel incredibly guilty for—what?

"God! Just a weird dr—day, is all."

"Yeah, sure." He drew it out. Raised one eyebrow, unbelievably intimidating.

"Yes, sure! God, will you lay off for a minute!"

"Fine, fine." He and Annie exchanged glances, and, unable to take any more of it, I walked right out of school. That's right, in the middle of lunch, straight out the gates. As if they cared. Didn't even notice.

I went in the forest, tried to relax and forget about the day, the dream. The cool air and forest smell calmed me, reminded me of Quil.

Quil. I wish he were here...he was the only sane thing in my life, it seemed. My parents, fighting, screaming, yelling, shouting. Matt, withdrawing into his own stupid little world of iPod and friends.

"Claire?"

Quil. I sighed, closed my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Him asking didn't bug me liked other people asking bugged me.

Quil's POV

Claire was sitting on a log—just sitting there, and in the middle of school. I was patrolling, what else—when I saw her, so I phased and walked over. When I said her name, she closed her eyes. She looked sick.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah...now...yeah..." I didn't know what she meant, but I put my arms around her and pulled her up.

"Claire."

"Quil."

"What do you think you're doing here?"

"Shit."

"Yeah..." I said it like a question. I didn't want to be mad at her...but other than that one time, this is so not _Claire_.

"Well...I-had-a-really-bad-day-and-I-just-had-to-get-out-of-school?" She said it so fast I was sure that if I wasn't a werewolf I wouldn't have been able to make it out. Well, if I weren't a werewolf I wouldn't be here, but that's not the point. "Does that work?"

"I didn't mean what were you doing out of school. Just..._here_."

"Oh. What's wrong with here?"

I gave her a blank stare. She honestly didn't know? Did she think I wanted her to get eaten by a filthy leech and left—I stopped thinking about it, my heart beating faster at the thought, as if in protest.

"The _woods_. Do you remember what happened last time you were in the woods alone?"

I shuddered to think of it.

"Quil, I wasn't in the woods, I was on the road. And I was like...young. And it was dark. Although not night, it was dark. Unlike today." Still cloudy, still rainy, just bright.

I sighed. She didn't get it, that I didn't want her hurt. Or worse—

"Whatever. Just...call me or something next time, okay?"

"Yeah," she said, quiet and looking at the floor.

"Hey. Claire. I'm not, like—mad or anything."

"You aren't?" She looked up at me, her dark eyes burning into mine.

"No." I said firmly. I could never be mad at her.

She smiled; the forest lit up bright for a minute, or so it seemed. I fought the impulse to reach over to her and—

She hugged me. Pressing her body into mine and wrapping her long arms around me, she read my mind. I smiled into her soft hair. We pulled away, and I looked down at the ground. She grinned bashfully, poking me. "Quil?"

I looked up. I was feeling hotter than usual.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. She shouldn't be worrying about me. It's the other way around, I wanted to tell her. But she would never listen.

"Well, anyways, what happened that was so bad today?" I asked.

She frowned. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does."

"Fine." Her perfect lips turned down. "I had this weird dream...and...well, I guess it kind of affected me during school." Understatement. But whatever.

"What happened in the dream?" I asked, truly curious. Other peoples' dreams always intrigued me, but Claire's more so than anyone's, for obvious reasons.

"You turned into a butterfly." I stared, dumbfounded, for a second, and then burst out laughing.

Claire smiled a small smile. "But that's not it."

"Yeah? I'm sorry, but that's just...wow." She hit my arm lightly.

"So...there was this...vampire, I guess he would be." I stopped laughing, automatically getting ready to phase but relaxing, almost laughing at the ridiculousness of that, of my automatic instinct.

"Vampire."

"Don't worry, Quil. Dream, remember?"

"Yep. So..."

"So I was like...lost...it was at a new school, or it might have been mine, I'm not sure. It looked a bit different. And it was sunny," she said with a laugh.

"Now we know it's a dream."

"Anyway, so I was walking around and then this blond guy asked me if I needed help and he was perfect, you know, all pale and beautiful, and then his eyes turned red...and blood was like...kind of dripping from his mouth...it was weird. Then I flew away."

"Flew? With me as a butterfly?"

"Well I didn't have wings. And I saw a bunch of huge brown, black, red, gray, you know, wolves turning into butterflies."

"Wow. But why would this have anything to do with...?" I wondered.

"I dunno. I just...couldn't stay in school?"

I sighed. "Let me take you home."

She looked at me like I was crazy. Probably was. Around her, at least I was. Almost. About her? My mind ran in circles.

"Quil? Are you crazy? My mom will murder me. And not to mention you."

"Oh, right."

"Yeah." She raised her eyebrow. "Do you need to patrol or something?" Was it just me or was she unusually short tempered today? Was it her dream?

"If you want me to."

"What? Quil. What are you talking about?"

"Uh..." I stated dumbly. She glared at me, and I breathed in quick, momentarily lost in her eyes, burning.

"No. Okay?"

"You don't?"

"No. Jeez. Why would I?" I sighed in relief, almost ridiculously happy from this statement of hers.

"I don't know. You left school, didn't you?"

"_School, _Quil! You're not school. You're different."

"Am I?"

"Shut up. You know you are." She caught my eyes. I stared at her for a few seconds, frozen.

"Uh."

"You're vocabulary is really...limited today, isn't it, Quil?" She had no idea the reason was her.

"Well..."

She grinned. Then blushed.

"Um."

"I guess it's mutual." Was it a mutual reason too?

"Yeah...no! God, Quil."

"What does God have to do with it?" I asked.

"What?" She looked confused.

"This is pointless. Never mind."

"It is." She looked at me for a second. I almost couldn't breathe.

"I wish I could get Zaney or something. It always seems like a waste to be in the forest without him."

"I can get him," I said. Of course, I would do anything for her. Thank God she didn't know the full extent of my feelings. Even though I knew she wouldn't take advantage of me like that, she would never do that, I just...

"You would?"

"Sure."

"Thanks! Mom's used to you getting him and taking him so it's okay right?"

"Yeah. Only she doesn't know where I take him..." I grinned at the thought of him running after me as a wolf. Me as a wolf, not him.

She paled. "You don't take him on...patrol with you, do you? A vampire could destroy him in a millisecond."

It was true. "I don't take him on patrols. I just...run with him?"

She smiled. "That is a _weird_ image, Quil."

I laughed. "I'll be right back." I hesitated, not wanting to leave her alone here, in the middle of the forest. What had I been thinking?

"Actually...hang on. Be right back." I ran a little ways away and phased. Thankfully Jacob was out, running aimlessly as he so often did.

_"Quil,"_ he said.

_"Hey, Jake."_ I greeted him. _"Do you think you can do me a huge favor?" _I sent him mental images of Claire alone in the forest and her house, Zaney.

_"Of course,"_ He thought. He was always glad to do things like that, little errands and things. I felt bad, though.

_"God, Quil. Don't."_ He ran off, toward Claire's house. Images flashed through my head, from Jacob's. I phased and got dressed. Claire was waiting on the same log she was on before, exactly the same, although I'm sure more beautiful, if that's possible.

"What--?" she started, but I interrupted her.

"Jake's getting him."

"Quil--" she looked a little exasperated.

"Really, Claire. No big deal."

"But--"

"He's happy to."

"Will you stop interrupting me!"

"Sorry!" She glared for a second.

"Agh...never mind!"

I looked at her, worried.

"God, Quil, stop looking at me like that, would you?" She sounded annoyed. I immediately looked at the ground.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Everything I did was wrong. The way I looked at her, everything.

I heard her sigh. "Oh, Quil, I'm sorry." Then she laughed. "What's with all the apologizing?"

I smiled a small smile but I knew she didn't mean the laugh.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, concerned. She didn't seem her usual lively self, full of...well, Claire-ness.

_"Yes."_ She said. "I'm fine."

"Okay..." I looked at her skeptically.

"Why can't you just--" She was cut off rustling in the bushes, Jake came through. Nice timing, Jake. Great.

"Wha--"

Zaney barked at Claire. She knelt down and ruffled his fur. I almost felt her hand on my head when I was a wolf. I shuddered.

"Where you guys going?" Jacob asked.

"Eh...I dunno." I said. "Claire?"

"I don't know. He'll run here..." Sure enough, he was running around, sniffing crazily and every plant, traces of animals still lingering.

"Feeling a sense of kinship, Quil?" Claire asked me jokingly, watching me watch Zaney.

I laughed. Jacob looked sad, and he looked at me and Claire with something like envy on his face.

"Well I'll be going then," he said.

"Wait! You don't want to come with us...?" Claire asked tentatively.

"Nah. I don't want to disturb you two--" he broke off, grinning at me, and I had a bad idea of what he was going to say. He turned and ran off, probably phasing in the trees.

"Why is he so..." Claire trailed off.

"He never told you?"

"Told me what?"

"Well I dunno if I should...if he never told you I don't think..."

"I never asked."

"Okay..." I couldn't really deny her anything at this point.

"He...there was this girl, Bella. And she...kind of didn't choose him." I grimaced, remembering.

"Choose?"

"She chose a vampire."

"Jake loved a vampire? Wow. I thought you guys hated them."

"We do. She wasn't."

"Wasn't?"

"She got changed. He changed her. Edward."

"Oh." She digested this. "Poor Jake."

"Yeah...but he doesn't want your sympathy." I realized how bad that sounded, and added, "anyones'."

She looked down. "But...he really loved her?"

"Does."

"Wait, did he...imprint on her?"

"No. He would probably be dead or something if he had. By his hand or Edward's."

"Quil! Wait, why would Edward have killed him?"

"Because he would probably have tried to kill him and he'd be...defending himself, I guess. Instinct."

"But why would he win the fight? Aren't you guys supposed to kill them, not the other way around?"

She had a point. "Yeah. Yeah we are. But he would have had his 'family' to help him." She just gave me a blank stare. "What?" I asked.

"And you are...useless?"

"Right."

"Someone's brain dead."

I shook my head bemusedly. "But he would have wanted to die. So...he would have managed it."

"If we're finished discussing whether I would have died or not, can I have a word, Quil?"

Claire blushed redder than I would have though possible. Jake laughed. "You would have given Bella a run for her money." He said, shaking his head.

"What?"

"Never mind. Quil?" We walked a few feet a way from Claire.

"What are you doing? That's my life. Or was, I guess."

"Sorry. I thought you wouldn't mind."

"I don't. Just..."

"Yeah."

"Right. So...bloodsucker a little west. I'm afraid it's going to run into the water."

"You need help?" I didn't like the idea of having to leave her, but the thought of a loose leech around Claire made me shudder.

"I don't know."

"Howl if you do?"

"Okay."

"We're all like real wolves..." He muttered before phasing.

I chuckled.

"So, we're off to where?" Claire asked.

* * *

_It's depressing to make Jake all depressed. Aw. Sorry..._

_I will try to update soon. I hate cliffhangers too. If this is even one. It's a fluffy cliffhanger made out of fluffy feather- furry- ness!_


	23. Chapter 23

We walked slowly to the clearing Quil said he knew about.

"Killed a bloodsucker there once. Tough one, it was. Jake finished it off, though. So it couldn't get Bella."

"She was there?"

"Talking to it. About the Cullens."

I nodded slowly. It bugged me a little how Quil talked about the "bloodsuckers" like they weren't people. I brought it up.

"They aren't, Claire." I was shocked at his bluntness. "They're dead."

"You call dead people not people?"

He sighed. "It comes with the job. No one understands the hate we have for them. It's born in us."

--

We got to the meadow. It was beautiful, with soft green grass, and surrounded by trees, a stream running through it. Perfect. Almost too much so.

Zaney ran to the creek, splashing in it, drinking the water than spitting it out, tail wagging furiously.

"You like it?" Quil asked me.

"It's beautiful," I said. He nodded slowly.

"So how did you find it?" I asked.

"The bloodsucker. Well, Jake was looking for it before he changed, with Bella."

"Changed..." It was hard to imagine Jacob as any different than his tall brooding self.

"Yeah. Then...well, I guess the Edward took Bella here, and she was trying to find it--" He broke off, and I could see a slight tinge to his dark skin. I realized that _Edward_ took _Bella here_, and look where they ended up. Or how; married. _We're over thinking it, _I thought._ Well, at least I can't turn into a werewolf._

Zaney ran to Quil, nipping and snapping but keeping a respectful distance. Quil frowned. "I'll be right back," he said, and walked quickly to the edge of the woods, disappeared, and then reappeared in the form of a giant wolf. He loped over and stared into my eyes. _Don't worry. I won't turn into a butterfly, _I heard echoed clearly in my mind. I smiled.

Zaney went crazy, snapping at Quil's heels. They ran off into the open meadow, playing like puppies. I sat down in the shade of a tree, watching them. I almost wished I could join them, they looked like they were having so much fun. I felt almost like a third wheel, though I knew that was ridiculous. I felt like the only human--well, I _was_ the only human. _Quil isn't human,_ I thought to myself. It's like it had just hit me, Quil isn't human.

He is, though. Really. Sort of.

Zaney barked. Quil came loping over to me, his tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, grinning. His fiery eyes met mine. _You okay? _sounded in my mind.

"Yeah," I said. I was.

_Bored?_

I could detect a hint of humor in his voice, or rather thoughts. I rolled my eyes. "How can I ever be bored when I see a mystical creature running around with my dog with my own eyes?"

He laughed a barking laugh. Forgot all about my earlier genius epiphany and buried my hands in his rough soft chocolate fur. He sighed. I stroked his head, marveling still at, well, everything. I could almost feel the contentment in the air, and I wondered, _this is me? I'm making him happy? _But it was true, as much as I might doubt it, wonder.

The earlier craziness disappeared when I was around Quil; calm happiness was all I felt. Until he licked my face, from chin to forehead.

"Bleck! Quil! Ew..." I sputtered, then laughed at his shocked wolfy expression. "It's okay," I said.

He looked worried. _You sure you're okay?_

"No, no, Quil, it's really okay. I don't mind it. I was just surprised."

His eyes softened. They were exactly the same, if the rest of him was a bit...larger, and furrier.

He lay down, I leaned into his warm body, kissed the top of his furry head. And came up with a mouthful of fur. "Ew, you shed?"

He raised his head, and thought with complete seriousness, _I'm not a poodle, you know._

--

"I'd better get back. Mom'll worry..." Not to mention other things. Quil got up and returned a few seconds later as a human, or at least in human form.

It was almost dark in the thick forest on the way back, and I tripped more than once on logs, rocks, fallen branches.

"Ow!" This time I'd fallen over a log, my toe caught underneath, and fell on my face in front of it. Quil spun around, grabbed my hand, pulled me up. "You okay?" He asked me while I brushed off my pants with my free hand.

"Yeah."

We kept walked, and I didn't trip as much, my hand still encased in his huge hot one. I was almost his temperature when I realized and pulled my hand away, tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. He coughed. I walked into a tree.

"Claire!"

I groaned. I just had to embarrass myself every second I was around him, didn't I? I rubbed my forehead.

"Are you okay?" Quil's alarmed voice reached my ears dimly. I guess I hit my head harder than I thought. He wraped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him. The trees swayed around me, Quil remained solid. I leaned against him, all earlier awkwardness forgotten, and blindly stumbled my way--well, someway.

"Claire." Quil said, and hesitated before picking me up with the ease of a little girl carrying her doll, and started walking in the opposite direction I had. My wounded head burned against his hot skin. Zaney trotted ahead.

--

"Claire? Claire." My mom's voice said worriedly. I heard her voice come out of the haze around me, the thick fog-like substance. My eyes flickered open. She was hovering over me. I guess that made me on the couch.

"Say something! Are you okay?" Her eyes were wide.

"Yeah...I'm fine..." She let out a big sigh, her breath floating over me. Movement in the corner caught my eye. Quil was pacing up and down, and it looked like he was deep in thought. Brow furrowed, eyes distracted.

"Quil?" His head jerked towards me, and I could swear his dark eyes looked a shade lighter. My mom frowned. He stopped pacing.

"Where were you, Claire?" She asked me, her tone going from worried to her you're-in-trouble voice in a second.

"Um..." I hesitated. Had Quil already told her? He said he wouldn't. He wouldn't. He knew how she was about those things. Didn't he?

"Well...kind of walking home from school."

"Do you remember what happened?"

"I walked into a tree." I felt my cheeks getting hot at what a clumsy idiot I was. She raised her eyebrows.

"I told you, Megan. She walked into a tree. She was...distracted." Quil said from a few feet away, quietly.

"I can imagine what was doing that," my mom mumbled, so low I was sure I wasn't supposed to hear it. Quil looked a little scared. Frowned. "No, Megan, I swear, we didn't--"

"Quil. Why is it that whenever my daughter goes anywhere with you she gets hurt?" Quil didn't answer, but I could see the hurt and incredulity at my mother for even suggesting such a thing.

"No, mom--it's not a big deal, I just had a bad day and I _seriously _walked into a tree, Quil ca--took me home, I swear, mom--"

"Claire." My mom said slowly, then turned to Quil again. "Quil. I'm not suggesting anything." Her voice and face said otherwise. Quil looked down. I wanted to--I don't know what.

"Can I talk to you for a second, Megan?" Quil's voice was ice. My mom rolled her eyes, stood up. Held out her arm, saying Quil should go first. He did, out the door. My mom closed it after her.

I didn't hear anything for a while, but then their voices raised and the thin wood of our door was not enough to block out everything.

"--not _capable_ of hurting her--" Quil was saying, his not-so-hushed voice reaching me.

"I don't care. What? No...look at Emily, she--"

"Do you have any idea what Sam feels every day, all the time, all--no. You don't. We're the only ones who do. You don't have to witness the horror, the pain, the agony he feels, and you don't have to feel it! No! After all these years, even after all this time...he would kill himself if that would make it better, he would die a thousand painful deaths, he would burn in _hell_ but that wouldn't do her any good!" Quil's voice was becoming angrier.

"That didn't stop it from happening." My mom's voice was loud and emotionless.

"He was young! Just changed! I've had a dozen years to practice. I never make a mistake. I never--"

" A dozen years. That just proves another one of my points." I could barely hear her. I took in a sharp breath. Quil didn't say anything, I could only imagine what his face was like.

"You know perfectly well--"

"I know what I know, and I know, imprint or not, _protector _or not, you just might not be the best person for--"

"I am! That's the whole point! I _am _the best person for her. You don't understand." His voice was unbelievably sad. I coughed loudly, the argument stopped. They walked back in. I stood up shakily, walked over to them. Quil's hands moved to help me, I brushed them away.

_"I_ know what's best for me." I said, pointing to myself, and brushed past both of them.

* * *

_Please review!! Sorry it took so long...I'm going to TRY to update soon though...  
_


	24. Chapter 24

Quil's POV

I can't tell you how much that hurt, what Claire's mom was insinuating. I was amazed she even said that, thought it. I had thought she understood, that day Sam explained it to her, when Claire was two. And the worst part was that she heard us, Claire did. She looked so mad, mad at me, mad at her mom--I don't know. Could have been me. Does she get it? How much I love her? How if I hurt her I'd--I don't even know what I'd do, because I know that she needs me too. I'd torture myself, kill myself if she wanted, anything, anything she wanted, _anything_--

_"Problems?" _Embry's voice, in my head. I had thought I was alone.

_"Wow. You're really out of it."_

_"Um, yeah." _It was obvious. You'd think you'd be able to tell when someone else was in your head.

_"Claire?"_

_"You have no idea,"_ and he didn't.

_"I know. I know..."_ He brain-sighed, and let his mind wander over various girlfriends.

_"Embry, please!" _I thought at him when it got to be just a little bit too...intimate.

_"Sorry, sorry!" _Grinned. _"Anyway, what happened?"_

_"Her mom. Unbelievable." _I opened my mind to him, let him see what happened, what she said. Even he, with no idea how I felt, other than what he saw in my mind, was outraged.

_"What a--Jeez, Quil, how do you stand that? I would have..." _He trailed off, and I got some violent images.

_"That's exactly what I was trying to avoid." _After all, I was trying to prove to her that I wasn't like that, was completely in control.

_"You don't need to prove anything to her."_

_"Embry, you are **not helping.**"_ I thought.

_"Okay, okay, jeez," _he thought, and phased. I didn't mean it that way, but whatever.

I stood still, smelling the air for any sign of bloodsucker.

Jared suddenly appeared in my mind. _"Leech, north-west, come on! Sam's busy. Dunno where everyone else is. Hurry up."_

I was suddenly alert. _"How far away from the ocean?" _It was our downfall, the ocean, because the leeches had a huge advantage in the water.

_"Pretty close." _Jared thought, and we broke into a blurry sprint. A few minutes later, I could smell the reek, sickly sweet, like sweet death. Which was exactly what they were.

Jared approached it from the north, I from the west. We were trying to corner it, stop it from getting away through the water. We circled, and I sensed it was young, and it probably didn't know we even existed. Well, that would make it all the easier. It came into sight, and saw me, it's eyes grew wide, and turned and ran into Jared. At that second, Embry phased again, and started running towards us, but he was too far away to help. The leech was tall, a male, with dirty blond hair and bright crimson eyes, which meant he had recently fed. Jared growled, and lunged. But the vampire was nimble, dodged his teeth, crashed into a tree, _bam!_

I lunged, grabbed a flailing arm in my teeth, the taste horrible and almost overwhelming. With a loud ripping sound it, well, ripped, and came off in my mouth. I flung it far away from the leech, two different parts separately flying. Jared got its head, I got the other arm. It screeched, but I couldn't believe how he could know what real pain felt like.

Embry was running, and sent me instructions, moves I should make. I obeyed him and jumped on the vampire from behind, grabbing leg, feet, while Jared ripped more pieces off. I finished it off while he ran back in through the trees to look for the pieces I threw there. I phased, dressed, and dug in my pocket for matches. I set a little pile of dry wood, kindling, aflame, and Jared ran back and tossed in the vampire pieces, then phased and dressed.

We stood there, watching the thick gray smoke float away up to the clouds, breaking up and vanishing. I thought of what Claire had said, about vampires being people, but I couldn't find it in me to think like that, feel like that.

Embry came jogging up, panting, human-shaped. "Crap. Missed it."

"Not my fault!" I said, just in case.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course not."

--

"Potatoes?" Emily asked me.

"Of course. How--" I started.

"How can I even ask, right?" I grinned, and she heaped piled of browned potatoes on my already heaped full plate.

Most of the pack, with the exception of Leah and Seth, who had to go to some family something or other in Seattle, and Colin and Brady, who were involved in some very intense video game competition, were at Sam and Emily's house for what was supposed to be a pack meeting but turned out more like a celebratory dinner, I have no idea what for. Embry had brought his girlfriend at the time, Kira, and Sam and Emily's twins, Blake and Becca, were running around throwing food at everyone. Crazy.

It was delicious, of course, and we were done soon, and decided to walk down to First Beach, not to far away and beautiful at full moon, according to Emily, who said it with a grin at Sam.

Becca splashed Blake, and Embry walked off with Kira, who knows where. We just talked, walked, sat, relaxed. It was a nice change from, well, being told I wasn't the right person for my soul mate, and ripping leeches to shreds and burning them.

I was still mad at what Claire's mother had said, but this was more of a simmering anger than a burst-out-of-your-skin (literally) heat. I wanted to prove myself to her, but I also thought that was ridiculous, as, I mean...had I hurt her in twelve years? No! Not one single scratch. It's not my fault she walked into a tree. I'm not a leech and I can't predict the future, then change it. All I can do is help afterwards. And does she think I _like _watching her hurt like that?

"Quil?" Sam's always-calm voice behind me startled me. He looked worried; when we didn't notice someone approaching it was very serious indeed.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..." I said, but he raised his eyebrows and just looked at me. This much time in someone else's mind gave you a sense of what they were feeling, even when you couldn't read their thoughts, I guess.

"She just doesn't understand!"

"Who?"

"Claire's mother. She doesn't _get it._"

"Get what?"

"Everything! And I quote, 'imprint or not, _protector _or not, you just might not be the best person for her'."

Sam sighed, frowned. "I explained it to her, she got it, she understood, she was okay with it..."

"I know! I don't know what's bringing this new change of mind on--" I broke off, something occurring to me. I thought that if I was just some boy, some guy from her school, who she didn't know, Megan would be just as...protective, wary. Would she? Plus the added-on danger of the possibility I would explode in front of her and scar her for life, like Sam and Emily--no,m but I wouldn't do that, ever, not ever...

But I'm _not _just some random guy from her school. But that might be even more of a problem...

Maybe I didn't seem like such a...'bad person for her' when she was two, three, seven, ten, eleven. She wanted me to tell her who I was. But now...Even though nothing was happening, she might think, suspect...

"Quil?" Sam interrupted my train of thought.

"Hm?"

"Do you ever realize that maybe Megan is just being, well, a mother?" Sam's sense of logic infuriated me to no end.

"Yes! I mean...come on, Sam. She wanted me to tell her. It doesn't matter," I shook my head. "I'll work it out."

"Is Claire...acting like her mother?" He looked wary as he said it. I was so thankful she wasn't. I don't know how I'd survive if she was.

"No, thank God." I was quiet, Sam understood. He might not totally, but he knew exactly what it felt like, to love someone as much as I did Claire, fully, immeasurably.


	25. Chapter 25

_Okay, so you know, this is happening right after the whole fight thing, and that dinner and stuff from Quil's POV was after, but I'm going back and this is Claire's POV. Just in case it was confusing...but if it wasn't that's good and YEAH, so enjoy!!_

_And you reviewers are more than awesome. Keep reviewing, and I'll send you some virtual chocolate! Yum._

* * *

I stalked up to my room, slammed the door, fuming. I was totally on Quil's side in this whole stupid, pointless argument--no, I was on my own side. It was my decision! My life! Of course, I take Quil's side once we've established that. What right did my mother have to try to dictate who I walk with--or rather, who picks me up after I fall, or walk into a tree in this case, even if that person just happened to be Quil, who she obviously has a problem with. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and I don't understand it.

Okay, so she's my mom. But if I told her I was going out with Jack, (shudder), she would let me, and happily. I think. _I'm not going out with Quil, _an irritating voice in my mind said._ Shut up. That's not the point._

Is it because of Quil's little...or big...furry...well, problem? But it's because of that that I'm alive at all. That vampire that time...if Quil didn't exist, wasn't a werewolf, he wouldn't have been there to save me.

_If Quil didn't exist neither would the vampire, _the voice in my mind said.

_Shut up! _Okay, so if Quil hadn't imprinted with me then he wouldn't have been there to save me.

But the thought of Quil not existing made my chest hurt, my heart pound, I was almost short of breath. He was--well, he just _was._ He was practically everything. I've known him since forever--or pretty much since forever.

I flopped down on my bed, thought of what he'd had to do, how long he'd had to wait. What must it have been like for him to, at sixteen and just found out he was a werewolf, to have, well, imprinted on a two-year-old? I took a step away, looked at this with a new pair of eyes, a fresh perspective. I was ashamed to feel a little--but no. It wasn't his fault--

Then a horrible thought occurred to me. This wasn't his choice. He must have hated it, hated me. What if he was just...somehow _bound_ to love me, like he was bound to La Push and killing vampires? What if he didn't actually love me, but the way he treated me, the way he _looked at me, _according to my mother, was just the product of a forced..._job?_

I buried my face in the pillow, and I was crying, soaking it, against all reason. The idea just hurt _so much, _it was indescribable. I almost wanted to go to him, ask him. What would I ask him? If he loved me? It was ridiculous.

But if he actually did? What would I do about that? I tried to stick to the first thought, as painful as it was. The other was just too confusing.

I had to see him.

I walked slowly to the kitchen, where I heard noises telling me my mom was making dinner, or some form of it. I walked in, stood straight, said, "I'm leaving. I'll be back in an hour." Make it precise, my words coated in anger.

"No you are not," she said, still facing the sink. Turned around slowly, her face was emotionless steel.

I didn't say anything.

"Where do you think you're going?" She said, contradicting her earlier statement. I resited the urge to point that out to her.

I almost didn't want to say it, afraid she'd get even angrier at where I wanted to go, who I had to see.

"I have to see Quil." She looked hard at me, straight in my eyes.

"You are_ not _going to see _him."_

I lost it. "What is your problem with Quil?" I almost yelled. "I've known him since forever. He's not doing anything to me!" I meant it both ways, all ways. She frowned.

"That you want?" Cryptic, sarcastic. "No."

"Mom!"

"Claire. As your mother I am--"

"What if I told you I was going to see Annie?"

"Then I would offer to drive you," she said, her voice perfectly pleasant. I scowled.

"Don't talk back to me."

"I never even said any--"

"Claire."

I glowered. "Quil is--God! What's gotten into you!" I gave up, stormed back to my room. I was furious. What had Quil ever done to her, or me? Brought me back after I hit my head, _saved my life!_

It was past unfair, and I had no idea why my mom was being so unreasonable. And as, now, it was impossible to talk to her like a civilized human being, I instead thought of what I would say to Quil, when I saw him again, if ever.

If ever? Why did I think that? It just made my throat swell up with promise of more tears.

And what would I say, next time I saw him--I thought that last part fiercely, forbidding my mind to even think otherwise. What could I say? I decided I'd just...say. Or not say. Whatever.

That was never really a problem with Quil. But then I thought of the earlier awkwardness, his hot hand surrounding mine, and my mom being so, well, how she was being, and rethought. But I refused to believe such a simple thing as me growing up would change us so drastically.

--

"Claire! Come to dinner!"

"I'm not hungry." I was, I really was. But there was no way I was facing them, my mom and her anger, Matt and my dad and their obliviousness.

"Are you sure?" Her voice was the you-make-that-choice-and...don't even bother to finish the sentence.

_"Yes." _She left. I paced. I was hungry, really hungry. I didn't know why I didn't go eat dinner, deal with it. I felt like Swiss Cheese, empty stomach, empty heart? Empty?

I made a rash decision, then. What could it hurt? Just wait until everyone was asleep...I just hoped Quil was awake. Or worse, what if he wasn't at home? I pushed that thought out of my mind--I'd been doing a lot of that lately.

--

I didn't even stop to think of the consequences, what would happen if my mom caught me, or my dad. Well, he'd probably let me. Unlike her.

Out the window, thankful it was on the first story. There was enough room, it was big, even with my tall frame. Or tall, relatively. Compared to Quil I was a midget. Compared to Quil everyone was a midget. Well, except the rest of the pack.

Out the window, across the lawn. Down the road...run, running, fast, slow, painfully slow. I felt eyes on me, red eyes, brown eyes, black eyes, I don't know what color eyes. I ran, panting, a stitch in my side--I wasn't the best runner at the best of times, and these wouldn't qualify as those.

Up to the house, almost passing out from running. I almost turned around and ran back home, afraid of what would happen, what would I say, what if I woke him up? I knocked on the door; it was locked. Waited, then pounded at no answer. Steps; quiet, then loud. I held my breath.

Quil appeared, opened the door, looking tired, but still in his clothes; messy hair, tired eyes, but I don't think I woke him up. He smiled tiredly at me. I swayed. He put his arm out, but it trembled a little, he dropped it. I stepped in, hesitantly.

"Claire?" He frowned, worry in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" He looked behind me, as if for someone I came with.

"I'm alone," I said, and I couldn't say if he looked relieved or scared. Maybe both.

He held out his hand, and I took it, not thinking. Its warmness calmed me, its solidness comforted.

"What happened?" He looked worried, almost too much so.

I looked down. We walked to the kitchen, where he put a pot of water on. "Coffee? Tea?"

"Coffee. Thanks." He sat me down, pushing on my shoulders. I sat. He sat across from me.

"What happened?" His eyes, his face, were intense.

"I...had to...just..." I was hesitant to ask him, tell him my worries. He would probably laugh. How funny.

He raised his eyebrows, pushed back his chair, stood up, spooned instant coffee in two mugs. "I'm being lazy and using instant," he said, smiling slightly. I grinned, but it disappeared soon enough.

"Claire..." His voice was sad, quiet. "You shouldn't be here."

"What? You too?" I couldn't believe he was saying that too. He of all people should have been standing up for me, here. Unless what I thought was true...I looked down. Stood up. "I'll leave, then," I said, starting to turn and walk towards the door. Quil caught my arm, disconcertingly because he'd been across the room, however small. I stopped.

"Wait, no--"

"You said I should leave."

"I said you shouldn't be here. I never said I didn't want you here." He grinned, smiled at me almost meltingly.

I didn't know what to say, other than to feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like taking off my backpack after a long day at school, long walk home. But..."But you do?" I had to ask.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? And anyway, what brings you here at all?" He looked significantly happier.

I decided to answer only the first question. Even though it was sort of answering the second. "I was wondering...this imprinting thing...is it...like..." I didn't know what words to use. He looked wary, but just kept his dark eyes staring at mine.

"Forced?" My voice was small.

He looked startled. "What do you mean," Eyes narrowed.

"Job? Like...you have...to..." My voice got quieter at every word, but I'm sure it was all clear to him. He dropped his eyes and swept me up in a hug, a huge bear hug, his warm arms squeezing me tight.

"Oh, Claire. Oh, God. Don't say that."

I nodded onto his shoulder, almost crying again. I'd been just like a leaky faucet this afternoon, I thought. He put me down, but his hands hovered for a minute near my arms. He put his hands on my shoulders, looked deep in my eyes.

"Claire. Never say that."

I nodded again. "I got that," I said.

He sort of laughed, dropping his arms. Shook his head. "This is what you came over here for?" His face held something, I couldn't say what it was.

"Um," I said. How intelligent.

"Claire. I love you and it's not forced. Not a job." Quil ran his hand through his hair, and it flopped over his eyes.

"Then what is it?"

"It's me loving you." It felt like I was filled up, when he said that. I didn't even feel hungry anymore.

"But...like..."

"The imprinting just shows us who we were supposed to be with. If not for it...I probably would have found you again about now," he said. "Just not been here all these years." He frowned.

"Oh. But I was...two." I made a face.

He laughed, his face suddenly lighting up again. "It's not like that. It wasn't. Are you listening to your mother?"

I shook my head no. "Of course not. She thinks you're some devil or something."

He smiled. "As long as you don't think that, I really don't care. As harsh as that might sound..."

"Well..." I dragged it out. "Maybe just an apprentice or something." He laughed, handing me the forgotten coffee. I stirred it, inhaling to wonderful coffee smell. Quil watched me.

"What?" I was suddenly self-conscious. He shook his head, smiling. Took a big sip from his mug. I stood up. He stood too. "Where do you think you're going?" He demanded.

"Home." I said.

"You must be crazy if you think I'm letting you walk home alone." He sounded like he thought I was.

I shook my head. "Of course not. But I walked here alone."

He frowned. "Why didn't you call? I would've come."

"I didn't want to wake you."

He raised his eyebrows, grinning.

"What?"

"Well, if you hadn't by calling, you would have by banging on the door that loud."

I gasped, covered my mouth with my hands. "Oh no! I didn't, did I?"

"No. But if you had I wouldn't have minded."

"Oh."

"Okay then. You want to go now?"

"I probably should. My mom might wake up."

He looked startled. "You _snuck out?" _He was sarcastically appalled.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. She wouldn't let me see you." He just stared at me, and incomprehensible look on his face, in his eyes.

"Better get you back, then," he said. I was surprised he wasn't madder.

We walked almost slowly, leisurely, back to my house. His hand found mine about halfway home. I left it there; it didn't hurt, it even felt good: safe, secure.

At the front lawn, Quil stopped. He put his hands on my face, burning.

"We're good?" He asked.

"Of course," I said. He smiled, hesitated, then leaned in and kissed my forehead, his hot lips lingering on my skin. He breathed in deeply, closed his eyes. He finally pushed me towards my window. "Go."

I looked at him fleetingly, then climbed in. He was gone when I turned around.

I turned away from the window and shut it, against the cold night air. Once Quil was away I felt the breeze and cold air more strongly.

I almost screamed, checked only because of my parents in the next room. Matt was sitting on my bed, staring at me, grinning, a book in his hands.

"Sneaking out, are we now?" He asked. "See your boyfriend?"

I blushed. "Shut up."

He raised his eyebrows, smiled smugly.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"Well, I _was_ going to come ask you for your headphones--" He made headphone gestures over his ears-- "but you weren't here. So I settled in with a good book to wait."

"Did you tell mom?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Thanks." I was grateful to him, as nasty as he was to me lately.

But he said, "Not yet."

"Matt!"

"Okay, okay. Jeez. Can I have them?"

"What?"

"The headphones." He rolled his eyes.

"Right." I dug around in a drawer, on my desk, and found the headphones and gave them to him. "Give them back."

"Yep." He walked out. I sighed in relief. My mom wasn't going to find out, as long as Matt kept his promise. I changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and crawled into bed, exhausted.

* * *

_Okay, I know this is kind of random, but I warn you now. If you're expecting some sex scene at the end, you're not getting it. I'm not saying they don't do it, I just don't write it. I don't like to and I can't. Sorry. I think of their relationship more of love than lust. I always thinks it ruins it, in other stories I've read. Although they were wonderful, it takes some of the, I don't know. They love each other so much, there are other things in life._

_Well anyway, hope you liked it. Please review!!_


	26. Chapter 26

"Claire, I need to talk to you." My mom's voice sounded from outside my door, dragging me out of my sleep-deprived slumber. I looked at the clock and groaned. Seven. Ugh.

"Claire!"

"What? I'm, like, asleep." I mumbled.

"You'll be late. Come eat something."

Argh. "Be there in a minute." Why was she even bothering to ask me, after what happened yesterday? I lay there, thinking about it, about yesterday. The faintest shadow of Quil lips on my forehead was lingering, and I wanted more, although when I thought that I didn't know what to think. I mean, Quil, _Quil, _who'd been...just...like...

But then I thought of what he said yesterday. What happened...even though nothing happened. It felt like something happened. He said he loved me.

Yeah, loves me. My mom loves me. I guess...but, maybe...I mean, it was possible...or had his image of me been ruined forever in all these years of innocent youth and, most likely, embarrassing circumstances?

"Claire!"

"Coming!" I got out of bed, met her in the kitchen a few minutes later. She looked at me, a _look._ I rolled my eyes. Got a bowl for cereal, milk, a spoon. Sat down.

"What do you want to...talk to me about?" I asked my mother.

"I'll get to the point."

"Please do," I said.

"You've been spending a lot of time with Quil lately." She looked at me searchingly. I sighed.

"Mom--"

"Claire. I just think you ought to know something--"

"I know. He told me. Remember? I know he imprinted on me. I've known for a...long time." Not as long as I would have liked.

"I know that, Claire. That's not what I was talking about." Now I was scared.

"Um." I said intelligently. I blushed, for no reason whatsoever. She noticed.

"I knew I would have to talk to you sooner or later."

"We get sex ed in school, mom." I said.

She looked at me sharply. "Claire!"

"Or you could just ask Aunt Emily to talk to me about it because after all Sam is a werewolf too so she has a lot of experience in that area, you know, imprinted-werewolf-ness," I said quickly.

Apparently I had said the wrong thing. She sputtered and turned a strange shade of red-purple.

"Cl--wh--but--Claire!"

I realized what I had said. "I didn't mean it like that. Jeez."

She opened her mouth to speak, but it took a while for the words to make it out of her mouth. "You know perfectly well that this is not the same thing, you're not going to be--I mean, Quil is a very responsible, uh, _person_--" Going against all things said yesterday, but she continued anyways, "--but you have to know that he is after all _male_, and he does after all love you very much and--"

"Mom," I said. "Stop embarrassing both of us. I'm not stupid." Why was she always thinking, suspecting, something was happening, when nothing actually _was_, okay, well...and giving me these long talks and lectures and--

She persisted. "You need to know this, Claire. It's not a joke. It's your life."

"_My _life. Which means it's not yours. Or anyone else's."

"I care about you, Claire." She said. "And I don't want you to make some decisions you'll regret."

"No regretted decisions." I stated. And it was true. I never regretted a thing I'd done with Quil. Which equaled nothing.

"Yet," she said. "Yet."

I groaned. _"Mom. _Please. I. Can. Handle. Um..." Handle what, exactly? "Quil."

She raised her eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. "Maybe what you said about having Emily talk to you will be better. You'll listen to her more than to me."

"Yes. Okay?" I knew Aunt Emily wouldn't embarrass me like my mom here. At least I hoped so...

My mother glanced at her watch. "You're going to be late. Hurry and I'll drive you."

"No, it's okay, I can walk. I have time."

"Claire. I'm driving you."

"Okay, jeez." I finished my cereal hurriedly.

--

I saw Annie waving to me from across the courtyard in front of school. I waved, then walked quickly to meet her.

"How was your weekend?" She asked. She had the gift of being able to say things like that and not sounding like a complete idiot.

"Great," I said sarcastically. "I snuck out."

She looked shocked. "Claire! To where?"

"Quil's," I said, and blushed. I don't know why; it was so annoying how that happened.

"Ah." Annie looked at me understandingly. I rolled my eyes.

We walked to first hour, which we had together. If it was't such a tiny school that might have been a surprise.

When we got to the door, Jack jumped in front of us, blocking our way. I rolled my eyes like before. "What do you want?" I demanded, while Annie looked shyly at the ground.

"Claire, I need to talk to you--alone," I glanced at Annie; she looked a bit hurt, but went into class. Jack and I walked a few feet away, out of the stream of rushing students. I glanced at the hall clock.

"Hurry up," I told Jack, "I'm going to be late."

He just looked at me, just stared. I raised my eyebrows.

"Are you okay?" He asked, and I almost looked around to see if it was someone else he was talking to, or who said that. But then he looked truly concerned.

"Jack? I am Claire, you realize."

"Yes, yes, I know." He said impatiently. "But...nothing's...happened?"

"No." I frowned. "What would happen?"

"Oh, I can think of a lot of things." He looked at the ceiling, then down at me. He was really tall. I didn't remember this height, he must have grown a lot recently. It looked like he meant to say something else, but closed his lips tight.

"Oh, but of course not," he said, and it sounded bitter. "With your protector and all." He rolled his eyes, scoffed, but it seemed a tiny bit sad.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

He looked at me disbelievingly. "What, he didn't tell you? Jeez."

I scowled, anger flared up. "Of course he told me, Jack. What do you think he is?" I said, playing along, but I was almost sure I knew who, and what, he was talking about, and I didn't like it.

Jack grinned. "You really don't want me to answer that," he said.

"He's not bad." I felt a sudden need to defend Quil, if he was really who he was talking about.

Jack looked at me incredulously. "No, Claire, he's like the Big Bad Wolf. You're like Little Red Riding Hood."

"And you are..." Those blatant words, thrown at me...the Big Bad Wolf...how did he know?

"I'm like...the woodcutter," he said, smiling slightly, and I dissolved into fits of wild laughter. Despite everything, he was still funny. I was accompanied by the bell.

--

"You're late," the high, somehow authoritative voice cut into my head like a razor blade. It always did. I sighed, nodded. Annie threw me a look; curious, jealous, even. I shook my head, mouthed _later._

"Would you like to share that with the class, claire?"

"Um..." I could feel my cheeks get red. "That's...okay..." Mr. High, who's name was a constant source of fun for the kids and misery for him, shook his head and turned back to his ever-present clipboard.

"Read chapters eight through twelve," he said, to a bunch of groans. I sighed, and opened my textbook.

"But...after you are done fill out the worksheet and answer the questions with _complete sentences." _He started passing out sheets of paper.

Once he had sat down at his desk and buried his nose in the newspaper Annie ran over to me.

"Claire! What did he want?"

"He asked me if I was okay," I said, frowning.

"Why would he do that? Why you?"

"I don't know. He's weird." I didn't like lying to her, but I had no choice. She opened her mouth to protest but I sighed. "Don't bother. I know."

She glared at me, then flicked the paper on my desk. "You actually going to do this?"

I looked down at my open textbook. "I don't know...nah. Of course not."

She grinned, pulled another chair up to my desk, and took out a pencil and drew a tic-tak-tow board on my worksheet.

--

"Claire!"

"What do you _want?"_ I almost screamed at Jack. Annie rolled her eyes. "Get over it, Jack."

"Over what?" He looked completely confused. Annie and I exchanged amused glances.

"What do you want?" I asked him again.

"To talk to you."

"Okay..." He motioned with his hand for me to walk next to him. I glanced at Annie and she and Izzy walked off somewhere, leaving us alone. I sighed.

I followed Jack through some trees, to a small clearing, oddly familiar...oh, no.

"Are you trying to be funny? Because it's not working."

He looked confused. "What? No."

"Where did your sense of humor run off to?" I questioned him. He just looked at me and stepped closer. I stepped back.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He asked.

"I think you should be asking _you_ that."

He laughed. "Yeah, right. I'm not the one who--" He broke off, leaning his face in so our noses almost touched. I looked around; no one was here. Jack was almost as big as Quil--well, not quite. But big enough so I didn't stand a chance, even with the self-defense Jacob taught me when I was about five.

"If I hadn't promised not to say anything, even to someone who already knows, I would give you hell about this," he said, his breath touching my face.

"I'm sure you would," I said, but he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine so fast that I couldn't say anything else. I sputtered, and tried to shove him off me, but he wouldn't budge. His lips moved hard and fast, trying to force some kind of response out of mine. I tried to turn my head away, but his hands caught my face and tangled in my hair, trapping me. His hands and his lips were unpleasantly hot, and they reminded me of Quil's and I longed for him to replace Jack here, and apart from scaring me slightly, that thought, well, I don't know what it did, but I kicked my foot up and kicked him in a place no guy wants to be kicked in.

"Ow!" He screeched, let go of me. I quickly moved a few feet away and glared at him. He looked up at me, his eyes watering.

"That's what you get," I said, and turned my back and walked away.

--

"Claire? Are you okay?" I felt warm hands on my arm, turning me around.

"Quil!" I smiled, throwing my arms around him. He smiled, patted my hair, but pulled his hand away.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice worried. I scowled.

"If one more person asks me that, I swear I'm going to--"

Quil cut me off. "Who else asked you that?"

I hesitated. "Jack," I mumbled.

He frowned. "I don't like him," he said.

I grinned. "I know."

Quil grimaced. "Why would he ask you that?"

"I don't know--ohmygod," I said quickly, when the realization set in. "He knows."

Quil frowned. "Knows?"

"About you." I gasped. "Crap."

"What? How? What?" He looked alarmed. "How would he know?"

"I don't know, Quil. I don't know. I thought you'd know."

"He's not in the pack...wait a sec."

"What?"

Quil frowned again, and his eyebrows came together. "He...Jack...Jack...oh."

"Oh? Quil, what are you talking about?"

"I think his...grandfather or something is an elder. But not very...doesn't like rules."

"The grandfather?"

"Yep. Sam told us about him...or thought it...I don't know." He smiled. "Hard to tell apart sometimes."

"That's kinda weird. That must suck."

"Yeah...sometimes. Sometimes it's useful but usually just sucks."

Something occurred to me that second, that I didn't like at all. "Quil. If all your thoughts are...well, public..." I trailed off.

"Yeah...?" He looked at me quizzically.

"Um, well, would that also mean that everything you _do_ is on display to...eh...my...uncle?"

Quil frowned yet again. "Yes. Dammit, Claire."

"Yes. Dammit." I agreed.

"I'll work on it." He said. "But about this kid..."

"Work on it? Meaning exactly _what?" _I asked him a bit frantically. It was a bad idea, everything that happens, every word I say, every word _he_ says...being shown to my uncle, not to mention the rest of the pack, like items in a glass case. Wait, forget the glass case--these are just on the shelves.

"Jake...is good at it, blocking his thoughts. I'll ask him."

"Never thought about this before, did you, Quil?" I asked.

"Nope. Nothing to hide." He gave me a strange look.

"Anyway," I said. "About Jack."

"Right. Well...Sam said--or thought--something about how this guy--the grandfather, I guess--was a bad...influence? on the younger set..."

"Set?"

"Well...the next people to become werewolves." Quil froze. "Oh, crap. No, no, this can't happen, oh God no..."

"What? What happened?" I asked. He looked so...scared.

"Next set, Claire." I looked at me significantly. I shook my head, blank.

"Use your brain. What I just said."

I thought for a minute. Oh, shit. "Oh, God, Quil. Poor you."

"Yeah." Quil slumped down into a chair. I stood in front of him.

"It's not so bad," I told him, trying to make him feel better. "Can't...isn't there anything to do? I mean, aren't there enough of you already?"

"I think so. But there's a lot of leeches around..." Quil shrugged. "We don't know for sure. There're more than there should be..."

I sat down by Quil and fiddled with a pencil lying on the table. I had a bad taste in my mouth. It couldn't possibly be from Jack, but I tasted it all the same.

"Claire?"

I jerked my head up. "Yeah?" Quil was staring at me.

He shook his head. "Nothing." I raised an eyebrow.

He stood up, more jerkily than his usually graceful movements. "Claire--" he broke off, and his eyes flicked down. I stood up to be closer to his height, but all the good that did.

"You're not okay."

"You're too observant."

"Only with you," he murmured. "So?"

I sighed. It was useless to say nothing, but what _would_ I say? "Um..."

"Does this have to do with this Jack?"

I sighed."Yeah."

"What did he do?" His eyes were wide.

"Noth--"

"Claire." I couldn't fight that, plus he was making those unfair wide eyes at me...

"I--he--" I groaned. "He kind of invaded my personal space." I said finally. Well, that's the nice way of putting it.

Quil's eyebrows pulled together in the middle. "Do you mean...Oh, Claire." He stopped. His eyes narrowed and he scowled. "What the--Claire--I--" He stumbled over his words, but I saw the set of his face and knew how mad he was. "You didn't like it, did you? Well, even if you did, I'd still--well, just--"

I cut off his ranting, pressing my lips to his lightly. He froze, then almost too quickly pulled me closer to him roughly and kissed me harder, tangling his hands in my hair just like Jack. But he was so different from Jack, I didn't even want to think about him now, so I didn't, just kissed Quil and didn't think about Jack or how weird this was or what was going to happen afterwards.

Well, I did think about this. What was happening. Sure, I had thought about what it would be like...but nothing compared. I didn't know how anything could be better.

Quil pulled me tightly to him and his heat made me dizzy, I could feel my heart beating wildly, almost too fast, or was that Quil's? Or maybe both.

I don't know how long he kissed me and I kissed him; only that is wasn't like anything I had ever experienced. I would say that I saw the fireworks but I didn't. I think that's only in books. But that doesn't matter. Quil's lips were so warm and soft and we seemed to fit perfectly, but wasn't that the whole point? I wrapped my arms around his back, but I couldn't pull him closer because he had already done that.

After, well, however long it had been, Quil seemed to realize what he was doing, what we were doing. He slowed then froze completely, and extracted himself from my arms and his from me. And just looked at me. I looked down, self conscious. He put his hand under my chin and tilted it up so I looked into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Claire." He said simply. I jerked away from him.

"What are you talking about? Why should you be sorry?" I was almost yelling at him. I knew my reaction was totally ridiculous but that didn't stop me.

Quil was shocked; his eyes grew wide and dark and his mouth turned down at the corners. I fought the urge to go kiss him again.

"I--Claire, I just...I just..." He gave up, sighed.

"No, Quil, I..." Neither of us seemed to be able to form complete sentences. I gave up, stepped closer. He hesitated, then pulled me close to him and kissed me slowly, soft. I reached up and ran my fingers through his soft black hair and sighed into his lips. He pulled away and smiled at me.

"Love you, Claire." I blushed, and he grinned.

"Love you too," I whispered. He was staring at me with an unreadable expression in his dark eyes

I walked to the living room, sat down on the couch, and pulled Quil by his hand to sit next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. I leaned my head on his warm chest. He stroked my hair and stared out into space, maybe out the window to the ever-present green and gray of La Push.


	27. Chapter 27

Quil's POV

_"Quil, **focus!" **_Jacob thought at me. _"I'm trying here, but if all thoughts are Claire then how are we supposed to block them?!"_

_"Okay, okay."_

_"Just stop thinking about her!"_ Jacob was almost out of patience.

_"You should not be talking," _I thought, then tried to get Claire out of my head. But I couldn't stop thinking about her, her cool soft lips and her hair and her--

_"Quil!"_

_"Sorry, sorry!"_

_"Walls, Quil. Put her behind the wall." _I tried...thick, brick walls, ten deep, mortar stronger than bloodsuckers...made out of iron, if that's even possible, sturdy, not even a vampire could break through it...vampire...my mind wandered back to that awful day, the leech almost got her, hackles raised, shouts...

_"Quil. Concentrate."_

Steel walls, reinforced, crossed over bar after bar after bar...thoughts hidden safetly inside--Claire, in a room, walls ten feet thick--me and Claire, in a room, walls ten feet thick, alone--

Jacob rolled his eyes in his head. Walls, thoughts surrounded by bricks, steel, iron...Claire's hand was so cold, but then she had to pull it away...

_"And you're walking alone in the forest taking to yourself why?" _Jacob asked me.

_"I was walking with Claire."_

_"Think another thought with her," _Jake ordered, and I didn't hesitate to...not hard at all--flying through the air, hand in hand, dark water waiting--

_"You're cliff diving. Alone?"_

_"With Claire. " _I thought.

_"With Claire? So, I can't see her. You, but not her. That's good."_

Yeah, except for the bit that the whole pack including Sam will see me kissing the air.

Jacob laughed, in his mind. _"Great job, Quil. Work on it a little."_

Yeah. Good luck with that, I tell myself.

_"You'll get it. It took me a while too. The only drawback is that everyone knows you're hiding something, but it doesn't really matter."_

_"Sam'll still know." _I thought. It was hopeless. I would just have to...what? Either not touch Claire or never phase. Or just deal with Sam. How?

_"I think he's going to have to deal with the fact that his precious niece isn't two anymore. And that you did imprint." _Jacob coughed. _"It's not as if we don't see anything from **his** mind."_

I grinned, more hopeful now. I didn't think either of the first two options were possibilities...especially the first. After the taste I got today of her...I didn't think I'd be able to go without more soon. It was close to an addiction, almost. Only not a bad one.

_"You get over it eventually,"_ Jacob thought, and I felt suddenly bad for asking him to do this and bear with my thoughts.

_"Don't worry about it. I would have to hear them anyways. It's better now. Just work on it. Wall, wall, wall."_ He phased, and I was alone in my own mind.

--

A new voice entered my mind, a new and unfamiliar voice. A voice filled with images I never wanted to see and yet wanted to because then I had an excuse to rip this person's head off.

_Jack._ The name came to me, from his mind or my memories, I don't know. _He kinda invaded my personal space_. How like Claire, not to want me to overreact, as I was sure to.

But nothing in my mind was even close to this, this...this horrible...these horrible images. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to rip this person, this wolf, limb from limb. I settled with pinning him on the ground and growling like nothing I'd ever heard. It was so...animal, so out of control. I was out of control. I was past control, past coherent thought. I only had instinct, and my instinct was to kill this new little terrified werewolf.

Yes, terrified. Terrified of what he had become but mostly of me. That brought me some satisfaction. That was how it should be. He should be scared of me, because I was going to kill him.

My Claire, my Claire, being treated like that...it was past anything, past anything I had imagined when she told me what she told me.

And the worst part was that it filled his mind, even when he had just exploded into a giant wolf. For the first time. And he enjoyed it. To a certain extent.

_"Quil! Get off him!"_ I hadn't even heard Sam phase. I didn't even think about fighting the order, I just did. It didn't work, it didn't pass through my anger and hate. I could faintly feel Sam's confusion and then he disappeared for a minute.

Jack whimpered. He had stopped fighting long ago, and was lying limp under my paws. I dug deeper into his mind, resisting the urge to crush him and throw up. I looked for Claire in his mind and was shocked by what I saw.

He loved her. Not in an imprinting way, but I was surprised by the strength of the emotion. It caught me off guard for a minute. But how could he do that to her if he loved her? That made all his feelings wrong, for me. How could he hurt her if he loved her?

_"I didn't know she wouldn't like it,"_ came from his mind. _How could you? You've hurt her._

I snarled. _"Shut the hell up!"_

I decided I couldn't care less if he loved her, that didn't excuse anything. I was the one blinded.

_"Yeah, you are."_ I growled, he cowered despite his brave words.

Sam phased, I could see that now, with Jacob soon after.

_"Quil. Quil, get off him. Let him go. You don't want to do this."_

I shut my eyes tight and told them in my thoughts, _"Yes, I do. You have no idea."_

Jacob laughed. _"I have no idea?!" _I saw walls.

I snapped at Jack's throat. He leaped up, growling and crouched. I stood, ready to fight if need be. I wished it would be needed, I wished I had an excuse. I did have an excuse. I lunged, snapping at his neck through his thick long sandy fur. He jumped out of my way and I lunged again, only to be held back by Sam. He went to stand between us. _"Jack, back off."_ He tried to phase but couldn't, still too new at this life.

_"Quil, phase."_ Sam ordered me. I glared at him, but was forced to phase. I got dressed and ran, far away from them, so I couldn't hear them or see them or smell them. My vision was blurry from anger, still red-hot over my eyes. I would have exploded right back into a wolf if it wasn't for Sam's order. I struggled to hold my shape together. I heard someone following me. I turned; Jake was there, and I didn't know whether I was glad or not to see him.

"Quil, I--" He broke off, taking a good look at me. He sighed, obviously I was a lost cause.

I turned and walked away from him. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want him telling me I was overreacting. I didn't care that he thought he knew how I felt. He didn't.

"Quil! Stop!" I spun around, ready to tell him to go away, leave me alone. But when I saw his face I stopped.

"You think I liked seeing that in his head? I know it's not the same! But Quil, I love Claire too. I know, I know. Not as much as you. But how can I not? I hate him," he said fiercely. "You're punishing more than him when you act like this."

I saw his point but wasn't in any position to respond to it. "I--Jake--" I didn't even know what to say. I just turned and walked away through the trees and he didn't follow me.

* * *

_Okay, so I don't know if this is a good idea to do this, but tell me how you liked it, okay? Do you hate me for making Jack a werewolf? Review!!  
_


	28. Chapter 28

Claire's POV

"I thought your eyes were...black?"

"They're actually...um, hello? Look at my _eyes?" _Ipswich rolled his eyes, which were a vivid shade of purple.

"Purple? Wow."

"I think they're...I won't tell you till you tell me your name," Annie said. "Claire, _why_ won't you tell me? It's been like _two days_. The world is conspiring against me never to find out."

"Good." He said. "Oh, and Claire...he lowered his voice. Please, don't even think of me as...that. I am, uh, Izzy?"

"Izzy. Okay. Like before."

"Yes. Annie?"

"Okay, okay. Jeez."

Later, Annie bugged me constantly, when we were away from Izzy.

"Come _on,_ Claire. Why _not?"_

"He doesn't want me to."

"It's not like I'm going to hate him or anything. And why you and not me?"

"Because Mr. G thinks you use class time unwisely."

"God, Claire, you sound like a freaking report card."

"Fine. Ipswich." I don't know why I told her, Izzy was going to be pissed at me. But it was true, what Annie said. And since she wasn't the biggest of talkers (that was an understatement) it's not like she would tell him...at least not yet. But then again, she seemed to come out of her shy shell when he was around. They were like brother and sister, the kind I never had with Matt and always wanted. There was nothing else, nothing...romantic. I know Annie; I'd know if there was. She was so _easy_ with him, like I've never seen her with a boy. Anyways...

"Ipswich."

"Yeah..."

"Well, that explains the Izzy."

"Um, Annie? Shouldn't you be...laughing?"

"Claire, God. I _told_ him I wouldn't. You're making way too big a deal out of this."

--

Quil's POV

"Please?" Claire begged me. "Annie couldn't come. Please please _please?"_ She wanted me to go with her and her family to visit the "relatives" she hated.

I sighed. I just couldn't resist her big puppy eyes, and she knew it. "Stop it. You're torturing me."

"Why not?"

"You've told me how bad they are."

"Yes, but you will be saving me from the horribleness."

"Claire, Claire."

"Jesus Christ, Quil. Don't talk to me like I'm five." Her tone changed when she reprimanded me for doing what she hated most.

"Sorry, sorry!"

"I think you're picking up Jake's bad habit of saying things twice. Anyways, please?"

"I do see inside his head every day, what do you expect? And fine. They can't be that bad. They can't be that bad," I added purposefully.

She grinned. "Thanks," and hugged me with her long arms. I resisted the urge to kiss her, again. We almost acted like it had never happened. But I couldn't, because like I said before, I just wanted more.

She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek. "Thanks, Quil," she said again, and smiled.

I shook my head. "Are you sure your mom won't mind?" I asked her. I had been warily avoiding Megan lately. I still couldn't forgive her for what she said to me, about me.

Claire shook her head like me. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay. See you...when?"

"Just come over at like...five?"

" 'Kay. Bye."

Claire gave me a look, I didn't know what she was thinking. I turned and went out to patrol before I went.

--

They honestly weren't all that bad. I liked them, in a way. Of course, I despised anything Claire hated, but myself? I wasn't allergic to pink like she was, and I think I have a higher patience, and tolerance, so they didn't bug me so much. I felt sorry for the kids though.

"James! Stop that this instant! You might get wet!" It was stupid to worry about that. Even in the sprawling suburb that was as different—Claire was right—as you could get from La Push, it still rained. More than it didn't.

Claire rolled her eyes. I sighed. She scooted closer and whispered at a volume which I was sure to hear and they not at all, her breath tickling my ear, "Don't you see how horrible they are?"

I grinned and turned my head towards her. Nodded. Couldn't think of what to say, momentarily dazed by her closeness. She smelled like the goodness of vampires, like chocolate, I wondered.

James sighed, sounding older than his years. "Mom! I'm not..." He trailed off, realized it's hopeless. "Dad!"

"Do as your mother tells you, James." The father John said robotically. I have to admit they're creepy. Claire wasn't exaggerating...that much.

"Hey, mom, can I go out and play? Just out back?" Julia asked her mother. Jane sighed, but said, "Yes. In a few minutes. But be careful. Keep the door open."

I frowned at this obvious show of favor to the older child. Claire looked at me, I rolled my eyes.

"Jane, why can't James go out to play? I'll take him if you want," I said. Claire looked at me again, surprised.

Jane frowned. "No...he can't go out. It's too..."

"Is it because he's younger?"

"Of course not," Jane said, but she was not very convincing. "Why would I do something like that?"

"Because she's older," I said.

"And what is age?" Jane asked me, intense and quite to the point. "And how old are _you,_ anyways?" I didn't say anything for a minute. Age had always been a sore spot for me, what with the whole non-aging thing and, of course, Claire.

"Um..._what_ is age?" I frowned. "Like, how old you are?" I ignored the other question.

Jane rolled her eyes. "Kids these days," she murmured. I grinned. I was probably almost as old as her, if not the same age.

I glanced around and saw Megan looking at me strangely. I looked quickly away, focused back on Jane.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take James outside?" I asked her.

She hesitated. Looked me over. "Let Claire go with you," She finally said.

I smiled. "Great."

Claire jumped up and grabbed James' hand. "Come on, James. Let's go play outside." He followed her right away, grinning widely.

We walked outside, and once there James went and jumped on the swing purchased directly from a catalog. Freshly painted wood and red chains and perfectly clean, never used.

"You sure we should let him play on it?" Claire joked. I laughed, glanced over at her.

She sighed. "Oh, Quil,"

"What?"

She stared at me. "Thanks for coming," she said.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't mind." Understatement. I'd do anything for her. I'd just pretended to deliberate when she asked me.

She stepped closer, then glanced over at James on the swing. He was completely unaware of us, focused on swinging higher and higher.

"Quil--" She broke off, looking down at the ground. I closed my eyes, opened them, trying to clear my head of the haze she made in it. I opened my eyes and they stared into hers.

I took a deep breath. Trying to resist the urge to...

I brushed the edge of her cheek with my fingers. She shuddered. I wondered why, it's not like I'm cold.

"Are you okay, Claire?" I asked her softly.

"What? Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh. I don't know."

She looked at me quizzically. "Are _you_ okay?"

I smiled. "Of course."

"You don't want to be here," she said accusingly.

"No! No, I do. Really." She looked at me, not believing.

"I..." I hesitated. "I don't not want to be anywhere where you are," I said. I could feel my cheeks getting hot, hotter than usual.

I wasn't the only one. Claire blushed, color flooded her face.

"Quil, I--"

"Shh." I put my finger to her lips. She didn't move. Her eyes flickered around, her forehead creased.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her.

She frowned. "Nothing," she said quickly.

I glared at her. "Claire."

"Don't do that to me, Quil. Fine," she glared back at me. "I was just thinking of something my mom said."

I sighed. "I know, you don't like her." She said.

"I don't not like her!" I protested.

"Okay, you're mad at her."

"I...do you know what she said? I just...okay, I'm mad at her. What did she say? That you're thinking about?"

She blushed. I have to admit I was a little wary at what she was going to say.

"It doesn't matter," she said, looking down, still blushing.

"Come on, Claire," I urged her. she glanced over to James, still safely on the swings. "Look, maybe we should go inside--"

"Claire."

She looked at me. _"What?"_

"Stop changing the subject."

"Quil. It doesn't matter." She was so forceful about it, I just had to know. I widened my eyes, stared into hers. "Please?" I asked softly.

Claire groaned. "You are so not fair. Fine." She didn't say anything. I raised my eyebrows. She leaned her head against my chest, groaned again. "Oh, God, Quil. This is so embarrassing."

"It's okay."

"No it's not! She said that you're a..._male_...and you..." She stopped. "and you love me very much and--I stopped her there." She hurried through the words.

I laughed, loud. Claire looked up at me, warily, but like I was crazy. "Um, Quil...?"

"Oh, Claire. As much as I hate to admit this, she is totally right."

Claire raised her eyebrows. I leaned in and kissed her, unable to resist what my body was telling me to do any longer. She responded immediately, wrapping her arms around my back and pulling me closer. I let her, pulling her closer myself. Her lips were so cold, moving with mine. Her lips parted; cool breath washed over my lips. I took a deep breath, almost dizzy. She reached up; her fingers danced across my face and hair, tracing cool patterns.

I heard her heart accelerate and slow down erratically, as I knew mine was doing. Her body pressed up against mine, and every cell in my body was aware of every bit of hers.

Outside the cloud surrounding me I heard the _shreep _of a shade being closed quickly, saw a shadow disappearing in my peripheral vision. I jumped away from Claire; she dropped her hands immediately.

"What is it?" She demanded.

My eyes searched the window. "I--I thought someone was--"

She looked over to where I was looking. "There was someone there?" She asked.

"I thought I saw--never mind." I looked at her. She went and sat on part of the magazine play structure. I wondered at James' ability to swing for so long. She motioned for me to sit next to her. I did.

"If that was my mom..." She buried her face in her hands. I pulled her close to me, she leaned against my side.

"It's okay," I told her. She made a noncommittal noise. "Sure."

"Oh, right," I said. "Of course, because I'm a _male_ and I love you, I can't _touch_ you."

"Do you?"

"What? Love you?"

She nodded slowly, turning slightly away from me. How could she ever doubt?

"You still don't believe me? Even after all I said?"

"I..."

"Claire. Does Sam love Emily?" I said it bluntly. The level of adoration, love, between them was almost stifiling. Claire could see that. She would understand that.

She flushed a deep red. She looked speechless.

I mean, I had always compared us to Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim. I didn't see what was wrong now.

"Claire, what--"

"Quil, I...I mean...we're not like...Sam...I mean..." I frowned. What had I said now? What was wrong with saying that?

"We're not what?"

"Sam and Emily!"

"No, we're not. But we're like them."

"No, we're--we're not _like _them."

"Yes we are, Claire." I didn't understand why she was taking this so strongly. I was really missing something here.

"Quil--"

"What am I missing, Claire?" I sighed.

"Um."

"Just say it," I said.

"We're not Sam and Emily, Quil! Or Jared and Kim! It's not like that! You know that, you know it's not like that. We're different!"

"Yeah, we're different. But we're going to end up the same." I was just stating the fact, the fact I knew was true and was going to happen.

Claire stood up, her hands balled into fists at her sides. "And you just take that for granted?" She hissed. "Why do you assume we're going to end up like _that? _Just because you imprinted with me doesn't mean _I _imprinted with _you._ For all you know I could end up with someone like _Jack._" She whirled around, stomped into the house.

"Wait, Claire--" I called, but she didn't turn around. I stayed on the step, the pain from her words eating me out from the inside. They burned, like fire, but my temperature no defense. More like ice. I rested my forehead against the cool wood, trying to ease the pain with no avail. She could make me so happy, but hurt me so much. I tried to stop the tears from coming, choking back and burning my eyes. I didn't even try to distract myself from the pain, or even go after her and make her understand that wasn't what I meant.

The thing she implied with her words hurt more than anything. The idea that she didn't love me, couldn't love me...I didn't know how I'd survive with that.

I heard a crash, a shout. A door slammed a few seconds later, footsteps, heels against concrete. It wasn't Claire, that much I could tell. She didn't wear heels, thought they made her look too tall. Like I could care less.

A few muffled steps, muffled shouts. A "Quil! What's wrong with you!" and the heels on concrete again, this time slower, but uneven.

A few minutes later a new set of steps echoed on cement. I wished I would just stop being able to hear everything with complete clarity. Even though it could be useful sometimes, now it just made my head hurt.

Someone shook my shoulder. "Quil!" Megan. I let my breath out, the disappointment overshadowing the relief. I looked up.

I could see the shock in her eyes reflected back to me. "Quil?" She said, softer this time.

"We're going. Claire..." The name sent a wave of pain down my spine, like the heat at a transformation. I stood up slowly.

"Yeah," I said. Megan gave me a weird look, but walked through the house to the car. I followed her blindly. Claire was already there, and she looked away from me quickly when I came in. I couldn't see her eyes; she looked out the opposite window. Matt got into the passenger seat, obliviously on his iPod. It was silent for the rest of the ride.

When we got to Claire's house, I jumped out. I said to Megan, "Thanks for letting me come. But I have to go."

"Why? Why don't you stay and..." She didn't finish her sentence. I saw her look between me and Claire, standing a few feet away with her back turned towards me. I looked quickly away.

"Sam--there's something...a..." I didn't want to say it in front of her, I don't know why.

But she nodded and said, "Oh. Well...bye then."

"Bye." I took a step closer to Claire. "Bye, Claire," I said.

"Bye," she mumbled.

I turned, fled into the cool forest, exploded painfully into a wolf.

--

_What __**now?**_ I heard from Jared's head as soon as he phased and joined me. I was running as fast as I could, but I couldn't escape anything and his 'voice' didn't fade.

I put up walls, but not quickly enough.

_"Oh."_ Jared thought. He rolled his eyes at my walls.

_"What's wrong with my walls?"_ I asked defensively.

_"They're brick."_

_"Yep. Ten deep." _I thought. Jared snickered, in his mind.

_"What? You should have some,"_ I thought, disgusted, as images of things I never wanted to see in my life assulted me. Each time I was a wolf at the same time as him.

He laughed. _"But really, what's wrong?"_

_"You wouldn't understand."_

_"Well, I think you'd be surprised." _Jared thought stiffly.

_"Claire is..."_ I let down my walls. I felt surprisingly vulnerable without them.

Jared groaned. _"God, Quil. You really know how to piss her off, don't you?"_

_"What are you talking about?" _I asked him, confused.

_"You're __**really**__ confused."_

_"What did I do?!"_ Why wouldn't he hurry up and tell me!

_"Okay. Do you remember what you said, Quil?"_ I racked my brain. I told her I love her. I told her...I said, 'Does Sam love Emily?'

I said that's how it would be. Even if right now we're different.

_"Right. Do you see a problem with that, Quil?"_ Jared's 'voice' was patronizing. I didn't say anything, didn't think anything.

_"Well, give it some thought,"_ Jared thought, then phased.

I couldn't believe that's what made her so mad. I knew what I said, but I didn't understand why knowing that I had imprinted with her was so horrible.

I had taken it for granted, yeah. But I hadn't taken _her_ for granted. I had always loved her more than anything, not just because I was supposed to. I would have loved her even if I hadn't imprinted, if I had gotten the chance.

The only thing imprinting does is _show_ you who. It doesn't make you love them. That's all me, all her. I wasn't forced to love her so much it hurts.


	29. Chapter 29

I paced outside her window, wanting to go in but too much of a coward to actually do it. The cold night air whipped against my skin, and I shuddered, not from the cold but because I didn't like to think of Claire alone in there, freezing. If only I could just get over it and go in, hold her, warm her--

But she doesn't want me.

That realization sent more waves of pain shooting through my body, centering on my heart, which was beating erratically. I was vaguely surprised that it was actually my heart that hurt, as it did so often when Claire was concerned. I took a deep breath, trying to let the cool air soothe me, but I didn't really believe that that would help. But there was no scent of Claire, and I could smell her from miles away, I was so attuned to her. She wasn't in there. I shook my head at how muddled I had become in just these few short hours. I probably wouldn't be able to smell a bloodsucker now, if it was just inches away.

I whirled around, my hair standing up on end at the thought of a vampire being just inches away from Claire and I wouldn't be able to protect her.

Her window was open, I realized. Wide open. And it was freezing.

But it was open. I hesitated. What did that mean? I wondered.

I heard a door slam somewhere inside the house, and I jumped.

A muffled shout, "You don't know what you're talking about!" Claire.

"What happened, Claire?" Megan, more softly, but I could still hear almost perfectly.

Claire mumbled something, and that I didn't hear.

"Well, fine, don't tell me, but no matter what it is it's probably for the best." I heard Claire gasp, walk down the hall to her room. The slamming of her door was loud, right above my head. I heard her sobs, faintly, muffled by sheets.

I was completely torn. I could pretty much figure out what they were taking about. I wanted so much to go in there and comfort her, but I couldn't because she didn't want me. I knew that.

But at that moment, I didn't care. I couldn't stand standing there, right there, and not doing anything while she was in so much pain. I climbed through her window and landed silently on the carpeted floor. Claire spun around, the shock and fright plain on her face, in her eyes. The fright wore off when she saw it was me standing here, but not the shock. I thought randomly that at least she wasn't scared of me.

"What are you doing here," she hissed. I swallowed, swaying slightly, looking at the wall near her so I didn't have to look at her. _"Quil!"_

I dragged my eyes to her face, but avoided her eyes. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, then it all rushed out. "I'm so sorry, Claire, I never meant to--I mean, I--I_ never_ take you for granted, I never have never will, I..." I stopped babbling. She was looking at me with the strangest expression on her face. But she turned away, said, "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Doesn't change anything."

"What do you mean? I--I'm _sorry_, Claire. So sorry. Can't you forgive me?"

"I--yeah. Yeah, I can. Still doesn't change anything." She mumbled.

"What do you mean?" I asked her. Was what I did irreparable?

"Never mind," she said. I raised my eyebrows at her.

"That doesn't work, Quil!" She said, her voice raising in pitch. She looked scared, almost. I had no idea what she was talking about. What doesn't work?

I sighed, stepped closer. Claire flinched; stepped back. I took a deep breath against the pain threatening to engulf me and said, "Okay. Bye, then," so quietly I didn't know if she heard me.

But then she said, "Wait! why..."

"You...never mind. I just need to go."

She frowned. "Then why even bother coming here at all?" She asked.

I shook my head. I didn't know what to say. She was so confusing. "Bye, Claire."

She just stared at me as I jumped out her window with an unfathomable expression.

--

_"Will you please shut those thoughts out of your mind!"_ Jack screamed at me in my mind. I flinched. I hadn't even realized he was here. My walls jumped up and I started to run to where he was. I saw in his mind that he was running from me, scared. There was also pain evident, although I was too angry to see it.

_"I'm not scared!"_ He protested I laughed; the fright was crystal clear in his mind. He took a sharp breath.

_"Stop it!"_ Pain seared through his mind, his body. I flinched. I guess my walls weren't enough to keep everything out.

_"No, they're **not**!"_

I let them down completely. He already saw everything.

_"Again isn't going to help me!"_

I snorted. Like I care.

He disappeared from my head, human again. I stopped running, grinding to a stop.

A few minutes later he phased again. He growled, tried changing back, and when it didn't work he howled in frustration.

I laughed. _"Not as easy as it looks, eh?"_

_"Doesn't look easy,"_ he thought tightly.

I phased, partly to rub it in and partly because I couldn't stand his thoughts. He was almost as bad as me--all thoughts were on Claire. I ran, in human form, to Sam and Emily's house. That's where I went when I didn't know what to do.

I knocked. Emily answered, and I heard from the kitchen, "Who is it?" in Embry's voice. Leah brushed past me. "Hi Quil, bye Quil." She didn't give me enough time to respond.

"Quil," Emily answered. We walked to the kitchen, sat down at the table. Embry was sitting with a huge piece of bread in front of him. Emily held out a plate to me. "Bread? Cheese," she offered.

"No thanks."

"What? Quil, what's wrong?" Embry looked alarmed. "What's up?"

"The sky."

He shook his head. "Wrong. The ceiling. And some dust."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. What's up with Leah? She seemed happy." I asked them.

"Oh, you know," Emily answered vaguely. "Good days, bad days."

"Yeah..."

"How's Claire doing?" Emily asked me. I flinched, the reminder hurt.

She sighed. "That bad?"

I nodded, rubbed my face with my hands. Embry patted my back, and I guessed it was supposed to be consolingly. "You'll get over it. You always do."

"Thanks. That's so helpful."

"What this time?" Emily asked.

"I pissed her off."

She sighed. "How?"

"Where's Sam?" I asked.

"Out with the kids," Emily said. Embry was glaring at me.

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "So, what happened?"

I told them. I left out some parts, the obvious ones, but they got the gist of it.

Emily shook her head. "You're hopelessly in love, Quil," she said. Embry snickered and I smacked the back of his head.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "I have to go."

"To apologize, I hope?" Emily asked me, with raised eyebrows. I closed my eyes.

"Quil..."

"Yeah, Quil, go apologize." Embry said.

"I did! I tried."

"I don't know, Quil. Maybe just leave her alone for a while." I must have looked horrified because she added, "Not _that_ long," with a short laugh.

"Yeah, whatever," I said, and left.

--

I stood on the front lawn for a few minutes, thinking about where I should go, what I should do. I wasn't tired; sleeping was out. I could eat, I could always eat. But I just wasn't hungry.

I took a sharp breath in, frustration and pain. I just couldn't believe what I had said, what an idiot I had been. What was I thinking? I was too bold, too comfortable with her, I had too loose a tongue. But I was always comfortable with her. How could I not? Apart from being my imprint and the person I loved more than anyone, she was practically my best friend.

I took a deep breath and walked quickly down the road. I was so lost, so out of sorts. I'd had fights with Claire, of course, but this one affected me more than any others. Maybe it was the overwhelming thought that this might really make a change, and not for good. It seemed that way. The way she had looked, spoken, sighed. They all pointed to that.

I took another deep breath, the cold air flooded my lungs. I tensed. Along with the innocent smell of pine and dirt, gasoline and La Push, there was a hint of vampire in the air. I didn't know if it was recent or from earlier, but I also smelled one of the pack and clear fright. I ran into the forest, faster than a normal human but not as fast as a wolf. The scent became stronger, and I could distinguish Jack's nauseating smell along with it, and no one else's.

I phased, forgetting about my clothes and shoes, and they ripped to shreds.

_Idiot,_ was the first thing that greeted me. But then a howl of pain, and I could see that the vampire had bitten Jack, deep and painful. If felt a deep sense of satisfaction along with the alarm that was my instinct. His leg was paralyzed as the venom got absorbed in. He howled again.

I lunged, picking the leech off him with my teeth and throwing it into the trees. He sprinted, lopsidedly, to where it was and tried to bite off an arm, or a head, or a leg, but missed hugely. I almost laughed. He growled, I don't know if it was at me or the vampire.

_"Go around from the other side, you idiot," _I told him, and thought what he should do. He rolled his eyes but did what I said, and together we picked apart the vampire into little pieces and put them all in a pile.

Working with him was hard, harder than I would have thought possible when my first thought was to kill him. But we did, with both our unwillingness, and only the need to protect La Push, the basic instinct so ingrained in us that even the deepest hate couldn't move it, making us move. We phased, and he tossed me a pair of shorts with an angry expression.

I lit a few matches and threw them into the pile, where they burst into gray-red flames. Jack crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the black smoke, scowling. I stared at him.

"What?" He turned around, like he was bothered by a little mosquito. I frowned.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked him.

"What do you mean? Just because I haven't had as many years experience as you doesn't make there something wrong with me."

I snorted. "Seriously. Anyone can finish off just one, lone leech alone. Especially one was young and dumb as that one."

He scowled, turned away from me and back to the flames.

"This is about Claire, isn't it?" I asked him.

He spun around. "No, of course not! Why would you think that?" The scowl deepened.

"Oh, maybe I saw her a few times in your thoughts," I said.

He growled, like he did when he was a wolf, then looked surprised at himself, maybe even a little scared. "I'm surprised _you_ can even have a civil conversation with me, considering."

I tensed. "Considering?"

"Considering Claire." When he said her name he looked at me hard. Her name sent more sharp pains to my chest. I flinched. He smiled.

"Just her name, huh?" He said quietly. "Unbelievable." He shook his head.

"Damn you." I spun and walked away, resisting the urge to cut him up into little pieces like the vampire smoking behind me. I heard soft chuckles as I ran away.


	30. Chapter 30

The next week was torture, and I barely survived it. Emily didn't help at all, and neither did Jacob or Embry or Sam. Sam because when I tried to talk to him he was so entangled with Emily it sent sharp pains of longing through me. I ran away before he could even blink.

Maybe it was because I thought she had forsaken me forever, and that was too much to think, to much to handle. I couldn't believe that this was about what I said, just that. I said that we would end up like Sam and Emily. It might be true, it might not be, but I was being crazy, I didn't know what I was thinking.

_I'm not making excuses._

What I did was inexcusable. It was completely my fault, the situation I was in right then. But I didn't actually believe she would hate me so much for this one thing.

Hate me? Could she hate me? Did she hate me? I took a deep breath and tried to focus on _no, no, no._

But yes just kept coming back.

"Why don't you just go talk to her?" Jacob said to me.

I just growled. He rolled his eyes.

"This isn't just for you, Quil. All of us are suffering."

_"You're _suffering?" I said disbelievingly. "I don't think you have any idea what this feels like."

"No. No, of course not, I can never hurt because I've never imprinted." Jacob's tone was bitter and he turned away from me. "I can't know what it feels like, can I?"

"No, Jake, I'm sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean..."

"Yeah, sure. No, you're right." He looked back at me and smiled. "Just go talk to her."

I sighed. I was messing everything up, hurting everyone. "Jake--"

"Quil. Talk. To. Her." I wouldn't have been surprised if I had felt the unmistakable pull to comply, the rope wrapped around my brain, the headache coming on.

"I can order you to, if you really want me to. I can do that, you know." He grinned.

I grumbled at him. "You are so annoying. What am I supposed to say?"

Jacob looked up at the sky, then down at me. "You're sorry. There's no excuse. You're just sorry. You hope she can forgive you. The usual stupid cliched shit like that."

"I did," I said quietly.

"And?" He prompted.

"She said it didn't change anything." I moaned, buried my face in my hands. "What am I going to do?" I asked him desperately.

He tapped his head. "Obviously there's something going on other than what you can see. Just ask her."

"Girls don't work that way," I said. "Especially Claire."

"I don't know what to say." Jacob said truthfully. "Just...I don't know. It'll work out somehow. You'll see."

--

"Claire! Just talk to me!" It took all my strength not to wrap my arms around her, pull her close to me, never let go.

She turned, and I could see her eyes were rimmed with red. "What do you want, Quil?" She asked tiredly.

"I just...I--" I was rendered speechless, only by her presence.

She raised her eyebrows. Her lower lip trembled. I wanted to go over there and kiss her. I gripped the doorknob behind me. I could feel the coldness of the metal seeping in through my skin. She stared at me, and I couldn't say a word.

"If this is to apologize, save it. This has nothing to do with you. It's all me." She looked quickly down, then met my eyes. I could see the sadness there, even from across the room.

"Sure doesn't seem like that," I muttered, finding my voice.

"What?"

"Doesn't seem like that," I repeated.

"No...what? What doesn't seem like that?"

"You..." I closed my eyes. "You don't seem like...I'm so sorry, Claire. I'm so, so, sorry. I never meant that. We can end up hating each other, not like Sam and Emily. Just don't hate me now. I can't take it." It hurt to say, but the moment was all I was really concerned about.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Quil, I--I don't hate you. I could never hate you." Her voice lowered when she said that last part. I breathed, finally, but I still saw her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked her softly, stepping forward, towards her. She took a small step to me and I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me fiercely. She didn't resist, and I took that as consent, hugged her tightly. I never wanted to let go, but after a few moments she pulled away.

"I do need air, you know." She laughed but gripped my arms tightly. "Quil--" she broke off, stepping close to me so all I could see was her. she pressed her body close to mine, squeezed me tightly. But after a few minutes she broke away again, looked at the ground. "What am I doing?" She mumbled, so low that if I wasn't a werewolf I wouldn't have heard her.

"Claire, what's wrong? Did that bastard touch you again because if he did I'll--"

"No, he didn't touch me. I haven't seen him around for a while, actually." She shook her head. "Oh, God." She leaned her head on my chest, then pulled away. She paced around the room.

"Claire!"

"What!"

"What the hell is going on with you?" She just shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Forget it. I'm sorry. I made way too big a deal about that thing."

"No, I shouldn't have said it."

"No, really." She sighed. "You're right anyways," she said quietly, and blinked furiously.

I froze. "What?"

"You're right. That's the problem."

"What?" I sounded like a broken record. Not the first time around Claire.

She shook her head, turned away. "I have to go," she said, avoiding my eyes. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and I took a step closer to her. I couldn't stand to see her in pain, crying.

"Just--I just..." She brushed past me and ran out the door. I waited a few seconds and left too, but I couldn't see any trace of her.

"Claire!" I called, but nothing. I focused, trained my ears and nose and eyes to hear her, smell her, see her. But I couldn't It was like she had disappeared completely.

--

"It'll work out somehow?!" I fumed at Jake. "What are you taking about? See what good 'talking to her' did!"

He covered his face in his oil-stained hands and groaned. "Why are you attacking me like a fucking bloodsucker? I was just trying to help you!"

I sighed. "Jesus Christ, Jake. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry." I started to walk out of his garage, but he stood up from where he was kneeling beside an old Chevy pickup. An old red chevy pickup. "Wait a second..." I squinted at the car.

"Yep." He said. "Found it on the road coming into La Push, from Forks. Right behind the line. It had the keys in it."

"Do you think..."

"I don't know." He looked back at the truck. "It was pretty beat up. I'm trying to fix it up. Hell of old. Reeks." He made a face, but I could see the pain in his features.

I walked to the car, opened the door. A wave of putrid vampire scent washed over me. Jake laughed.

"You look like you just ate a mushroom." I grimaced, jumped out of the way and slammed the door. But the scent had leaked out into the air. Jake waved his hand in front of his face.

"What--"

"I don't know, Quil," he said, his voice hard.

I threw up my hands. "Sorry!"

"No...this is so ridiculous."

"What is?" I asked.

"Here we are, moping over _girls._"

I raised my eyebrows. "Sorry, Jake. That practically makes up my entire life."

"It's pathetic how much control she has over you."

I scowled. "Don't you start on her, Jake--"

"What are you talking about? I love Claire. I'm just saying, maybe you should get out. Have a little fun."

"Like what, exactly?"

"I dunno." Jake scratched his head.

"Well, I'm off."

"Where to?"

"I really don't know."

"Well, I'll come with you." He threw down the towel he was holding and went to the sink in the corner to wash his hands.

"But what about--" I gestured to the car.

"You know, if it really was a...bloodsucker...who left it there, somehow I think she has all the time in the world." He stumbled over the word _bloodsucker_ and walked past me.

"Let's go eat something," he said.

I nodded.

"Run, walk, or drive?" He asked me.

"Walk. Drive. Not run, I don't want to face them." Jake knew exactly what I was talking about and we started walking to the little downtown in La Push.

We stopped in front of the small diner. "This good?"

He nodded. We walked in, and sat at a table. The waitress came over. We didn't know her, which was strange in La Push. She smiled at us, and her teeth glinted in the harsh fluorescent light. Jacob stiffened. I elbowed him in the ribs. He rolled his eyes.

"What can I do for you...gentlemen?" Jacob snickered.

"Can we have like...three large fries?"

She just raised her eyebrows, but nodded and left. A few minutes later she brought three red baskets over, with two bottles of ketchup.

We started eating, slowly, which was unusual for us. Jacob picked at his fries, frowning at the scratched table. I have to admit I wasn't much better.

Suddenly Jake's head jerked up. "Fuck it," he mumbled. "We are so unbelievably pathetic."

"I agree."

"And what are we going to do about it?"

"Absolutely nothing," I said. He nodded, rubbing his eyes with his hands. I saw a flash behind him and heard a "Hi, Quil!" and a quick wave.

I looked past Jake and saw Annie, Claire's friend, with some boy with black hair. She was looking at Jacob, frowning, a puzzled look on her face, but she looked away and shook her head when I waved back.

They headed out the door and Jacob opened his eyes.

"Who's that?" He didn't even turn to look at their backs disappearing through the door.

"Claire's friend," I answered, and he nodded.

--

_Ok, so I know this might be kind of boring, with Jake and stuff. Like pointless fluff. But we had to see how miserable he was, didn't we?_

_And yes, the car (truck) will be coming back in next chapters. But I'm not saying anything._


	31. Chapter 31

_Thanks for the reviewers (and favorites and alerts). Some of you are being amazing people and reviewing every chapter. I really appreciate that. But...it would be nice if more people reviewed because I'm getting a lot of hits and hardly any reviews, so... just write what you liked, what you didn't like . Thanks!_

_Here we get a look in Claire's mind, finally. I hope it clears things up._

* * *

I needed danger. Real danger. I can't remember the last time I had a real rush of adrenaline, a real life-threatening situation.

No, that's not what I'm looking for. No, of course not.

I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die.

Think of what that would do to Quil.

Quil.

What would that do to Quil? He hasn't exactly made it a secret how much he...cares about me. He's one of the reasons I haven't had real mind-numbing danger in a long time. I wouldn't say he's stifling, suffocating. I would never even think that. He keeps me safe, I'm past grateful for that. Grateful. Doesn't even do it justice, what I feel about him, towards him.

That's what scares me. That's what makes me so scared when I'm around him, so unable to function right.

What could I do that would entice real danger, real adrenaline?

I could irritate a vampire. Yeah, right. Then I'd die. Unless Quil found me. In which case I'd die from his anger.

_Enticing a vampire! A bloodsucker! What were you thinking! I'd kill you myself if I didn't--_

I could just imagine him. If I didn't--

What could I do? What can I do?

_Why do you have to go searching for trouble like that? Why can't you just stay home, be safe, with or without Quil? _Some annoying voice in my head asked me.

_I have to. I need it. _I don't want to die. I just need something different from this real, suffocating routine.

Cliff diving. That's what I can do. If it scared me and I was with _Quil,_ if I'm without him i can't even imagine the terror.

Perfect.

--

"Where exactly do you think you're going?" My mother's voice called to me as I snuck out the door. I was hoping to avoid her notice, but apparently that was not going to happen.

"A bonfire at the beach," I lied. Then at least I'd have an excuse if I got wet.

"With who?"

"People from school. Annie. Pierre. Izzy. Cat. Cassy."

"Not Quil?" Suspicious. What did she think, that I was running off with him somewhere?

"No, not Quil." I said. Hopefully. Knowing him he'd just happen to be running by and see me jump.

She sighed. "Okay...but be careful. Call me when you get there and when you leave."

"I don't have a phone."

"Someone must have one."

"But I--"

"Claire."

"Okay, okay. Bye."

"Be careful."

The walk wasn't short, but I didn't mind. I thought fleetingly that my mom better not call Annie or someone else. Within a few minutes I smelled salt and ocean brine, but there wasn't a wind, and hardly any clouds. Surprising, for La Push. It was even warm, a good day to go cliff diving. No chance of drowning...I hoped.

I came up to the edge of the cliffs, overlooking calm waters, with barely any surf, barely any waves. It looked almost like a swimming pool, innocent, harmless.

Quil couldn't get _that_ mad at me for this, could he? But why did I even care? He wasn't, like...I could do what I want to. I don't need his permission for everything I do.

_That doesn't stop him from being mad at you about it._ Shut _up!_ I screamed in my head. I heard a quiet chuckle behind me, spun around and there was nothing.

I dropped my extra clothes behind a bush. No one was around; and it wasn't like anyone would take it anyways.

I edged up to the edge, shivering despite the sun in my shorts and tank top. I had decided to wear actual clothes, but I wanted as least resistance as possible, therefore as little clothes as possible. I was just glad no one was seeing me in this. Especially Quil.

My toes clung to the edge, my heart pounding even though I hadn't done anything yet. Flashbacks of when I cliff dove with Quil kept invading my mind, telling me to wait and do this with him. But no--the point was that I did this alone. I glanced around. No one.

Tears ran down my cheeks, hot tears burned. I looked down, eyeing the water. Drops fell down, where I was to follow. Even though it was calm, it still scared me, sent my pulse crazy.

I jumped; not waiting, just doing it when I still could, before I chickened out. The air rushed past me, I was cold with no warm hand to hold on to.

_Shut up!_

I got my adrenaline. It just wasn't what I was looking for.

_Smack!_ The water hit me like a hammer, a huge hammer. I fell through it, the cold blue depths. My eyes were glued open; I could see everything in perfect clarity, the sea weed, the fish darting away from me. I could just feel my contacts coming out, but I didn't care.

My breath was running out, though. I fought to make it to the surface, I could see the light there, the lighter blue. The lighter green. But it didn't help--I was being thrashed around by the water I had thought was going to be gentle. I stopped fighting, lay perfectly still. My head bobbed above the water, I drew in deep breaths of warm cold air. It stung my nose and throat, burning like a fire was lit there.

A wave pushed me under again, then pushed me up. I just let it do what it wanted, trusting it to keep me afloat, alive. I wasn't cold, even though the water was icy at first.

_"Holt fucking shit...Claire!"_

It reached my ears but I didn't really register it until I felt hot arms around me, pulling me roughly somewhere. I felt hard sand and rocks and pebbles under my feet, hitting my legs, and huge hands pulled me up and made me stand, holding me upright.

"Quil?" I mumbled. The salt in my throat made my voice hoarse and rasping. A hand hit my back.

"Holy fuck, Claire, what do you think you're doing? Quil is going to kill me..." Not Quil's voice. And he wouldn't talk about himself like that. And he doesn't swear. I opened my eyes but when I did everything was blurry, unfocused.

"Crap," I muttered. I couldn't even make out the face in front of me, but I could tell by the size that it was one of the pack, and not Leah. I jumped away from whoever it was.

"Who are you?" I demanded, realizing how stupid I must sound, looking them right in the face and asking who they were.

"What? Claire? Are you okay?" He stuck his face closer to mine and it came into focus slowly. The dark brown eyes were worried.

"Jake?" I asked the partially fuzzy picture in front of me.

"Yeah." He sounded worried. "Dammit, Quil is going to kill me."

"Why?" I asked. If it was anyone who would be murdered soon it would be me.

"Quil has a tendency to kill the messenger when the delivery is you, Claire. He can't find it in himself to kill you." He sighed. "Oh, well."

Delivery? "We don't have to tell him," I said to Jake. "He won't kill me, but..."

"Yeah. You can not tell him."

"Oh. Right."

"I'll try. For a while I'll hold. But he'll find out soon enough. Wait..." he drew out the word. "What are you doing cliff diving alone anyways?' He asked.

"Why is it that one of you always finds me?" I answered a question with a question.

It looked like Jake rolled his eyes.

"You need glasses, Claire." He laughed and helped me walk up the rocks to the road. I didn't know if he meant it literally or metaphorically. I didn't ask.

I grabbed my extra clothes and Jake said, "So this was _planned,_ now was it? Not just a spur of the moment decision."

I didn't answer him. He said, "Oh, how I wish I could see your mind right now, Claire."

"Sorry, Jake." I said sarcastically. "You'll have to make do with only ten others to read."

He chuckled, and we climbed into his Rabbit. He fiddled with the knobs on the dashboard, and I felt hot air blowing towards me.

"I'm not even cold, Jake." I said.

"Listen, if you show up with me and you're wet, Quil will think you're cold. And you'll be with me. Which will mean it's my fault. Just bear with me, will you?"

"Yeah...whatever."

He sighed, I leaned away from the boiling air coming out of the dashboard. "Are you sure there's not something wrong with your car?" I asked Jake.

He glared at me jokingly. "Did you actually just say that?" He asked me disbelievingly. "You did not just say that."

"But--I mean, you've had it for like...a long time. How many years?"

"It's older than you," he said, and sniffed. "I like my car." He acted hurt, but his hands gripping the steering wheel were white, and he stared ahead to the steady road and green flashing by.

"Um, Jake?" I asked, when the flashes became blurs. "Exactly how fast are we going?"

He glanced towards me, and we slowed down. "Sorry."

"What's wrong?" I asked him. He was acting really...out of sorts. More than usual.

"What? Nothing."

"You're a horrible lier."

He looked at me quickly. "I know," he sighed. "There was a bloodsucker--around here--a--Cullen." His voice whispered that last word. "A bloodsucker...two bloodsuckers...It's just--you know that girl Quil told you about? Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I think she might be back." We sped up. I gripped the side of the seat.

"Like, actually?" What a stupid thing to say. I can't believe I said that.

"Yes. Actually." He was silent after that, and I didn't want to mess anything up with my mouth not working with my brain. No, my brain wasn't even working. I was a horrible person. Why couldn't I say something...something...anything?

A few minutes later he pulled up to my driveway. I hopped out. I was about to say something but he said, "Bye, Claire. See you around," rather abruptly.

"Bye." I hardly had time to say it before he pulled out and sped away. I raised my eyebrows at the back of his car.

"Claire! You didn't call! Why did Jacob drive you home?" My mom frowned, looked me over as if checking for damage. "Why are you all wet?"

"I didn't have a phone. He was at the beach. I fell in the water." I answered each question with no more than five words. I walked past her and her eyes digging for something more, something that I did wrong, or that Jake did, or Quil.

"Why wasn't Quil there?" She asked. I spun around.

"What is it with you and Quil?" I said angrily. "Why does it always have to be _Quil, Quil, Quil!?"_

My mother looked taken aback. She didn't say anything, and I ran past her to my room. I could hear her footsteps come down the hall and I walked quickly to the shower, to avoid her but also because the ocean water left me feeling dirty and, although not cold, a hot shower would be nice.

The hot water washed over my body, pooling dirtily on the floor of the shower. I heard the phone ring--dismissed it--thinking that my mother would get it. Unless it was Quil. She would probably hang up if it was Quil. Would I care if it was Quil? Why would I care? I shouldn't care. Why should I care? I couldn't even count the number of times he had called my house. Why would now be any different?

I thought of his face when he was apologizing to me, anguish and misery glazing his features. What had I done to him? Just because of my own indecision, my own fear. My own feelings.

What feelings? The question came unbidden to my mind. What, exactly, what feelings made me do this to Quil, let alone all the rest of the pack for having to read his thoughts, and poor Jake with everything else he has to deal with. I slumped down on the floor of the shower, leaning my back against the cold porcelain wall, and covered my face in my hands.

What had I done? Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had, with Quil, with what we had? Why did I have to get so upset over one little thing he said that was true anyways?

Tears leaked through my fingers, blended with the hot water turning cold running down from my head. I shut off the water, the shower head still dripped on me. I looked up; a drop fell and hit me right in the eye. I blinked, more tears coming. I was just like this shower; a leaky faucet. I couldn't shut up, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't do anything right and I couldn't stop hurting everyone. I couldn't pick myself up from this wet floor and go make everything right.

What could I do to make everything right? Apologize?

_Oh, yeah, I'm so sorry, Quil, for making your life miserable and I'm not sure if I want to keep this up, what we have, so can you please maybe hold on for a few more days until I figure it out?_

I snorted, water flew up my nose. I coughed, my throat was raw from the salt.

I didn't even thank Jacob for saving me out there. _I wouldn't have died or anything. _He saved me, still. Mentally, if not physically.

And here I am, moping, when I could be happy and make Quil happy! And poor Jake, the girl he loved (loves?) is his worst enemy and hanging on to the neck of some gorgeous _leech._ And I could just...I could just make everything right.

Quil could too. _Quil tried! _I didn't let him, I pushed him away.

I always push him away. I can't stand it, kissing him one moment and acting like nothing happened the next.

The thought flashed through my mind that I wished I was normal, but I squashed it, burned it, killed it. How could I wish my life was normal? If my life was normal I wouldn't have Quil. He would be some old married guy somewhere.

If it wasn't for me he would probably be happy.

_It's not my fault! I didn't make him imprint with me!_

I could make him happy. I could make him happy and be happy myself. But I couldn't! I couldn't stand this, the endless not knowing what's about to happen and the kissing him like my life depended on it but dropping him like it burned a second later. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't live with it. Couldn't live without it. I couldn't go on like that, I had to go on like that.

I hated the way he let go of me like I was hurting him by pulling away. I hated the way it made me feel like I was being bashed over the head with a two-by-four and didn't even care. I hated the look in his eyes when he was kissing me and when he wasn't kissing me. The happiness, pure happiness. The longing, the pain. What had I put him through, all these years?

I hated the way his hands grabbed my hair and my waist and pulled me close to him and I hated the way it felt that he never wanted to let go. I hated the way his lips moved, desperate and gentle and soft and hard and sharp, but never painful. I hated the way his hands were everywhere and I hated the way it felt like we fit together.

But I loved it too. Loved it more than anything, anything I had ever experienced. Loved it so much I couldn't give it up.

So why was it so hard? Why did those few words wake me up to the fact that I was totally and completely falling in love with him?

* * *

_Okay, maybe that made everything make a bit more sense? Maybe?_

_Review, review, review! Please?_


	32. Chapter 32

_So I was listening to music and I heard Dosed by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I was like, "OMG! This is totally QUIL!" Well, I didn't say OMG. I don't say OMG. But still. Apart from being an awesome song, it reminded me of, well, Quil. And his situation with Claire. So, you should listen to it, when you read this chapter or not._

_Anyways, yeah. Enjoy. And review!!_

Once I knew that I wasn't going to either fall completely apart or make a huge fool of myself or loose control or hurt him, I went to see Quil. I hated it when things were like this, when I didn't see him and I knew that we, whatever he might say, we were _not_ "okay."

"Claire?" I decided to call him before I just walked over to his house. Last time I showed up at his door, he--well, it was fine, actually. More than fine. But still. I didn't want to...

"Yeah...Quil...I was wondering if I could...come over, maybe?" I spoke quietly, suddenly shy. I was never shy around Quil. I told myself to ignore my heart speeding up the second I heard his husky voice.

"Yeah! Of course." He sounded happy, and I took some comfort in that.

"So...I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Do you want me to come pick you up?" He sounded concerned.

"No, no, I'll just walk."

He hesitated. "Okay. Bye."

"See you." I hung up, taking deep breaths. What was wrong with me?

I walked to my room to get dressed, as I was still in my pajamas. I pulled on a flannel shirt and the ever-present jeans when I stopped. I thought, maybe I should wear something a little...a little more...nice.

What? This is _Quil._ Since when do I dress up for _Quil?_ Only Quil, what was I thinking?

Exactly. Quil.

So if it was Quil, I should--

I shouldn't do anything!

I ran out of the house before my brain could run around in circles any longer, and down the road, slowing when I got the the main street and past it and down a few others. Finally I reached Quil's house, that he shared with Embry. When I got there, I saw Embry practically falling out the door, yelling, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Quil? This is my house, too, you know!" And hanging on to the side of the frame for dear life. I couldn't help laughing as I saw him there. He heard me.

"Claire! Help me! Get your sadistic boyfriend off my--" Then I saw Quil's hands, I couldn't mistake his hands, shoving Embry off the steps. Embry's expression was terrified, which was funny to see on someone so...huge. Embry came running past me, screaming, waving his arms dramatically. I waved at him, and walked over to Quil. But I stopped when I got closer. The fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt was not exactly helping me with the whole keeping control thing. I avoided looking at him, but the glimpse I had set off my heart in wild palpitations.

"What's wrong?" He was so worried. I laughed.

"Can you please just put on a shirt, Quil?" I asked, dragging my eyes to his face and he laughed, grinning, apparently at what he saw in my eyes. I blushed a deep crimson, I felt the heat in my face. There was an unreadable expression on his face, apart from the smile. He didn't move.

"Quil?"

"Yeah, sorry." He grinned and disappeared into the house. He came back wearing a long sleeve black shirt.

"I would have put on a ski jacket, but apart from the fact that I don't think I have one, I would probably fry."

"We wouldn't want that," I said, reaching up to pat his head. "You know, just a t-shirt would have been fine," I told him, smiling.

He hugged me, but then pulled back quickly. I looked down, shy again.

"Claire, you didn't have to--"

"Yes I did." I cut off his protest and led the way into the house. We sat at the kitchen table, like that last time. "Quil, I just need to say...I'm really, really sorry."

He frowned at me. "There's nothing for you to be sorry for."

"Yes there is. I was...I did..." I didn't know what to say to get the words out and the feelings across. He reached out slowly and put in hand on mine, pulled it towards him.

"Claire, you did nothing wrong."

"Well you didn't either!"

"Yes I--"

"Shut up, Quil." That was met by shocked silence, on both sides. I had said it harsher than I had meant to, jokingly. "Don't even try."

He grinned, and I had to look at the table.

"God, it's hot. Sorry, Claire." He rolled up his sleeves.

"Just don't take it off," I warned him. He chuckled, looking at me with that same expression.

"What?" I asked, self-conscious.

He just shook his head.

I tried again. "I don't really care if you don't think I did anything wrong, but I did and I need to apologize for them. Okay?"

He was still gazing at me, and his eyes were sort of glazed over.

"Quil!"

He jerked up, and I could see a faint blush creep up into his face. "Yeah?" His voice was hoarse.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He sounded like he had gotten a cold or something.

"Yeah, yeah, of course." He brushed some black hair off his forehead.

"This is so pointless!" I said, exasperated. He was not helping me at all.

"What's the point?" He asked me.

"Well, I was _trying_ to apologize to you, but you aren't really cooperating."

"Cooperating?"

"Ugh!" I dropped his hand and stood up. "Whatever. I tried."

"Wait! I'm sorry, Claire. Really. I'll stop." He almost knocked over his chair to stumble up with me.

I just looked at him.

"What?"

"I'm so sorry, Quil, for what I did that hurt you and how I acted."

"I forgive you," he smirked, and pulled me close to him. I almost resisted, automatically going against my instincts, which was sort of an oxymoron, but then I relaxed against his warm chest and tried to forget my earlier epiphany. His arms gathered me close and he rested his chin on the top of my head.

Suddenly he pulled away. "Claire! I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner!" I was almost afraid he would say he found out from Jake about me cliff diving.

"Uh, what?"

"It's your birthday. Why aren't you..."

"I hate my birthdays. With a fiery passion. You know that." I groaned. "Please act like it's tomorrow."

He frowned at me. "But Claire--"

"Quil. It's tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay, okay. But isn't your mom doing anything for it?"

"We're having a _family dinner." _I made a face.

He laughed. "Can't be that bad."

"Ever since she took it on herself to hate the pack with a fiery passion, like I hate birthdays, yes it can be that bad." He pulled away from me.

"What?"

"It can be that bad?" I said, confused.

"No...she hates the pack?" His expression was blank.

"Well, she hates you. At least it seems that way. You saw her."

"But the rest of the pack--"

"You know what I think? She's scared. She's scared that I'll end up like Emily." I didn't realize what I was saying until I felt Quil's eyes on me, burning holes into my own. He almost double-took.

"Claire, I'll never hurt you like that, I promise, I would never, I could never--"

"No, I didn't mean it that way," I said, and I could feel the blush creeping up my face again. Why couldn't I ever just say what I meant? "I mean, I--"

Quil was frozen, it seemed he didn't know what to do. He finally said, "Well, you're fourte--fifteen, and _I _think that you have enough brain cells to decide whether or not you want to end up like Emily."

"Thank you, for your faith," I said sarcastically. He grinned. The phone rang, Quil ignored it.

"Don't you want to--"

"Nah." He shrugged. "Probably some girl for Embry," and his hand came up and his fingers trailed down my cheek. I froze. He jerked back. "Sorry," he said automatically. I cringed. Here I go again.

"No, it's okay." I said it forcefully. Another ring.

"Really?" He looked at me with slightly raised eyebrows and barely disguised hope in his eyes. _Ring._

He leaned forward slowly. _Rriiing._

His thumbs on my cheekbones, his fingers in my hair. _Rrriiiiiing._

His lips parted, his hot breath fanned out across my face.

_"Quil! If Claire is there, tell her to get back home this instant. She needs to get here, we're leaving soon. Claire! If you're there, young lady, you had better leave _right now,_ because..."_

We jumped away from each other. Quil's expression was angry, and he shut his eyes and squeezed his temples with his hands. I inched away from the phone.

_"And Quil, if she's there and you're not telling me, you had better make her go right now if you value your--"_ Quil stepped across the room faster than I would have thought possible and grabbed the phone._ "What?"_ He snarled into it. I heard faint screaming on the other end.

"No...Yes, okay, okay! Fine. Yeah, whatever. Whatever you want. You're her mother, after all." He screwed up his face and glanced at me. I covered my mouth with my hands so she wouldn't hear me laughing. Quil rolled his eyes. "She will be home within the minute. What? No, wait, I forgot. If I'm not allowed too use my werewolf speed, it'll be more like within the hour." More screaming, less faint, but I still couldn't make out the words. Something about..._wolf! How dare you even...it!_

"Ten minutes. Okay. See you in ten minutes." He slammed the phone down, muttering.

"I won't even ask what she wants," I said.

Quil shook his head, hair falling into his eyes. "No. Don't."

I stood up. "Well, I guess--"

"I'll drive you."

"I thought you weren't allowed to--"

"Driving isn't exactly mystical, Claire."

"Right." I said. He walked towards the door and grabbed my hand on the way out. I didn't let go of his, remembering, but it felt so natural and good that it was like I had to remember to not like it. But I did like it. More than I should.

We got into the car; he had to drop my hand when we approached. I tried to ignore the feeling of coldness when he let go. On the way there, he didn't say anything, and by the time I realized I probably should say something, we were already there.

Quil jumped out of the car and was by my door before I could fully stand up. He took my hand again, and pulled me up, catching me against his chest. My eyes flickered to the window facing the street; there was a figure, a shadow, in the afternoon light. My dear mother.

I looked back at Quil; his eyes smoldered with intensity, mischief, and something else. His fingers stroked my cheek and I felt his heat surround me again, or was that mine? He leaned towards me and was about to kiss my cheek when I jerked my head to the side and his lips caught mine. He kissed me lightly, surprised but recovering soon, but then pulled away. "Claire--"

"Shut up, Quil." I kissed him again. I wanted my mom to see this, know that this was my decision, my life, but I also couldn't resist him. I have to admit, maybe I was being a little reckless and stupid. But he was so close, so _there..._

I might just have gotten a bit carried away, because Quil took hold of my wrists and pulled gently away from him.

His voice was a whisper, "As much as I hate to let go of you, someone's giving us a death glare over there." I glanced over to the house. My mother was standing on the steps with crossed arms. When I saw her expression I swear Quil tightened his hold around my wrists unconsciously.

"Quil?" I said questioningly, holding up my hands.

He dropped them. "Sorry."

I just shook my head. "See you. Wish me luck."

He smiled. "You sure I can't come with you?"

I snorted. "I wish. Hang on." I turned to my mother, and called, "Quil can't come, can he?" I was almost afraid of her reaction, but didn't show it.

She just gave me a _look._

Quil sighed. "I guess that's a no." He looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn't say anything.

I walked up the steps. Quil got into his car, started to drive away. He was moving slowly, exaggerated slowness.

"You, Claire, are in so much trouble I don't even know where to start."

_Uh-oh._

_Hope you enjoyed._ _Review? And listen to the song. I'll post the lyrics here:_

_I got dosed by you and  
Closer than most to you and  
What am I supposed to do  
Take it away I never had it anyway  
Take it away and everything will be okay  
In you a star is born and  
You cut a perfect form and  
Someone forever warm  
Lay on lay on lay on lay on  
Lay on lay on lay on lay on  
Way upon the mountain where she died  
All I ever wanted was your life  
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide  
All I ever wanted was your life  
Show love with no remorse and  
Climb on to your seahorse and  
This ride is right on corse  
This is the way I wanted it to be with you  
This is the way that I knew that it would be with you  
Lay on lay on lay on lay on  
Lay on lay on lay on lay on  
Way upon the mountain where she died  
All I ever wanted was your life  
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide  
All I ever wanted was your life  
I got dosed by you and  
Closer than most to you and  
What am I supposed to do  
Take it away I never had it anyway  
Take it away and everything will be okay  
Way upon the mountain where she died  
All I ever wanted was your life  
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide  
All I ever wanted was your life_

_So Quil, isn't it?_

_"Dosed" does not belong to me. It belongs to the Red Hot Chili Peppers._


	33. Chapter 33

_I'm afraid I was kind of obvious as to what's going to happen. Obviously, subtlety is not my strong point. But if you don't, that's okay. Just read the chapter and enjoy!_

_So for some chapters I might put a song or two, that kind of go with the chapter, if I see any. You can listen to them or not; I don't really care. It's just, if I hear one that I think goes with the story._

_For this one, it's "Tear Jerker" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers for Jacob, and "Mother" by Pink Floyd for Claire. If you have any questions about the songs or how they are relevant to the story, ask me in a review or PM, and I'll clear it up._

* * *

"Jesus Christ Mom, I'm not two anymore. I'm fifteen." Which reminded me of the "family" dinner. I shuddered. When my dad and brother walked out halfway through, it turned into a kind of half family dinner. "Can I please go?"

"You know what I'm thinking, so I might as well tell you. I don't want you around Quil. If you go to Emily's, Quil will be there."

"How do you know he won't be on patrol?" I didn't address the impossibility of her other statement.

"At a pack party? With you there?" My mom snorted. "Him not there. Right."

"What is your problem with him?" I asked for the thousandth time.

Her answer wasn't any more informative than usual. "I don't want you around him."

"Why?!"

"He's not good for you." Her lips formed a tight line, saying the conversation was over.

But it wasn't over for me. "What? Why do you think that? It's my decision! It's my life! And I want him to be a part of it!" That was actually the first time I had said that out loud, to anyone, but I felt such truth in it I didn't fight it.

She flinched. "You can't say that. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course I know what I'm talking about. I _know_ him. I trust him."

"You don't know what you're talking about." She said again. "He can loose control. Sam did.

"No matter who I end up with, human or not human, they can hurt me. And anyways, Sam had just changed! Quil's had years and years of experience being a werewolf!"

She flinched again, as if the word offended her. "That's exactly one of my points." She said.

"Am I the only one having a strange sense of déjà vu here?" I asked her. It was true; I felt like we'd had this conversation before.

She laughed. "Of course. It's because you're so stubborn."

I threw up my hands. "He's my freaking _soul mate, _mom! What do you want me to do!"

She didn't respond, just closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "Some day you'll understand, Claire. You won't be so hasty. You'll live without a soul mate, if that's what you choose. And no, you can't go. I don't want you around him."

I shuddered at the thought of not having him around, never seeing him, talking to him, touching him...loving him. But I wasn't giving up. "You said I could choose! So let me choose! Let me go!"

"No. That's final."

I ran to my room and slammed the door. But I _still_ wasn't going to give up. I called Annie.

"Claire?"

"Hey. Can you do me a huge favor?"

"No, I'm not doing anything. Yes. What?"

"Can you ask me over to your house?"

"Um...can you come over?" She said.

"No, no, no. Like come over here and in front of my mom can you ask me and also say that you want to go downtown okay?"

"Uh...Claire, are you feeling okay?" She sounded worried.

I laughed and said, "Yeah. I'm great. So can you?"

"Yeah, I'll be over in a second." I knew that this wasn't an exaggeration, because she lived so close and walked so fast. I sat there until I heard the doorbell ring. I got up slowly, walked down the hall.

"Annie?" My mom's voice said.

"Hi. Is Claire here?"

"Yeah..."

"I just wanted to see if she wanted to go downtown with me. I wanted to go get something to eat because my parents are out and I was kind of lonely." She sure was a good lier. I heard footsteps down the hall and walked out to meet them.

"Hey Annie!"

"Hi. Wanna go get something to eat with me?" She rolled her eyes at me slightly.

"Yeah! Come on." I dragged her out of the house. When we were out of earshot, I said, "You're an amazing actress. Thank you so much."

She laughed and said, "Thanks, but you, well...not so much."

I pretended to be offended. "What?!" I said.

She just rolled her eyes and started walking...towards downtown. Or at least the downtown of La Push, which I'm not even sure it could be called a downtown.

"Wait!"

She turned. "What? I thought we were going downtown."

"No, that was just the...what you were telling my mom."

"So where exactly are we going?" She asked.

"Well, if it's okay with you, my Aunt Emily and Sam's house."

She looked confused. "You wanted me to lie to your mom so you could sneak out to your _aunt's_ house?"

I laughed. "Not just my aunt. The whole pa--Quil and his friends are going to be there."

"And your mom didn't want you going?"

I glanced behind us. "She doesn't think Quil's good for me. And I, well, do. So she doesn't want me around him. Which is so unbelievably stupid I can't even--" I stopped ranting.

"So you and him are like...that, now, are you?" There was a strange look on her face.

"Uh...I actually don't know. But...I...she...doesn't want...I..._I don't know!"_

Annie frowned at me. "You're very confused. Anyway. Now that you don't need me I'll be going. Leave you to your...Quil."

"What? He's not my Quil. You're coming, Annie. If you want. Which you do."

"I do?"

"They're lots of fun. And there's always food. So you can eat something and not be lonely." I grinned.

"My parents are actually not home, but...okay. Sure." We started walking towards Emily and Sam's house. "It's okay, right?"

"Of course. Embry's always bringing along his girl of the week anyways, so you won't be the only person who doesn't--who's not usually there." I finished lamely. I was going to say who doesn't know anything about the pack, but that would kind of kill the not knowing about the pack.

"Oh. Good." She said shortly.

We walked slowly, silently, except for the usual squishing of our shoes, as always soggy and damp on the wet ground. Although it wasn't raining at this second, the ground was always wet.

When we got there, I rang the doorbell and Emily answered, a big smile on her face. "Claire! You made it." She turned and smiled at Annie.

"I hope it's okay that my friend Annie came," I said.

"No, of course not." Emily said. "You're very welcome," she said to Annie. Annie smiled; I was glad she didn't seem to surprised by Emily's scars, although they were pretty faded now.

"Thanks."

We went inside and were greeted by loud voices and a rise in the temperature of the room by a few full degrees. I peered in the living room for Quil, but didn't see him.

"Uh, Claire?" Annie looked inside and I could see the surprise on her face and she even looked a little scared. She drew back. "Is there a bathroom?"

"Of course there's a bathroom." I pointed her the way, down the hall to the right. And I walked in to the left, to the living room. I looked for Quil again, but it seemed he wasn't here. I went over to Jacob, who was standing in the corner looking very depressed and holding a glass of something which he was swirling around, staring into.

"Jake?"

He started. "Claire! Hey,"

"Where's Quil?" I asked.

He sighed. "He'll be here soon." And looked away from me. He looked horrible; there were almost black circles under his red eyes and he swayed slightly.

"Oh. Are you okay?"

He sank into the nearest chair, rubbing his face with his free hand. He shrugged.

"What happened?" I frowned. "Does this have to do with Bella? And...Edward?" Jake flinched, taking a swig of what looked like what Emily locked away in the cabinets.

"Of course it does." He said quietly. I hated this girl, these people, for doing this to Jake. Even though I'd never met them, I hated them fiercely.

"What--" I was about to ask what had happened, again, when Annie showed up next to me. "Hey, Claire--" She broke off and looked at Jacob. "Hey, you're the person who was--"

But Jacob had gone a sallow, pale color through his dark skin and was staring at Annie openmouthed. His expression turned angry, which was kind of terrifying, I must admit, staring angrily with his almost black eyes...he dropped his glass, it landed with a tinkling sound on the hard floor. He jerked to his feet and lurched out of the room unsteadily. At the sound of the breaking glass Sam had glanced over, and now he followed Jake silently.

"What the..." Annie was looking out the door, to where Jake had left. "Who was that?"

"That was Jake. Jacob. I don't know why he's...he's usually not like this, I have no idea what's..." I stopped when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up into Quil's soft dark eyes.

"Do you know what happened to Jacob? He looked horrible. Hey, Annie." She waved weakly at him.

"I don't know. Something with Bella..." I trailed off.

"Yeah, I know about that, but horrible on top of that drunken depressed horrible."

"What was he drinking anyways?" I asked.

Quil smiled. "I don't know. Something a lot stronger than...well, anything. I felt almost ready to pass out when I was a wo--" He broke off and glanced at Annie. "With him. And I'd only had some orange juice."

Annie had just been standing there, listening to our discourse blankly. Quil said, "So, what brings you lovely people here?"

"You mean what almost didn't. My dear mother thought I shouldn't be around you."

"So she called me and made me lie for her." Annie broke in.

"Made you? I didn't make you!"

"Oh, only called me and was like, 'can you tell my mom that you invited me to have dinner downtown...oh, but we're not really going downtown we're going to my aunt's house for some party with some guy she doesn't want me around--' " Annie rolled her eyes. Quil laughed. I just shook my head.

"She doesn't want you to be around me? Why?" He frowned, and it reached his eyes.

"Because she's a controlling freak who thinks I'm going to be mauled by a bear." When they both looked confused at that, I said, "Forget it. It's not like I care. I'm not going near any bears any time soon."

Quil smirked, laughed. "Not quite." Annie looked so confused. Quil held up a finger, "hang on a minute," and walked swiftly to Seth who had just come in.

I guess I had been watching him walk away, dazed, because Annie poked me and I looked around at her.

"All I can say is...what. The. Hell." She said. I laughed.

"I mean, the first time I go to see your family...and their friends...I mean, what just happened?"

"Jake was just upset," I said.

"Oh, yes. So upset the very sight of me sent him running out the door." Her tone was sarcastic, and she ran her fingers through her long dark hair. "Whatever. The fact that some random very hot guy seems to hate me, well, whatever, right?"

"I'm really sorry, Annie. We can leave, if you want." Although I hated the idea of leaving so soon after I had come and I didn't even know the next time I would see Quil, now with my mom being so annoying about him, I would if she wanted to.

"No, no. You should stay. Who knows when you'll be able to see Quil next."

"But you--"

"I don't mind. I'll find something to do. She looked towards the table with food. "And I am kind of hungry..." I pushed her to the food. "Go eat." I saw her as she filled a plate with food and started talking with Seth, who was hovering around the table.

But then I thought that if Seth wasn't with Quil, then Quil must be...I looked around for him, and saw him making his way to me, pushing past Embry and some short blonde girl.

"Hey."

"Hi. Did you find out what--"

"I didn't talk to Jake. I had to talk to Seth about this bloodsucker we found...and didn't catch." He frowned.

"Didn't catch?" I repeated. As if the worry in my voice was obvious, he wrapped his arm around me.

"Don't worry. We won't let it get close."

I snorted. "I'm not worried about _me._"

"Well, you should be. You shouldn't worry about us."

"You," I said.

He closed his eyes, opened them again. He dropped his arm. "Claire..."

"What? I've had enough of people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I can worry about you if I want, and it's not like I can stop myself if I didn't."

He sighed, and I could see the conflicting emotions in his face. "Claire..."

"Is something stuck? In your throat?" I asked. He grinned, shook his head at me.

"So let's get some food," I said, and we made our way over to the food table, where Annie and Seth were deep in conversation. He was waving his arms around, and Kim dodged out of the way of one of them. Jared flicked his head, and he yelped, sounding quite like a dog, and smacked his arm. Jared retaliated by hitting him again, and they went up in a flurry of smacks and playful punches. Annie laughed at their antics, waved at me. I picked at a brownie, not really hungry. Quil mounded the food on his plate. He was staring at me, but when I met his eyes questioningly he looked away quickly and focused on his plate. I brushed some hair out of my eyes, and saw Sam walking through the door. Quil handed me his plate and strode over to him, said something. They exchanged a few words, and Quil came back, grinning. I handed him his plate, saying, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said He looked happy.

"What's up with Jacob?" Annie asked him, before I could.

"Uh...well..." Quil muttered and took a huge bite of bread and coughed loudly, "Mmmf hmm fuhhmft." He said. I rolled my eyes at Annie. He swallowed, coughing. "He...well...nothing...really...happened...just...he just had a bad day." Quil shoveled food into his mouth and didn't say any more.

Annie raised an eyebrow. "And that's why he ran away from me?"

"He didn't run away from you. He just...he didn't run away from you," Quil assured her. His eyes flickered over to me quickly.

"Really? Well, that's what it seemed like," Annie said.

"Nope. He doesn't hate you. Don't worry."

"Oh, well, _that's _a relief."

--

"Why can't you just _accept_ it and deal?" Sam's irritated voice reached me and Quil, standing by the edge of the trees. Sam hardly ever got irritated, so this must be really bad. Quil sighed. Annie's dad had called her and told her to get home, so I stayed out, with Quil, of course. As she left, she had told me to tell her about what happened with Jake, if I ever found out. It seemed that I was about to.

"You don't _understand, _Sam. You have no idea." Jacob's weary, but still angry, wavering voice floated over.

"I have no idea?" Sam gave a short laugh. "Leah was no Bella, no, but it was the same. You think I liked hurting her? And Bella doesn't even give a shit!"

"Don't--don't say that." Jake's voice was oddly distorted. "That's--that's not true."

"It's true, Jacob. And when you wake up and realize you could have it so much better, and all you have to do it _listen to your damn alarm clock_ you'll hate yourself. Trust me, I know."

"You don't know! How could you know! I don't even know her, how can I love her?" Jacob mumbled this last bit, and his voice was so saturated in pain and sadness it hurt.

"You don't know Bella anymore, Jacob."

"Yes I--yes I do."

I heard leaves rustling, and Sam came stomping out of the trees, grumbling. "When you realize you're wrong and you need help, Jake, come see me. But until then, don't even talk to me." To Quil he said, "He's crazy. Crazy. I can't believe him. He's fucking out of his mind. Will you please talk to him!" He walked back into his house, but it would be a sprint for a human.

Quil looked at me and shrugged, walked to the edge of the trees. "Jacob!" He called. I heard footsteps, and a huge red-brown wolf, bigger than Quil, but thinner, with longer fur, stepped out of the undergrowth and lay down about ten feet from us, his paws over his nose. Quil rolled his eyes. "Get your human ass back here right now, Jake. We can't talk to you like this."

As the wolf got to his feet, rolled his eyes, and trotted off, I hissed to Quil, _"We?"_ What was I supposed to say to Jacob? I didn't even know what was going on with him.

Quil wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, so I was leaning on him. "Don't worry," was all he said. I grumbled at his lack of an explanation, but then Jacob walked up to us. "What?" He said angrily.

Quil sighed. "What is your problem, Jake?"

"My problem? _My problem?_ You think I have a problem?" He started to shake, and Quil's arm tightened around me. He stepped in front of me. "Jacob."

He glanced at me. "Sorry," he said, and took deep breaths, calmed down, but his hands were still shaking.

"Yes, I think you have a problem," Quil said. "A very big problem."

"In the form of _you!_ Will you leave me alone!" Jacob ran his fingers through his hair harshly.

"She's my friend too, you know," I said. "You're both my friends. And even though I have no idea what your problem with her is, you should deal with it, because she's being affected by it too."

Jacob stared at me, the anger gone from his eyes, now filled with agony, indecision. He looked down, swallowed, closed his eyes tight. "Go away. You're not making this easier."

"What is there to fight?" Quil's voice was angry, but it was a calm anger, he wasn't shaking like Jacob a second ago. "I really couldn't care less about your problems, but it's not fair to her."

Jacob covered his face in his hands and groaned. "Stop it!" His voice was agonized. "This is...too hard...I can't...just go away."

Quil snorted. "You think this is hard?"

"Of course it's hard, Quil!"

"You think _your_ imprinting is hard?" Quil's voice was deathly soft. "You think this piece of cake is hard? You have no idea what hard means. If this is hard than I would be dead a thousand times over." I flinched. I didn't know I had caused him that much pain, hardship. His grip around my waist was almost painful it was so tight. I realized what had happened, all too late, and I felt so stupid for not spotting it sooner. But wouldn't it be a good thing that he imprinted?

"I don't understand, Jake. How is this bad? How is it hard?" I asked him.

He looked at me blankly. "I can't explain it."

Quil snorted again. "He just doesn't want to let go."

Jacob said, "It's easy for you, at least now! You can just let go, you can just--you never had the...the...the experiences I had! You can just live with her and her alone and no one else and just her and let go completely! You can finally let go and you can finally--you can finally--" Was he talking about me? Live with me and me alone? I shivered.

"Those experiences were years ago, Jacob." Quil's voice was deadly quiet. "Bella made her choice and it wasn't you. You got over her. You got on with your life. If one truck and a five minute meeting with a beautiful vampire and her husband is going to change that, I don't know what to say. I do know that you won't be able to stay away. I couldn't, and I didn't have all the--well, all the--" Quil glared at Jacob. His arm moved up to my shoulders and he pulled me away, leaving Jacob standing hopelessly in the trees.

"So?" Sam asked Quil when we climbed the steps into the house. Emily was cleaning the kitchen counter, Sam putting down plates of food for Becca and Blake.

Quil shrugged. "He'll snap out of it. It's not like he's going to be able to stay away from her."

Sam nodded. "True, true..." and looked at me and Quil.

"Who wants to make bets? I say two days," Seth burst into the kitchen, followed by Colin and Paul.

"No way! Do you remember how long he was moping after Bella? I say a week. Or two. At the most." Colin said. "How much?"

Quil rolled his eyes at me.

"Twenty on three days," Paul said. "At most."

Quil grabbed my hand, pulled me out the door of the kitchen and through the front door. I glanced back, and Sam was watching us leave with a strange expression on his face, much like the one on Annie's when she thought me and Quil were, "like...that."

We walked down the block, I don't know where to.

"I don't like this," Quil said. "He's being stupid."

"He has his reasons," I allowed. "Though I would like to be able to tell Annie what happened when she asks me."

"Claire, if you just wait a few days, Jake'll get out of this rut and he'll tell her. He's not one to procrastinate telling someone he's a werewolf."

I laughed. "But I still can't believe it...I mean..."

"Yeah. It's a small world, La Push." Quil grinned at me. I rolled my eyes.

"You roll your eyes a lot," Quil said. I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

His cheeks turned a bit red. "I mean...forget it."

"Do you have a problem with me rolling my eyes?" I asked.

"Nope. It gives me an excuse to look at them." It was one of those things he says sometimes, like he didn't mean to but it slipped out anyways. The faint blush on his cheeks turned deep. I know I blushed, I could feel my face getting hot. I looked away from him, and he dropped my hand from his, ran a hand through his hair.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's okay. You didn't do anything."

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I just don't think--but that's the problem." He sighed.

"No, you never think," I said. "You're just _so _stupid." My hand found his this time and gripped it tightly, tight enough that he couldn't drop it this time, although I don't know if he would be opposed to using his werewolf strength against me.

"Was it really that hard?" I asked him softly. He knew what I was talking about.

"No, Claire, it wasn't. Well, I mean..." He coughed lightly, but continued. This was something we'd never talked about before and I could tell that, even though he wanted to talk to me about it, it was hard for him. "It was hard, I won't lie to you. But you were also the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me." The color crept up his face again, and I knew I wasn't the only one who was really embarrassed. "Still are. Of course it was hard, Claire. I didn't know if I could do it, I thought it would be--I mean, would your mother understand?" My father wasn't really that much of an issue, since, before he left he was very withdrawn, and, to face it, I don't think he would have cared if a teenage werewolf boy was hanging around me all the time. My mom kind of made up for him in the protectiveness.

"But I came back. I couldn't stay away from you."

"Came back? You left?"

"It was a split second reaction, Claire. It had nothing to do with you. I was scared, I was really really scared. Now, I can't think of why." He smiled at me again, his hand tightening around mine, but with a sort of desperation. I leaned against him as we walked, he supported my weight easily, his hand moving to pull me closer. I hated to know that I had caused him pain, or scared him--how could I have scared him? A little girl, scare a huge werewolf...

I saw my house, realized with a jump where we were and dragged Quil behind some bushes, a few feet away.

"Wha--" He looked at me, puzzled.

"If my mom sees me with you, I go into the blender."

Quil's eyebrows came together. "Claire, you're not going into the blender. Why don't you just stay with me and Embry?"

"I wish. I can't tell you how much I wish I could." It almost hurt, the idea that I could be so close to him so much of the time without my mom breathing down my neck...I shuddered, and took an involuntary step closer to him.

"So?"

I shook my head at him. "You're horrible, Quil. You're encouraging me, and I can't tell you how hard it is for me to resist going to your house right now. You think I want to go in _there?"_ I made a face at the house.

Quil's arms snagged around my waist, jerking me closer to him suddenly. "So don't," he said huskily. "Stay right here, stay with me." I shuddered again, his voice made me turn to jelly in strange places. But good jelly. He leaned down and his hot lips met mine once again, gentle and warm and not something I'll ever get tired of. When my lips parted his burning hands clutched more fiercely at my waist, pushing my shirt up so his hands were on my bare skin. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck and sighed into his mouth, he jerked away suddenly.

"I--" He dropped his hands from my back, wiped at his mouth. "I shouldn't--" He looked behind us.

"She's not watching." This was weird; he hadn't been that opposed to kissing me in front of my mom before. Kissing me at all before.

"What? Why shouldn't you?"

He looked at me, an unreadable expression in his eyes. "I--"

"Quil?"

"What?"

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"What? Do I have something on my face or something?" It was ridiculous.

"Don't be absurd." But his eyes swept over my features nonetheless.

"What the hell is going on then?" I was mystified, almost scared. What if he decided I wasn't good for him, or he wasn't good for me?

"I'm not good for you."

"This is not happening," I gasped.

"I--I'm sorry." He took a sharp breath in and then flinched.

"What's wrong with you?"

"What?"

"What's wrong with you?" I repeated.

"Nothing's wrong with me."

"Then what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. Nothing could ever be wrong with you. Unless you--" He shuddered and reached out and wrapped his fingers around my arm, as if he had to be touching me but he didn't want to be too close. I could see the agony in his eyes. He shook his head. "No, no, no, no..."

"Quil!"

"What?"

"Stop it!" He looked surprised. "I'm tired of this. You're acting like my mom, saying you're not good for me. Will you please stop it? I happen to think you're very good for me, actually. What happened to our--to everything we talked about, to everything you said?"

He let all his breath out in one _whoosh._ "I'm sorry, Claire, I'm so sorry." His other hand took my other one. "I just--I just can't loose you...I can't stand it..."

"Why would you loose me?"

"I don't know, I just have this feeling..."

"And this feeling is saying that I'm going to die if you touch me?" I have to say, I was angry.

He flinched again. "Don't say that." He said, his voice hard.

"Whatever, Quil. I can't believe that after everything, after all that you convinced me that...well, that...you _were_ good for me, now you're saying you're not, but that's your problem and, you know what, obviously you don't even care how much your dropping me like I'm made of ice hurts me, you're just going to do it anyways." I turned, jerked out of his grasp, started walking away, but he caught my arm again.

"Wait, Claire, you--how can you say that, I don't care if it hurts you! I've gone thirteen years caring whether something hurts you. You have no idea how much I care. That's why I'm not sure if I'm good for you."

"I'm sure you're good for me." I looked into his eyes. "I'm not happy when you're not around so how can that be good for me?"

"It can't be." He looked at me sadly.

"So don't you dare leave!"

"I'm not. I'm not leaving. I can't leave. I can never leave." He hugged me tightly. "I was never going to leave, I can't, I'd have to die to leave--" His voice was muffled by my hair.

"Shut up!" I told him. I couldn't stand talk of him dying. He laughed into my hair and held me tightly against him.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Maybe some of Jacob's stupidness is going into me."

"Sure is," I said. "But even more, this was totally out of the blue. And with my mom and everything...I don't even know when I'll see you again...for all I know she might lock me in my room." I shuddered, and he held on to me tighter so I could feel the heat of his body through my clothes.

He grinned. "But you have a window," he said softly. The suggestion in his voice made my head hurt.

"And?" I managed.

"And..." He looked frowned. "What?"

"The window. Being open. And me being locked in starving and freezing?"

"You are so melodramatic." He chuckled. "Yes, I will bring you food." He raised an eyebrow, one corner of his mouth lifted slightly. "Maybe more."

I rolled my eyes, smiled up at him. "Thanks," and wrapped my arms around his back. He hugged me back, then pushed me towards my house.

"Go," he said. "I don't want you blenderized."

"Blenderized?"

"Go, Claire."

I laughed and walked slowly into the house.

--

"Claire! Dinner!"

I sighed, and went to the table. It seemed that I wasn't going to be hungry tonight, after all. All through dinner my mother kept on giving me these looks, these looks that were suspicious but guarded, almost like she wanted to find I had done something wrong so she could yell at me. Matt had, for one day, actually shown up at dinner, and, even more amazing, he didn't have his iPod on. I had gasped when I saw him, and he just rolled his eyes, not the usual screaming rant he would usually have given me.

"So, how was your day with Annie?" My mom asked. Matt sighed and stabbed a piece of broccoli with his fork.

"Fine." I wasn't in the mood to add any detail.

"That's good." I nodded.

"Where'd you go?" Matt asked. I looked up at him, even more surprised. He never talked directly to me, asked me such a question...only where's this and where's that.

"Uh...Out."

He raised an eyebrow. "Aunt Emily's?"

I froze. My mother looked from him to me. "Claire?"

"No, of course not. What are you talking about? We just went downtown," I hurried through the words and stood up suddenly, bringing my plate to the dishwasher.

"Yes, you may be excused," my mom said. I rolled my eyes. That tradition had long since dissolved in this house.

Later, when I was sitting in the living room doing homework...well, not really doing it, but whatever...Matt came up to me and asked me if I wanted to take Zaney on a walk with him. I just stared at him openmouthed until he said, "Claire?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was just so surprised..." He did this weird combination of rolling his eyes and shaking his head at me.

"So?"

"Um...yeah, okay. Hang on." I swept up my papers in a pile and stacked them on a chair. I would deal with them later. As we walked through the hall Matt snagged his iPod, and I stopped, I drew the line there.

"I'm not going with you if you're taking that," I said.

He looked around at me, dropped it. "No, of course not," he said. "Wouldn't dream of it." He smiled slightly at me. I blinked.

He grabbed the leash and called Zaney, who came running. I opened the door and, calling a goodbye to my mom, we left. After about a block or so of silence, I said, "What's with the...this, Matt?"

"What do you mean?"

I sighed. "What do you want?"

"Why would I want something?"

"Seriously. Just tell me."

"Why do you think I have ulterior motives, Claire? I don't want anything from you!"

"Then what do you want?" When I realized what I said I burst out laughing. He smiled grudgingly.

"I don't want anything, Claire."

I sighed and was silent; but I still didn't know what to think of this new, well...new Matt.

"Where are we going?" I asked after a few minutes of mindless wandering.

"Dunno. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care." I shrugged. Wow, this was awkward. Thankfully, we got back home soon, and I escaped the silent tension into my room. I thought it was a fluke--he didn't really want to talk to me. Then why would he have asked me to go with him? Because he was bored, whatever girls (and boys) he was hanging out with were busy, he needed to hang out with _someone,_ even his annoying little sister.

I sighed; this was ridiculous--and sat down to read _Dracula. _I wondered if Quil had ever read it--or the actual vampires. Dracula and those other vampires seemed so stupid, so weak, so...fake, next to the real thing. I mean, sleeping in a coffin? Who actually does that?

I was awaked from my _Dracula-_induced stupor by a knocking on the door. "Claire? I'm going to bed; you should too, it's a school night." Footsteps retreated down the hall. I looked at the clock. It was eleven, late, I guess. I was never really concerned with the time, late or not late. I never wanted to wake up in the morning anyways.

_Knock_. I jumped, glanced around, panicked. The knocking at the window was not a good thing, right after reading _Dracula_ and knowing that vampires do, after all, exist. But the shape at my window wasn't iridescent in the moonlight, and he leaned forward so his face came into the light. I sighed in relief, opened the window and Quil jumped into my room. He looked happy, but then he frowned at me.

"Claire." His expression was almost angry, and I wondered what could have happened in these few short hours.

"Uh...Quil?"

He glanced away from me, rubbed his eyes with his hands. Looked at the door, closed tightly, than listened for a second. My eyes followed all this warily. Then he looked back at me, and in his eyes was anger, but also hurt, and surprising vulnerability.

"What did I do now?" I asked him.

He just sighed. "Jacob opened his mind to me just now."

I opened my mouth, then closed it. _Crap._ "Quil, he--" I took a deep breath. "Why?"

"He wanted me to understand about what he was thinking, but obviously he wasn't." Quil scowled at me. "Why did you do it, Claire?"

"I needed to. Don't blame Jacob. It's not his fault."

"I'm not. You didn't need to hide it from me, Claire." But his voice and his eyes said otherwise. I had been very wise to have hidden it from him.

"I didn't?" This reaction is not what I was expecting.

"No. But--" He broke off, and he was shaking slightly. "You don't understand. You could have--I don't want--I can't--" He swallowed, swaying on his feet. "You could have gotten hurt," he said, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper.

"But I didn't."

"You could have!" His volume rose, he paced around my room. He seemed out of place, an angry werewolf in a normal looking bedroom.

"Quil, come on, nothing happened--"

"That's not the point, Claire. Why didn't you just tell me, I would have taken you, I would have kept you safe--"

"That's exactly the problem!" I hissed. "That's why I didn't!"

"What's why you didn't?" He stopped his pacing and stared at me with eyes filled with emotions, and I almost got lost in them, when he jerked me out with, "Claire!"

"I needed to do it alone!"

"Why?" Desperate, now. I took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter."

He stared at me openmouthed. "It doesn't matter?" He repeated. "It doesn't matter? It doesn't matter why you risked your life for something so stupid?"

"It wasn't stupid!" But my protests were useless. He just turned away from me. "Whatever," he said to the window. "What were you thinking?!" He spun around. I flinched, startled by his sudden, super fast movements, and his breath went out in a _whoosh_ and he stepped away from me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what were you thinking?" He closed his eyes and waited.

I froze, not saying anything. I didn't have anything to say. "I just needed to do it, Quil. Can't you just understand that?"

"You needed to do it? A lot of us have things they need to do and they don't do them, Claire." He looked at me, and this time his eyes were veiled but I could see they were filled with pain.

"Why are you so angry at me for doing something so harmless?" I asked him softly.

"Harmless?" His voice was also soft, but still angry, dangerous. "How exactly is that harmless? What if Jacob hadn't been there?" He took a sharp breath in.

"I would have lived. I was almost to shore."

"What? Jacob said, he thought that you were..."

"There were hardly even any waves. It was perfectly calm and I can swim."

"Jacob was so convinced he'd saved you."

"You know how he has a tendency to exaggerate a little."

"Yeah, but I was reading his mind, Claire. You can't lie in your thoughts."

Uh-oh. I guess _I _can't exaggerate either, now. But he knew what happened, and he can be mad at me for it, if he really wants to. "Okay, Quil. Whatever. I don't care what you think. So just leave then, if all you're going to do is tell me how much I screwed up."

He looked like I had punched him in the stomach. "I'm not telling you--okay, I am. I'll stop." But he shook his head. "But Claire, never do that again. Okay?"

"Yeah. Unless I need to."

"If you need to tell me first, please?"

I sighed in defeat. "Yeah, sure." He turned to leave. "Where are you going?" I asked him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Home?"

"Oh." I didn't want to ask him.

"Do you...do you want me to stay?"

"Please do." He smiled and sat down next to my bed, and I climbed in. When I looked at him, he rolled his beautiful brown eyes and sighed heavily and lay down on top of the blankets next to me, filling me with such warmth. I leaned happily on his chest and he stroked my hair, looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I turned my face up without thinking and he kissed me lightly on my lips. I sighed into his mouth and he ran his hands down to my back.

"Go to sleep, Claire," he whispered, and I could see long shadows cast on his face by his long, thick, dark eyelashes. His presence was the last thing I felt before I fell asleep.

* * *

_Wow, this is long. I think it's the longest chapter I've ever written. I hoped you liked it. I think...I don't know, I think I'm kind of repeating the same thing over and over again, I mean, there's really nothing new for them._

_But would you like me to write the scene where Jacob talks with Bella and Edward? Maybe I'll write a story about Jacob and Annie, a kind of extension to this story, including that scene. What do you think about that?_

_Please review and tell me if you think that's a good idea, and if you liked the chapter or didn't, and what you would like to see with Quil and Claire. Or with other characters. Thanks!!_


	34. Chapter 34

_So it seems like people want me to do a Jacob/Annie story. I think I will, so if you'd like to see anything in it, or in this story, please tell me in a review or PM._

_Okay, so enjoy! And please review!!_

_The song for this chapter (but also sort of for the whole story) is "As You Are" by Travis._

* * *

I felt movement--my body protested to Claire moving away from me, and I instinctively tightened my arms around her. But I realized that she was just pushing the blanket off her legs and she pressed her body close to mine right away, mumbling something that sounded like, "freaky hot werewolf." Obviously which I was not supposed to hear.

I opened my eyes and saw Claire's face, insanely beautiful as always, but softened somehow by sleep, making her features seem softer and more innocent. This was something that I could get used to, waking up with her beside me.

"Quil?" She mumbled. Her eyes were closed again.

"Hm?" I leaned closer to her and kissed her forehead. "Right here, Claire." The corners of her soft red mouth turned up and she breathed in, deeply.

"This is nice," she whispered.

"Yes. Yes, it is," I agreed. She sighed happily and pressed her face to my chest through the thin material of my t-shirt, making me shiver. From something other than her cold nose.

I heard something in the hall--steps, not far away, coming closer swiftly. I jerked up and scrambled out of her bed, and Claire fell back, saying, "Wha--Quil--?" and looked at me across the room. "What the--"

"Your mom's coming, just...just act normal," I whispered, and jumped out her window, still open from the night before. As I hid below her window sill, I heard muted conversation between her and Megan, and then steps retreating back down the hall.

"Quil? Where are you?" Claire's anxious voice called. I looked up cautiously and saw her looking around the room. I jumped through the window, and she spun around and ran over to me and jumped on me, hugging me with her arms and her legs. Automatically I wrapped my arms around her and supported her weight, but she dropped to the floor.

"I have to go," she said, and those few words startled me out of the dream world I was living in up to that point.

"Where?" Even I could hear the sadness in my voice. I was pathetic, but happily so.

"School." She raised and eyebrow at me.

"Right." I turned towards the window. "See you."

"Will you?"

I turned back around. "What?"

"I'm probably grounded. Or at least from seeing you." This sent another pang, of hurt and anger, through me. What was Megan thinking, why was she so set on keeping us apart? It wasn't like it was going to work, it was just making Claire upset...us both upset.

"I'll see you. Soon." I promised. "I'll come back again tonight, if you want me."

"Of course I want you." Her small smile made me want to run up to her an kiss her but I resisted and climbed out her window. When my feel hit the ground I ran to the forest, undressed, and phased.

Jacob was running, since last night, it seemed from what I could hear in his head, see in his head. His mind was running around in circles, quite like him, only smaller ones. Bella, Annie, Bella, Annie. Edward. The burning hate for Edward. Then the hate for Bella. The hate for Bella overpowered the love for Bella.

_"Shut up, Quil."_

I snorted. _"It's not my fault you don't know how to put up your walls, Jake. Or just deal with the fact that Bella is no longer your Bella and never will be."_

_"I dealt with that fact years ago."_

_"Doesn't seem like it," _I thought to him. Protests welled up but he swallowed them, thinking they were useless.

_"They are useless." _I thought.

_"You know, Quil," _Jake thought smugly. _"Maybe you should try to put up some walls yourself." _I could see in his mind were images of Claire and her lips and her body and her...I growled at him, and he laughed shortly. _"Hypocrite," _came idly from his mind.

I tackled him, snapping at his throat, and he jumped up and ran a few feet, then lunged at me. We tumbled around, snapping and growling, then stood apart, panting.

_"Just go talk to her, Jacob."_

_"I can't."_ All play disappeared from his thoughts and he lay down on the forest floor. _"I can't."_

_"Why not?"_

_"I just can't."_

If this is because of Bella, I'm going to murder him. He just said he was over her! Had been! But I didn't actually believe that, did I?

_"This isn't because of Bella," _he thought, and his thoughts drifted to Annie and how beautiful she was, that look on her face when he had ran away from her...the pain was almost stifling, the pain that he was hurting her right now...

_"I can't stand being in your head, Jacob. Just go talk to her."_

_"What am I going to say?"_

_"Just explain things."_

_"Explain things! Are you joking!"_

I sighed. Things could never be that easy, could they?

_"Just explain what you can. Leave out the whole part where you're a werewolf in love with her."_

_"I'm not in love with her."_

_"Next your going to say you're not a werewolf." _I snorted and walked away from him. _"God, Jake, just deal with the fact that you are."_

_"I don't even know her!"_

_"And you think imprinting cares about that? That's the _whole point,_ Jake."_

He growled at me. _Whatever._ Just ran, ran away from where he was supposed to be going.

_"I'm not supposed to be going anywhere."_

_"I can't stand being in your head anymore and I have to patrol. So please at least phase."_

_"What? No, I'll just..." _All thoughts of everything other than vampires and the forest disappeared from Jake's head and then mine.

_"Thank you!"_ I almost went down on my knees to thank him, but falling to my knees when I'm a wolf isn't exactly the most comfortable thing I could do. But Jake just rolled his eyes, and we ran through the forest looking for vampires. The rest of the patrol was uneventful, and when Jake phased I kept running, far away from La Push, almost to the Makah border, letting my thoughts run wild, thinking of Claire, and waking up next to her this morning, how nice that was and how I could get used to that, so easily, just like that, just like everything else to do with her. That went on to thinking about her body pressed up against mine and her lips, moving with mine, so soft and full and cool...

I don't know how long I thought about her, but I knew I could for hours and not get tired of it. She was all that mattered to me, and recently it was different, so different, it almost overwhelmed me, I got lost in thoughts of her...drifting, drifting...but something had to bring me down from my Claire-induced high.

_"Quil!" _I got a headful of shock and disgust, and I stopped running, wondering why I didn't notice Sam's mind joining mine. Maybe I'd just tuned out thoughts of Emily, but all thoughts of Emily had been replaced by his anger at me. I was baffled; what could have happened that would make him so livid at me? I immediately thought of Claire's cliff diving stunt, but he didn't even turn his head to that. He couldn't form complete sentences, but then he managed, _"Phase. Get over here. Now."_

I couldn't disobey, so I ran back to where Sam was and phased and dressed. He was waiting for me, also in his human form.

"What?" I asked him, confused and wary.

"I knew you were hiding something from me, but--Quil, I can't see that in your head every time we run."

"See what?"

"Don't act like that," Sam growled at me. "You know exactly what. _Claire. With you. Like that." _He wasn't shaking, he had too much control for that. But he would be, if he were anyone else.

I let my breath out in a _whoosh, _short-lived relief spilling through me. "God, Sam. Don't do that. I thought something horrible had happened."

"I can't see that in your head every time we run," Sam repeated. "I had no idea--I thought you just--I thought you were just hiding _thoughts."_

"Sam, I--"

"She's my niece, Quil, and even though I know you're not going to hurt her, I don't want to have to see that every time we run!" He said it yet again.

"I can just hide it, you won't have to see it." I tried not to think of what this might mean.

"That's not enough."

"It's not your business, Sam." I snapped. My mind whirled ahead.

"It is exactly my business." Sam stared pacing, picked a twig from a tree and shredded it in his fingers.

"I have to see your thoughts about Emily," I said abruptly.

"That's different," Sam said through clenched teeth. He had never really taken the time to build up his walls and block his thoughts from everyone else.

"No, it's not," I said. "She's not even really your niece."

Sam snorted. "As good as."

"What do you want from me, Sam?" I asked. I just wanted this over with.

"I'm not going to order you, but I would really appreciate if you didn't do anything with Claire that you think necessary to hide from me."

"Sam--"

"Quil. I can order you if I want. And I will, if you see that you can't handle it."

He was being completely ridiculous. "Sam, you're using your power for something that is totally ridiculous. Why does it even matter if I--"

"She's still young. Hardly fifteen."

"I can be sixteen!" I could feel the heat spilling down my spine, filling me and making me shake violently.

Sam shrugged. "Can be. It really doesn't matter, Quil. She's too young. And I don't want those thoughts in my head."

"I can hide them from you! You don't need to see them!" Obviously this argument was useless, but I persisted. "You're being completely unfair--" Red hot heat flooded my mouth, down my arms.

"I'm doing what I think right," Sam said. "And calm down."

"Yeah, and a bloodsucker thinks that it's _right_ to kill a human," I grumbled. Sam just glared at me.

"If you don't think you can handle it, Quil, I can force it."

"No, no! I can handle it," I said angrily, and strode away from Sam standing in the forest, taking deep, calming breaths because I didn't want to phase that second. I couldn't believe what he was doing, right after me and Claire had been happy, finally happy, with no complications, just easy, just like it was supposed to be. I'd been waiting thirteen years for this, and now he's taking it away! I racked my brains for ways to break his order--but it wasn't an order. I could do whatever I wanted, until I ran with him and he saw that I was hiding something. So I would just have to resort to the old ways--just not think about her when I ran with Sam. I snorted. Yeah, right, not think of Claire, that's really happening. So a song--I could sing a song. Because that is so subtle.

I growled and punched a tree in front of me, and the shards of bark cut into my skin, drawing blood, and a little pain, but it quickly healed. Not enough to distract me from what had just happened.

It was growing dark; more time had passed than I'd thought, when I'd just been running. And I'd been looking forward so much to seeing Claire tonight again...but I couldn't. I had a feeling sneaking into her room and sleeping in the same bed as her and holding her and kissing her classified as something I'd want to hide from him.

_So I just won't phase at the same time as him again. _Yeah, and how long is that going to last? One day?

I walked back home, muttering curses to Sam the whole way. He had no right to do this, to me or to Claire! If he cared about her so much he should just let her do what she wanted, which was to be with me! Even in my anger I marveled at that.

"Quil?" Embry grabbed my shoulder. I shook him off. "What's up?" He asked.

I just growled at him, "Leave me alone."

He raised his eyebrows. "What did she do now?" He asked.

"She didn't do anything! Why are you so quick to blame her!" I snapped at Embry, and he just backed away, his hands raised in front of his face.

"What happened, Quil?"

I just walked to the kitchen and threw open the fridge, looked around and grabbed something, I don't even know what. Embry grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. Before he could say anything I just told him to leave me alone again. He disappeared, I didn't know where to. I didn't care. I stuffed whatever it was in my mouth and flopped down on my bed, wishing I could somehow tell Claire of my new restrictions. But I knew I couldn't go to her room and tell her...I wouldn't be able to resist doing what I couldn't do. I couldn't even see her otherwise, because of her mother now! The anger blinded me, but I knew that Sam was running now, and, although I would like to share some of my anger with him, I knew it wouldn't do anything except for make me even angrier. I had to calm down, try to take deep breaths...

The blindness wasn't red-hot now, it was darker. It was Embry's shadow.

"What?" I snarled at him. He didn't even blink, just stared at me. He shook his head and frowned, then walked out. Whatever. I didn't really care what he thought, because he was probably thinking how pathetic I was and I'm thinking that so it doesn't really matter, because I know I am.

Although I tried to tune it out, my werewolf hearing picked up on angry words coming from the kitchen. Muted, but I could still hear them. "Sam, you are way, way, over the line here. What is your problem with--" He paused, and I could hear deep breaths being taken. "No, Sam. I don't. But I do see him completely miserable, and for no reason! Yes, miserable. What is your problem with him touching her? Okay. Yes it is! They're not doing anything else! How do I know, because I do. Because I know _them. _Whatever, Sam." The phone slammed down, mad grumbling was heard.

"I think he's lost it." Embry appeared in my doorway. I didn't say anything. "I mean, come on. We have to see his nauseating images of him and Emily, and you're not even doing anything...like that." He made a face. "Quil, come on, just go see her. What can he do?"

"Order me away from her," I muttered.

"Would you rather he order it or you impose it on yourself?"

"Me. Because then at least I can if I have to."

"You do have to. Go." He picked me up and all but threw me across the room. "I can't."

"You can't? Are you Jake now?" He rolled his eyes, shoved me out the door, then out the front door. I didn't resist. Why not? One more night with Claire, maybe more. I could hold off phasing for a while...no. I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her, either.

I walked back inside and Embry threw his hands up in the air and followed me. "I give up."

"Good," I said.

Embry threw a pot on the stove, it clashed loudly. "Pasta?"

"I don't care."

"Of course not." I decided to ignore that, and got some sauce out of the fridge. The busy work of preparing dinner took my mind off Claire for a few minutes. Not long, though. When I felt Embry shove me out of the way I realized I had been staring into the sauce thinking of her, and it was smoking slightly.

"You know what?" He said. "Why don't you just go mope over there--" he gestured with his hands vaguely-- "and I'll make dinner."

"Gladly." I went and moped. I could almost kill myself for being so lax about keeping my walls up around my mind. I had been lucky, before, with it always being Jared or Seth, or someone other than Sam changing when I was just thinking about her freely. But why did he have to be so mad about it? So I kissed her. So I slept in the same bed as her. He could see it was nothing more. He could see all my thoughts, all my intentions. And I didn't have any intentions of hurting her! How would he like it, if he couldn't touch Emily? I thought I should get Jacob to order him to not touch her, ever, but then I realized that Jacob could only order everyone else around, not Sam.

I hated Sam. I hated him. Why did we have to have such an obnoxious person as our alpha? Why couldn't Jake have just taken it while he could!

I ate dinner as fast as I could, and Embry just shook his head at me and left, out with some blonde girl from Forks. Before he left he said these helpful words to me. "Don't kill yourself."

Ha.

* * *

_I know it's short, (compared to the last one) but I'm really busy with packing and stuff. Because I'm going on a trip for like three weeks and I won't be able to update...sorry! But I might update once or something before I leave but don't count on it. So, that's why I won't be updating for three weeks. Sorry again!!_

_Review?_


	35. Chapter 35

I knew Quil was avoiding me. I didn't know why, but why else would he be...avoiding me? He didn't come back that night, like he said he would. Promised he would. I tried to think that there was some kind of emergency with the pack, some vampire...maybe the one he was talking about before. As much as I didn't like to think it, he was probably out hunting vampires. Just the thought made me shudder and my heartbeat speed up in worry.

But, then? Wouldn't he come the next night? Maybe another vampire. I told myself not to worry. Nothing's wrong. Maybe he got hurt--no, he didn't get hurt. Maybe someone else got hurt--no, no one else got hurt. Maybe he was just busy. Yeah. Just busy.

But, then? Days and days of not hearing from him, seeing him...okay, a week. Almost a week. Six days. Yes, I counted. And then, when I saw him...thought I saw him? In the store? I was just going to get some bread and I saw something that looked oddly like the back of his head and shoulders disappearing in front of me. Turning around, running away. I told myself it could have been Jacob. Could have been Embry, Sam, Seth. Colin. Brady. Paul, Jared. But why would they have run away from me?

Why would Quil have run away from me?

"Claire? Are you still there?" Annie's question interrupted my rambling thoughts...rambling worries. She had been rambling herself on the phone to me for quite some time now...about Jacob.

"Yeah, what?"

"I thought I saw him this time in town...but then he ran away from me. Or it looked like that. Not really a surprise, is it? No, not really. I mean that's what he did last time...run away from me..."

It wasn't a coincidence. Or maybe it was. Stupid werewolves. Running away from us.

"Claire?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think?"

I was afraid she would ask me that question, and I would have to answer. I was tempted to tell her myself, about werewolves and imprinting and Jacob, but I would never do that and she wouldn't believe me anyways. "Um...well...he doesn't hate you." That was the best I could come up with, the most I could give away.

She snorted. "Thanks so much. That's so helpful. Or maybe it was the first time...or maybe not. The hundredth time kind of kills it."

"Sorry. Okay, he..." I trailed off. Maybe I should ask him about Quil, why Quil's avoiding me. But he has enough problems on his own. I don't want to add to them with my petty little...petty? Since when is anything to do with Quil petty? _Since you started obsessing over him like a high school cheerleader over a brainless jock! _I'm not a cheerleader. And Quil definitely isn't brainless. Or a jock.

"Claire, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Great."

"You seem really out of it. I'm sorry, I'm boring you with this...I can't believe I'm obsessing over this...over him. I'd hardly ever said two words to him in my life."

"No, no. It's reasonable." Maybe it was a thing with imprinting. Obsessing over the person who imprinted with you. But wasn't that supposed to go the other way around? I mean, if I was a werewolf would I have imprinted on Quil? If I could have chosen, yeah. I probably would have.

If I was a werewolf...then I could see his thoughts right now, hear why he was avoiding me. Then I could hear his thoughts all the time. Would that be a good thing?

"It is? Why?"

Oh...because you guys are soul mates, maybe? "It just is. I don't know. You'll see."

"I'll see?"

"When Jake talks to you."

"He's going to talk to me? I thought he hated me."

"He doesn't hate you, Annie." I said through tight lips.

"Oh. Sorry. But why would he talk to me?"

"He will. Just give him some time."

"Okay..." She took a deep breath. "Whatever. I need to think of something else. Do you know where Jack's been these days?"

Running around the forest hunting vampires. "No...maybe sick." With a fever. A very very high fever.

"Oh. Yeah. You know, it's funny. I don't really..." I'm sure that she was blushing now. "I don't really think about him that much...anymore."

"That's good," I said.

"Yeah. But guess who I _do_ think about?"

"Who do you think about?" A faint voice screamed through the phone line. Annie sighed. "Go away. Claire, I have to go. My sister thinks it's time to get in my business. See you."

"Bye."

The phone died, both lines, and I clicked mine off, sighing. She was right, we needed to think of other things than stupid immature werewolves.

--

Maybe he was out of town. Maybe he had to visit his family in Makah country. _What family in Makah country?_

Maybe Old Quil was sick, as he usually is nowadays, and Quil was just taking care of him and...forgot to tell me.No one expected him to live this long. I'm sure he was in the triple digits now, even thought no one really knows how old he is. _Without me knowing about it? _La Push was so small, and Old Quil was so important. Someone would definitely tell me if he was sick.

Maybe he was busy. Busy, busy, busy. So busy he couldn't even spare one second to tell me what was going on?

Maybe he...maybe he hated me. Or just didn't like me anymore. But I thought this imprinting thing was for _forever_.

Forever. So what was wrong?

I decided to go see. Because really, I couldn't wait for him to come to me. Obviously that wasn't happening. I went to Emily and Sam's house, and heard screaming inside. Quil's voice. I almost ran in and confronted him myself (although it would probably turn out as me hanging onto him for dear life) but I heard what they were saying.

"No, Quil. I'm sorry." But Sam's voice seemed far from sorry. "If you can't handle being around her, you're going to have to stay away from her."

"You try staying away from Emily," Quil's voice said, tired and angry. He sounded horrible, all hoarse and almost sick, but he never got sick.

Then a door slammed, and that was all. Was he talking about me? _You try staying away from Emily._

Why was he trying to stay away from me? _If you can't handle being around her..._

Was I so awful he couldn't stand being around me? I turned and ran down the front steps, back to my own house. I couldn't go in there now. I couldn't ask Sam, I couldn't ask Emily. And I definitely couldn't ask Quil, because then I wouldn't have to ask.

On the way back and stumbled, tripped, fell, catching myself on the rough asphalt with my hands. The scratches were bloody, and I wiped my hands on my jeans, not caring if it would stain. A flash of movement caught my eye; I spun around and saw a dark brown...something in the trees. I almost ran away, but then I thought _Quil. _Said _Quil. _Loud, right at the wolf. It met my eyes--_"Look at her she's so beautiful and look she's bleeding why can't I go and help her it's killing me SAM and his stupid--" _echoed in my mind but then the wolf jerked his eyes away from mine and sprinted off into the forest.

I just stared, stared at the empty space the huge wolf, the Quil wolf, left when he ran away.

_Look at her she's so beautiful-- _he thought I was beautiful. Unless...I turned around, almost scared, but there was no one there and I breathed a sigh of relief.

_Why can't I go help her it's killing me-- _why couldn't he? Sam and his stupid what? What did Sam have to do with this? My feet were taking me in the wrong direction, but I didn't notice until Quil's front door stared me in the face. My hand raised itself and knocked, but then I realized that how could Quil be home? I just saw him and he was a wolf.

But the door opened, and a black-hair covered head stuck out, followed by a tall body wearing cutoffs and a dirty t-shirt...too tall. I could feel my hope disappear.

"Claire?" Embry's worried voice asked me. "What are you doing here?"

_This is your chance, _I told myself. My chance to find out. If he would tell me.

"Why is Quil avoiding me?" I asked. I could hear the desperation in my own voice and Embry's face fell. He opened his mouth but didn't say anything.

"He's--" He sighed, a big sigh, reached out and touched my arm. His unnaturally hot skin reminded me painfully of someone else's. "Claire, he--" His eyes held pity, and I didn't want his pity. I just wanted an explanation.

I turned around. "Whatever. It doesn't matter." It hurt, lying like that. Of course it mattered. It always mattered.

"Claire--"

I walked away. He wouldn't tell me anything and I didn't want to stand there listening to his feeble excuses and seeing his unbearable pity. I knew it was rude but I also knew he wouldn't care, I knew he would understand. I thought he would, at least.

"Claire?" Oh, God. Not again. Can't he just leave me alone? But the voice was...different.

"Claire, what are you doing here alone?" Matt walked closer to me, holding Zaney's leash in one hand and a plastic bag with, no doubt, some kind of candy, in the other. I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want, Matt?"

"What are you doing here alone?" His tone held too much concern. It made me miss another voice, another person, more than I already did.

"Walking. What does it look like?"

"Were you just at Quil's?" He sounded suspicious. Why was everyone so suspicious of us? Why was everyone so set on keeping us apart? First my mom, then, something to do with Sam, Quil--but that little snippet of Quil's thoughts I got were so...I could hear the love and the pain in his _thoughts, _so somehow I knew that this wasn't his choice. Now Matt.

"Yeah."

"What were you doing there? What's up with you and Quil?"

"Well, nothing now."

"What do you mean?" All his emotions seemed to...real. Now curiosity. What was with him?

"Something was, but not anymore, obviously."

"Why?"

"He's avoiding me," I mumbled. I didn't even know why I was telling _Matt _about this, of all people.

"What? Why would he avoid you? He l--" He broke off.

"He what?"

"Nothing." Whatever. I dropped it. "Why is he avoiding you?" He asked again.

"I don't know, do I? If I did I might be able to...know!"

"Really? If you knew you might be able to know?"

"Shut up," I grumbled at him. He could be so annoying, and so could that unbreakable smirk on his face.

"Well, what was going on with you guys?" He looked at me, reached into his bag and took out some red plasticy dot thing. He held out a green one to me. "Want one?" He asked.

I made a face and shook my head. He popped them both in his mouth. "So?"

No way I was talking about me and Quil with him. No way. "Nothing."

"You just said there was." Why was he being so persistent?

"Fine. I don't know."

"Zaney! Heel!" He jerked the leash. "You don't know?" Skeptical now. When I didn't say anything he gasped and said, "He's not hurting you, is he? Because if he is--"

"No! He's not hurting me." Right now he was. But that wasn't his fault. I told myself that, and I believed it. It was so much easier to blame Sam, even though I had no idea what he was doing, or why.

"Good," was all Matt said, and we walked home in silence.

--

I stayed up again that night, at least until I collapsed at somewhere past two in the morning over some book. He didn't come, again. Before I fell asleep, I heard a wolf howl, long and low.

* * *

_I know it's short but I'll try to post the next one before I leave. Maybe even tonight? (hopefully...)_

_Okay. So a few questions. If you can think of some names, for Annie's sister and some vampires, (male and female) let me know in a review or PM or something. I'm not guaranteeing that I'm going to use every one, but since I'm horrible at names I need help._

_And what would you think about a hostage situation? (Yes, this is for you. You know who you are.) As in Claire being the hostage, right?_

_So review and tell me some names, what you think about a hostage situation (things you want to see in it) things you want to see in the actual story...and...just reivew!! Thanks!_


	36. Chapter 36

_Okay, it was boring writing about them being all sad so I decided to skip the next week, and just write this. Hope you don't mind, but somehow I think you guys prefer Claire and Quil together to Claire and Quil apart._

_Thanks for all the name suggestions! I really appreciate it._

_Songs for this chapter are "Two of Us" by Supertramp and "It's Getting Better" by the Mamas and the Papas._

* * *

Claire's POV

"Will you leave me alone?" I hissed at Jack across the table. We still hadn't switched seats yet and Annie was just staring off into space. At first she had gaped at him, of course. He was huge, almost as tall as Quil. But then she just sort of shrugged and glanced at me. I wonder why she didn't realize that he looked like Jacob.

"Why?" His voice was smug.

"Why?" I asked, disbelief coloring my tone.

He smirked. "Yes, why?"

"Just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean you're Quil," I whispered so quietly I could barely hear myself but I knew that he would hear me. His face fell slightly, that was all the emotion he showed, and then his grin came back stronger than ever.

"It seems I can give you what you want better than Quil now, huh, Claire?" His words stung, because he knew what was going on and I didn't, and I almost asked him but I couldn't because I really didn't think he'd give me a straight answer, and I didn't want to just humiliate myself.

"So you can give me Quil, can you, Jack? Why don't you go ahead and do it." My voice raised and Annie looked over, confused. She was about to open her mouth and ask me but then she changed her mind, I don't know why. There was a strange look on her face.

That hurt him more than the last comment, I was sure. But he still didn't show it. Stupid werewolves and their stony calm features. Sam was the worst. Sam...

"What the hell is Sam's problem, Jack?" I asked despite myself.

Something flickered in his eyes but all he said was, "You nauseate him, Claire. You and Quil." He snorted. "You two nauseate all of us."

Talk about cryptic. I almost wished for the old Jack back. The plain, say-it-to-your-face Jack. Not this new Jack who was too much like Quil. He reminded me of him, and I knew he knew that. Used it to his advantage.

--

Quil's POV

It's been another week since that day I confronted Sam and saw Claire. Again. That time in the store doesn't count, because I didn't actually see her because she didn't see me.

That other time she most definitely saw me. I'm scared of what she heard, I almost forgot about the whole her-being-able-to-read-my-mind-when-I look-into-her-eyes thing. What could she have heard? It was hard to tear my eyes away from hers.

But it doesn't matter. It's not like it changed anything. In a week I just feel worse, feel like I'm getting sick. Sam must know what he's doing to me but he insists I can see her but I still can't touch her. Or at least how I want to.

It killed me to see her hurt and bleeding and sad and I just ran away. And I could have stayed. It would have been the last time but I could have stayed. She needed me, I saw it in her eyes as she looked at me, the expression on her beautiful features and in her gorgeous dark eyes. She needed me and I didn't stay. I violated the most sacred of our rules, the one most cherished.

Don't leave.

Jacob taught me that lesson long before I imprinted. Before I even changed, when I was still just a human.

Don't leave. See what it does to them? See what it does to those around you, those around them?

What happened to him? Because that annoying copper-haired bloodsucker left, he fell in love and couldn't have her because the leech came back.

I knew I'd come back some time. But what would happen while I was away?

I had to control myself, breathe deeply, when I thought of someone else loving her and touching her the way I did. Especially that obnoxious excuse for a dog. Jack had no right to be on the same continent as Claire, let alone--that close.

That close that made me shake and my breathing come fast and my heart pound. Him that close--I saw it once, I don't want to see it again. And it would be a billion times worse if she was willing.

Would Sam make the same orders for him if he and Claire were--a stab of pain, stabbing all too close to my heart.

I hated Sam.

Something just occured to me. Something that made me hate him more. He saw what Jack did. That's his niece. If he won't let me do what I did and she wanted me, what about what he did...she didn't want him to do that!

I had to focus on not exploding when I thought of the complete unfairness of that. He hurt her. I didn't. Who has to stay away from her? Me. He can do whatever he wants.

Why did I have to obey him? Why did I have to follow orders that weren't even orders? Why not give us one day of happiness until he saw and forbade me to go near her ever again?

More than one day. I could stay two, three. Maybe Sam would take one of those breaks he took, to catch up to Emily. Maybe that would be soon.

Then he'd change back, eventually. See, hear, eventually.

Could I do that to Claire? Could I destroy what she built up after I left her the first time, only to leave again? But she would know. At least she would know. I would tell her, and she would understand.

Five minutes later I was running, human, to her window, glad that my change of mind, that my firm decision that I was not going to question, came at night, when I could see her. I almost laughed. Limited like a bloodsucker, I was. Only at night.

Her window was right above my head as I leaned against the wall to calm myself before I tried to see her. Tried? And what's stopping me?

I listened for the steps of wolf or human, peered into the trees and smelled the air. Nothing.

I climbed all too easily up to her window. I wanted to make her safe, and if I could get in a leech could. But what could I do? If she was floating in the air a vampire could probably get her. I just needed to stay with her at all times, stay and protect her, like I was supposed to do.

She was just lying on her bed, eyes closed. Was she sleeping? I didn't want to wake her but it wouldn't hurt her. I just touched her shoulder and felt a sense of relief flow through me, originating at my fingers lightly on her, even through her shirt. She awoke, if she was even asleep. I could hear her heart speed up, as it usually did when I touched her. But she jumped away from me, and my hand dropped and the relief stopped and I almost crumpled to the ground.

"Quil!" Even her voice, my name from her lips, helped a little. I tried to stop myself from stepping closer but I think I did anyways, my feet moving on their own accord. At that one step Claire jumped into my arms and spoke into my shoulder.

"Quil what happened where have you been I was so worried I..."

I couldn't respond because the feeling of her in my arms stopped all my senses except where I felt her and I breathed deeply.

"Two weeks, Quil, two weeks I didn't hear anything, I only saw you once and I'm not even sure it was you--was that you, that time in the store?"

I managed a nod. I was just glad that she wasn't mad at me. She knew I didn't have a choice. She knew it wasn't my fault.

"And that other time, I have no idea what to make of that--" Again I wondered what she heard from my mind-- "What happened, Quil, what happened?" She jumped out of my arms, and my body protested but I kept in control.

"It--" Her lower lip trembled. "It hurt, Quil. It hurt a lot." Her voice was no more than a whisper and I felt a pang. What had I done to her?

"Oh, Claire..." I didn't know what else to say. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry." I couldn't say it enough. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm--"

"Okay...I get it." No trace of a smile on her solemn face. My eyes burned. I gathered her in my arms again and whispered how sorry I was against her soft hair.

She pulled away. "Quil, I get it. You're sorry. Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I sat on her bed, patted the space next to me. She sat down closer than I had expected, but I wasn't complaining. I wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm sorry, Claire--"

She glared.

"Sorry, sorry!" She tried not to laugh but it burst out anyways. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, my back.

"Sam thinks it's nauseating to see images of...us in my mind." I said finally. I didn't know how to start, and I felt like this was a bad place.

Understanding dawned on her features, but I realized I was right. Claire's expression changed; she paled considerably. "He...he...my uncle saw those things?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I thought you were hiding them!" Even though she tried to hide it I could detect a hint of an accusation in her words.

"I was, Claire, I was! But...I was alone so I was just thinking about...well, you, and he kind of...walked in on it."

"And what happened?" She held her breath.

"To give you the abridged version, he told me that he would give me a chance without ordering me, but if I screwed up he would order me that I couldn't...touch you. Like that. Like what he doesn't want to see. I'm not allowed to hide things anymore. Can't do anything I'd hide from him."

Claire gasped, outraged. Her cheeks flushed and her back stiffened and she was even more beautiful, if that's possible, when she was angry. "Are you joking, Quil? My uncle's telling you you can't touch me?" She was speechless after that.

"I can touch you--" I let my hand brush against hers and up her arm and shoulder. "But I can't...touch you." My hand found her chin and I lifted her face up and I kissed her gently, softy, releasing her after just a second. A second too short.

She blinked, then scowled. "What gives him the right to do that?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I've been trying to talk him out of it but he won't see sense. I guess he thinks that since Emily, who's actually your aunt, doesn't really care what we do, he decided to take things into his own hands."

"This is my life! Our life!" Our life. Our life, not our lives. It almost knocked me breathless, that she just said it like that. Of course, the fact that she could have misspoken mysteriously disappeared from my mind on entry.

She leaned her head on my chest, right beneath my chin. I held her tighter. "You can't let me phase, Claire," I said fiercely.

"What?" She pulled away, confused.

"You can't let me phase. Don't let me. I can't. Or he'll order me away from you." Her eyes grew round and big.

"So you'll just have to stay with me all the time, then, won't you?" She said.

I grinned. "Seems that way."

She brought her lips to mine and kissed me firmly. "Don't leave again like that," she whispered, her breath chilling my lips wonderfully. "Don't you dare."

"Wasn't thinking of it," I promised. "Won't. Never." My lips moved to her neck and I kissed her there, where she smelled so good and I couldn't resist kissing my way back up to her lips. Her skin was so soft and she shivered but I knew she wasn't cold--how could she be cold? I ran my fingers through her hair. Her hands danced across my back, my bare skin tingled at her light cool touch. I had forgotten I wasn't wearing a shirt. I wondered why she didn't complain like the last time.

But that wasn't really any of my concerns as she pressed her hands on my back, pushing me closer to her. I went willingly, and the feel of her was almost too much to bear after being away from her for such a long two weeks.

"I love you, I love you so much, Claire," I said without thinking. "I love you so much it hurts." It was true. My heart was beating almost painfully in my chest that was pressed up so close against hers.

She kissed me harder and mumbled, "Ditto."

I laughed but I could feel myself soaring so high at her words--word. So high and so fast and I wondered what could happen now? I just couldn't phase, for the time being. How hard could that be? I just needed to stay with Claire and she'd keep me from changing, showing Sam and getting bound tighter than any ropes could tie me.

--

"Quil, I don't think I can go to school today," Claire told me. We were sitting in my car in front of her school but she didn't move to get out. I was surprised her mother let me at first, but she couldn't take her and it was a while away walking, and I was sure she understood the threat, vampire and human, and I begged and she consented with a warning and a look.

"I promise I won't phase, Claire. I'll keep my temper for eight hours." If that was all she was worried about she shouldn't miss school because of it, because of me.

"Apart from the fact that I might get out of this hell-hole only to find out I can't see you again...that's not what I'm talking about." She smiled a breathtaking smile at me. "Please?"

I sighed. She didn't know the extent of the power she held over me. "Are you sure you won't miss anything?" I asked her, worried. As much as I dreaded the thought of her going off to college and leaving me here, her dropping out of school and working as a bus...girl at some diner for the rest of her life wasn't that much better.

"You worry about me too much, Quil. I probably have the best attendance record in the entire school because of you, one day won't kill me."

"No, you're right. It won't. Okay..." I started the engine again. "Where to?"

Claire laughed. "Guess my mom's right. You take me to school one day and look what happens." I grinned.

"Uh...I dunno." She shrugged. We sat there for a second because I don't think either of our minds were working right now, this early in the morning. Claire groaned impatiently, fidgeting in her seat. "Just drive, I can't stand being here any longer." I drove slowly out of the parking lot and down a street. Just driving.

We ended up on the freeway, going past the Cullens' old house and the road got shadier and cooler.

"Where are we going?" Claire asked me after a few minutes.

I shrugged. "Just driving, like you said. Where do you want to go?"

She thought for a second. "Maybe we can go to that meadow, you know. That one we went to with Zaney before."

I nodded and turned off on a little side road, and we came to the trailhead. A while later, after a few times of Claire stumbling and me catching her automatically, I just wrapped my arm around her waist. I told her it was to prevent any further falling, but she just grinned at me and shook her head.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said, and I didn't press any further because we got to the meadow. It was beautiful--not as beautiful as Claire standing right next to me, but pretty all the same.

I leaned against a tree and she leaned against me, I wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. We just sat there quietly, and except for the occasional comment neither of us said a word.

The bark was digging into my back, so I scooted over a bit and lay back on the ground. Claire rolled over quickly before she fell backwards. "Quil!" came out of her mouth but she just laughed. She wasn't mad, she was smiling, laughing. If the threat that she could be taken away from me wasn't hovering over me I would be perfectly happy. I was happy now, I really was. She leaned over me with her elbows holding her above me and her face inches from mine. She brought her head lower and out lips met and she fell on top of me, knocking me breathless. I flipped her over and supported myself over her this time, and her eyes grew wide and she said, "Quil, don't--" and rolled to the side, knocking my hand off the ground and I crashed to the ground next to her.

She laughed; I smiled. She scooted closer to me and I hugged her tightly. She kicked off her shoes and pressed her cold bare feet against my legs. I just held her for a long time, we just lay there. I could feel the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and I could hear her heart, beating steadily, next to mine.

Suddenly she stood up, and my arms dropped like bricks.

"Claire? What happened?" I frowned, looked around frantically. Was there a bloodsucker? A leech I didn't smell? How could I have not smelled it? It's impossible.

"Nothing happened, Quil, don't worry." She laughed. "This is just unbearably boring."

I smiled. "What would you prefer we do?"

She rolled her big brown eyes. I remembered that conversation we had about that. They were beautiful--she was beautiful.

I guess I was kind of staring at her, dazed, because she cocked her head. "Quil?" She was so adorable, so gorgeous. We held out our hands at the exact same time and I caught hers in mine and she pulled and I stood up. She stumbled into me. We started walking back to the truck, and her hand still rested in mine.

"Quil?" She turned her face up to me and looked at me through thick black eyelashes.

"Hm?"

"You know how you said...you made me promise if..." She trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed. "Well, since we have absolutely nothing to do and...you know, it's fun...it's warm..." She waved her free hand around to indicate the warm, cloudy weather. It was warm for me, but she was probably cold. I couldn't really tell.

It dawned on me. "You want to go cliff diving?" I asked her.

She smiled and looked down at the ground, nodded. "If you want."

It would be fun, and Sam didn't usually cliff dive anymore so there wasn't any danger of us running into him. "Yeah. Do you want to stop by your house and get some clothes?"

"That's okay. I can just go in these."

I frowned. "You'll be cold."

"Not with you here," she said and grinned at me. She was right, and I'd have an excuse to hold her. Not that I needed one, but still.

--

Fifteen minutes later we were standing on the edge of the cliffs, hand in hand. I heard a whistle, footsteps approaching, and I could smell that it was someone of the pack. I spun around to see who.

Seth and Colin were walking closer to us, and they were grinning, but then Seth's expression turned into a worried frown. "You know, Quil...I really value your...uh..." He paused and Colin said, "friendship." I snorted, and Seth continued. "It wouldn't do for Sam to murder you, really wouldn't do at all."

Claire glanced up at me and Seth said, "Don't worry, Claire. You'll probably only get...minor restrictions of your freedom." She rolled her eyes and I was glad she wasn't taking this the wrong way.

"Shut up, Seth. He's not finding out." I dropped her hand when it dawned on me that they saw what they saw and they couldn't hide it from Sam.

"Seth, Colin, please. Just give us a day. Just a day. Please," I begged them, all dignity forgotten. Claire looked at them imploringly.

Seth stroked his nonexistent beard and frowned. "And why should I?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

"Hmm..." he deliberated, painfully slow. Colin raised his eyebrows.

"I'll try not to phase for a day, Quil," Colin said. "But it'll be hard, if Sam...you better have a good reason."

"A good reason?" I asked in disbelief. I wished this was Jared or someone who had imprinted because then they would understand.

"Come on, Seth," Claire said. "Please?" Seth groaned; he had always had a soft spot for Claire.

"Fine." He shook his finger at us. "But you had better take advantage of it." He winked at me and they walked away, snickering quietly to themselves.

Claire glanced at me and rolled her eyes. "You know, Quil? I kind of changed my mind. We should do something more..." she tugged my hand and we walked away from the cliffs, down to First Beach.

I nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Plus it's cold. You'll get cold. We should have brought a jacket or something."

"How could we have done that?" She pointed out. "And anyways, I won't be cold as long as you're here."

"Yeah, I guess." I didn't point out that Sam could find out at any minute and I might not be here with her. She shivered despite herself and I ran my hand up and down her arm and shoulder, trying to warm her.

"I'm fine, Quil," she said quietly. We sat on the sand, leaning against an old driftwood log. Claire rested her head against my side, and I stroked her soft hair slowly.

I looked down; there were tears, streaks of tears, running down her face, making no sound at all. I almost panicked; she was so happy before and now she's crying? What was I supposed to do?

I just took a deep breath and wiped away her tears with my thumb and asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

"It's just...I'm just overreacting, Quil, don't mind me." She whispered, and swiped at her cheeks.

"Claire..."

She sniffed and turned her face away from me. She spoke softly, and I could barely hear her. "I--it just--I think it just sunk in, what this means."

"What what means?"

"What if this is the last time I'll see you? For how long? Until Sam decides you can be trusted around me?" Her voice rose in volume, and it was more panicky and quick. "I just realized that this might be the last time..."

"Oh, Claire." I brushed her hair out of her face, hugged her tightly. "It won't be. I'll talk to him. I won't phase."

"But then...but then you'll age." She blushed lightly.

"Not for that long. It has to be long. I can phase when no one else is phased, Claire, just really quickly." I assured her. I was sure that it wouldn't be that long, that Sam would get his brains back before it became that long that I started aging.

"But how can you stop? It's your life...how can you just...give it up? You told me how much you love it."

I sighed. "This isn't permanent. I'll talk to Sam, I promise. I'll make him see sense. There are other ways, too."

"Like what?"

I frowned; I wasn't exactly sure, at this point. "Don't worry about it. I'll...I'll see you again, Claire. And with Sam's order I'll be able to see you. Just not..."

I turned her face up and crushed my lips to hers, and the feeling of hopelessness and pessimism seemed to flow from her to me. I kissed her hard, letting go of all caution, and she gasped.

"Quil? Quil, I..." Her words were muffled. She was worried and scared. But I couldn't just let go of her. She was right. "Quil, you're going to--Quil, stop it--" I dropped her in a second, shame and anger flooding my veins. She looked so alarmed, so scared.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. What--Oh God I'm so sorry, Claire..." She just shook her head and more tears sprang from her eyes and I hugged her and she soaked my shirt with her tears.

* * *

_I know they're both having major mood swings. And I know this was just sort of fluffy...I'm not too great at fluff. But anyways, something's going to happen soon..._

_Please review!!_


	37. Chapter 37

I walked Claire back to her house, and we walked slowly, so slowly I would normally have been aching to run but now I just wanted to go slower. I couldn't get enough of her and I knew that soon I wouldn't be able to. Her cold hand lay in mine gently, our fingers intertwined. She held on tightly, so tightly a human wouldn't have been able to break her gasp. I could have, but I didn't. Why should I? It wasn't like I hadn't hurt her enough. One more minute of holding her hand wasn't going to do anything that hasn't already been done.

Because it was going to be one more minute. I could hear footsteps down the road and see the faint outline of Claire's brother walking towards us. I almost wanted to pick her up and run away with her, because all these people opposed to us was just too much. And I wasn't doubting Matt was going to be any different. Although he had never been hugely doting on Claire, quite the opposite, actually, I always knew he had watched over her, especially after her father had left. I dreaded seeing him, but I knew he recognized us and it would just make it worse if we suddenly disappeared.

I sighed, tightening my grip on Claire's hand. She looked up at me, confused, and I just jerked my head in front of us. She saw him and groaned.

"What is with all these people...Quil, what is going on?"

"What do you mean?"

She frowned. "Never mind. Forget it." I dropped it, because Matt was now in human hearing range. Claire stepped closer to me and her body brushed against mine with each step.

"Claire? Quil?" Matt called.

"Yeah," she said, sighing. I squeezed her hand.

Matt's eyes flickered down to our hands and then to my face. His eyes were almost level with mine. His eyes, so like Claire's, met mine and narrowed. Then he glanced at Claire.

"Mom's looking for you," he said shortly.

"And she sent you out to look for me?"

"No." Matt shrugged. "I just took a walk and...happened to see you guys." He looked back down to our hands but I didn't let go and neither did Claire. He looked back up and rolled them. The gesture was so like Claire too, and with the eyes it was...eerie. I wondered why I had never noticed how much alike they were. "And what a coincidence that was," he muttered, so low I was sure Claire didn't hear it. I shrugged.

"You better go," I said to her, but didn't let go of her hand.

She nodded. "Yeah." But didn't let go of mine either. I slowly unclasped my hand, against all my instincts, and Matt glared at me again. He didn't miss anything.

She glanced at me quickly, and I tried to tell her with my eyes that I would try to come later. I would. _I will._

She nodded slightly, but I wasn't sure if I only imagined it. That was the best I could hope for as she turned away from me. Matt put her hand lightly on her shoulder and they walked away.

Seth appeared two seconds later; I could hear him before I saw him, or even smelled him. He really needed to work on his walking silently skills; a leech could probably hear him from across the country.

"You can't do this," he said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't keep it up, Quil."

"You can't talk, Seth. You have no idea. Y--"

"I'm not talking about that," he interrupted me. "You can't hide it from Sam anymore."

"Yes I can."

"No, Quil. You can't. He's going to find out sometime, what's another day?"

"All I have," I said shortly, and started walking off, towards the direction of Claire's house.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to see her," I said.

"Are you crazy? It's too early."

"Why do you care?"

"What?" He looked like I had slapped him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"Whatever." He turned away slightly.

"I'm sorry! Seth, really."

He rolled his eyes. "When you're done with your angst you can talk to me." He started walking away. I groaned. But I didn't have enough energy to deal with his ramblings now. He would be fine...what did it matter to him?

--

Four hours of doing absolutely nothing except for eat later, I climbed into Claire's window. She was waiting for me, apparently she had understood my desperate promises to her earlier. She hugged me tightly, I wrapped my arms around her in response. She was so cold, her skin was almost as icy as a leech's.

"Can we go out?" She asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Please?" She looked up at me imploringly. "Just to walk or something."

"Won't your mom see that you're gone?" I asked her.

"Nah...once she's asleep she can't wake up that easily."

"But..."

"Please?"

"Matt?" I asked warily. He was more observant of Claire than I had thought. I didn't know what he'd do if he found out.

"Don't worry about him." Claire assured me. I looked at her, raised my eyebrows. "Really, Quil. Please? I just need to get out."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I mumbled. "But not for long."

She smiled and grabbed my hand, walking towards the window. "What about the door?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Too dangerous," she said. "Past my mom's room."

I nodded, and jumped out the window before helping her out. The cool night air felt so much better with Claire next to me.

"What's wrong?" She asked me after a few minutes of silent walking.

I sighed. "I just don't like this."

"What?"

"This sneaking out."

"Why?"

"It just feels wrong."

"Quil...if anyone gets in trouble it's me. You don't have anything to worry about."

"That's _exactly _what I _do _worry about," I told her, running my fingers through my hair. "Plus..." I didn't finish the sentence, I didn't want her to worry about my problems too.

She shook her head. "You worry too much."

"So I've heard."

She laughed quietly, glancing around the trees surrounding us. "You should relax more."

I grinned. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah...come on, Quil. You're way too tense." She reached up and poked my shoulder. "See that? All tense."

I laughed and she dropped her hand. "Quil!"

"Sorry..." Something about the way she had done that was so hilarious...my stomach hurt I was laughing so hard. She raised an eyebrow and grinned. "See? Now you're all happy and relaxed."

I just shook my head and laughed, and we walked on through the trees. I didn't think how stupid it was to walk through the woods with her.

She breathed in deeply. "It's so nice out here at night," she said softly.

"Yeah...yeah, it is."

"It must be wonderful, to be here, as a wolf."

I sighed. "Yeah, yeah it is."

"Sorry," she said, and she pressed her lips together and furrowed her eyebrows. She looked so worried.

"Now who's worried?" I teased her. "Huh?"

She shoved me lightly, I shoved her back. "Hey!"

I froze. Sickly sweet scent invaded my nose and traveled through me, burning, covering Claire's scent entirely. I started shaking, my instincts taking over. Apart from the fact that there was a bloodsucker too close to Claire, anger surged through my veins too. Why did it have to come at just the wrong time? All the time!

"Quil?" Her playful mood over, she peered at me, concerned. "What is it?"

"Leech," I growled, quietly. "Run, Claire. Run back home. As fast as you can."

"But Quil--" She hesitated, biting her lip.

"Oh shit." She didn't need to remind me what would happen if I phased. I took a deep breath, trying to control the tremors that were traveling down my spine. Should I phase, protect Claire, or not phase, and try to run with her?

He would find out anyways. As a human, I can't run fast enough. And it was getting closer. Putting her at risk...at a leech's mercy...

What mercy?

Exactly.

"Claire, run. Run as fast as you can." She glanced at me one more time, and I kissed her quickly on her lips. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, and she started running and I exploded.

I didn't even think how glad I was that no one was phased; I was alone.

I ran after the leech, trying not to breath deeply as the scent got stronger and stronger with each step I took.

Another mind joined me, I tried to focus on the bloodsucker because it was Sam. _Leech. Leech. Leech._ I let my instincts take over and breathed in deeply, letting the tainted air burn my throat.

My mind flickered on Claire, did she run fast enough? Did she fall or--

_Leech. Leech. Leech. _Hunt it. Kill it. Rip it apart.

I imagined myself tearing it limb from limb, let my mind be consumed by the instincts that I was always trying to fight. It was surprisingly easy.

Sam was closer--he ignored my thoughts as best he could and pounced on the vampire. I could see his fight in my mind as clearly as if I was there, as the ground flew away beneath my paws.

Sam was angry--very angry. He would usually have waited until I got there, he always did. _Safety in numbers, _he always said, and Leah always rolled her eyes. She hated those kinds of sayings, as true as they were.

I was so close, and a piece of white stone flew past my nose. I grabbed it with my teeth and put it somewhere, remembering the exact spot.

Flashes of things from Sam's mind distracted me. Apparently the bloodsucker had gone past Sam's house--close enough that Emily smelled it.

_"She was so scared--for me, more than herself," _Sam thought as he ripped the vampire's throat out. "_She didn't want me to go--but of course..."_

_"Of course." _I thought of Claire but quickly busied myself with dropping another piece of marble to the quickly growing pile. Sam was dealing with it on his own--I saw no need to interfere. I gathered the pieces he threw, hundreds of yards around him.

Soon it was done, dead. I phased as quickly as I could, but not before more flickers of Claire and the day and just now came to my thoughts and I automatically put up my walls. Sam stiffened, I started running, slowly human, but as fast as I could in this form.

"Quil!" Sam's booming voice stopped me dead cold. Running wasn't going to help anything.

"Quil." I didn't look at his face as he said my name. I didn't want to see his expression, or what was in his eyes.

"You know what I'm going to say," he said.

"Do I, really?" I asked, sarcasm coating my words. "Thought I missed that bit."

"Quil."

"Just say it, Sam," I snapped.

He took a deep breath and I still didn't look at his face or his eyes. "Anything that you would normally hide from me concerning Claire, don't do," Sam said in an oddly distanced voice. "You know exactly what sorts of things I am talking about so I am not going to say them. Just don't. Do. Them."

Too lazy to tie me up himself? He let his words do the job. Painfully cut into my skin and were soaked up by my body.

"That was low, asking Seth and Colin to lie for you."

"I never asked them to lie for me," I said through tight lips.

Sam shrugged, and walked away. Back to his Emily. "Back to your Emily," I whispered, but I knew he could hear me. "Back to your Emily while my Claire sits up all night wondering if there's a vampire about to go suck her blood out."

He flinched, but didn't look back. "I never told you you couldn't see her," Sam said over his shoulder. "Go right ahead."

So I did. I couldn't bear the thought of her sitting up there, alone and scared. Cold. _Not that I would be able to warm her up._

I knocked on her window, a few minutes later. "Claire?"

She looked out, I could see the shock ad relief written clearly on her features.

"Quil! Thank God you're okay..." She trailed off. Shuddered. "I thought--" I tried to reach out and make her warm but was instantly assailed by hammers bashing my skull. I jerked away. _Okay, okay! Let your niece freeze to death._

She was staring at me, her mouth slightly open, her soft mouth with--

Growling, this time. Warning. Don't even think about it.

She climbed into her bed and I was about to follow her, like that other night. I forgot so easily. I sat heavily on the chair next to her bed. Just being here made the warning growling and pounding loud and painful. but I could handle that much...

"Are you okay?"

"Go to sleep, Claire." I held her hand and watched her as she fell asleep, slowly, but finally she did. I couldn't--you try going to sleep when packs of feral dogs are tearing down your mind. I just sat there and tried to think about anything other than how much I wanted to kill Sam.

* * *

_I want to kill Sam too...hehe._

_This is going to be the last chapter before I leave for three weeks. I'm so so sorry...but meanwhile you can help me answer these questions..._

_One. More vampire names. I need more vampire names._

_Two. I was thinking about starting another story, about the werewolves, of course. An imprinting story. I was thinking to do it about Seth, since Jacob is way overdone, and I don't think I can write an original one. So, Seth? Or someone else? Does anyone have any preferences? And...well, as always, tell me if you'd like to see something in this story or any other ones I'm writing..._

_So sorry again for the three week-less updates. If you're super bored while I'm gone and want to read some fanfics, look at my favorites. There are some really good ones there._

_Review?_


	38. Chapter 38

_So I'm finally back. Yay. Thanks a lot, I did have a great time, and thanks so much for everyone who reviewed. It was awesome getting back to a bunch or amazing reviews. I'm so glad I'm back, though, because I swear my head was about to explode from all the words and stories and dialogue and characters running around in my head and I promise you I'll be writing a lot lately._

_Another thing...I really didn't mean for this story to be this long. There are a lot more things to happen, I don't really have an end in sight here, but...maybe I should just make a sequel? Is there a limit to how many chapters a story can have? Well, I think I'll just continue it, unless anyone has any objections or suggestions...?_

_So I'll stop talking (typing?) now and let you get on with reading and hating Sam..._

* * *

"Oh, Claire." Emily reached out and touched my arm gingerly. "It'll be fine, you'll see." As optimistic as always. Even though I'm usually glad for it, now it's just depressing.

I snorted. "Sure."

She sighed, a piece of wispy black hair blew away from her face. "Claire..."

"You can say that. _Your_ imprint isn't being forbidden to see you." I didn't care that I was making an overstatement, or being so dramatic about it. I felt myself slowly deflate thinking about him. All my breath disappeared from my lungs.

I could see the hurt on Emily's face but she didn't show it in her voice, and covered it up quickly. I might not have been being very understanding, after all, I had no idea what she had gone through.

"He's not being forbidden to see you, Claire."

"Yeah, right. As good as."

"No...you can still see him. Be thankful for that."

"I am! But do you think I like looking at that expression in his eyes every time he looks at me?"

"I know, it's awful. I'll try to talk to Sam, but you know him. Once he gets his mind set on something...especially if that something is you..." She trailed off but she didn't need to continue. I knew what she was talking about.

"Whatever," I mumbled. "Bye."

"Where are you going?" She didn't seem surprised at my abruptness. She was still as calm as always.

"I dunno."

"Claire..."

"Please don't tell me it's not safe," I told her.

She half-smiled. "Sorry. But it's not. Apparently there's a vampire..."

"They got it. Quil told me." I took another step for the door.

"A different one.You should stay here."

"How many can there be?"

"Sam said to keep you safe."

"You know what else Sam said?" I asked her quietly. My hand reached for the doorknob.

"Claire, please..."

"Sorry. Bye." I opened the door and escaped out of it into the freezing rain. I felt horrible, leaving Emily like that, all worried...but the guilt didn't override the anger.

I wrapped my coat tighter around me, still fuming, as I had been since the night before. Like I'd be able to fall asleep, with Quil right there and my mind racing like that.

"Claire!" An angry male voice called my name. I turned around and glared at the huge figure of my uncle. I ignored him, turning back and walking quickly.

"Claire, wait!"

"What do you want?" I snarled at him. He seemed taken aback, but he recovered and calm mask of nothingness that often covered Quil's face was on his.

"It's not safe. You need to get back to the house."

"I need a lot of things, Sam, and am--"

"Claire. This is not the time for this. You need to get back to the house now."

"No."

His voice raised in volume and a bit of his anger seeped in. "Claire, you're being really immature. This is a life and death situation, and you need to come back to where it's safe. You can't be walking here alone now."

"So why don't you let _someone_ walk with me?" I asked.

"Claire..." He snapped. I stood still, recklessness and anger coursing through me. "I'm not stopping him from _walking_ with you, you know that."

I said the same thing to him as I had to Emily. "You think I _like_ looking at the expression in his eyes every time he looks at me?"

Something broke through the mask on Sam's face but was quickly swallowed. He ignored me, grabbing my arm and dragging me down to road.

I tried to shake him off. "Let go of me!" I yelled at him. I tried to yank my wrist out of his grip but it was like iron. I planted my feet and refused to move, but he still half-dragged me on.

I struggled, I fought and I kicked. He threw me over his shoulder like a canvas back and I gave up, exhaustion taking over my limbs.

A few seconds later I landed face down on soft cushions and heard a quick, "Make sure she doesn't leave, Em. Love you. See you." Silence, then a slamming door. A few seconds later a weight settled on the end of the couch my feet were on. A soft sigh.

"Don't worry, Claire. They'll be fine." She seemed like she was just trying to convince herself.

"Yeah, I know." I stood up and made for the door. Fingers caught around my wrist.

"No, you don't," she said. I sighed and plopped back on the couch.

"So. Muffins? Waffles? Bread? What?"

"Huh?"

"They'll be hungry when they get back. What do you want to make?"

"I can't cook."

"You can sift the flour." Emily grinned.

"Muffins."

Minutes later I was running back and forth between the refrigerator, pantry, and oven like a fly with legs.

"Blueberries!" Emily called, and I dug around the fridge for them. I had no idea cooking could be so..._tiring._ I didn't know how she did it.

I don't know how long it took but after there was no more flour, not to mention anything else, left in the house, Emily stopped. Other than the three huge plates of steaming muffins, there were countless other pots and pans and bowls and plates, plus the three huge loaves of rising bread sitting in the warm oven.

I laughed when I saw it all. It was more than there usually was, an almost obscene amount of food.

I glanced over at Emily. She was staring at the muffins blankly.

"You think it's enough?" She asked.

"Are you serious?"

She sighed worriedly. I asked her what was wrong. "Why so much food?"

She hesitated before answering. "It's everyone. It's never everyone. Colin or Jared or Paul or Leah sometimes don't go. Sometimes it's just Sam and Jacob...Maybe Quil, maybe Embry. Now it's all of them."

"What is it?"

"What? A vampire, I guess. What else? Or more than one." She shuddered as she gazed around her stuffed kitchen. "Well, we better get cleaned up."

"It's clean," I reminded her.

"Yeah." I'd never seen her so worried. She poured something from the pan it was in to a bowl.

Loud footsteps, the door opening, closing. Stumbling. I was almost afraid to go look. I was. I was frozen. But Emily rushed out and I heard her loud sigh of relief, so I walked slowly into the hall. My eyes traveled over them all, all except Jared.

"Where's Jared?" I asked. Even I could hear the panic in my voice.

"He's with Kim. Don't worry." Quil was next to me in a second and I felt like I was going to drown in relief. He looked fine, a little pale, but that's all. He shuddered, and glanced behind him. I followed his eyes.

They looked fine. Everyone looked pale like Quil, Leah a bit more so, but Jacob's skin was almost white over the brown. He was shaking a bit, and unfurled one of his fists to take the glass of something Emily gave him and swallowed it in one gulp. Sam looked at him warily.

"I'm _fine,_" He hissed, his voice weaker than I'd ever heard it. "I'm fine," he repeated. Leah was looking at him with something like fear in her eyes. He glared at her.

No one moved out of the hallway, no one rushed to the food. They all seemed frozen, frozen like ice or stone. Jacob was the only one who moved, fidgeting impatiently.

Emily looked sort of strange, and pulled on Sam's hand, whispering something to him. He put his arm around her back and kissed her hair quickly. Quil muttered something under his breath.

Like it was choreographed, everyone moved to the kitchen in a tide. They fell on the food like they usually did, and I felt even more relief than I'd thought was humanely possible. I had to sit down, it felt like my legs were going to turn into the rice Emily had made, crumble to the floor. Quil sat next to me and dropped down two heaping plates of food, one in front of me.

"I'm really not hungry," I told him truthfully.

He frowned before starting on his own plate. "You should eat something."

I picked at a piece of carrot and watched Quil out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to ask him what had happened, to everyone, and to Jacob, who wasn't even eating, but I thought that I should wait until later. Quil looked...well, not happy, but I didn't want to ruin what he did have.

There was less banter than usual, less playful fighting as there was after the pack came back from a fight. They were always so happy and carefree. I hated seeing them like this.

"Did you not get it?" I whispered to Quil. No one acted like they heard me, except Quil who glanced at me.

"No, we didn't," he said.

"What happened?"

He sighed, and I could see the blood drain out of his face.

"That bad?" I asked.

He nodded shortly.

Suddenly, everyone was done. Emily gathered the dishes, and she and Sam disappeared into the kitchen, closing the door after them. Seth sat back and sighed. Paul's fingers tapped the tabletop nervously. After a few seconds Jacob stood up suddenly, and his chair fell back, crashed against the floor.

"Will you _stop it!"_

Paul stopped immediately, without the usual grumbles. He just frowned at Jacob. Jacob glared back. I glanced at Quil, who was looking at me. Even Seth seemed nervous and on edge.

"Uh, Quil...?" I said it quietly but I had no doubt the the entire room would be able to hear me. I noticed that Jack was sitting in the corner, next to Jacob, and he was gazing at me but I couldn't see what was in his eyes or expression. He glanced at Quil, then back to me, but when his eyes met mine he looked quickly at the wall.

"Quil." He hadn't said anything before, and I suddenly felt very small.

Everyone looked at Jacob. He looked at me. "I never thought Bella was telling the truth about these Italian monsters..." He didn't seem to be talking to anyone in particular, looking at the table. His fingers tapped like Paul's a minute ago, only quieter. "They didn't seem real. Before. Now..."

'"How did they _know?_ About us?" Embry's angry voice broke through the silence after Jacob's words.

"The _Cullens," _Jacob spat.

"They told them?" Embry looked confused. "How do you know?"

"Bella told me...they told them _everything, _those filthy bloodsuckers told them everything."

"Damn traitors," someone muttered. I think it was Colin.

"What do you expect from _them?_" Quil asked, disbelief coloring his tone. "You expect them to keep our secret? To help _us?"_

"Yeah, well, maybe I did," Colin retorted. "Or maybe, at least for Jake. You know, maybe we all expected something from _her_. She _claimed _to still care about him."

"Like it made a difference," Jake said quietly. "Leeches aren't exactly the same as the humans...they were. Like she'd care about a stinking werewolf." He scowled, glaring out into space. Quil sighed again and Embry groaned, glaring at Colin.

"Anyway, Claire," Jake said, looking at me again, the scowl gone from his face, "the filthy Italian leeches were scary. Seriously. They knew where we all were all the time and the little one..." He trailed off and there was a collective shudder around the table. "How old could she be? She looked twelve. Ten, nine, eight. I don't know. But...they were always surrounding us...I can't believe we got out--but they just...disappeared..."

"What did she do?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. You don't want to know. But it doesn't matter anyways, I mean, she's gone."

"For how long? What about what she sa--" Embry was cut off by Quil's angry _"Shut up!"_

Embry shut his mouth and looked faintly sheepish. "Sorry." He glanced at me.

"What?" I tried to catch Quil's eye. He avoided my eyes and shook his head shortly.

"Whatever," I said. "I'm going to help Emily." I didn't want to stay in this awkward room any longer, with Quil and Jack looking at me in the exact same way.

"Knock before you go in!" Seth warned me loudly. Colin snickered.

I knocked and waited a second, then heard a slight cough and opened to door to Emily's pink face. Sam avoided my eyes, but that was easy, seeing as I was pretending he wasn't there.

"Need help?" I asked Emily. She shook her head and I glanced behind her at the sink still half full with dirty dishes.

"Why don't you go home?" Sam asked me. I ignored him. "Have Quil walk you. Don't go alone."

I scowled and stalked out of the kitchen, knowing I was being immature about this whole thing but not caring the tiniest bit. Quil stood and, his hand lightly on my back, we left.

As soon as we were out of the house Quil took my hand tightly.

"That's okay?" I asked.

"What?" I raised out entwined hands.

"Oh. Yeah...I guess. It's tolerable."

My anger at Sam grew. "Can I please kill him?"

"I'll help you. Gladly."

"Thanks." He chuckled and ruffled my hair with his free hand.

--

Quil's POV

In the next day, nothing. No sign of the bloodsucker who made all our lives hell for ten seconds straight. Ten seconds. The longest ten seconds of...well. Maybe the shortest. I don't know. I don't even know what she did...

Or even more. Jared won't leave Kim's side, Sam's just setting a crazy amount of patrols and blockading Emily and the kids in the house. Even Jacob's a little freaked out, running around Annie's house at night. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he can't hide it. Not that I don't do the same. Every night I go make sure Claire's safe, I would go in but Sam's stupid order stops me cold. Every time I think of her, which is a lot, the leech's words echo in my head and the anger and fear run through my veins, the anger heating up and the fear cooling down.

Even Leah's dead scared, making herself and Seth focus their patrols around Kim and Emily and Claire. I guess Annie's not in so much danger, because she wouldn't have our scent all over her. But still. Something about them tells me that they'd know.

A few weeks later, everyone's still terrified. But our lives have resumed basically like before, only more patrolling and less of anything else.

I was getting so sick of not being able to see Claire as much as I want to, to see her and hold her and kiss her. Sam can see my patience with him and his stupid order withering away until there's nothing left. I can't stand it anymore, and I can't stand hurting Claire like this.

How can he not know he's hurting her as much as me? I have to do something, I think. Embry agrees with me. He's bugging me to do something, _anything, _because he's "sick of my obnoxious moping." Obnoxious? What, and his thoughts are any better?

I run back to Sam and Emily's house after my patrol, after Colin and Brady take over and Embry, who was patrolling with me, goes to work. Other than the fact that I needed to eat I figured that is was a good time to talk to Sam. He couldn't say I was immature, slacking. I'd been doing everything he told me to and more. I hadn't even _tried _to break his stupid order, except for that one time. I just couldn't help it. My body acted how it wanted and didn't stop until my mind unwillingly jerked away from her.

I knocked and Emily opened the door, smiling, one twin in her arms and one holding onto her hand. "Hey, Quil. Sam's here, if you want to talk to him." She leaned closer to me and whispered so softly I knew he couldn't hear, "I talked to him. I think it might be working...don't spoil it."

I smiled at her. "Thanks."

She half-shrugged with her one free shoulder and led the way to the kitchen table. "Hey, Quil," Sam said without looking up from the newspaper he was holding.

"Anything interesting?" Emily disappeared from the room silently, I only saw her close the door.

" 'Mysterious murder on waterfront. Blah blah blah. Victim seems to be emptied of blood, etc, etc, etc.' " He looked at me, his eyebrows raised.

"Where?"

"The coast, not to far from here, Somewhere down south."

"Care to be a little more specific?"

"Not really. It doesn't matter exactly where."

"Do you think it's the Italians?"

"Who else?"

I didn't answer. "Hey, Sam..."

"The answer's no, Quil."

The anger flared up in me instantly but I pushed it down and kept my voice calm. "Sam--" I have the sudden thought that if these Italians do get her that I won't even get to--

I threw that thought out of my mind...I couldn't think those thoughts, if I thought those thoughts I'd probably die just from thinking them.

"No."

"Just think for a second, Sam. What are you doing? Why?"

"I don't want to see that."

"You won't have to."

"You can slip very easily."

"I won't. And anyways, it's not like Jared blocks out his thoughts."

"It's different."

"It's really not. Only because me and Claire aren't doing the things Jared and Kim are?" His stubbornness was infuriating. He _should _be glad that me and Claire aren't doing things like that.

Sam scowled. "Don't even go there, Quil. She's fifteen."

"Almost sixteen."

Sam sighed and folded up the newspaper before standing up slowly and turning to face me. "It's completely different and you know it, Quil."

"Why does it matter?" I demanded.

"Why does what matter?"

"Why does it matter that I've known her since she was two? Loved her since she was two. You've seen my thoughts for almost fourteen years, Sam! You know exactly what I was thinking! I haven't hurt her once, not once! And. I'm not. Aging."

"Calm down." I looked at my hands and realized they were squeezing the back or the chair, almost smashing it. I took a deep breath and balled my hands into fists, pressing down the sliver of heat that crawled up my spine.

"Sam. Please." I resorted myself to begging, flat out pleading. He looked away from me and frowned.

"I'm sorry, Quil." He actually sounded like he meant it.

"Why don't you say that to Claire?"

"I have."

"Really? Well, it didn't seem to do much. She's suffering as much as I am if not more, and you know how much that is."

"You don't let me forget."

"If you actually care about her, you'll--"

"She'll survive." He turned on the water and rinsed a plate off.

"Survive? Is that what you're going for? Of course, she doesn't deserve to be happy, does she, she's cursed because I am!"

I'd struck a nerve and he knew I knew it. "Anything on patrol?" He asked me, drying the plate.

"Don't change the subject." I tried a different tactic. "Of course, the person who _has _hurt her like that just gets away with everything. Not even a warning, let alone is _forbidden to touch her." _Saying this injustice just made me angrier and I tried to keep my breathing steady. Plus, the burning hate almost overwhelmed me.

"You're not forbidden to touch her." Sam was infuriatingly calm.

"You know what I mean! Jack's the one that hurt her. If she's your niece and you actually care about her why don't you do something to that pathetic--"

"I warned him. I'm giving him another chance. He's young and he makes mistakes."

"Give me another chance." This was absurd. What did I need another chance for? _"I never hurt her!" _I bellowed, letting my frustration and anger out.

Silence. Then a soft knock on the door and Emily came in. "May I?"

Sam grumbled and I just shook my head, hoping Emily could do something, anything. "Sam--"

"Em, please. Please don't do that. You don't understand. You didn't see that, feel exactly that." He shuddered. "Everything, and...I felt physically sick afterward, really."

"Why is it such a big deal that I kissed her?" I wanted to understand him, just after I wanted him to let go of his order.

"That's not all you do, Quil, you know it," Sam said darkly.

Emily raised her eyebrows at me. I could feel a different kind of heat flooding my face. "Yes it is!"

Sam just looked at me. "Is that right?"

"Yes! Reality. Fiction. Different."

"It's hard to tell the difference. And your little fantasies aren't much better than the real thing. On second thought, they're much worse."

I was probably past red, going to maroon. "Sam--" I took a deep breath. "You are such a hypocrite it's not even funny."

Emily chuckled and it was Sam's turn to blush. "Em--" She just laughed more at the look on his face.

"Quil, come on. Nothing's changed."

"And you think that by doing what your doing your making your own life easier? If I can't hide anything--"

"No, you're right. they're worse. But at least I know that they're only in your head."

"And yours and everyone else's." I pointed out. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm tired of this. We're going around in circles."

"You know, Sam, you don't have to be _so_ strict. You could set limits, not just not allow anything at all." Emily tried to reason with him.

"Em, please..."

"Claire's complaining to me, and Quil's moping, not to mention the whole pack, yes, including you, is affected by this."

"It's nauseating!"

"Deal with it!" I told him. "I can block it, you know. And anyways, maybe you should try it sometime. You think it's much better for the rest of us to hear _your_ thoughts?"

I heard Emily's small intake of breath and Sam say, "Dammit, Quil. Em, Emily, he's just joking, it's not really--"

"Samuel Uley..." Emily narrowed her eyes at Sam and pointed the wooden spoon she was holding menacingly at him, then at the door. Sam followed her into the hall, but not before glancing at me and hissing, "If anything, _anything_ happens, to anyone, you are one dead puppy, Quil." The door slammed and I couldn't hear anything from the other side. I sank down into the closest chair, burying my face in my hands. Stupid, stupid, stupid. We had almost done it, changed his mind, and I just had to say that...Everyone's said it so many times, about Sam but also Jared, and anyone else who happened to have a girl even remotely close to them. I can't even count the number of times I'd been teased. But did Emily really not hear it, ever? Not think of that possibility, ever? Or is she just using this as an excuse?

As I sat there berating myself and listening to the faint phrases I could hear, loud, "...that you even have to _nerve_ to..." and Sam, trying to calm her down, "Em, please, come on, I promise--"

About ten minutes later Sam came back in the kitchen where I was waiting and I heard a door close upstairs. His glare would probably have frozen a bloodsucker, but I just glared back.

"You know what?" I told him. "You--you..."

"Don't waste precious brain cells trying to say something, Quil. You've said all you need to."

The finality in his tone soaked in, and I sank so low as my hope disappeared. I tried to ignore the pain and strode out of the house.

--

"Will you PLEASE GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!" Embry's piercing scream barely broke into my clouded thoughts._ "Leave. Now._ I can't stand you anymore."

"What do you want me to do?" What to do, what to do. Kill Sam. Right. Good luck with that. Pace, pace. Wall to wall. Embry growled.

"Leave."

"Who's coming over?" I asked him.

"No one's coming over, Quil. You are leaving." He grabbed a fistful of my shirt and all but threw me out the door. "And don't come back until you've--you know."

Pacing down the street and through the trees, emerging in a short lane with colorful houses. Past the hot pink one. It reminded me of Claire's evil relatives.

Claire. Claire Claire Claire. I needed her now, I needed her like a drug, only she was good. Good for me, I was good for her. There had to be some way. I didn't want to wake her up for no reason.

_Let her sleep. You can see her tomorrow. _Why do I have to have a part of my brain that actually has a brain? Hah. My brain has a brain.

_Imprinting is the most powerful force in the world... _Who said that? Was it Sam? Or maybe Jacob. They were the only ones that seemed like they'd say something like that. But it didn't matter who said it.

_Most powerful force in the world... _More powerful, even, than Sam?

--

Two minutes later I knocked on Claire's window.

What was I doing? What was I supposed to do? Wish it? Wish Sam's order to be broken? And it would work any different than it had for the last however many weeks? I panicked. But I didn't run. I had knocked...could just be the tree against the window, banging in the wind. But what tree knocks three times, just like that?

I was waking her up for nothing and raising her hopes for nothing. I was going to hurt her more...

Who said I had to?

"Quil?" Soft voice, softened by sleep. So beautiful, a tired face appeared above me. Half-smiled, with her eyes shining faintly in the dark. "What's up?" the relief when I saw she was okay, that I felt every time I saw or heard or smelled her since when the little Italian leech girl said that--

What do I say? Panic came faster now, my heart beat faster and I probably would have broken out into a sweat if the freezing cold air didn't freeze it right back.

She shivered, I saw that she was wearing a t-shirt. A thin white t-shirt. Worry and love and lust coursed through me and I had to grab the edge of the open window to control myself. I swayed, she stepped closer. My heart was a nervous hum now, too fast to make out individual beats. It was so dizzy. Claire's room spun around my vision and Claire was upside down for a split second and I had a ridiculous, crazy, stupid thought that she would fall and hurt herself.

She shivered again and I slammed the window shut. She flinched when it crashed down loudly and glanced around before her eyes fell right back to me. She looked me up and down and I felt goose-bumps rise on my arms. A chill went through me and then I was all too hot.

She took my hand and led me away from the window. Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me. I could feel every bit of her body against mine and I took in deep breaths of her chocolaty scent, or tried to, but it was hard breathing with the combination of what felt like a thousand wild, rabid wolves fighting inside my skull and her lips pressed to my bare skin. Why didn't I put on a shirt before I left? So stupid. She turned her head, made it a little easier for me.

"Say something." Her breath chilled my skin.

What was I supposed to say? I had an idea and I failed miserably? Did I even try?

I concentrated all my energy on her and cleared my mind, which was next to impossible. Now it was almost half-full, almost half-empty.

"Quil?" I wish she wouldn't say my name like that. At least not when I couldn't do anything about how she made me feel. And with her pressed up against me like that...

_Don't even think about it! _The wild dogs seemed to be talking.

"Quil, really."

"I'm sorry." What else could I say? "I thought--"

"What?"

"I thought I would be able to do something--but--I couldn't."

"Do something?"

"About Sam...his stupid order."

"Oh." A long sigh and cool hands pulled me closer. How could I be closer?

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked her through gritted teeth.

She grinned and frowned at almost the same time, then laughed softly.

"You know, I can--"

"Don't even go there, Claire." Her laugh rang out louder this time.

* * *

_So there it is. I'm sure you got who the little girl vampire was, right?_

_Anyway, hope you liked it. Sorry again for how long it took, but it's a pretty long one, right? I'm starting on the next chapter now..._

_And I'm realizing that the whole Jack/Claire/Quil thing is a bit like the Jacob/Bella/Edward thing. Which I hate. I was really, seriously, not meaning for that to happen. Ugh. I'm trying not to make it too much like it...and as you know, there isn't really a question, which is good._

_Please review!!_


	39. Chapter 39

"Hi, Claire." Emily called and I wondered what she could have to tell me--unless she had gotten Sam to see sense, but I didn't think that, not wanting to get my hopes up.

"Hi."

"So...are you doing anything tonight?"

"No...why?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted to babysit the kids for a few hours, Sam and I are going out, and..." She trailed off.

"Uh, sure, I guess."

"Great. So, can you be over at like...seven? Or earlier, it doesn't really matter. Oh, and the pack'll be in and out, so don't worry."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay."

"Great," she said again. "See you then, then."

" 'Kay. Bye."

"Bye. Thanks, Claire."

"No problem." I clicked off the phone when I heard the _beep._ I wondered idly if I could get my mom to let me go--or was my aunt and uncle's house too close to Quil?

"Mom?" I yelled when I heard the front door open and close. My mom came in with a bag of groceries in her arms.

"I'm going to babysit for Emily and Sam tonight is that okay?" I rushed out.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. What time?" I was so shocked my jaw almost dropped. But I recovered quickly, not wanting to make a big deal out of it unless she changed her mind, and told her, "Seven."

* * *

Seven came, or rather six forty-five, and I made my way slowly to Sam and Emily's. It took shorter than usual, and when I got there I rang the doorbell. No one answered, and after more knocks and rings I tried the doorknob.

It was open, so I went inside and looked around, calling, "Emily? Sam?" Then, "Becca? Bl--"

"Claire!" Becca's high-pitched yell came from the hall, and Blake crashed into me like a ton of bricks hitting my knees.

"Where're your parents?" I asked them.

"They went out but they said they'd be back in a minute so if you came you should just wait but can I have some water or something I'm really thirsty." She took a deep breath.

"Yeah, hang on," I told her, and I went to the kitchen and poured three glasses of orange juice, taking a sip from the last one. It was unusual for Sam and Emily to leave the kids alone...actually, it never happened. I wondered what had happened. Becca gulped down her juice and the phone rang, so she ran to answer it in the other room. Blake tugged me along too, so I left my glass on the counter and followed them.

"Yeah, no, maybe, I dunno, yeah she's here, no he's not, what, yeah, sure." A string of words came from Becca's mouth. She handed the phone to me.

"Hello?"

Sam's voice said, "Claire?"

I scowled and he groaned. "Can you put aside the whole not talking to me thing and listen for a minute? Is Paul there?"

"No."

"Dammit." He sounded pissed off...really pissed off. "Is everyone okay? I'm going to _murder _him...Emily, let's just go, forget it, we have to go," he said , and his voice was fainter. He came back on.

"Don't go anywhere, we'll be there in a second." And the line was dead. The door burst open.

There wasn't just a second of rest here, was there?

"Sam? Sorry I'm late, I just had to--hi, Claire."

"Hey. Watch out. He's mad."

"Shit." He ran a hand through his hair. "I _told _him to wait, and now you're--dammit, Quil's going to kill me." He looked over me, as if making sure I was okay. It was weird, coming from Paul.

"Why would Quil kill you?"

"Uh. Never mind. He won't."

I shrugged. "Okay, then..."

"Shit, he's here." He glanced around. The door opened and Sam almost fell in.

"Paul! What the hell happened? Do you have any idea--"

"Sorry!" He held up his hands in front of his face. "It was just a second, Sam, I swear--"

_"Just a second! _Do you realize that in _just a second _those filthy--" he broke off and took a deep breath, looking at me and Emily, who looked as confused as I felt.

Paul looked just a little abashed. "Sam, relax, okay, I'm sorry and I swear it won't happen again, but she's fine, just look, nothing happened!"

"Who's fine?" I asked. They both turned to look at me.

"Nothing," Sam said tersely. He glared at Paul and they seemed to have a silent conversation, using just their eyes. Paul nodded, but waved his hand around. "Yeah, whatever," he said.

_"Paul."_

_"Relax, _okay? Fine." He rolled his eyes and flopped down on the couch.

"I'm serious," Sam said, and sounded it.

"So am I," Paul replied. "Dead."

Sam turned around and mumbled something to Emily, and they started walking out. "Bye, Claire, have fun," Emily called over her shoulder.

"You too!" The door closed and they were gone.

Paul grumbled from the sofa.

"You don't need to stay, you know," I told him.

"Yeah I do. At least for a few more minutes."

"Why?" He just shook his head, so I shrugged again and grabbed my juice from the kitchen, finishing it in one gulp.

It was sort of awkward, trying to "babysit" while Paul was sitting moodily on the couch. After about two minutes he started flipping through the channels on the TV, fidgeting impatiently. About ten, fifteen minutes after that, he leaped up and left, mumbling some goodbye to me. I raised my eyebrows at the closing door, then went back to playing Monopoly with the kids.

I was sort of half paying attention to the game, but after about half an hour when Becca landed on one of Blake's properties she threw a pillow at him, and he threw it back, and when they pounced on each other I tried to pry them apart as gently as I could. Kids weren't really my favorite thing in the world at the moment.

I heard a quiet chuckle from the direction of the door and when I saw Quil leaning on the wall my heart went flying. There was an unreadable expression in his eyes, but he seemed to jump back to reality when he saw me looking at him. He grinned.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Well, it was boring outside..."

"And why were you waiting outside?" I raised my eyebrows.

"I wasn't exactly waiting." His tone was final and he pushed off the wall. "Hungry?" He asked.

"Not really. But I'm sure you are." He grinned again, bashfully, and walked slowly to the kitchen. I asked the kids if they wanted anything to eat and when they said no I left them to the game and followed Quil to the kitchen. He was frozen in the doorway. I stood on my tiptoes to look past him.

"What's up?"

He relaxed slightly and took a step inside. He sniffed. _Sniffed?_ "What the..." His arm reached out and wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him.

"Quil?"

He looked around and, apparently satisfied, let go of me and wrinkled his nose. "Ugh."

"What?"

"Nothing." I was getting really tired of all these "nothing"s and "never mind"s.

Quil opened the fridge and pulled something out, took the lid off and started eating. He held it out to me. "Want some?"

"What is it?"

"I dunno." He shrugged. "Some sort of pasta thing, I think."

He must be pretty hungry, to not know what he's eating. But then I realized that was how it always was. With all of them.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked him again.

"It was boring outside, the same as two seconds ago."

I rolled my eyes. "And why were you outside?" He froze mid-bite. "Uh...patrolling." Swallowed.

"So shouldn't you be patrolling?"

I swear he looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I'm done."

"Ah." We both knew he was lying to me, right to my face, and even though that hurt, I dropped it. His forehead was wrinkled as he stared at me.

"Claire--I'm sorry, I just--"

I waved my hand to show that it was fine. "No, no, it's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry," he said again.

I just shook my head, and then something occurred to me. "Won't Sam, like...murder you?"

"Nah, it's okay. I'm not really _doing _anything."

Blake wandered in, followed by Becca, His hair was practically sticking straight up. And it was pretty long, so...wow.

"What happened to you?" I asked him. Becca laughed.

"Pillow. My head. Becca. Going crazy."

"Uh...right. Sure." Quil laughed and Blake said he was hungry. Becca nodded furiously. I peered into the fridge, looking for something to make, and turned on the stove.

As I went back and forth between the counter and the fridge and the stove the kids were surprisingly quiet and still, and Quil was like a statue, only his eyes flickering between me and the window, sort of nervously. I was about to ask him what was wrong, but then I thought it was probably something to do with this _thing _everyone was so freaked out about. Because, I finally realized, Paul and Sam were acting exactly the same, all nervous and antsy. And, of course, Emily was as clueless as me. I sighed, frustrated.

Blake and Becca ate their food with little mess, which was a bit surprising, and as I carried our dishes to the sink to wash them I felt suddenly lightheaded, and I almost dropped the plates, like my hands didn't work. I felt a bit like jelly. I turned on the water, scrubbing, and it hit me again, this time worse, and I fell against the counter and banged my elbow on the edge of the sink.

Quil was suddenly at my side, taking the sponge from my hand and supporting my weight easily.

"Claire? Are you okay?" His eyes looked me up and down, searching for injuries.

"Yeah, yeah. Peachy." I grinned and started to get up.

"Oh, no, you don't," he said, pushing me back down.

"Quil--"

"Claire, you just collapsed against the kitchen counter. You're not going anywhere."

"I did not _collapse," _I muttered. He sat down and I took the chance and stood up. "See? I'm fine."

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, but then the wave hit again, and everything was black for a second. Even though I tried as hard as I could to stay standing, Quil's warm hands caught me again and I was on something soft a second later. What was _wrong _with me? I opened my eyes--realized they were closed--and saw I was on the couch. Now he really looked worried. His forehead was creased with it, and he looked totally helpless.

"Okay, Claire, what the hell happened."

I shrugged, and shook my head, trying to clear the fuzz that seemed to have appeared in it. Everything was slightly blurry, slightly quieter. "I'm fine," I said again, firmer this time.

"The hell you're--"

Becca wandered in and looked at me questioningly. "What happened, Claire? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I ignored Quil's dark look.

"Becca, maybe you should go to bed," He said tentatively. "You and Blake just--"

She disappeared, and I made a move to follow them. "Where do you think you're going?" Quil sat down next to me and wrapped an arm around me, therefor killing any thought of my escape. "I should go help--"

"They're old enough to brush their teeth on their own. They'll be fine."

I scowled, and Quil's fingers tapped on my shoulder. After a few minutes of this, I reached a hand up to stop him. "Quil."

"Sorry." He stopped, and looked at me again with dark eyes. I could see the fear in them, it was so clear.

"Really, Quil. I'm fine."

He didn't look convinced. "Had this ever happened before?"

I bit my lip. "No."

"Okay then. We're waiting until Sam and Emily get back and then I'm taking you home."

"Not the hospital?" I asked. Crap, I thought as his expression changed. I _was_ joking...

"I'm tempted, really." He wasn't joking, it seemed.

"I was joking, Quil. I'm not going to the hospital."

He frowned. "If anything else happens, yes you are."

Luckily, the door opened. "Claire?" Emily called. Sam's eyes narrowed when he saw us on the couch, and Quil took his arm away but didn't move.

"What are you doing--"

"Come on, Sam," Quil muttered. "You've made it quite sure we don't do anything that you don't like, so what exactly is the problem with--"

"Forget it." Sam's fingers ran through his hair. Emily squinted at me. "What's wrong? Where are the kids?"

"Nothing! In bed." I said, before Quil could answer her. "I'm fine. Dandy."

Quil rolled his eyes and Emily suddenly frowned. "What happened?" She saw right through me.

Quil, against my perfectly clear wishes, told them everything that had happened. Sam looked as worried as Quil.

"Why are you back so soon?" I asked, hopefully to change the subject. Sam's eyes went even darker. He glanced at Quil and he paled considerably. He opened his mouth but Sam nodded once, quickly.

"Where?"

"Far away." This just made Quil look even more worried. I wondered how much worry they could feel all at once. It seemed like a lot.

"I need to get her home," he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Sam nodded. "Yeah. Be careful."

He nodded and steered me out the door. "Bye!" I called to Emily, who just raised her arms in a 'what?' gesture, then dropped them, to show she was just as confused as me. "Call me tomorrow, tell us how you are."

I nodded quickly and we left, walking faster than I had thought possible. We were home within minutes. I searched in my pockets for my keys, but they weren't there. I swore and knocked on the door, wishing we had a doorbell. Matt came after about two minutes of Quil looking frantically around and muttering under his breath. His hold on me didn't loosen when Matt answered. His eyes narrowed. I rolled mine.

"Claire? What the hell happened to _you?" _Quil stiffened. Was it that obvious? Their faces were growing fuzzier by the second. I felt as if at any moment I was going to black out. Again. I didn't even feel scared, or at least not that much. It just couldn't happen again, not with Quil right here, he was already worried enough.

"I'm fine," I said through clenched teeth.

Matt pointed at Quil. "I want a word with you."

"Is this really the best--"

"Yes, it is."

"Go ahead, Quil, I'll just..."

"Go rest or something. You should--"

"Don't you _dare _tell my mom or my brother about this," I hissed so quietly I could hardly hear myself, but I knew Quil would hear and Matt wouldn't. I was right. His forehead furrowed again, but he was silent. _"Quil."_

"Okay, okay. Fine. But I don't like this."

"Sorry." I said. A shadow crossed his face. He pushed me inside gently, and I went upstairs. I almost couldn't see, and I just collapsed in my bed without even taking my shoes off. Everything went black and the last thing I wondered was what Matt wanted with Quil.

--

Quil's POV

As soon as Claire was out of earshot I turned to her brother. He was looking at me with a weird expression on his face, and I didn't like it. Not one bit.

He got straight to the point, which I was glad of. "What's your deal with Claire?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Did he actually expect me to answer that question? It would probably take a week, and then I would be committed, along with Claire and the entire pack.

He was waiting for an answer, so I gave the simplest and most honest one I could. "It's complicated."

He stared at me for a second. "How old are you?"

Sixteen. Twenty. Thirty. "It's complicated."

"How is it complicated?"

"Do you mean how many years I've been alive? How many years those years have changed me? Or how old I am, physically?"

He looked confused. "How old you are."

"It's not that simple."

"Okay." He stared at me again, like before. "Why do you look exactly the same as the first time I saw you?"

"It's complicated."

"Is there anything that's not complicated?"

"Not really."

He sighed. "Can you tell me anything?"

"What do you want to know?"

"What _are _you? What do you want with Claire?"

"I don't want anything with her." He caught that I didn't answer the first question. But he seemed to know something, more than, well, just a suspicious sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old boy. Yeah, Matt, I wanted to say. I'm a werewolf. I explode into a giant mutant brown wolf when I get mad and I go around hunting blood-sucking vampires. It's pretty fun, yeah, thanks.

"You know what? I give up." He stuck his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. "You're just weird."

I burst out laughing and he looked at me like I was crazy. He starting backing away from me, towards the house.

"Wait," I said. "Hang on. Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask." He stopped. _But I might not answer._

"Why do you care?"

It was silent for a minute. "She's my sister." He shrugged.

"Okay." Not exactly the most illuminating answer I could hope for, but I suddenly wanted to tell him everything. Of course, I couldn't, and I doubted Sam would warm up to me enough at the moment to let me.

"I do want to tell you, really, I do, Matt."

"I'm listening."

"I can't."

"What do you mean? Of course you _can."_

"Actually, I can't." I shrugged. "I would if I could."

"Can Claire?"

"She can. But she won't."

"Why not?"

I was silent; I didn't know how to answer that.

"Does my mom know?"

I nodded slowly. He scowled. "Does everyone know but me?"

"Everyone? As in all sixty billion people everyone? Not really, no."

"Seriously."

"I don't know what you mean by everyone."

"Do you know that you're really annoying?" He was smiling slightly.

"Yeah. I've been told."

"Okay. One more question." He held up his hands when I sighed. "Doesn't have anything to do with you. What happened to her, today?"

I leaned against the wall. "I really don't know. Maybe she's sick or something." I frowned. It wasn't like any sickness I've ever heard about. Just collapsing like that. I almost had a heart attack.

"Okay. Thanks." He mumbled something, that I was sure I wasn't supposed to hear, like, "for nothing."

I grinned. "No problem."

He scowled at me one more time before going back in. I was about to go see how Claire was, but the pounding in my head started, the growling and heavy limbs. I remembered Sam wanted me to patrol, looking for the leech he saw? smelled? when he was out with Emily. I hoped it wasn't that little girl. She scared us all to death, with what she could do and what she said.

I still remembered that pain. I knew it was sort of..._dulled _because of our mind-connection with Jake, but I don't know how he stood it. What I got was...I can't even think about it, just remembering brings it all back.

But it scared me more what she said. I take the fact that she hasn't been back yet, at least here, not near Emily or Kim or Claire...I guess that's good, but I have the feeling she's not one to give up. And from what Jake said Bella told him about these Italians...but that smell in Sam's kitchen...

It must have come when Claire was there alone, before Paul came, after Sam left. She was there alone and there was a leech right there, so close, in the kitchen. Shudders went through me and I exploded, running back to Sam's house but then doubling back every few seconds to check on Claire. I told myself I would be able to smell it if I was at Sam's, so I ran there as fast as I could and howled. A few seconds later Sam ran out the back door, stripping and phasing.

_"What..." _He saw what was in my head and I felt the shock that went through him. _"I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him--"_

_"Sam, I _really_ think Paul isn't our biggest concern right now."_

_"Right. Go back, check on Claire. I'll call the others."_

He phased and I ran back, as fast as I could, the ground flying away beneath my paws. I was there in a few seconds, and my heart stopped when I smelled the leech. All over. More than one. _That _one. With the bitter, acidic scent. Here. Where Claire was.

I think it registered consciously after I howled out an earsplitting cry, partly because the anguish and fear and hopelessness I felt was overwhelming and partly because I knew what was going to happen, exactly what was going to happen, and partly because the others needed to get their furry butts over here, now.

I sniffed and peered into her window. It was open, wide open. Wide open and empty. She was gone, just like I feared.

Gone.


	40. Chapter 40

_The song for this chapter is "Alucard" by Gentle Giant. I recommend you listen to it--it really fits well._

_Sorry about the long wait...it took me ages to get the Volturi right, and even now...eh. Well, please review and tell me how you liked it and if you think I did anything wrong (or right!) about the Volturi. Or anything else._

_WARNING: Minor Breaking Dawn spoilers...I'm just using information gained in Breaking Dawn, such as certain vampires' powers, and the Romanian vampires, in this story. Nothing has changed._

* * *

I woke up to the dark. The thought flashed through my mind that I might be blind. No, not blind. It was just night. I could see the outline of a window, and some trees.

I blinked. It was freezing. I wished Quil was here. I didn't even know where I was and I wished he was here. I sit up suddenly and crack my head on...the wall? The ceiling? I moan and hear, "Ah. She's awake." The voice reminded me of something, vaguely. It was a man's, and it was _cold._

"I still can't believe you let Amelia use that...that _stuff. _She slept forever. We don't have much time."

"We need to wait for Aro anyways, Chelsea. Relax."

I didn't move. Suddenly I faintly saw a slightly luminescent face that took my breath away it was so beautiful. But then she scowled and her eyes opened wide. They were a dull crimson.

"I wish we didn't have to wait. She's getting on my nerves, and I'm thirsty."

"I have complete confidence in you."

"Have you heard from Jane and Alec?"

"They called a few minutes ago, while you were out disposing of the evidence. They'll be back in approximately..." There was a pause. "Four minutes."

_Evidence?_ I shuddered despite myself and the woman hovering over me snarled. I flinched, scooted as far back as I could against the wall. I knew it was useless, though. I felt like an ant.

"Chelsea," the slightly more reasonable..._vampire _said.

"Finally." I couldn't hear anything. I looked around. I heard a sharp intake of breath.

"If you had any idea how simply _mouthwatering _you smell right now, you would stop moving around so much." He spoke slowly, lightly humored. I froze, my eyes wide open but still barely seeing. "That's better. Actually, on second thought, you stink. Almost like you were a dog yourself. Chelsea--what do you see?"

"The same as on the other side, although this is a different one. Not the one Jane attacked. _Quil." _The last word was a whisper.

I stopped breathing and I felt my heart go into overdrive. The man chuckled softly. "Now we know you're right--"

"I'm always right."

"Of course. But, the name? You never know the na--"

"It's clear. It's the strongest I've ever seen."

"And can you do anything about it?"

"Nothing," she spat. She was angry.

"So?" A high-pitched voice, a new one, happy but bitter. A laughing voice.

"Ah, Jane." A different man's voice said.

"She woke up."

"I can see that, Demetri," Jane snapped. "Chelsea? Aro will be disappointed. Maybe you should try just a _bit_ harder."

"Aro will be thrilled," Chelsea replied. "If the bond is this strong when she's just human, what will it be like when she's one of us?"

"_Weaker_." Someone else said.

"No, Alec, it will not be weaker. You know as well as we all do that everything is intensified. Though I do hope to see the shape-shifter's face when he realizes his--"

"_Chelsea_." Shape-shifter's face when he realizes--

_No_. No, no, no. Quil.

Cold laughter, I knew it was the--_Jane_. The one Jacob was so scared of. The one everyone's scared of.

"Chelsea, please hold off, I can't focus with you wailing away right there." Jane. Again. Same poisonous voice.

"I'm not _wailing away." _She sounded surprisingly strained. "Afton...Afton, you have no idea. It hurts _me."_

_"_Shh_..._it's okay. She'll be dealt with soon."

"Why can't Aro just _hurry up!"_

"He's having some trouble with those Romanians that he needed to handle personally. He wants to get here as soon as possible, though."

"Chelsea, you need to hunt," the man, Demetri, said.

"I'll go with you." The man who had reassured...Chelsea. It was weird, to call them names. I heard a door open. They left.

"Ah."

"Why can't we just change her now?" Someone asked. I couldn't tell who.

"Alec, patience," she laughed, like glass hitting rocks. "Aro wants to be here. And we can have all the fun we want while we're waiting." I didn't move. I tried not to. But every thought was of Quil and I needed to go, I needed him.

"Go ahead."

"Jane," Demetri cautioned. "Aro wants her strong. She has to live through the change."

I didn't feel fear for myself. Not one bit. Only Quil. I couldn't stand it. I had to get out of here.

I sat up, crouched on my heels. I knew I didn't have a chance. Quil had a chance. Jake had a chance. Sam did, and Embry and Seth and Leah and Jack. Not me.

"What's your name?" She asked me. I froze. My mouth was glued shut.

"What's your name?" She asked again, angrier this time.

"C--Cl--" I couldn't force the word out of my mouth. "Claire," I whispered.

"Claire...huh. Well, Claire..."

"Jane."

"Demetri," she responded pleasantly. "Well, Claire, where do you think you're going?"

I didn't move. I didn't answer. I felt like the ceiling was pressing in on me, suffocating me. "Nowhere." I could hardly hear myself, but they heard me just fine.

"Good." She smiled--I could see her sharp, white teeth glinting in the darkness. All of them.

Then pain.

I knew what Jacob was talking about, then. Quil and Leah and everyone's faces. They all flashed in my mind. The horrified, brown-white paleness.

Quil. He had felt this. He had felt this, this burning hot poker stabbing every single cell. And I could _feel _every one, feel them like they were a trillion of me.

I heard the scream but I don't think I registered it was me. I heard the frustrated _Jane, _a dull thud. But it continued.

A second, two seconds, an hour, a week.

I would do anything, I thought, _anything _to stop this. I would rather be burned alive than this. Because I knew I wasn't dying, which meant that it could happen again.

_Jane, _again, came through the waves and waves of endless agony, _Stop._

Slowly, it ceased. Faint reminders shot through me and it was the same thing all over again, I was drowning in the blackness.

I could see. Little holes in my vision, little windows in the darkness.

Demetri was looking at me lazily, Alec bored, Jane delighted.

Happy.

At least I had given someone happiness, I thought. Just not the right person.

She laughed, this time more painful and hideous than anything.

I forgot that she looked like a little girl, holding the hand of a little boy. I remembered Jake's face as he described her.

A howl echoed in the woods and through the walls around me. I felt a glimmer of hope but it was crushed, crushed immediately.

"Damn," Demetri said. He took his bored eyes away from me and I could see some worry on his perfect features.

"Don't worry about them, Demetri," Jane said in her icy-cold voice. "I'll deal with them."

Them. They were acting like they were a threat.

Not a threat, not with _her._

I had to stop her, stop her before she did that to Quil and to Embry and Jake and everyone else.

I jumped up, off the ground, bashing my head again but not caring. It faded, and just like the reminders of _that_ pain, they were just that, just painful reminders.

I leaped at the little girl and I didn't think. I didn't think as I collided with an ice cold rock hard body and I didn't think as I heard a sharp _crack_ and felt a faint, searing pain in my arm.

Suddenly it was warm, suddenly I was across the room. My head throbbed--I had hit it again, when I had hit the ground. And my whole body was bruised; the front from crashing into what felt like a glacier, and the back from crashing into the ground.

_I am such an idiot, _I thought. I could feel myself blushing, which was probably not the best thing to do when you were in a roomful of vampires.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I have just waited! If these vampires were stronger than the entire _pack, _what did I think _I_ was going to be able to do to them?

I could have strangled myself, if I could have lifted my arms.

And suddenly I realized what Quil had been keeping from me, what Paul and Sam and he were so secretive about, what Sam, who was never angry, was so pissed off at Paul about, and what these vampires had been talking about themselves.

They were after me. Me and Emily and Kim. Even Annie. Whoever this Aro was, he wanted one of us. And they had chosen me.

I felt a sudden rush of affection for him, for Quil. I should have been angry, that he was lying to me about this.

But I wasn't. It just hurt worse that I loved him all the more for it. It hurt more than a thousand smiles from Jane and a million broken arms.

I fought against the tears pricking my eyes but they poured out anyways. I turned away from them, them sitting there and smiling at me, or whispering quietly to themselves.

I could feel the sobs racking my body and I knew they could hear but I didn't care. Every tear ripped through me painfully but I hardly felt it. Only the throbbing ache in my chest. I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds. My head, bowed down over my knees, took most of the weight. And my heart. Like lead.

He cared enough about me to keep that from me, enough to try to protect me even when he had to lie about it. If he cared that much, what would this do to him? They had gotten me, and had no intentions of ever giving me back.

I wished with every single burned cell in my body that he had never imprinted on me. That he had never set eyes on me, and that I had never known him. Then this wouldn't be happening and I wouldn't have to imagine what he would do, how he would feel. Then he could be happy.

But life without Quil...what kind of life would it have been?

It wouldn't have been one. I would never have known what I was missing, but if I even tried to think of what it would have been like, to live without him, picture every day without his booming laugh and beautiful smile, try to imagine what it would have been like to never have had him...

I was crying openly now, and could see Alec's blurred, disgusted face. They said something, but I couldn't hear and didn't try. I slumped against the wall, buried my face in my hands, and cried.

* * *

_Sorry it was so short...but I'll try to update soon._

_Please, PLEASE review?_


	41. Chapter 41

_Thank you so much to all the people who reviewed. It really made my day. And thanks sooo much to Jo Schmoe, for ideas and everything. If it wasn't for you these past few chapters would be...bad. Very bad. Thank you._

I guess I slept. I don't know how long, though. When I woke up, still completely tired, I could see. There was a faint, gray light coming through the window, but I knew it was day because that's all day ever looks like in La Push, except for the occasional sunny one.

I tried to keep my eyes open, but they stung from my tears and exhaustion eventually dragged my eyelids down. I woke up every once in a while, but since it was easier to be asleep I forced myself to slip into unconsciousness.

When I finally did wake up, and couldn't force myself to sleep anymore, I felt like complete crap. Utterly disoriented, sore and hurting everywhere, having to go to the bathroom, and starving.

But, of course, I just lay there as long as I could stand it. Then I lurched to my feet painfully and slipped outside. I was a bit surprised that no one stopped me, but I knew they could stop me whenever they wanted in less than a second. I could tell they were around, even if I couldn't see them.

I wandered outside, into the thick woods. It looked so much like the forest I'd been in so many times. Well, duh, I told myself. It's probably the same one. Unless I was in Canada. Or across the ocean, somewhere in Europe, maybe Norway or Italy. They were Italians, after all, if Jake was right. And I didn't know how long I was out, when the last thing I remember was that night at Sam and Emily's, then Matt wanting to talk to Quil, then collapsing on my bed. Those memories sent a hundred little stabs of homesickness through me like daggers. I even missed Matt. But Quil, most of all. I remembered his worried gazes and tentative smiles and that just tripled it.

Something caught my eye--a blackberry, in the middle of a thorny bush, right in front of me. It was perfect--black and plump and juicy. I reached out with my good arm and picked it, glancing behind me as if someone was going to stop me. I ate it, but it tasted strange--either overly sweet or too bitter. But I probably wasn't the best judge of taste at the moment. I swallowed, and winced as pain shot through my chest.

The blackberry had just made me hungrier, and thirstier, and I regretted eating it almost immediately. I went back inside and looked around, desperate for a kitchen, or somewhere I could get food or water. But there was nothing--just an old wood stove, covered in black rust.

I went back to the room I was in before and saw it was completely empty. No furniture, just one lone window. I sat on the floor, leaning against the wall where I was before.

I tried not to think about anything. It was hard. Quil's face kept flashing through my mind and I knew that if I thought of him I would never be able to go back to reality.

Suddenly I couldn't breath, my throat was so dry, like there had been a fire, and I coughed, each one throwing more sharp pains in my chest and throat. I tasted blood in my mouth and swallowed, knowing, as much as I wanted to deny it, that there _were_ vampires around here, after all.

"Get her some water, would you?" It was the woman from before, Chelsea--the one who had known Quil's name. I looked up and they were all here--or at least some of them. Not the boy and girl--who weren't even a boy and a girl. A man detached himself from Chelsea's side and disappeared, coming back a second later and thrusting something at me. I took it, seeing that it was a dirty glass, and drank it in one sip, choking on it and flinching when it ran down the sides of my parched throat, ignoring the bits of cobwebs and dirt in my mouth.

I hardly dared look at the vampire who was the reason I had water--when she had hated me so much before. Why did she even hate me? It has something to do with Quil imprinting on me, I knew that much. Something about it...being strong? Was that what she was talking about?

"You're getting soft, Chels," someone said, and I recognized Demetri's voice. She threw him a withering glance, but even I, the stupid, slow human with the blurred vision, could tell she was unsure of herself, even now.

"I don't like this," she said to the man at her side. "Why can't we just leave? Jane and Alec can hold the fort."

"Not if the shape-shifters find us. They have a big pack--we need you two." Demetri said, and walked to the other side of the room. I felt a jolt. Were they anywhere near here? Maybe we were still in North America after all. But I knew Quil could run all the way to Europe, and as stupid and corny as it sounds, an ocean wouldn't stop him. But he said it like they might find us. And didn't I remember something about the pack not being able to leave La Push? Or maybe that was just the alpha. I couldn't remember. "Why is it bothering you now? You were fine yesterday."

"I don't know how it works, Demetri, you know that," she snapped. The man next to her put a hand on her shoulder. She shook it off. "It's too strong. I've never seen anything like it." She sniffed. "I wish Marcus were here--maybe you'd believe me then."

"We believe you, Chels," the man at her side said.

"Sure, Afton, sure. _So why don't you do something about it? _I'm going to _snap, _I swear it!" Her eyes were a wild red and she spun away from Afton. "I'm suffocating in this! What the hell is taking Aro so long?"

"The Romanians," Demetri said softly from across the room "They're being more difficult than Aro had foreseen."

"Well Aro better work on his foreseeing skills, because I am not waiting around here with this _filth--"_ she turned her violent, angry gaze on me-- "for much longer!"

Demetri's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Afton moved in front of Chelsea almost protectively. They didn't look like humans, now. They looked every bit like the vampires they were.

"Chelsea," Afton whispered, "You don't mean it. You're just tired, and--"

_"I am not tired!" _She screeched. I flinched. Her dark hair was flying up around her head and she whirled around madly, disappearing in one place and appearing in another. "I'm tired of _her--" _she spun towards me-- "and _him!" _Now gesturing to the window. "It's all too much! Aro never told me the bond was this strong! What are we doing?" She looked completely insane as she flew across the room, looking like the most graceful dancer in the world.

"Afton," Demetri said to the brown-haired vampire crouching in front of Chelsea. He nodded once, and they both vanished. Demetri didn't even glance at me as he settled down for the wait, leaning against the wall. I didn't move, even though my entire body was aching and my arm was twisted behind my back. It felt like splinters were jabbing me up and down my arm. I bit my lip as hard as I could, but I remembered too late as I felt the sharp pain and the blood dripping down my chin. Demetri's head snapped up again as he glared at me with pitch-black eyes. I froze, and he whisked out the door.

I waited, counting, one, two, three, four, five seconds, until I untwisted myself and wiped the blood off my lip with the back of my hand.

I wondered how much longer they were going to drag it out--my limit for not thinking about Quil was up, and I slumped against the wall as I let thoughts of him invade my mind. I lost myself in the temporary heaven of his soft lips and his beautiful smile. I let myself think of him, because it hurt to much not to. I needed him, I realized. Needed him so bad I was almost going to die here without him. I could live the pain, I could live the bruises and the lack of food and water. But I couldn't live without him.

_You're being dramatic, _Quil's laughing voice told me, just like so many times in the past.

The past. It was all I had, now. And there were so many things I still wanted to do. Needed to do. Had I ever really told him how much I love him? All the times I was angry at him were like tornadoes in my brain. How could I have let things get so bad sometimes? How could I have not cherished every second with him?

And Jake. Jake and Annie. Would he ever come to his senses, or would she ever approach him? I wanted to see them happy. I wanted to be able to talk to Annie about things I couldn't talk about with Quil, or with anyone else. I wanted to be able to tell her, I wanted her to know.

So many things. So many things I've never done. And how could I ever? I wanted to smack Jack right in his face, and I wanted it to _hurt, _however impossible that was, now that he was a werewolf too.

A thousand moments, a thousand memories, came and went in my mind. It was almost like watching a movie in the inside of my head, the happiest and most depressing movie I have ever seen.

Happy because it was almost like being with him again. Almost, but not quite.

Depressing because I knew it wasn't real.

"Chelsea!" She slipped inside and her blood red eyes zeroed in on me. They narrowed. "Chelsea!" Again, and the second she leaped towards me another shadow came streaking towards her and I peeked out of half-closed eyes. It felt odd not to feel anything when I had been so sure she was going to kill me.

"What do you think you're doing?" Afton's voice hissed. "You can't bite her. You understand that."

Flailing black hair and those wild red eyes were all I saw, except for the hint of worry on the man's white stone face.

"Afton! Do something!" Demetri snapped, and Afton half-dragged Chelsea towards the door. There were loud, thunder-like booms, screams.

"Chelsea," came lazily from the doorway. "We have a bit of a problem." All the struggling vampires froze and I felt a glimmer of fear. I could live through it, but that didn't mean I would enjoy it, again. I tried as hard as I could to make myself a statue. I hardly breathed.

Then they were gone. All of them. I knew they were just outside. More booms, like avalanches. I heard a scream of pain, and I flinched just from hearing it.

A howl pierced the air and threw my thoughts off. But a rush of hope gave me strength to turn my head and look out the window. There, staring right back at me, was a huge light brown wolf. As I watched, his tail lifted, his eyes widened, and he yelped joyously. But I crumbled, because I knew it wasn't Quil. I knew his wolf form as well as I knew his human form and this wolf was too small, too lightly colored, with the wrong eyes. I didn't know who it was, and I didn't care. I knew I was done for anyways, the second Chelsea ran back into the room, alone.

"You filthy little human," she snarled at me. "I don't care what Aro wants, you're _mine. Now." _Like a ghost, she was at my side in a minute, holding my wrists in one of her hands in a iron grip, smashing them together and against her stone fingers and I tried to hold in the gasp of pain.

Outside, there was shriek of outrage, howls of pain, furious growls, and the thoughts snapped together in my fuzzy mind. They were out there. The pack. Fighting them. Fighting Jane.

"No!" I screamed as loud as I could, but I hardly heard myself, and I coughed out blood as I tried to stumble towards the door.

"You're not going anywhere, _Claire," _Chelsea growled softly, yanking my wrists back and making me fall onto the ground near her. "Once you're dead or changed I won't have to feel your filthy little feelings about your shape-shifter anymore."

Oh god. My breathing came faster as my heart tried to send out enough blood. I wished it would stop working so hard and drawing so much attention to my very much human veins. Her eyes just got darker and darker, more and more dangerous, more and more bloodthirsty.

I fought and I struggled, but I was having as much luck as I did at all before, fighting any supernatural creature, except for Quil. He always let me go when I wanted to be.

She pulled me up so I was standing, trailing her icy fingers along my non-broken arm. "It's better if you cooperate," she whispered. "We want to get this over with before your shape-shifters--well, not _yours, _I suppose, but some of them--try to find you."

Not Quil. He wasn't here. The overwhelming sense of relief numbed the pain for a second. But is had to be someone. Who? Leah? Embry? Why were they here? They would just get hurt. I was a lost cause. I wanted to tell them to leave, but if I ever got a chance to do that it would defeat the whole purpose.

It was like trying to lift a boulder off me, trying to rip my hands out of the strongest handcuffs.

I felt searing pain in my hands as I tried to do exactly that, a hundred times worse in one of them. The blood dripped down, onto the ground and Chelsea's pale white hands. Her crazy eyes turned even crazier, and her cold hands clamped down on my arm so tightly I was sure she was going to snap it off. She leaned her head down to my hand, pulling it up to her mouth at the same time, ignoring the screams coming from outside. Bellows of agony, of disappointment, of fury.

She pressed her lips to my wrist and bit. I screamed. It was like fire, it was like her teeth had set my arm on fire.

And then she was gone, but the fire wasn't. Her teeth were ripped out of my arm and she was gone, and I faintly heard a shaking howl of rage and pain. I couldn't open my eyes. It was like I was dead, only I wasn't, and I wished I was because then this fire that surpassed all pain I had ever felt in my life would be over.

"Get her out of here!" A familiar voice shouted. Seth? Embry?

Then Jake: "Claire! Claire, what's--" a gasp turning into a scream.

"She bit her." Someone else. "She bit her. Jacob! Do something!" Jack? Hot arms picked me up and I didn't have the strength to even open my eyes to see who it was. But my arm was pressed into heat, even more fire than it was already on, but it was almost like a cool breeze, but it was hot, and I twisted away.

"Claire! What are you doing?"

"F--" I couldn't talk. It was like my mouth was made out of cotton balls. Or stuffed with them. "Fire. Put it out."

"What fire? _Jacob!"_

"Leah, get Quil and Sam and the rest. Jack, take her to Sam and Emily's. I'll get Carlisle."

_"Carlisle! Are you insane?" _I took a sharp breath in as the arms holding me started shaking.

"Jack!" Jacob sounded dangerous, even like Sam. "Control yourself!"

"Oh, shit." The shaking subsided but was replaced with faint jolting. He was running. Whoever was holding me. And then it went black.

--

"Claire! Oh god Sam _do something!"_

"The leech doctor's coming, Quil. Calm down and--"

"The leech doctor?" The warm body next to me froze. "Are you joking?"

"Quil. Just step away from her. You don't want to hurt her."

_"I am not going to hurt her!" _I reached out and found a wrist and squeezed onto it as tight as I could, which was probably nothing.

"Quil," I said. "Don't. Leave."

Hot fingers brushed my forehead. "I'm not going anywhere, Claire." He whispered. A sharp breath in.

The fire burned. It came back stronger than ever, and now it was up in my arm and in every single one of my fingers. I let out a half scream half moan. Quil flinched.

"And what is this leech doctor going to do that a normal one can't?"

"For one, he's the best doctor around, and second, he's a vampire, if you haven't already noticed."

"That's exactly why he shouldn't come!"

"Remember what Bella told Jacob? A long time ago?"

"No."

"She got bitten. By the red-haired leech's mate. And her bloodsucker sucked the venom out. She didn't change. She was okay."

"No." It was quieter this time but strong and full of agony. "No. Way."

"It's her only chance."

"To have a leech suck more blood than they already have? _No_!"

"Is this her?" Someone else said. I didn't recognize the tone but when a cold hand took mine I jerked away from it and backed against Quil.

"Get the hell away from her, you filthy leech," Quil snarled. "Don't you _dare_--"

"Jacob," Sam said. "Get--"

"NO! Get away from her!"

"Quil, you saw my thoughts. Bella was fine, and we have to act _now_ or Claire won't be."

"Quil?" The new voice said. The vampire. "I promise you, if she can't be saved, I will stop and let her be changed. If Edward could do it I can, and I've done it before. Now, can someone please hold her down, and mind her arm, it's broken."

A soft hiss.

"I'm sorry." And he actually sounded it. I gasped as the fire came back in a wave, stronger than ever. My grip on Quil's arm tightened, and he flinched.

"You're not changing her." Quil said, dangerously low.

"Would you rather she be dead?"

"I--"

"She's my niece as much as she's your imprint and I don't want her dying. This isn't only your decision." Sam's voice was full of pain and indecision despite his words.

"Sam--"

"Quil."

"Okay. Okay." I heard a soft whimper and there was a slight pressure on my legs and an even gentler one on my broken arm, hardly touching it. I wouldn't be able to move it anyways. There was no point.

"Thank you." Cold hands held my other arm and it took all my control not to yank it away again. I shuddered, and I felt Quil's lips on my forehead. "It's okay, Claire. It's okay."

Then more pain. The second his teeth bit into my skin, just like before, the fire raged harder and faster and hotter and I couldn't do anything. I heard screams, were they mine? I knew I thrashed against whatever was holding me down, but with each movement more agony, less, much more like a warm sunshine to the forest fire raging in my veins, but pain all the same, shot through my every nerve in my body. I heard faint yells, but I knew they weren't mine. Shouting something about...what is he doing? What do you think you're--Something was shaking slightly under me. Quil, I realized. I held in the screams and stayed as still as I could until the fire faded slightly, after what seemed like ages.

And then it was done. All I felt was a wonderfully warm something under me and I could feel myself slipping into oblivion.

"She needs to stay awake," the smooth vampire voice said. "Don't let her fall asleep." Something was happening to my arm. There was something hard--

A jolt of pain. I screamed. Warm arms held me tighter. Something cold on my head. I was too exhausted to try to get away from it. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care if I was--anything.

But the pain was only dull throbs now, and I sighed as the darkness almost swallowed me. "Claire! Are you awake? Talk to me, say something," a frantic voice told me, shaking me slightly.

"Claire, answer me, are you okay? Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I managed through parched lips. My throat was on fire.

"Get her some water," someone said. A cool glass was held to my lips. I swallowed eagerly, coughing. I tasted more blood in my mouth.

"Oh shit." Someone said. There was something on my face, and I reached up to touch it.

"Nope, Claire, that needs to be there," Quil chuckled. I turned my face into his chest and breathed in his scent and basked in his heat. I wanted to sleep. I wanted this to be over.

"Claire," he reminded me. "You can't sleep."

"She can, now," the doctor said. "But I need to ask her some questions first."

"Can't it wait?"

"I don't think you want me waiting around here while she sleeps."

"You said you're coming back anyways."

"We need to know now."

"Fine," whoever was talking allowed. "But make it quick."

"Okay. Claire," he said. "Can you hear me?"

I nodded. It sent shooting pains through my back and head. "Can't this--" Quil broke off.

"Claire, I need you to think back, and answer my question. Can you do that?"

I nodded as small as I could. But it still hurt.

"Can you remember any names? Of the vampires who took you?"

I thought. How could I forget? "Jane."

He sighed. "Did she--"

I nodded. "I'm sorry." He said sincerely. "Anyone else?"

"Chelsea?"

"Chelsea..." As he repeated each name I said, he seemed to be thinking hard, and each word carried different emotions. "Afton, then, I suppose?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else?" He sighed again.

"Alec."

"Right. Anyone..."

"That's all! Can't you see?" Someone else snapped.

"I just need to know...Claire? Do you remember Demetri?"

"Yeah. He was there." My voice was no more than a whisper.

"Oh." This time it was more of a sigh, more drawn out.

"Is that bad?" Sam, I think, asked.

"Yes."

"He was the--" I broke off. Quil tensed. "What? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing. He was the--" I laughed, causing myself more pain. "The _nicest, _I guess. If you can even use that word."

The vampire next to me chuckled. "Demetri? Are you sure?"

"She needs to sleep. Can it wait?"

He sighed cooly. "Yes. I'll come back tomorrow to check on her, and ask her more questions." I felt him stand up slowly and a door opened. There was more movement. Muted conversation.

Quil's fingers brushed across my forehead again. "Go to sleep, Claire." He said thickly. He pulled me into his arms and I fell asleep immediately.

_Aw, I can't believe you guys actually thought I would turn her into a vampire! That would be so evil of me._

_So, please review? It takes you less than two minutes and it really makes my entire day. Thanks!_


	42. Chapter 42

Cold lips on my arm, cold breath fanning out, cold shackle-like hands, cold, cold, cold...I heard a scream but I don't know whose it was, then when I saw her twisted expression I did, it was me, and the fire started, started flowing through my arm and to my heart and then it was so fast to the rest of my body, then Quil was shaking me, tears running down his face, and I was so cold, I was shaking with cold and he was staring at me with dark eyes, he was so far away, when I reached out to him he flinched away from me and the pain was worse than any fire and--

My eyes flew open, taking in the--wrong things. Why was there no fire? Why was I...warm?

Quil. His arm thrown across my chest and his fingertips brushing my cheek. The steady rise and fall of his body was the most comforting feeling I have ever felt in my life. I let myself try to relax against him, but I couldn't get it...it was a dream. Just a dream. I couldn't get it out of my head.

I let my eyes wander over Quil's face. He looked awful, with dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, dirty clothes--like he had carried them around the forest for a week. Which he probably had, I thought with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

I watched him sleep, and he didn't move one bit in the longest time. Even his eyelashes hardly moved, just tiny flickers. I wondered how long he hadn't slept for.

My hard moved almost of its own accord, tracing his face lightly. It was hard to believe that he was actually real...but he was so solid and warm under my fingers.

His eyes flew open and he sat straight up. I blushed, and pulled my hand back, but when his eyes fell on me he sighed and pulled me to him in a hug. I shivered, from the cold air surrounding me. How could there be cold air around me, when Quil's arms were around me?

"Are you cold?" He asked, frowning. I shook my head quickly, trying to ignore the fresh bouts of pain that brought on. I buried my face in his chest so he wouldn't see the tears coming from my eyes at the pain. "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine." He was trying to joke, but I could see his worry. I didn't move and didn't talk, because anything I did hurt. He wrapped his arms around my back, and I flinched as his hands brushed the bruises there. He yanked away from me. "What happened?" He demanded. "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything," I said quickly.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Claire--"

"I'm fine," I said firmly, and that seemed to do the exact opposite of what I had meant it to do. He put his hands on either side of my waist, barely touching me, and turned me around slowly. His hands flitted across my back. I bit my lip.

His fingers lifted the bottom of my shirt. The same one I'd been wearing...for how long, now? I noticed. He gasped. "Oh, Claire," I was crushed against his chest, his hands carefully on my shoulder blades. He let out a heavy breath. "I'm so sorry."

" 'S not your fault," I told him, my voice muffled. He shook his head violently, whispering something that sounded like, "Yes it is."

"Don't be stupid," I said. He didn't respond. "Quil?"

He pulled back. "Sorry."

"You didn't do anything."

"I know." He was about to say something more when Emily stuck her head through the door. "Hungry?" When she saw me she smiled hugely. Quil didn't move.

"Quil? You need to eat something. You haven't eaten in--"

"I'm fine."

Emily frowned. "Quil, you--"

"I'm fine," he said again. She looked at me hopelessly and withdrew, closing the door behind her. I turned to Quil.

"How long have you not eaten in?"

"Don't worry about me," he said. "I'm fine."

"If I wanted to believe that I would have--" I reached up with my non-broken hand--which was, I saw, was in some kind on splint thing--and he flinched when I brought it close to his face. I let it drop, but he caught it.

He ran his thumb over the bandage there, and surprisingly it didn't hurt. Well, there was one thing that didn't. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, his lips trembling. "I'm so sorry."

I yanked my hand away. "Why do you keep apologizing?" I asked. When he was about to answer I stopped him. "No, don't answer that. Just please stop. I can't--just don't."

He nodded. "Okay." I narrowed my eyes at him. "What?"

"Nothing," I grumbled. He shrugged, then lifted my chin up with his hand. "You should eat something."

"Huh."

"Claire," he said warningly. "Did they give you anything to eat?" I think he was joking, or trying to, but I shook my head before I realized that. He froze. "They didn't. Emil--" He yelled, but stopped when Emily walked in carrying two heaping plates of food.

"You eat too," she told Quil, setting the plates on the table. She let a small smile linger on her lips as she gazed at me, then left.

Quil turned to me and put a plate on my lap after I had struggled up to a sitting position. His still lay on the table. "You eat, I eat," I told him.

He glared at me and grumbled something. "I can force you to eat it, you know."

"I know. But we both know you don't want to and you wouldn't have to if you would just eat your own."

He stared at me for a second, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Right." His plate was on his lap before I could blink and he tapped his fork on the edge of the plate, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

I tried to pick up my own fork with the hand I usually used, my right, when I realized I couldn't even move my fingers. Awkwardly I switched to my left and, with exaggerated movements, lifted it to my mouth slowly, trying not to let it show that each movement felt like fire searing up and down my arm. When I had swallowed, painfully, I might add, Quil hurriedly shoveled some food in his mouth.

We ate like that slowly, almost taking turns eating. He didn't even seem to care about the food one bit, which I didn't like one bit more. But eating this, swallowing it, it felt like I was eating hot coals, and after a few minutes I put my fork down. "I can't do this," I muttered to myself.

"Why can't you do it?"

"I--I'm not hungry." I had forgotten about his super werewolf hearing.

"Claire, don't--" He broke off and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. "How can you not be hungry? You haven't eaten for a week."

"A week?" I had thought a lot of time had passed, but not that much.

"Well..." He tilted his head from side to side. "Five days."

"Five days?" I repeated faintly. He nodded. I shook my head. "Anyways, I could say the same to you."

"What? Oh. But..."

"But what, exactly?"

"But I am a werewolf, therefore I can go longer without eating than you, and plus, I'm not...hurt." When he said this last part he looked down, his eyes dark.

I took his face in my hands, or as well as I could. "Quil. Listen to me. I am perfectly fine. Okay? So I have a few bruises. I'll live."

" 'S not just a few bruises," he mumbled.

"And a broken arm. No big deal."

He shook his head miserably. "What did they do to you, Claire?" He whispered. I let my hands drop. I shrugged, not answering, and looked away. He took my chin in his fingers and stared at me with his deep brown eyes. There was some kind of struggle going on in him, I could see it in his eyes.

I just leaned into him when his lips met mine. It was as close to heaven as I could get, I suppose, when everything hurt like, well, hell. He was so gentle, like I was made out of glass, or eggshells, and any move would shatter me. I wrapped my good arm around the back of his neck and he pulled me closer to him, tilting his head slightly. I let my hands wander over his back slowly, then around to his chest, feeling his heat seep through his shirt to my skin, and feeling his heartbeat. He trembled slightly, I felt with my own shaking fingers. It was still so hard to believe he was real, it was like if I touched him he would go puff and disappear...but he stayed, solid and warm.

Until he flew away from me and I saw we were on opposite sides of the couch. I, who was a little slower on the uptake, raised my eyes to the door and took in Sam and Emily standing there, Sam looking between me and Quil with narrowed eyes. Quil scowled, and Emily's eyes widened, and a hesitant smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she looked over at Sam. There seemed to be some kind of silent conversation going on between the three of them, something I had no idea what of, but I really had no wish to know. Now, after so long, finally...for some reason, maybe Sam had let go of his order? I didn't even think of that, before...I didn't really think of anything before.

But if Sam was going to think he could take Quil away from me, again, he was wrong. I would fight for him, as battered and broken as I was.

"Carlisle's here," Sam said. "He wants to check on you and ask you some questions, Claire."

"Okay..." I don't really remember this Carlisle person, but I was sure he was the doctor. The vampire doctor. I remembered that much. Quil stiffened, and I reached out with my hand to grasp his fingers.

Sam and Emily backed out of the room and a minute later a pale, beautiful blonde man walked into the room. Quil tensed and pulled me closer almost imperceptibly as I stared at him. He was beautiful, but...something about him, well, it reminded me of them. Except his eyes were a sort of brownish-gold, not red. I supposed that was what happened when you drank animal blood instead of human, like Quil told me they did.

He smiled slightly at me, then glanced at Quil. He nodded, scowling, and the vampire came closer. He offered me his hand. "Hello, Claire. I'm Carlisle," he said with a slight British accent.

"Hi," I managed. Quil's hand shook in mine. Carlisle glanced at him. "You don't want to--?"

"_No_." Carlisle nodded, and held out his hand. "May I?"

"Yeah," I said. He pulled off the bandage on my wrist and did something to it. I looked away, hoping for some distraction. I really didn't want to remember exactly how I got that messy, half-moon shaped cut there. I found Quil's face with my eyes and he was staring intently at every move Carlisle made, like he was picking them apart.

"So, Claire," Carlisle said, smiling at me quickly. "If you don't mind, my family and I...we need to know what exactly happened to you." So much for not remembering.

"She already told you who was there," Quil said before I could open my mouth, which was good, because I had no idea what he wanted me to say.

"I know. I'm sorry. But if you can, Claire, it would really be a big help if you can tell me something more."

"Like what?"

"Do you know what they wanted?"

I hesitated. Did Quil know exactly what they wanted? Or, if I said it, would he get angry and--I glanced at him and he stared at me for a second before saying, "They wanted to change her because I imprinted on her." He kept his eyes on mine the entire time he said it.

Carlisle looked up at us, shocked, his gold eyes wide.

"It was because of Aro," I said suddenly. "Something about him wanting to...be there. That's why it took them so long. I mean, he wasn't there when--but--Chelsea hated me for some reason and, well--" I stopped rambling.

Quil flinched and Carlisle sighed. "Ah, Aro."

"You know him?" I asked. "I mean--" I broke off.

"Yes, I do, and I happen to know firsthand what his...you could say..._collector's_ mind will do."

Quil hissed. "She is _not_ some kind of--" He stopped and took a deep breath in.

"I know," Carlisle sighed again.

"What do you mean, firsthand?" I asked him.

"Well...you know Bella?" I nodded. "Well, when she was human, there was a bit of a...mix-up--" Quil snorted, but Carlisle went on, "And he found out about her peculiar mind...block, I guess I would say." At my confused look he added, "Bella was, still is, able to block certain vampire's abilities. Like Edward's mind-reading and Jane's, uh, _gift_."

At the mention of Jane, I realized I had squeezed Quil's hand tighter unconsciously. "But only ones to do with the mind," Carlisle said, moving to my other hand. I let go of Quil's hand. "Anyways, Aro found out about that, and wanted Bella changed so she could join his guard. He was curious about what sort of power she would have as a vampire, if as a human it was so developed and strong. To make a long story short, there was quite a struggle for her."

"Oh." Carlisle moved with a speed not even the pack had, and his motions were almost blurred. I hardly felt anything.

"Okay. And you said Jane was there?" He looked at me with pity in his eyes.

I frowned. "Yeah."

"And you said she--"

"Yeah." I didn't want him continuing.

"I'm sorry," he said again, like before when he asked me. Quil was about to open his mouth to ask what we were talking about, so I quickly said, "But it wasn't bad or anything. No big deal."

Carlisle looked at me disbelievingly for a minute, with slightly raised eyebrows. I stared back defiantly, silently begging him not to press it. He nodded.

"Jane's dead," Quil said abruptly. My head snapped towards him. "Or, as dead as you can get when you're already--" he stopped. "Sorry." He didn't sound it.

"It's quite alright," Carlisle said. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but...how?"

"Well, we are werewolves," he mumbled. Carlisle gave a small smile. "Yes, but...with her _gift_, how could anyone get near enough to kill her?"

"Jack." Quil said, like that answered everything.

"Jack?" I repeated incredulously. Then it snapped in place. Jack was the brown wolf staring at me through the window. And then he killed _Jane_?

"How?" Carlisle asked again, amazement slipping into his tone.

"He's like Bella," Quil said.

Carlisle looked surprised. "You mean...?"

"Yeah. He's like...blocked."

"Wow. We all thought she was unique in that way."

Quil jerked his head noncommittally.

"Is anyone else..."

Quil nodded. Carlisle seemed to be waiting for something else.

"You could say they were slightly..." came a voice from the door. Embry and Seth had walked in and Seth had swept me up in a hug, ignoring Carlisle, while Embry talked. "Incapacitated."

"Meaning?" I asked, my voice muffled by Seth's shirt as I tried to hug him back awkwardly and painfully.

"The big one. And the one that bit you."

"Demetri." I nodded as Carlisle said the names that were in my thoughts. "And who...?" Seth pulled away from me when Quil was about to throw him off.

"Chelsea." I said.

"Are they..." Carlisle winced. "Functional?"

Seth's booming laugh filled the room. "Partially."

"Well, just because Demetri can...find people, so if he can't, then that would be a big help--"

"I don't think he's going to be able to_ find anyone_ any time soon." Embry was trying not to laugh and Quil shook his head, rolling his eyes.

"Oh." Carlisle stood up slowly and backed away a bit. "That's good. Well, Claire, you're looking...better than you did yesterday." I blushed, thinking about the state I must have been in, and how everyone saw me...not that I cared about this vampire, but...certain other people. Person. "You've lost a lot of blood, though, so you'll have to rest, and don't exert yourself physically. Once you heal a little, you really should get a regular cast on your arm, but the splint will hold for now, and I'm sure you don't want to go to the hospital yet." I nodded. "I'll come back in another couple of days, if that's okay?" He looked towards the werewolves in the room. Embry shrugged. "Should be fine," he said, Quil nodded tightly, and Carlisle left.

"Wait," Quil called out. He looked like he was going to be sick. "Um...thanks. For everything." It seemed like it was hard for him to say, but I could hear the gratitude in his words.

He smiled and nodded. "My pleasure." Then, at something in his mind, he frowned. "I'm glad to help."

Something about him was just so _sincere_.

When he left, Quil visibly relaxed, and Embry and Seth slipped out the room...not so subtly.

"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked him. He gazed at me, biting his lip.

"I don't hate him. I'm actually very thankful. If it wasn't for him..." He trailed off.

"So why do you..." I didn't know exactly how to explain it, the atmosphere so tense you could almost snap it with a touch.

Quil shrugged. "He's a vampire."

"Isn't he a good one?"

"Well, yeah, but...I mean, he's _supposed_ to have gold eyes." He shrugged and looked slightly guilty.

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean, _supposed_ to?"

"Well, did you see his eyes? They were brown. Ish."

"So, he wore contacts, big deal."

"They weren't contacts, Claire," Quil said, gazing at me with an unreadable expression in his own brown eyes.

"What did he do?" I asked him suddenly, as something occurred to me. "What did he do that everyone's so thankful about?"

"He..." He trailed off. "You know how she bit...bit you."

"Yeah."

"Well...the...venom kinda...got...in your...blood." It was obvious this was hard for him to talk about. To think about. I scooted closer to him and he ran his hand down my hair to my back.

"In my blood?" I repeated. "What?"

"Like...you were changing. Into a vampire."

"Oh." I was quiet as I digested this. No wonder everyone was so...

Ugh. I was turning into a _vampire_? That's...that's...Quil hates them so much. What would he do if I was one? He'd hate me, I thought, and that thought hurt more than anything.

"So why am I still human?"

Quil stared at me like my discussing my own human-ness was--

"He sucked the venom out." Quil blurted it out suddenly.

"He sucked my blood?"

"The venom. Then he stopped when it was all out. So you stayed human."

"Oh. So his eyes were like red-gold? 'Cause I'm human?"

"No, you're a mountain lion," Quil said, grinning slightly. I laughed.

Suddenly a plate partially filled with food was on my lap. Quil pointed at it. "Eat," he told me.

I pointed at his plate, forgotten on the table in front of the couch, which looked like it was pushed to the side impatiently. "You eat."

He heaved a big breath and he had grabbed the plate and, within virtually seconds, it was clean.

I stared at him with wide eyes.

"So now you can eat," he said.

"Quil, do you have any idea how absolutely _revolting_ that was?"

He grinned crookedly, sending my heart beating crazily. "Yeah." Then looked pointedly at me.

"Gah!" I threw up my hands. "Fine!" I ate mouthful after mouthful, trying to ignore his eyes on me the entire time. "What?" I asked him after a while.

He shook his head. "Nothing." But his eyes stayed fixed on his hands for the next few minutes.

Finally, I pushed my plate away and made to stand up, but before I was even halfway off the couch Quil had grabbed my hand and yanked me back down. "No, you don't."

"What? Why not?"

"You heard what the doctor said."

I grumbled, pulling my knees up and resting my chin on them ignoring the throbbing in my side. "Oh, yeah, it's really _strenuous_, walking to the kitchen, and that doctor you don't even like..."

Quil's half-smile stopped me, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"You never told me why you didn't like him," I said.

Quil pulled me close to him, unhooking my arms from where they were around my legs. I felt him sigh into my hair. "Claire, he's a vampire. And vampires did _this_ to you--" He motioned to me with his hands-- "And I will never forget that. _He_ was sucking _your_ blood--I didn't, don't, think that it was to save your life, he was still sucking your blood."

Something about his logic just didn't go down right with me. "And what if I said that just because..." I stopped for a second, thinking. It's not like anyone in the pack has ever done something all that bad, except Jack, and I didn't want to bring that up. "That just because your a...person of the male persuasion--" he tried not to laugh at that-- "and other people of the male persuasion have done horrible things to other people, I'm going to hold a grudge that doesn't even have anything to do with you?"

He frowned, like there was something bothering you. "But they--" he broke off, looking like he wanted to say something but he wasn't.

"What?"

"Nothing." I remembered back to that other night, when nothing and never mind were the only words I got as answers from Sam and Paul and Quil. And look how that turned out.

Quil pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck breathing in deeply. I turned slightly and his lips caught mine, almost burning them with his heat. I felt another sort of fire, somewhere deep in my stomach, and swallowed as his tongue traced my bottom lip. I turned more, somehow ending up sort of on his lap, with one of my legs under me and one on the side of him. As he broke away and trailed his lips down my jaw and neck, kissing the hollow at the bottom of my throat I forgot how to breathe, then it all came back to me as I inhaled sharply when his lips trailed across the torn line of my t-shirt, and back up to my lips, hardly touching my skin, like he was afraid to hurt me. He was. It was all dizzy, like I was spinning out of control, but in a good way, there couldn't be a better way. I felt completely complete.

I tilted my head up and pressed myself even closer to him that I already was, heard him groan against my lips. The kiss deepened as his tongue melded with mine and his hands slipped up my shirt to brush across my stomach and gently across my back.

I faintly heard a slight cough, and almost fell off the couch in my surprise. When Quil had safely separated us, I looked towards the doorway fearfully. Why did everyone always have to be interrupting us? I thought, ridiculously irritated. But, of course, what did I expect? We were in the living room of Sam and Emily's house, or at least that's what I thought, not being able to get up and look around, but that's what it looked like, so it wasn't surprising that members of the pack were always sticking their heads through the door. Who was it this time? Embry, or Seth, or Sam?

Matt. I felt myself glow red with embarrassment as he looked at me, and I give him credit, he looked a bit mortified, but was grinning like an insane person. I could sink into the floor and shrivel up and die, I thought. Anything to stop this nightmare--

And to think it could have been one of the pack. They would have seen everything eventually, but Matt...oh, god.

I glanced over at Quil, and he was pressing his lips together, trying not to laugh, looking at Matt's expression. Okay, it was funny. But that doesn't mean my face won't be any color other than red for the next hundred years.

"Um, yeah?" I said in a small voice.

"I was just dropping in to see how you were," he said happily. "But I see you're doing quite well, so..." If possible, I blushed a deeper shade of red. Or purple, now, probably. "Mom wants to see you." He said abruptly, and his smile was gone.

"Is she mad?" I asked.

"How could she be _mad?" _Quil asked me incredulously. "Oh, yeah, it's your fault you were kidna--" He broke off and stared at the wall with an intensely interested expression.

"Interesting, isn't it?" Matt said. I bit my lip. I was sure that, if someone else was watching this conversation, it would seem funny. "Yeah, so she's here. And I'm not." Okay, so maybe not so much anymore. He was gone.

"Claire!" Cried my mother from the doorway, running to me and yanking me up in a tight hug. I flinched as her arms squeezed my bruised body, and I saw Quil tense over her shoulder. "Where were you? How could you do that to me, I was completely worried sick, I had no idea what happened to you, you were just..._gone_! And--oh!" She pulled away from me and held my shoulders at arm's length. "Claire! You're so--so..." She hugged me again, and I saw tears leaking out of her eyes. "Oh! I was so worried!"

I suddenly felt dizzy, and I swayed on my feet. My mom set me back down on the couch, and Quil, who had stood up, sat back down too. Pain ricocheted through me as I hit my back on the back of the couch.

"Where were you?" She asked me. I had no idea what to say. I glanced at Quil and my mom's eyes followed mine, and I saw them exchange a long look.

"Something happened," Quil said tightly.

"_What_ happened?" My mom shot back. She seemed immediately sorry for snapping at him and she looked taken aback.

"She was...kidnapped by vampires." Quil's voice was even as he said this, and his face betrayed no emotion. Almost. "For...reasons you would rather not know. But now she's back, and she's fine. Or will be." Something flickered on his face, and I could tell my mother saw the pain he was trying to hide clearly as he spoke.

But she didn't say anything. She was gaping at Quil with an open mouth. "Vampires. My daughter was kidnapped by vampires."

Quil nodded and his hand squeezed mine tighter.

"I thought you were supposed to be--"

"Mom. Don't say it." I was surprised by my own outburst, but I knew exactly what she was going to say, and I wouldn't let her. Quil was suffering enough as it was, and he didn't need anything else to add to it.

"Claire!"

"Sorry." I shrugged.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Good." She hesitated, then said, "Claire, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

"Um..."

"I'll wait outside," Quil said. He eyed me intensely for a minute, then stood up and walked out.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, mom?"

She sat next to me and put her hand on top of mine. "I don't know how to say this," she began.

"Say what?"

She smiled slightly in my direction. "Well...I just want to apologize for being...hard on you, about Quil. I was...I misjudged him, and you, and your--I'm sorry, Claire."

"Good." I knew I was being out of line here, but I really didn't care. She should be sorry. With everything from Sam, then on top of it my own mother wanted to keep me away from the one person who made me happy...

"I guess I was just scared," she continued. "I didn't know he was good for you--actually, I knew too well just _how_ good for you he is." She smiled sadly at me.

I didn't know what to say to anything she was saying, so I stayed silent. "Please, Claire, just tell me--do you love him?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, mom, I love him. You know that."

"Yes, I guess I do. And does he make you happy?"

_Yes _seemed like a bit of an understatement, just like my earlier answer, but I said it anyways. "Yes."

"Good. Then I'm happy for you." I guess I could see her side in this, after all, if I tried. Hard.

"Thanks." She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back, and after a few long moments she pulled away. She looked so _sad_, but happy at the same time.

"I'm happy for you," she whispered again, and kissed my cheek before standing up and, like Quil, leaving. I heard muted voices in the hall, and assumed she was talking to Quil. He returned in a minute and I stood up to meet his embrace. He was so warm.

"So? Not too traumatizing, I hope?"

I shook my head. "She was actually quite...understanding. I don't know...she apologized for being so...you know."

"Yeah. She apologized to me for saying I wasn't good for you. And that I didn't care about you. And everything else she said."

"Huh. I wonder what's gotten into her," I mused out loud.

"She's just trying to make things better..." He grinned wickedly. "Sam's not too happy."

"About her apologizing?" I asked, confused.

"No. About the fact that his order kind of died." He smiled lopsidedly at me and my breath caught in my throat.

"It did?"

He stared at me with slightly raised eyebrows. "Well--I mean, he could have taken it back, I don't know!"

"Nope. It died." He reached out and ruffled my hair.

"Poor Sam," I said, catching his hand and holding it tightly. Quil looked at me disbelievingly for a second.

"Uh, Claire?"

"Yeah?"

" _'Poor Sam' _?" He repeated incredulously.

"I was trying to be a little sympathetic, okay?"

He just stared at me.

"What?" I asked him.

"You are so...nothing." He shook his head and pulled me into a hug.

* * *

_I'm a little iffy about this chapter...eh._

_I hope you liked it, though, and maybe, please! tell me how you liked it by reviewing? Please?_


	43. Chapter 43

_The song for this chapter is "I Need You" by the Kinks and "Take a Pebble" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. Hehe. Very different, but still._

_So, I went back and changed Miranda's name to Annie. Just to let you know, it's been about...two days since what happened in the last chapter._

* * *

"No. Absolutely not," Quil repeated again, passing a hand over his face tiredly.

"Why not?" I pressed.

"Why?" He shot back.

"Because I don't want to stay here and there's no reason to."

"Yes, there is."

"What?"

"You can't move right now," he said. "You're too sick."

I lurched out of his grasp and onto my feet, trying to swallow the pain shooting through every one of my muscles. "I'm not sick," I told him stubbornly. "I'm going home."

He stood up with me and I didn't look at his eyes directly, avoiding seeing the hopelessness there, the guilt, the agony as he watched me. I took his hand when he held it out and pulled him towards the door. I was itching to run all the way back, if only to feel some real air on my skin, but there was no hope for that, so I contented myself with walking very slowly, leaning onto Quil.

But he wouldn't even let me get as far as the kitchen. "Claire, at least just wait a few more days until you're a little better, please?" He was pleading with me now, and I fought with myself not to go and sit back down on that infernal sofa.

"There's no reason to. I feel like I'm invading, and I don't need to be."

"You're not invading, Claire," he whispered, pushing a piece of dirty hair behind my ear. "You know that."

"Yeah, I know, but still." I shrugged. "And I can't wait to take a shower, anyways." I tried to smile.

"You can take a shower here."

"Quil..."

"Please, Claire."

"_Please, _Quil." I hated doing this. I hated seeing that look in his eyes. "If I stay here I'll go insane."

He let out his breath heavily. "Fine. Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Let's go tell Emily and Sam."

"Thank you, Quil." He half-smiled at me briefly, but then his eyes went all flat again and he looked away.

When we told Emily she frowned, and before she could ask I said, "It's nothing to do with you, Em. Or anyone. Just that sofa."

"What's wrong with the sofa?" She asked, puzzled.

"It's driving me insane," I answered. When she and Sam looked at me like I already was insane, I sighed and said, "Really. Nothing to do with you."

"Oh, no, it's fine, Claire. It's probably better anyways." Emily went into the kitchen and came out a few seconds later with a plate filled with muffins. "Just eat them later. And you eat too," she ordered, pointing at Quil. He nodded, took them, and, without any more fuss, we left.

As soon as we were out of the house I realized I should probably have told my mom I was coming home. She had been hanging around Sam and Emily's, but had to go to work, so unless Matt was uncharacteristically home, we were going back to an empty house.

An empty house. Even with everything going on, it still made my heart pound embarrassingly.

Quil's hand held mine tighter, and I stepped closer to him, to his warmth and his solidness. He stared in front of him, not saying a word.

"Claire?" He said softly. I looked at him. "Do you have a key? It's locked."

Something ached in my stomach. Key, key, key. I patted my pockets, but they were empty. I shook my head. Quil pounded on the door.

"Why didn't we think of this?" I muttered, squinting to look inside. A huge shadow bounded forward and I shrank back into Quil without thinking. Well, I was thinking--of Demetri. He was this big. And--

The door flew open and there was a moment of shock on Quil's face, but then he just rolled his eyes. So much for an empty house.

"Claire!" Embry, it was just Embry, scooped me up in a hug. I let go of Quil's hand and hugged him back, and he pulled away, looking at Quil with an odd expression on his face. I looked past him and saw Jacob and Annie, standing so close they almost looked like one person in the dark. He gave a small smile and she waved. She looked confused.

Quil pushed me inside and everyone went to the living room. I looked around at them. "What are you doing here?"

"Eh...we thought you might be back soon..."

"How'd you get in?" I asked.

"Matt," Annie said. She frowned. I started to walk to the kitchen and she continued, "Did you know that--"

She broke off when Quil grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "What?" I asked.

"Claire..." He closed his eyes. "You promised." I looked into his deep brown eyes, filled with hurt.

"Oh. Right." He wrapped his arm around my waist and I leaned against him.

Embry snatched a muffin off the plate, where Quil had left it on the table, and stuffed it in his mouth. "So!" He clapped his hands together. "Jake and Annie here have volunteered to make dinner, and I'm going to the store--" He waved a hand at me and Quil, swallowed, and was gone. Jacob and Annie disappeared into the kitchen. Quil walked me to the table and pulled out a chair, motioning for me to sit. I did, and he sat across from me.

He glanced at the kitchen and I asked him, "So are they--did Jake...?"

He shrugged. "I dunno." At my puzzled expression he added, "I haven't phased for a while, or talked to him about it or anything."

"Oh."

He plopped his head down on the table, hiding his face in his arms. I only saw a mess of black hair and copper arms.

I reached out. "Quil? What's wrong?"

His head shot up and he stared at me, alarmed. "What? Nothing! Who said something was wrong?"

"You were..."

"No, I'm fine." He smiled at me, but it looked forced. "Didn't you want to take a shower?"

"Uh...yeah, but if they're making dinner..." I hesitated, confused by his sudden change of emotions.

"They won't be done for a while, you can go ahead. I think."

"Oh. Okay." I stood up and walked slowly down the hall, swaying slightly and putting a hand out to the wall to catch myself. But Quil came to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist, and I ducked into my room to grab some clothes before going into the bathroom and locking the door, a habit from living with a brother who liked to barge into rooms without knocking.

As I undressed, I wondered what was wrong with Quil, what had happened...he seemed so distant and...sad. It made my heart ache, to see him like that.

I tripped on my jeans as I tried to pull them off and crashed to the cold bathroom floor. My head smacked against the edge of the bathtub and I bit my lip, tasting blood.

"Claire? Claire, what happened? Are you okay?" Quil banged on the door and I couldn't answer because my face was smashed on the ground and I couldn't get up because When I tried to move nothing worked. My head throbbed where I had hit it and I moaned softly into the floor.

"Claire! Wha--" The door flew open with a crack and a bang and strong arms picked me up and set me on my feet. I saw Quil's eyes travel up and down my body but look away quickly, his face tinged with red. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me tightly. I _was_ wearing underwear, but apparently--

He wrapped me in a hug and breathed out into my hair. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Quil? Quil, I'm fine..."

He pulled away from me and muttered, "Sorry," under his breath.

I didn't try to tell him he didn't do anything. It hadn't worked before, so why would it now?

"Maybe you shouldn't..." He trailed off as he looked around the bathroom.

"Nah, I'll be fine," I told him. He didn't move. "Quil?"

His eyes snapped into focus and met mine for a second, but flickered away. "Yeah."

"Which would mean you would have to..." I raised my eyebrows at him and he blushed slightly.

"Yeah, but, I mean--can you...what if you fa--maybe I can..maybehelpyou?" His voice got smaller and smaller as he stuttered and his blush deepened. "I mean, I don't want you to--I'll close my eyes, I swear--"

"Quil." I pressed a finger to his lips to stop him. "It's okay. I can handle it."

"You sure?" I nodded, and he kissed my finger and then my forehead quickly before backing out of the room and shutting the door.

I slumped against the wall of the shower as the water pounded down on my back, each drop feeling like fire on the half-healed bruises, rubbing my head where Quil's lips had lingered, burned. It felt like everything was falling away--just little pieces, flaking off. I had no idea why--it's not like anything happened, anything bad. It was just a feeling that I couldn't ignore and I couldn't explain.

I showered as quickly as I could, hardly being able to move and all. But when I looked down and the water was stained red, I shut it off quickly and stepped out, stupidly forgetting and getting blood all over the towel. I couldn't even figure out where it was coming from. All the little cuts and scrapes were stinging from the water and soap. I saw a cut on my arm that was bleeding, so I grabbed a bandage and put it on sloppily. I half-dried and slipped into some sweatpants and a t-shirt, wishing I had a sweatshirt to cover all the new blood.

I stuck my head out the door and walked to the kitchen, where Quil was sitting at the table just staring into space, frowning. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, glancing over at me and when he saw me he jumped out of his chair.

"Claire! You're--"

"Not dead, no," I interrupted him. He bit his lip and looked at me worriedly. "I'm fine, Quil."

"Yeah, I know," He muttered, sounding resigned. His eyes traveled down my body, snapping up when he saw my arm. I hurried to hide it against my body but he had already seen it.

"What--?" He took my arm in his hand gently and brushed his fingers along where I put the bandage, I stepped closer to him and brushed my fingers along the side of his face. I yanked my arm away.

"I'm fine," I repeated.

"Claire..." His hands landed on my shoulders and he pulled me slightly closer.

"Really, Quil. Don't worry about me. Please?"

After a few seconds he nodded slowly. "It's not something I can help, Claire," he whispered. "I'm sor--"

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his, not wanting him to say he was sorry, again, for absolutely nothing. His hands came up to my face and he sort of moaned against my lips, pulling away slightly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him harder, but he just dropped his head and pulled away. "Don't do that to me, Claire, I can't take it," he mumbled. I could barely make out the words.

"Do what?"

"That."

_"What?"_

"Just--" He waved his hands around. "That. We shouldn't--I mean I shou--it's so hard for me to...pull away from you, when you do that--when you want--when _I_ want--"

"Then don't?" It came out sounding like a question, confused and hurt. What had changed in the ten minutes I was taking a shower that gave him this sudden change of mind? Or was it seeing me--that's ridiculous. Of course not. Then why would he--

"I--" He shook his head, staring at the ground, his shaggy black hair falling in his face. "I just--"

"Do you guys want to help--" Jake stopped abruptly in whatever he was saying, looking between me and Quil and nodded. "Oh. Well, never mind then."

"No, it's okay, I'll help with whatever," I said, tearing my eyes away from Quil's miserable brown ones. Jake was looking at Quil intensely, like he was having a conversation with him silently.

"Jake, don't--"

"What are you doing, Quil? And you said _I_ was being stupid?" Jacob shook his head and motioned into the kitchen, glancing at me. "Annie needs some help with--something--I'm just going to...I'll be right there."

I nodded and went into the kitchen, looking around. It looked a bit smoky, but other than that it wasn't burned into a pile of ashes. I guess I shouldn't underestimate Jake's cooking skills...

"Hey Claire." Annie smiled distractedly, looking a bit flustered.

I raised my eyebrows at her and lowered my voice so the werewolves in the other room couldn't hear. "So? Did Jacob...?"

"He didn't explain, if that's what you're asking," she answered. "I mean, the whole vampire thing was kind of obvious, what with the guy sucking your blood, but he never said why he--"

"You saw that?"

"Yeah...your mom kind of...I was looking for you so she told me to come with her to your aunt's house, and then she just burst into the room, even though Emily was telling her not to..."

"My mom?" She nodded. I winced. "Uh-oh. But anyways...Jake didn't explain? About him?"

She shook her head. "He looked like he wanted to, but I guess...I mean, why would he tell me, of all people? Just because I happened to show up there and see that, and he was being nice and talked to me? Sort of?" She shrugged. "He has no reason to. It's no big deal."

"He has every reason to!" I said. I wished I could tell her why. "He's...aghh! This is so _frustrating!_ Believe me, I wish he would tell you. Or let me. Stupid dog." I muttered the last part so she wouldn't hear it. Then I remembered what he had said about Quil being stupid...

What the hell had gotten into him? Why was he suddenly...so...I mean, if he didn't want me, you know,_ that way_, he could have just said so in the beginning! Why did he have to lead me on like that? It hurt more than a hundred broken arms, how he just pushed me away...that look in his eyes...but he's not that good of an actor. I've seen him try to act.

"I'm back!" Embry called, and a door slammed. "With lots of--" he broke off, and I faintly heard a, "Quil? What the hell happened?" There was a whispered conversation.

Annie glanced at me, and I shrugged my shoulders. Something popped into my head suddenly. "Hey, Annie--what were you saying, before? About Matt?" I needed something to distract me.

"Oh. Um...it's kinda weird."

"What is it?"

"He and--"

"Claire?" Dammit. She just couldn't tell me.

"What?" I asked Embry. He narrowed his eyes at me, ducked back to where Quil and Jake were, and then Jacob came in and lifted the top off a pot on the stove. He wrinkled his nose.

"That bad?" Annie asked, trying not to laugh. Jacob nodded, and stuck a fork in, and it came up with a clump of what looked like spaghetti stuck onto it. Jake showed it to Annie and she burst out laughing. He was trying not to join her as he hit the fork on the edge of the pot, making the pasta fall back in.

"What should we do?" He asked her. I tried to look out of the kitchen for Quil, but then realized he probably didn't want me there, so I sank down against the cabinets as Jacob and Annie tried to salvage something out of whatever else was on the stove, and, I saw, the oven, which, when Jacob opened it, filled the room with black smoke. I tried not to breathe as it tickled my throat.

Suddenly, warm ams lifted me up to my feet. "Come on, Claire," Embry muttered. "It's fine."

"I'm sure it is," I responded as we walked out of the kitchen. I didn't know what else to say to his empty statement. He looked like he was about to say something more, but he caught sight of Quil at the table and he just grumbled under his breath murderously.

He was sitting like before, slumped over with his head on his arms, obscuring his face. He was perfectly still, until Embry jabbed him in the shoulder and he looked up.

"Make yourself presentable, Quil," he muttered angrily. Quil ran his fingers through his hair again, making it fall into his eyes. Embry glared at him one more time before disappearing into the kitchen.

"What'd you do to make him so mad?" I asked Quil. I was trying to show that I didn't care what he did, that if he didn't want me like that it was fine, I just couldn't handle him not talking to me at all.

I looked into bottomless eyes for a split second, but was torn painfully away. I twisted away from him. That was fine, then. He could ignore me. That was fine. Fine. Absolutely perfect.

I tried to tell myself. It didn't work one bit.

He shrugged. "He thinks I'm being stupid."

"And are you?" I managed to respond.

He shrugged again. "Yeah."

What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn't ignore the pain, then. I couldn't stop the tears pooling in my eyes. And I couldn't turn away fast enough to hide them.

"Claire--" He reached out and wiped the tears falling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry. Oh, god. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

I wiped furiously at my eyes, pushing away his hand. I didn't have a clue what was going on, so what should I say? Do?

I didn't move, and I didn't talk. I drowned myself in his eyes even though I knew I'd regret it later. They were so beautiful, framed by thick black lashes...so filled with angry emotions...sadness, worry, guilt, pain, burning self-hatred. I could see every one with perfect clarity. His eyes closed, and he looked back at the table, bowing his head so I couldn't see his eyes anymore. I just stared at him, trying to get him to lift up his head and tell me what was wrong.

What about all that you convinced me of, before? I wanted to ask him. What about all that? It's just wrong now, now that I got attacked by vampires? Why does that even _matter?_

Embry burst noisily in, throwing plates on the table violently. One flew at my face and before I could duck Quil's hand shot out and snatched it away from me, like it was instinct.

It was. That's exactly what the problem is. He avoided my eyes and put the plate back on the table. Embry swore.

"Sorry Claire."

"No, it's fine." He rolled his eyes and glanced back as Annie carried in a pot, followed by Jacob with more bowls and plates balanced precariously in his arms.

"It's kind of...solid," Annie said apologetically, siting next to Jacob.

"And this is too liquidy." Jake picked up the spoon in the sauce. "So they balance themselves out, it's all good."

Their attempts at joking didn't really do anything to the mood around the table; Embry's anger, Quil's--whatever it was--and my...it was hard to keep off the feeling of depression. Too hard.

So dinner was basically silent, awkward, and all-around unenjoyable. As soon as we were done, Jacob jumped up from the table, and, whispering something to Quil, said to me, "You should probably get some rest." He stared at me for a second, his forehead creasing, and turned to Annie. "I'll walk you home, Annie." His eyes lingered on her face, with the simplest but most complicated emotions in his eyes.

She smiled hesitantly, and I was happy that at least they were...if not perfect, on their way. It was nice something was working. Jake deserved a bit of happiness, finally.

Embry, obviously eager to getting away from us too, clattered dishes together, and I jumped up and told him, "It's okay, Embry. I'll take care of it."

"No, Claire--"

"Thanks for everything. Dinner, and going to the store and stuff."

"It's not a problem."

"That's good." I bit my lip.

He pulled me to the far corner of the kitchen and leaned down, whispering quietly in my ear. "Quil'll get over it soon enough. He's just being a--" He scowled. "Don't worry. It'll be fine eventually."

"Any more details, maybe?" I asked.

"What?"

"Why's Quil acting all depressed? So suddenly. What's wrong with me?" I hated the way my lips trembled as I said it.

"Oh, Claire." Embry sighed and pulled me to him. It just hurt more that he was so warm, and...

"There's nothing wrong with you, Claire. You need to know that. Quil's just going through something..." He made a face and I could tell he was stopping himself from saying something not-so-nice about him. "He'll get over it. Eventually."

"How long is eventually?"

He sighed. "Claire, let me tell you something." He paused, and I nodded. "I know Quil better than anyone, except the rest of the pack--being able to read his mind helps." He grinned. "Quil can't stand to hurt you. He just can't. It's physically impossible for him. He doesn't believe me, but he will believe you." He shrugged, looking at me pointedly.

"Uh...what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Think, Claire." He tapped my head and hugged me again quickly. "I'm going, but...just think, Claire, and then don't think. Once the thinking's done with."

"What?"

"Bye, Claire." He disappeared. I leaned against the counter, suddenly exhausted. I could feel my eyelids closing of their own accord, and I considered just falling asleep here, on the kitchen floor. The tiles felt almost soft, and I slid down to the floor, leaning against the wall...drifting, it was nice to fall asleep. I'd never really realized that before. I had twelve hours, if I was lucky, to have an excuse to not talk to anyone, to not...talk to Quil. Or look at him. Not that I didn't want to. Just that look in his eyes...I couldn't look at that, if I couldn't completely break down. And I couldn't.

So why did I? Just the feeling of his arms picking me up and carrying me somewhere--to my room? So familiar it just had to make reality happen all over again in my mind. Of course I had to break down and start crying all over him. I couldn't stop myself, and it was sort of unreal, since I was half-asleep. Maybe I was dreaming it. He held me as the sobs racked my body, tightly, and I held on to him, even tighter, just in case he realized he was holding me and decided to let go. Yeah, it was probably a dream. So were his faint whispers that I couldn't understand and his lips on my forehead and hair.

At that moment, I really didn't care. I could feel myself falling--falling, softly onto, what? A bed? Something soft, anyways.

His warm hands tried to unhook my arms from his neck but he couldn't without hurting me, so he just sighed and lay down and pulled me half on top of him.

If he didn't want to be here, I wasn't going to stop him. Before it was different, now I just didn't want him roped into something more than he already was. Who said he wanted to imprint on me? It was probably awful for him. The pack probably teased him. Everybody probably teased him. How did he like being tied to a little kid?

And how could I do that to him? When I was two I didn't know what I was doing, but now? I wasn't going to make him do this anymore.

I unwrapped my arms from his neck and tried to push myself off him, but he just held on tighter and mumbled something. Of course, I couldn't fight the strength of a werewolf when I was awake and healthy, so now I had no chance, so why try? I could deal with it tomorrow. Right?

Yeah. Tomorrow. Everything will work out tomorrow. Embry was right. He had to be right. He knows what happened to Quil, he had to. So why would he lie to me? Maybe a little stretching of the truth...maybe it will take longer than he made it seem like. Maybe too long.

No. Not too long. It couldn't be too long, because it's not like I was doing something else that I couldn't wait.

--

When Megan stepped into the house quietly, her first emotion was surprise, that it was still there. When Emily told her Embry and Jacob were cooking...well, maybe she should have had a little more faith that they wouldn't burn the house down.

She threw her coat over a chair, and, exhausted from her long day at work, and glad that she was home, started straight to go to sleep. She wondered where Quil was--if he had stayed until she had come home. It seemed unlike Quil to just leave Claire here alone,--Matt had gone out with friends--even more so after what had happened, but she couldn't see him anywhere. Maybe Sam had sent him on a patrol or something...

She stopped to look into Claire's room, pushing the slightly ajar door open more fully. She gasped at what she saw, and almost...she didn't really know what she wanted to do. Rip them apart from each other? Not at all. She had to remind herself to think that, but then realized--_why_ should she?

The reasons not to were too many to count, and seeing them like that gave her some sort of soft feeling in her heart. Limbs entangled, wrapped around each other impossibly--Megan couldn't tell who's arms and legs belonged to who in the near dark-- and looking relatively peaceful. At least Claire did, or as much of her as Megan could see. Claire's face was obscured by her hair and Quil's body, but he looked completely tormented, even in his sleep, as his head rested just above Claire's.

It was obvious how much they cared for each other, and Megan suddenly felt a deep stab of shame for doing what she did for so long. Who was she to keep them apart? And, even more, why would she even want to? Why would she prevent her daughter from having a full, happy life with the person who could give it to her, and who she wanted to be with? Why would she keep her daughter from having the life she herself had never had, but always wished for?

So what if they were sleeping in the same bed? (And probably more, judging by the way they were tangled up and--she winced--Claire's cut-up bloody lips.) Megan wasn't going to be able to stop anything that went on between them anyways, as was so obviously demonstrated last time she tried--she wasn't fooled by any of it--so why waste everyone's energy on trying?

Her gaze traveled to Quil, and she was struck by an almost...dare she think it..._motherly_ feeling towards him. He looked exactly the same as the first time she saw him--or maybe the second, that first time she was too confused by the fact that he was suddenly in love with her daughter to really register what he looked like. The only difference was that now there was that painful expression on his face, whereas when she had seen him with Claire the first time he was overflowing with happiness.

She couldn't help but wonder what had made him so sad, so angry...at himself. It was so easy to see, when he was asleep and he couldn't have that stupid werewolf mask on his features to keep himself from exploding.

She wanted to keep him from that, from himself, not only for Claire, but for him. How could she not get to like him, even love him, in all these years of him being so much a part of her and Claire's lives? How could she not hate it when he looked like that, felt like that?

It was impossible, and Megan wondered why she had made everything so difficult for everyone for so long. Apologizing didn't really help--the shame and regret still lingered deep within her.

She allowed herself one more glance at Quil and Claire lying together before shutting the door silently, and trusting.

* * *

_I hope that last bit about Claire's mom made her situation clearer...I don't know if it did, but I tried._

_Please review? It really helps me make my writing better if you can tell me what you liked and didn't like. Or anything at all._


	44. Chapter 44

_The songs for this chapter are "The Fear" by Travis and "Black Again" by Stone Temple Pilots._

* * *

Quil's POV

Something was very wrong, I could feel it--the comforting weight in my arms that had allowed me to sleep, at least a bit, was gone--there was only empty space around me, and I almost panicked. I tried to remind myself, with my eyes still closed, that nothing had happened to her--the girl I loved more than anything and had absolutely no idea what to do about.

I opened my eyes a crack, willing myself to stay where I was and--

There. She was just sitting there and staring at me--but no, her eyes were closed. They snapped open, and I was hit by the full force of them. Why was she so far away?

A beautiful, faint pink blush crept up her cheeks and her eyes were clouded by something other than sleep. She bit her lip and looked away from me, twisting to jump off the bed, paying no mind to all the cuts and bruises all over her.

I didn't think, I just grabbed her in my arms and crushed her against my chest, hearing her faint gasp, wondering why it was. Did I hurt her? No, I didn't, she would have said something, and I had made sure to avoid the bruises on her back.

My face was pressed against her hair and her scent overwhelmed me for a moment. My brain was fogged, and I dimly remembered something yesterday...but I dismissed it in my mind and pressed my lips to her hair, then her neck, breathing in her scent. I shivered as her fingers tangled in my hair, breath chilling my skin. I trailed my mouth up to hers, and they molded together perfectly, destroying any fragments of thought still in my head. She faltered, pulling away slightly, but I held her close to me. She mumbled something and I moved my lips to her neck again, not wanting to let go of her. I couldn't.

Her heartbeat picked up and her breathing came faster. She lifted my head with her hands, said, "Quil," softly, and I shut my eyes tight. "Quil, what are you doing?" I could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest and her voice was quiet and filled with...filled with hurt.

Disgust with myself flooded me and I dropped her like she burned me. But the hurt in her eyes just increased, and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't hold her, I couldn't not hold her--I froze and tried not to let her see my emotions.

That was easy enough. Just take the mask--the mask I saw first Sam, then Embry, then Jacob place on their features, and now I was doing it. The thing I hated most.

But the emotions were dangerous, I knew that. And she was so close...

I had hurt her enough.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Apologizing wasn't going to do any good, I knew that, she knew that...but I apologized anyways. The confusion grew in her eyes. I couldn't look away.

Why was I always hurting her? I tried so hard and none of it did any good. No matter what I did I hurt her. I hurt her by existing. I set a bunch of sadistic vampires on her only by _existing_. And the worst part was there was nothing to do to stop it. Stopping to exist would just make everything worse, although I would do it in a second if it would help.

Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Wasn't I supposed to protect her and make her happy? That's all I wanted to do but I couldn't.

She stood up, unsteady. I fought the urge to catch her. She was about to walk away--to where, I have no idea--but she spun around and faced me. I flinched as anger flew from her eyes in daggers.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Quil?" She hissed. I scrambled up from the bed and started towards her. I _would_ make this right. I had to.

"I'm sorry, Claire. I'm so sorry."

"Don't you _dare_ say you're sorry again," she snapped. I stopped myself from saying sorry and took a deep breath.

"I shouldn't have done that, I'm--" I broke off.

"Done what?" She let her anger go as confusion and curiosity replaced it. Momentarily.

"Everything."

_"What?"_

"Everything!" I repeated. How was I supposed to explain to her that I was completely failing in everything and I couldn't stop blaming myself for _everything_?

"What's everything?" I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She stepped away from me--as if I would hurt her.

But that was fair of her to think that. I did and I am. I curled my hands into fists to stop from reaching out and touching her. That wouldn't help right now.

But what would?

"Claire...I can't--I can't explain this to you."

"Why?"

"I just can't! You wouldn't under--"

"Try me."

I sat back down on the bed and motioned for her to join me, not really believing that she would. But she sat down next to me after a second and I couldn't stop myself from wrapping my arm around her. I had absolutely no idea what to say. But she was waiting, gazing at me. She _wanted_ to understand.

"I can't live with this, Claire," I muttered, and immediately winced. What was that supposed to mean? I took a deep breath. "I mean, I'm just trying to work out..."

"Work out what?" Her words were mere whispers.

"Work out...work out..." I realized how lame this sounded.

Truth is best, right? "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

Emotions played across her face--puzzlement, confusion, understanding, then she's aghast. "You're joking."

"Not really, no."

"You have to be joking. Or otherwise you didn't just say that."

"I said it, Claire."

She shut her eyes and pressed her lips together, then smacked my head. "You stupid, stupid werewolf."

My eyes snapped open in shock. "What?"

"Quil!"

"What?"

"Quil, I--" She shook her head, then looked straight into my eyes. She opened her mouth as if to say something, smiled, and threw her arms around my neck. "Eventually's pretty quick," she murmured, her voice muffled.

"What...?"

She drew back and her smile faded as she looked in my eyes. "Quil, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life."

"It's not," I said.

"Quil." She put her hands on either side of my face and leaned closer. She shook her head, throwing waves of her scent towards me. I stopped breathing. "Oh, Quil."

_"What?" _What is she talking about? What is she doing?

"Will you enlighten me," she said. "As to why, exactly, this is _your fault?_"

"Um...you know, I did imprint on you."

"And you also set a bunch of Italian vampires on me, too, right?" Her tone was easily sarcastic. "Come on, Quil."

"But--"

"But! Did you choose to imprint on me? When I was two and you saw me for the first time, were you like, 'Hey, look, let's imprint on that girl so in thirteen years she can get attacked by insane vampires because of _me!_' "

I couldn't help it--I let out a short laugh. Claire grinned happily. I also couldn't help the feeling of contentment spreading though me...when she was happy I was happy. That's just how it worked.

She leaned in and kissed my cheek lightly. "See? You're not awful, Quil."

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled.

"Quil."

"Claire."

"Don't make me make you say it."

"Say what?"

She glared at me pointedly. "I can, and I will."

"Oh, I know you can."

"Good."

So why did I have to see all those bandages on her; the splint and the messy new one and all the scrapes and that small crescent scar on her wrist, healed over almost completely now? I tried not to look--I knew they didn't bother her, but they bothered me. I still couldn't help feeling responsible but I swallowed it and tried to smile.

"You're ridiculous, Quil, but I still love you." Her words set off firecrackers in my heart and I swallowed.

"Love you too, Claire," I told her. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around me, pulling us even closer together.

She pulled back and laughed lightly, a small smile playing on her lips, before crushing them to mine.

It was nice to let go, I thought. Nice to let my brain shut off as her lips melded with mine.

I never really thought I'd get used to the feel of her lips on mine. It was all new and scary like that first time, but at the same time, familiar and comforting.

I tried to be gentle with her, careful not to touch any of her half-healed cuts and bruises. I smelled blood, tasted it on my lips, and tried to pull away but she wouldn't let me and I was all too happy to comply as she locked her arms around my neck.

No, I really wouldn't get used to it, I thought as her tongue skimmed over my bottom lip. Never.

I heard myself moan and felt cool air on my lips when she breathed out quickly. I heard our hearts pounding together, fast.

I promised myself I would stop. I would stop making it so obvious when I felt like that, and I would stop hurting her. No matter what I was feeling

When we parted, I rested my forehead against hers, listening to her heartbeat gradually slow.

I tried to ignore how stupid I was. How could I even have...

Embry. Dammit. He was going to murder me.

"Claire?" I asked.

"Yeah?" She whispered back.

"I'm sorry," I told her, again, but this time it was different. She smiled slightly and pressed her lips to my jaw.

"Don't be," she murmured, wrapping her arms around me.

I just nodded. "It's just, I need you to know before I get murdered. Or at least..."

"What? Why would you get murdered?"

I groaned. "Embry."

She smiled slightly. "I won't let him."

"Good luck with that," I mumbled.

"Quil!" I heard bellowed from the kitchen. She glanced at me, a slight grin on her face.

"Dammit. Watch out," I told her as footsteps came closer.

"Wait! Embry, hold on, they're sleep--" Megan was trying to get Embry to stop, which I stopped to wonder at. Claire raised her eyebrows.

A slightly exasperated "Embry!" was followed by the door bursting open. Embry's head flew from side to side of the room before landing on us. His expression changed, from glaring to just a confused sort of look.

"Oh. Uh, well...okay...then...I'll..." He backed away slowly, stumbling out the door. Megan stuck her head in, puzzled, then withdrew quickly, smiling slightly.

"Okay...do I have something on my face or something?"

"What? No."

"Yeah, neither do you." She sighed.

"What?"

"Why did they both run away the second they saw us?"

"Embry because he didn't want to...you know, I really have no idea. Your mom seems to have dealt with the fact of _us_..." She didn't respond for a minute. "Claire?"

"Yeah? No, yeah, okay--"

I grinned at her convoluted words, stood up, and tugged on her hand. "Hungry?"

"Kind of. You?"

"Of course."

"Yeah, stupid question."

"Nah..."

--

Claire's POV

"Claire, you have no food." Quil stood at the fridge, staring in, then he let go of the door and it swung closed.

"You won't even let me stand up alone, how do you expect me to go to the store?" I muttered from the chair he had practically forced me to stay in.

"I never said you should get food, just that you have none."

"Whatever."

He opened the cupboard where the dishes are.

"No, the cereal is not hiding with the plates, Quil." He laughed. "But we do have..." I started.

"What?" He turned to face me. I hesitated.

"The cupboard..."

"Yeah?" He opened the nearest one.

"No, that one," I said, standing up before he could push me back down and reaching into the container filled with Zaney's food, and pulling out a handful.

Quil rolled his eyes. "You are ridiculous, you know that?"

"Oh, of course." I held up one to his mouth. "You ever had some?"

"Paul made us eat a bunch when we first changed." He took it from my fingers with his mouth and crunched down on it. "Just as disgusting as I remembered," he said, making a face. I laughed and threw the rest back into the container. "Have you?" He asked, his hand moving towards where I had discarded the rest of the handful of kibble. He grinned wickedly.

"Yeah. Annie dared me. It was actually her cat's food, but same thing."

"She has a cat?" He got a funny look on his face, and frowned.

"He died ages ago. Now she has a dog..." I trailed off.

"That's good. Jake likes dogs," he mused aloud, grinning slightly.

"Quil...why is it just a given that they'll...you know...I mean, why does it matter if he does? Who says he'll be hanging out around her enough to care what animal she has?"

"Did you see them yesterday? I'm not doubting."

"Yeah, but...he hasn't even told her."

"Yeah..." He frowned. "Jake just has some problems. When Bella left...well..." A shadow of what I assumed to be Jacob's pain crossed his face. He must have felt it just like Jake had at the time. "He'll tell her soon enough. He just doesn't want another Bella. He wouldn't be able to take another Bella. I don't think anyone, even him, really understands what she did to him."

"Annie isn't Bella. She won't do that to him." I spoke with complete surety.

"I know that, you know that, but he doesn't. It'll take him a while to...adjust."

"Adjust?"

"To having her. To knowing that there's always someone there no matter what, and that he'll never be truly alone, in that sense, again. It works both ways, this imprinting thing. He needs her as much as she needs him." His eyes locked with mine.

"Oh," I said lamely. "Oh." I couldn't really think straight, with his eyes boring into mine.

He shook his head, breaking his gaze and changing the subject. "Now I'm even hungrier," he complained.

"I'm sure you'll find something--"

"Aha!" He held something up in the air after rummaging in the kitchen a bit more.

"What's that?" I asked him.

He frowned and took a step closer to me. "I don't know...cheese. And...it's also green. Which is not so good."

"I think it's supposed to be that way." I peered at it over his arm.

"You think?" I nodded. "You want to try it? Because, personally, I'm not so sure."

"Maybe we should give it to Zaney."

"Are you joking? He'd probably have to get his stomach pumped or something."

"Quil. It's cheese."

"Green cheese."

I laughed at his expression. "Whatever."

"Well?" He pulled me to the table and set it down. We sat, staring at it, and I was suddenly struck by how, yes, Quil was right, ridiculous this whole situation was. If someone was looking at the from the outside...

I burst out laughing, holding my sides where they ached painfully. Quil looked at me like I was crazy, smiled grudgingly, then laughed himself. Loud and booming, it echoed in the kitchen. I couldn't stop laughing because each time I tried my eyes caught his face and I burst out laughing all over again. I was also just so happy _he_ was finally happy, and I didn't really care about anything but that, so so what if I kept laughing?

His fingers caught my cheek and I stared into his sparkling eyes for a second before exploding with laughter again. I buried my face against his chest, trying to stop, but I couldn't, and he just held my shoulders while they shook with laughter.

* * *

_I'm so sorry this took a bit longer...with school and all, I had no time whatsoever. The amount of homework my teachers give is obscene, so updates will definitely take longer than they did during the summer...I will update though. Promise._

_But all the quicker if you review...please? It really makes my writing better if you tell me...anything, really, about how you liked it or didn't like it. Please?_


	45. Chapter 45

_First of all, I am so SO sorry about how pathetically long this has taken. The combination of life and writer's block isn't the best for speedy updating. I hope at least some people are still here and still reading..._

_The song for this chapter is Bargain by The Who._

_And just so you know, Claire's sixteen now, she was for a while...actually, she's almost seventeen. Sorry about that._

* * *

"What are you thinking?"

My eyes wandered over our legs tangled in the sand as I tried to think of an answer to that. Brown on brown on golden-gray...

"Nothing."

"Huh."

"Really. Just...nothing."

"Yeah, I know. Me too, actually."

"Mm. No, wait, there's a pink elephant."

"What?"

"You know, when someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant and then you can't stop thinking of a pink elephant and--"

"No."

"Oh, Quil." I sighed heavily, and he sighed as I moved my toes against his legs, his hand on my arm.

"No, really," I began. "This is nice. The sun, and stuff."

"Yeah." He looked down, running his finger over the small, pale scar on my wrist. It sparkled slightly in the sun, and I didn't like the way his expression changed as he looked at it, filled with pain.

I turned my head slightly, and he followed my gaze to the cliffs, where someone had just launched themselves off the lower edge.

"Hey..." I sat up suddenly.

"What's wrong?"

"Is that...no...hey, Quil, is that Matt?"

"Huh? Where?"

"Up there. With the girl."

He looked up to the cliffs, squinted in the direction of the blurred people on top. "I dunno."

"Don't you have like super werewolf sight or something?"

"Yeah, I guess." He looked harder. "Yeah. Matt. And the girl looks familiar...huh. I dunno."

I grined as the shapes melded together into one. "I need to have a talk with him about his PDA."

"You shouldn't really be talking, Claire," He told me.

I let out a short laugh, glancing at him sort of embarrassedly. "_Quil_."

"What?"

"He can't _see_ us..." His responding "what?" was a little hoarser than the last time.

My cheeks flooded with color. "No--what? _Oh_. I didn't mean...oh, God, _no_..."

"It's okay, Claire, really, you should know by now that I really don't care if y--" He broke off awkwardly.

"What?"

"Never mind," he muttered.

I was opening my mouth, about to say something, when someone--Embry--said, "Hey! Claire! Quil!"

I jumped away from Quil. "Embry!"

Quil looked at Embry questioningly. "Something wrong?"

"Oh, no. Not at all..." He grinned, and Quil raised his eyebrows at him.

"So?"

"Oh, we're having a bonfire. So if you can be back here tonight? Both of you? Or just stay here...no doubt you'll find a way to occupy yourselves..." He winked exaggeratedly. I groaned.

"Thank you, Embry," I said dryly, standing up and brushing sand off my legs.

Embry was gone as suddenly as he had come. Quil scrambled up to join me.

We walked along the beach slowly, and the sun shone down almost too perfectly. Quil jumped at every slightest movement, and I gripped his hand tighter. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, his eyes focusing back on mine. "Sorry."

The sun slipped down, and for the first time in months we could actually _see_ it, see the red gold streaks on the blue-gray sky.

"It's beautiful," I mumbled, and he glanced at me.

"Mm. Yeah."

"Not in, like..." My eyes flickered to his briefly, my cheeks tinged lightly with color. "Not in a cheesy way, you know, just because, well, it is, and we never see this..."

"Soon it'll be gray."

"Way to be optimistic, Quil," I muttered, and he laughed.

"You know what?" I asked a few seconds later. He looked at me questioningly. I glanced up to the now-empty cliffs and along the deserted beach. "I think I'm going to go...swimming..." I tugged at my shirt, pulled it over my head, and Quil's shocked expression registered only a bit too late.

"Claire! What the hell are you doing?"

I looked at him and grinned slightly. "Swimming. What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're taking your clothes off," Quil mumbled so low I hardly heard him.

"Oh, Quil, come on." I was tugging at my pants now, and he caught my wrist quickly.

"Claire. Just..." I looked at him and he muttered, "just keep your pants on, at least. Please."

I rolled my eyes, started to protest, but then just sighed and nodded, then reached for his shirt.

"Claire, are you sure you're feeling okay?" His voice trembled slightly as my fingers brushed his chest.

"What? Yeah." I rolled her eyes at him again. "Relax, Quil." He let me pull his shirt over his head, then grab his hand, pulling him to the water. When he resisted, I said, "Come on, it'll be fun. Plus I'll freeze if you're not there."

"Oh, fine," he grumbled, smiled, and jumped in after me.

It felt as if my heart had stopped when the water covered my body, and I gasped involuntarily. I swam out farther, faster, trying to keep warm, but it was like there was an iron grip around my chest.

"Claire--" Quil wrapped his arms around me, and I pressed myself to his warm body, splaying my fingers on his back as if to pull out the heat, not caring if it was _too close_. "That was stupid, Claire, jumping in the water in _La_ _Push_ at _night_..."

"It's not night, and you're here," I said, burying my face against his shoulder.

"So? I'm not _immortal_," he grumbled. "Just..."

"Extremely hot."

I felt his lips, against my hair, stretch into a smile as I laughed softly against him.

"F-fuck, it's fr-freezing," I said, my teeth chattering loudly. I clenched them together tightly and pulled away from him a little, yanking off my soaking jeans. "But this is ridiculous, I can't even move." I threw them the short way to the beach, and Quil swallowed, glancing at my eyes.

He pulled me closer, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. His fingers ran in circles on my back, fingering the clasp of my bra, moving slowly around. I sighed into the heat of his shoulder as his fingers brushed the sides of my breasts.

He whispered my name in my ear, his breath sending shivers down my spine, and I dug my fingers into his back.

We floated in the water for a while, silently, my breathing coming faster with Quil's agonizingly slow fingers hot on my skin. I pressed closer to him, told myself it was just for warmth, and his breath spilled quickly onto my skin, his hands moved rougher. My head spun.

"Dammit, Quil, you tease," I muttered under my breath, felt him grin into my hair.

"You shouldn't be talking, taking your shirt off like that...shit." His voice was so quiet, and he didn't move a bit. His hands fell to my hips.

"What?"

"They're here." He jerked his head towards the shore.

"Who? There's no one there...oh."

"Yeah."

"How did you...know?" I struggled to get the words out right as his hands brushed up my stomach.

"I could hear them." I took a deep breath, tried to control my frantically beating heart to no avail.

"We could just stay here...for a while..." I suggested tentatively.

"We could," he agreed, nodding. "We could."

"Very easily could. It's not that cold."

"It's not that cold and Sam isn't there at all, ready to murder us both once we show up..."

"No, he's not, is he?"

"Not at all."

"And this is nice. And we're not in the Nile at all, we're just in the tiny little Pacific." I said the _the_ before Nile like a _da_.

"Ah, shit, Claire, you're awful, you're awful and you make no sense." He pushed away from me with a groan and started swimming for shore, still keeping his arms around me.

Standing in the water, half-covered, half-naked, Quil blocked me from the rest down the beach. Only the pack would really be able to see this far, but only the pack would also see Quil's thoughts on...this. Something I had finally gotten over. Except Sam.

"Uh, Quil?" I whispered.

"Hm?" His fingers skimmed my back, splashing cold water.

"Um...I was just wondering...if Sam..."

Quil groaned. "Oh please, don't ruin the moment with talk about him."

"What'd he do?"

"Sam? Oh, he's your uncle."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? I didn't know."

He chuckled softly. "He's just being Sam."

"Which is...?"

"Okay..." He let out the air in his lungs in a long, slow breath. "He gets...really, really angry whenever I think about you. Which is a lot." He pulled back, blinked at me. "But it's okay. You don't need to worry about it. He just..." He shook his head. "Crazy. He's disgusted or something, and he turns it into anger."

"I don't see why...I mean..." I swallowed.

"Yeah?"

"He imprinted, right? I mean, doesn't he know...? What...it's like?"

Quil snorted. "Know? Damn right he knows. He's constantly thinking about her. And Ja--Jared and Jacob..." he frowned suddenly. "But anyways, I mean...yes, Claire, he knows. Also, he's been in my head for almost fifteen years and...well, seen my thoughts. Which have been nothing but..._pure_!"

I laughed. "Oh, I'm sure."

"Claire." He ducked his head slightly, his hair flopping over his eyes. "Up until a little while ago, okay?"

"Sure, sure." I grinned, then looked down, embarrassed. "We should go." I splashed out of the ocean and started pulling on my wet clothes.

"You want to?"

"You don't? I mean, Embry said..."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Let's go." I shook my head at him, smiling, and we headed towards them.

Everyone was there except Jacob, and I muttered something about "scardy-_cat_ werewolf..." under my breath, making Seth burst out in loud laughter. I felt Sam's eyes on me, taking in everything, from Quil's hand in mine to the outline of wetness on my shirt, unfortunately light and showing, but I brushed it off.

We ate, talked, laughed, like every other bonfire we'd ever had. But there was something else here--something about the tension in Sam's eyes, in Jared keeping glancing around for Kim, and Seth jumping up every five seconds, trying to pass it off as getting more hot dogs. And Quil.

And then, of course, there were the usual jokes about, well, 'hot _dogs_.'

Matt showed up a few hours later, dragging some girl and mumbling something about "saw you guys and didn't want to go home," to me, but I was too busy staring at the girl to respond.

"Claire?" Quil asked me. "You okay?" The girl just grinned a little sheepishly at me.

"What? Oh, yeah..." I turned purposefully and walked away from them, and he threw a last glance at them as he left.

"Who's she? You know her?"

"Yeah, it's Annie's sister...I was just surprised, they always hated each other--" I broke off, looking back in their direction. "What the hell are they doing _together_?"

He just shrugged. "They probably just pretended to. Hate each other, I mean."

"Yeah, but...oh well."

After that the tension was even higher, as Matt kept glancing at me and Quil nervously, me at him and the girl at his side with disbelief. Jared and Kim left, then Seth with Sue, and Sam and Emily, and mostly everyone else--Matt and Annie's sister finally left, leaving me and Quil alone--I didn't miss Matt's _look_ at me as they left, but I just rolled my eyes.

Quil prodded the fire with a stick. "We should go. Your mom will want you home."

"Oh, she'll live." I shrugged.

"Claire..."

"You really think it'll make that much of a difference? She knows you spend the night...sometimes, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, yeah." He looked slightly uncomfortable, but I leaned against him as he kept turning over the dying coals, and he wrapped his arms around my stomach.

"So," he said. "Matt and...what's her name?"

"Celia."

"Celia. Hm. Strange."

"Yes. Strange." I tilted my head up and glanced at him, then burst out laughing, and Quil, who had been holding in his laughter, joined me.

--

We walked back slowly, stopping and swerving and going roundabout ways. I had no idea what time it was, and, frankly, didn't care. It wasn't raining, for once, and it was night, and it was dark, and Quil was right there and why would I worry? The thought of what would happen if I came home so late didn't really daunt me from this, which felt so perfect, so right.

We stopped at Quil's first, and when he let us in I looked through his kitchen cabinets, not looking for anything in particular.

"What're you looking for?"

"Hm? Oh, I dunno. Nothing." His hands slid around my waist and I felt his nose and lips skim along my neck, felt my heart speed up. I twisted around, meeting his lips with mine, his tongue with mine. It was like fire, like lightening, every time his tongue touched mine. I explored the corners of his mouth, tasting him, slowly, softly.

I felt my back hit the edge of the counter vaguely. His fingers ran through my hair.

"Oh, jeez. Yes, doing it is one thing, but in the kitchen? Come on, I _eat_ on that counter..." Quil's hands dropped to my shoulders and he moved about a millimeter away from my lips.

"Go away, Embry," he muttered, then kissed me again, regardless of who was standing there. I had a feeling that if it were Sam, he wouldn't care.

Not that I did. I didn't, not one bit.

"Quil! Honestly, just let her be for _one_ _second_..."

"_What_?" Quil turned to him. "What do you want?"

"I don't want anything. I just thought I'd tell you that I'm taking your patrol tonight."

"Oh." Quil looked slightly sheepish. "Oh. Thanks, Em."

"No, no. It's fine. Just..." he looked a bit pained. "Just don't go anywhere near my bed," he said, and before Quil could retaliate, he was gone.

"I didn't know you had patrol tonight," I told him.

"Neither did I. Well, I guess I did, at one point." He frowned. "You make me forget everything."

"Sorry."

He chuckled. "No, no. Silly Claire. I love it. See? I can be irresponsible for once in my life."

"You like that?"

"I love it."

And he was kissing me again, hard, and we were stumbling down the hall.

It was so hot, _he_ was so hot. His breath was ragged against my own, and he ran his fingers through my hair, sending shivers down my spine even though his hands were so warm.

We ended up in his room--_his bed--_his hands running up and down my sides, under my shirt.

It was like the pent up sexual energy, as I can just imagine Embry saying, (but hoped he never would) from before. I pressed my hand over his heart--it was flying away beneath my fingers. His lips trailed down my neck, his teeth grazing my skin slightly. The heat was overwhelming--drowning, sweating, burning. I shivered again.

My brain shut down, and I didn't think, couldn't think, didn't want to. Why would I? There could be nothing better than this, so why would I be anywhere other than here, body or mind?

The corner of something sharp was sticking into my back painfully, and as I twisted to move it I heard, I felt, him groan softly against my lips. I was pressed up against him so closely it felt like we were one person--I could feel every bit of him through our thin, partially wet clothes, and his burning hands, well, _burned_...

I threw the book aside and my fingers roamed acorss his chest of their own accord, brushed along the waistband of his cut-offs. I heard him hiss in an intake of breath. His fingers gripped my wrist tightly, would have been at least a bit painful if I could have felt pain, but it was like I was numb and hyper-aware of every touch at the same time...

"Claire." His voice was low, urgent in my ear. "Claire." Of course, he can touch me all he wants in the freaking _water_ in my _underwear_, but I just hardly even--

"Hm?" I murmered. His chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath, swore, kissed me again.

"Claire." He pushed me away so gently I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't recognized the tone in his voice. His hands trembled slightly, like his voice.

I didn't trust myself to speak, just looked at him with wide eyes, dropping my arms, standing up, the embarrassment starting to work its way into my cheeks and mind.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Just give me a second." He leaned against the wall diagonal from me, shutting his eyes tight, breathing hard.

"What's wrong?" I ventured.

"Nothing, Claire, _nothing_..."

"Then what--"

"I'm just having problems with my...self control. It's okay, it's fine, you didn't do anything wrong, I just..."

"You mean you...? I didn't mean to make you angry, I swear, I mean I didn't even say anything..." I frowned. "At least I don't think I did."

He let out a shaky laugh. "Not that kind of control."

I blushed. "Oh. Sorry."

He shook his head violently, pushed himself off the wall, hugged me with shaking arms. "No, _I'm_ sorry--I came so close to--oh, God, Claire, I'm _sorry_." His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper.

"So close to what?"

He laughed into my hair, pulled away. "So close to--you don't understand how hard--how hard it was to tear myself away from you." His hair fell into his eyes. "I should be _able_ to do this," he muttered to himself.

"So why did you?"

I didn't mean my question to...well, do anything, really, but his expression was alarmed. "I don't think your mother would appreciate it much if we--well, here, now--" Color crept up his face.

"I don't give a crap what my mother would appreciate," I muttered, and he smiled, a look passed across his face, hands curled into fists.

He closed his eyes, blew out air slowly. I felt it on my face. "You want to, then?" He whispered so softly I barely heard him.

I froze, nodded. His eyes met mine, and I regretted it immediately. "I mean, I--"_ I do. _"I don't--I--if you don't want to--me--we don't, I mean--" I shut my mouth. I was just humiliating myself more.

His arms wrapped around me. "What?"

"Nothing. We don't need to--never _mind_."

He raised his eyebrows, sat down on the bed, and I followed him, trying to forget what happened about two minutes ago right there. I felt that damn blood heat up my face.

"It's okay, Claire, you don't need to be embarrassed."

"Uh, yeah I do." I'd think I would, seeing how I'd just admitted to wanting--to wanting to--I groaned softly.

"What, would it help if I said the same thing? Easily. I want you, Claire, more than you know, and it hurts _so bad_ knowing I can't have you."

If possible, the blush on my cheeks got worse as his eyes burned into me. "And why not?"

"As much as I don't want to admit it, you're still young."

"I am not," I protested stubbornly, just proving my point perfectly.

"You are, Claire, even if you don't look it, and even if I _was_ sixteen--"

"You _are_. You don't age." His other words didn't escape me. _Even if you don't look it._

"I don't even know how old I am. I don't know what counts. But that's not the point! The point is you're still just sixteen and even if I was some boy, _human_, _sixteen_ _year-old_ boy, I wouldn't want--I _couldn't_ do this to you."

"What's...what's wrong with me, then?"

"Oh, God, Claire, _wrong_ with you?" He smiled slightly, rolled his eyes. "_Nothing_. It's just that I don't want you to regret anything, I don't want you to regret--you need to be _sure_, of what you want, and I don't want to ruin your--your _anything_..."

"What about what you want?"

He brushed his fingers along my cheekbone. "I know what I want and it's not going to change, ever."

"Well, same with me."

He sighed. "Claire, I just--"

"No, I get it. You just sound like my mom," I grumbled, and he laughed. "I just don't get why it's such a big deal, I mean, honestly." I rolled my eyes. "We both know it's going to happen eventually, so why does it even matter?"

He grinned sort of happily, and I could see his eyes shine through his hair. He reached across, pulled me closer to him, burrying his face in my hair. "Thank you," he murmured, pressing his lips to my neck, making me shudder.

"You're not doing a very good job of convincing me," I muttered.

"Sorry." He didn't sound the least bit apologetic. "I just can't keep my hands off you..." I made a face and he laughed, kissed me again, long and deep and slow, and he twisted his fingers in my hair to prevent them going anywhere else, while I did the same in his.

He pulled away with a long, shuddering breath, muttered, "Holy shit," under his breath, and I looked at him quizzically.

"Nothing, you're just--_you_."

"I'm so sorry about that."

"Oh, you should be." He let out a short laugh, then sighed. "So much for being irresponsible."

"We could be irresponsible," I said, reaching for his hand.

"How?"

"Well, it _is_ La Push, so there's not much to do that's so irresponsible." I stood up, leading the way down the hall, out his house, down the street.

"Where are we going? It's late--"

"What happened to being irresponsible? I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't need to be protected against the world."

"No. No, you're not. But where are we going?"

"The beach."

He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. "The beach? We were kind of just there, for...the whole day. You want to spend the whole night there, too?"

"Yeah."

He stopped. "Claire, I was joking."

"I'm not. Come on, Quil. Irresponsible, remember?"

"There's a fine line between irresponsible and stupid. Actually, they sometimes overlap."

"Stupid? What could possibly happen? Those vamps aren't coming back anytime soon, and it's not like La Push has the highest of crime rates, and even if there were a murderer-rapist-theif-whatever else you can think of, I'm pretty sure--"

"Okay, okay. You've proved your point." This time he tugged me towards the beach, past the remains of the bonfire, to an empty, secluded area of sand.

We sat down and I ran my fingers through the sand. He lay back, pulling me with him.

"Look." He pointed. "It's a full moon."

"Nice. I won't get hurt, will I, when you change? Big scary claws and teeth and all that good stuff?"

"That was hilarious," he said in a monotone.

"Oh, you know it was," I teased him, letting my eyes flit over him, and as I looked my smile faded. "Quil..."

"No! No, Claire." His hands shot up and gripped my wrists. "No seriousness, please, Claire."

"I wasn't going to be serious. I was just going to tell you I love you."

"Oh." He was silent for a minute. "Well, okay. I love you too."

"That's nice to know."

"Isn't it?" He mumbled, and I lay my head half on his chest, half on his arm, and looked up into the sky.

"No clouds," I said.

"No, Claire. No weather. Please." His hands toyed with my hair.

"No seriousness, no weather--whatever shall we talk about?"

"Oh, I'm sure we'll be able to find something," he sighed, sounding slightly forlorn.

"Or..."

"Or we could just not talk at all," he whispered, his breath rushing over my face.

"We could." His hands found my stomach and his lips my neck.

"Quil--"

"Shh..."

"What is with you today?" I wondered.

"What? I..." His lips brushed my shoulder, pushing aside my shirt with his fingers, but I hardly felt it. "I...just love you."

--

Quil's POV

"But--"

"Just love you...a lot...very much..."

"Quil, are you drunk?" She asked, and I laughed softly. She shivered. The scent of her skin, her hair, _her_, was quite like a drug, only so much better.

"Quil, I--" Her hand found mine on her stomach and I grasped it, moving them up towards her face. Looking at her in the long, silvery light, half her face light, half dark, she didn't look real, and on an impulse I touched her cheek, her nose, her lips, with my fingers just to make sure she was really lying half on me, half on the sand, lying with me on a beach in the middle of the night and letting me kiss her, lying with me on the beach and making jokes about werewolves.

It literally felt like my heart was about to explode, with this feeling, and I felt so strong with it and yet so vulnerable, because with one look, with one word...she could do anything.

It was scary, loving someone this much, and god, I felt for Jacob at that moment, because I couldn't imagine the pain of this not being me, this not being her, seeing her lying with someone else and loving someone else and...

"Ah, damn it, Quil, you're--" And she stopped, and she was on top of me, really, seriously, fully on top of me, kissing me as if her life depended on it, her hands running up and down my body.

I sunk into the sand, sunk into an almost-half-oblivion-filled-with-fire, a different kind of fire, not a phasing-angry kind of fire, the fire that was for Claire, only for Claire.

And I was about to push her away, push her off, but I stopped, hearing her, her words, _irresponsible, irresponsible, be_...and I thought, what the hell, what the hell can possibly go wrong, and I didn't care about Sam or anyone, anyone except for her at that moment, even when her hands were getting dangerously low and her lips soft and hard and her tongue...she was magic and I was so far gone, so far past any control I could have summoned up and it was scary, again, scary, being so out of control, it was scary but it didn't scare me because Claire was here, right here, _so_ _close_...

And she sat up, rolled up, away from me, and I couldn't help a groan of protest.

"What about me being too young, huh, Quil?" She asked, and I closed my eyes.

"I don't know, nothing, I was being..."

I said "stupid" and she said "wonderful" at the exact same time and I laughed loudly and pulled her closer, kissing her again.

"You're wonderful, Claire, you're wonderful."


End file.
